MistressofIke: Thanks. Let's just say that . . . Soren's bruise is a fairly important part of the story. But you didn't hear it from me.

randompersons: Oh, come on. I review your chapters when you update. And I've been able to recover some of my work, but I've got a ways to go.

I don't own Fire Emblem and all that jazz. This is a SorenXIke story. If you don't like it, don't read it. M for safety. Spoilers for those who haven't finished Radiant Dawn. Takes place several years after Ike left Tellius. Minor changes to the original storyline, but it's mostly the same. Also, a lot of this is fluff, but there is an actual plot to it, despite what you may think!

A Breath Away

Four: Falling Asleep

Remember how I said that Ike's kisses take me to the height of ecstasy? Well, that was a lie. Being in bed with him does. Kisses are pretty high up the list, though. Right behind foreplay.

I'm not going in to many details. It's a personal thing. I know that many men, especially Ike, would launch into every aspect of what they do in bed, if asked. But I'm not part of those men. I'm not even supposed to exist. So I don't suppose it matters.

I will say this: there is nothing I enjoy more then making love to Ike. He's very passionate, yet rough. He's not quite so rough as usual tonight—I'm injured, and he doesn't want to make matters worse then they are. But as I call his name, I can't ignore the fact that his arm keeps rubbing against my blemish, irritating it. Causing me pain.

But it's not my bruise that causes me the most pain. It's my performance. I can't help it. I just don't know how to make everything last longer. I give in so easily, so quickly, to Ike's desires. He finds ways to prolong what he does.

Maybe it's because he's so much better at it then I am. Maybe it's because he was raised with by his father. Having a father, or at least a father figure, is important for these kinds of things, I would imagine. At the very least to explain what happens to your body after a decade or so. As you can imagine, it was difficult to figure it all out for myself.

After I reached my peak, I stopped feeling the ecstasy. And I started feeling the regret.

I'd ruined sex for him. Again. I came too early. And when I did, I could tell the difference. There were pauses in his shouts when there shouldn't have been. There was hesitation in his movements when there was no need for it. His fingernails bit into my hands because he was so tense from my mistakes.

How could I have known that I'd be bad at this? I'd never done anything like this before I'd left Tellius with Ike. I had no idea what to expect. Almost no idea what to do. I never told Ike that, but I'm sure that even his simple mind could figure it out.

So now, as I lay beside him, my hand under my head, his arm wrapped around my torso, all I can do is hope he doesn't want to talk about it. Talking is bad. There's nothing I can do to change how poorly I do in bed with him. We've talked about it a few times, but I've avoided getting to the main problem. If he ever knew that I just couldn't do what he wants . . . I don't know what he'd do. But I can guarantee that the end result would not be favourable.

So laying her like this, with Ike huffing steamy air steadily against my skin, all I can do is cry silently. It's the same thing as always: we make love. I climax too early. He's disappointed. And then I weep until tiredness overtakes my body, knowing that I'd turned what would have been an amazing night into a hideous mess. Once again.

"Hey . . . ," a tired, coarse voice wonders, "Soren?"

Oh, Goddess. No, please no. I try to dry up my throat. "Yeah, Ike?"

"Um . . . ." I can tell he's absolutely stupid from exhaustion. All of his words are slurred. "Uh . . . Soren, was that all . . . good for you?"

Act ignorant. I swallow to prevent my voice from raising an octave in fear. "What do you mean?"

"I mean . . . did I . . . do anything wrong? Was it . . . bad?"

Here I was, crying myself to sleep, and he thought he hadn't done everything perfectly. He thought he wasn't somehow an expert. He thought he hadn't done everything right, better then good? Great? Fantastic? "No, Ike. Not at all. Don't be thinking you did anything wrong."

He's quiet for a minute. At first I think—I hope—that he's falling asleep. But now he's talking again, and I know that it was just wishful thinking. "Soren, are you sure? I mean . . . it didn't sound like you enjoyed it. If it's something I did . . . ."

My chest is unusually painful, and tight. My heart feels like there's a dagger stuck in it. "Yes. Of course I'm sure. How could I not be sure? You did excellent. You always do excellent. Don't go thinking that any bad part of sex was your fault. Because you don't. It's basically impossible for you. I mean, it just is. I mean, you're Ike. You're just . . . good. Not good. Great. Fantastic. Really."

He shifts a little. "Soren. Stop babbling. I'm tired."

Goddess, I was babbling, wasn't I? "Sorry."

His grip around my torso tightens. "So, I wasn't the cause for bad sex."

"No. Not at all."

"But you admit that there was a cause for bad sex, and that there was bad sex."

Once more, somebody claiming to be half as intelligent as I am has found the loophole in my logic. I sigh softly. He knew there was bad sex. I knew there was bad sex. He just didn't know the cause of it. I did. But I couldn't tell him. I couldn't be left alone in a strange land without him. I just couldn't. ". . . Yeah, Ike. There was."

"Mmm . . . So, why was there, Soren? Can you just tell me, so it doesn't happen again?"

I hesitate, thinking up a lie, and shortly I have one. Luckily, this one also has some truth in it. "It's just because . . . your arm . . . kept rubbing against my bruise, the entire time, it was—"

"Oh, Soren, I'm sorry!" he whispers. "I didn't realize. I won't do it again. I promise."

All I do is bury my head into my pillow a little more and mumble, "Okay."

He presses his face against my back. His nose pushes my hair against my skin, which tickles me a little bit. I can't hold back a smile. After a minute he says, "I'll make sure I never do it again. We won't have sex again until your bruise is gone. Alright?"

It would take a while, probably around two weeks, for the bruise to heal. And two weeks without making love to Ike would be hard to endure. But if it meant two weeks more with Ike, sex or no sex, then I was fine with it. "That sounds great."

"That's good." He kisses me again on my spine, and then falls quiet.

Ten minutes later I can hear him snoring. He's not going to be waking up for at least nine hours now. Once he's out, you can't wake him up with a bucket of cold water. Well, actually, you can. But it's about the only way, and after you douse him with the water, you've got to beat him over the head with the bucket and yell. Trust me. I've tried. Because for some reason, the enemy enjoyed attack the mercenary fort in the dead of night.

I'm free to cry again now. Good Goddess. Was I that bad tonight? Now we're not going to make love for another few weeks. And it's my fault. Because I give in too early. Because I'm not strong enough to hold out like him. Because I'm weak.

I realize that I don't need a voice inside my head to tell me that I'm the one to blame. I don't need a woman or and old sage screaming at me that I'm a freak. I don't need to have someone tell me that I mess everything up.

I just know.