Grand Theft Auto Vice City

The Life and Times of Mike The Goon

Chapter 4

Back Alley Brawl

Mike finally had a day off. No Diaz. No work. No nothing. He decided that he would do something for himself for once. He was going to cruise the Ocean Beach strip, check out the ladies, and get something to eat from one of the many fabulous restaurants. He climbed into his red Sentinel and drove off. Before long he was in Ocean Beach. He drove down the strip and checked out the restaurants. He passed the Ocean View Hotel which was, as always, deserted. He also drove past the Front Page Café and saw two DBP Security guards standing by the entrance. As he approached the north-end of the strip he noticed one particularly popular restaurant. There were several cars parked out front. Mike pulled over and looked at the sign on the restaurant. It read, "Eugene's".

"Huh," Mike said to himself, "so this is what the front of the place looks like." Mike had only seen the back of the building during his meetings with Leo. He decided that Eugene's was as good a place as any, and got out of his car. Mike jogged across the street and walked through the front doors. Inside the lights were low and soft music was playing. There were several people on dates, as well as several flamboyant looking men. The silence was broken by the sound of two men yelling.

"You're a whore!" Said one man, "Just as much as he is, you're a whore!"

"He's an escort." Said the other man, "Very high class. You know Congressmen Shrub? He enjoys the company of escorts! Why can't I?!" Mike looked over at the two men. One of them was Leo Teal, dressed in a full chef's uniform. The other man, Mike assumed, was Eugene, dressed in bright colours. Mike walked over to separate the two men.

"Hey Leo!" Said Mike, "What's going on?"

"Oh nothing much Mike," said Leo, "but I don't think I can hang around with you anymore. Eugene here might think you're a whore!"

"You give a man money," said Eugene, "and then he does things with a manatee! If that's not a whore I don't know what is!" A phone started ringing. Leo reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone.

"Yeah, yeah." Said Leo, "I gotta take this call. I'll see you around Mike. Sorry about Eugene here. Poor guy's never heard of an escort!" Leo turned and walked out the back door into the alley.

"An escort?!" Eugene yelled after Leo, "You wait and see what happens to your whore-escort!" Eugene turned and looked at Mike, "You. Mike right?"

"Uh, yeah." Replied Mike.

"You do work, huh?" Questioned Eugene.

"Uh....depends what kind of work..." Mike responded cautiously.

"You kill people, right?" Said Eugene, "You're a murderer like Leo?"

"Yeah." Said Mike, "If the pay is right."

"Well," Said Eugene, "I've got LOTS of money. I'm beginning to think it's the only reason Leo still hangs around me. If I were to pay you, very well I might add, could you kill someone for me?"

"Hey I'm sorry," said Mike, "but me and Leo are buddies, I can't kill him."

"No." Said Eugene, "Not Leo you stupid man. Moweesha. Leo's man-whore."

"Uh, well yeah." Said Mike.

"Good." Said Eugene, "The whore hangs out downtown at the Mars café. That's where he sells his filthy body. You'll recognize him. He looks like a whore. A filthy, filthy whore!"

"Alright! Calm down." Said Mike, "I'll take care of Moweesha. Just calm down. People are staring. I don't want them to think I'm your lover too." Mike walked out of the restaurant. "Another job I guess," Mike said to himself, "on my day off."

Mike walked back to his red Sentinel and climbed in. He headed north to Vice Point, then west to Prawn Island. He continued west off of Prawn Island and into Downtown. Mike finally arrived at the Mars Café and parked across the street. He opened his glove box and pulled out a 9mm pistol. He tucked the pistol in the front of his pants and walked to the café. He stopped on the outdoor patio and looked around. There were several colourful characters sitting around. There was a man who had clearly been stabbed in the stomach, yet nobody seemed to notice or care. He just sat there bleeding to death and drinking his tea. There was a fat guy, surrounded by women, who was stirring cocaine into his coffee. Then there was the pimp. Mike instantly recognized him as a pimp based on his style of dress and overall attitude. Mike couldn't find anyone who appeared to be Moweesha, so he approached the pimp.

"Hey there big man." Greeted the pimp as he saw Mike coming over, "Looking to get your dick sucked or your ass fucked?"

"No thanks." Replied Mike, "I'm looking for Moweesha."

"Oooh, Moweesha!" Said the pimp, "You are a man of taste. I'm sorry but our last manatee died and we can't get another one for a week, if that's what you were interested in seeing."

"No." Said Mike, "No Manatees. I just want to see Moweesha."

"Well then." Said the pimp, "It's all business for the business man. Follow me." The pimp led Mike to the alley behind the café.

There he stood. In all his glory. The one. The only. Moweesha! Moweesha was leaning against a wall and smoking a cigarette. Moweesha could just as easily be a woman as a man. He was in full drag. He had a long dark wig and high heels. He wore bright red lipstick and fishnet stockings, with a woman's corset to finish off the whole ensemble.

"Well then," said Moweesha as he saw the pimp with Mike, "what do we have here? A customer?"

"Well Moweesha," said the pimp, "this gentleman here said he wanted to see you."

"Here I am baby." Said Moweesha as he walked closer to Mike, "See me." Moweesha walked right up to Mike. Moweesha was about seven feet tall. He pressed his leg between Mike's legs. "Is that a gun in your pants," said Moweesha, "or are you just happy to see me?"

"Nope." Said Mike as he reached for his pistol, "You were right the first time, it's a gun." He pulled out his 9mm and shot Moweesha four times in the stomach. Like a great tower Moweesha fell. He hit the floor, dead.

"Oh shit!" Said the pimp as he turned and ran. Mike spun around and fired after the pimp, hitting him twice in the back. The pimp dropped down screaming. Mike walked up behind him and fired another shot through the back of his head. Mike left the alley and looked at the patio of the Mars Café. Things were unchanged. As if nobody had heard the gunshots or the screaming. The stabbed man kept on bleeding, the fat guy put another spoon full of coke into his coffee. The only thing missing was the pimp in the corner.

"Damn," Mike said as he walked back to his car, "what a way to spend my day off."