Ben wakes up slowly, breathing deeply. He looks down at Matt to check that he's still asleep, and yep, his little brother is still sound asleep. Honestly, Ben just wants to stay like this for a while. He doesn't want to turn around to check on Hal or see how long he's been asleep or look Dad in the face.
Especially that last one.
Dad has always been able to tell when something is wrong with him without him having to say anything, which is something that Ben has always appreciated. Except right now, Ben doesn't even know what's wrong. Usually, even that's okay because Dad will know. Dad has almost always been able to figure out what's wrong with Ben when no one else could, but, he knows that he won't this time.
He's worried that Dad will feel bad if he can't figure it out. Ben just wants to ignore it away.
It's easier to just lay here, anyway. He can't remember the last time that he ever wanted to just lay in bed after getting that much sleep. Usually, he never sleeps more than a few hours at once, and he's too wired to stay in bed once he wakes up. Today though, he feels like he could go back to sleep again.
He doesn't, but he also doesn't move either. Ben just lays there for what feels like an hour, trying not to think about anything at all.
It works, mostly, until he hears Dad moving somewhere near his head. Dad is kind of scooting towards the three of them, Ben thinks, and then suddenly, his hand is in his hair. Ben starts and then looks up to see his dad looking down at him with his concern.
"Sorry, I thought you were asleep," Dad says softly.
"Why aren't you asleep?" Ben asks, shifting to try to get more comfortable without jostling Matt too much.
Dad shrugs. "All three of you were sound asleep, and someone had to make sure you weren't disturbed. How are you feeling?"
"I'm glad Hal's okay," Ben says. He has to work to focus on it, but he can hear the comforting, steady sound of Hal's heartbeat behind him. It's quieter than it had been before, but Ben chalks that up to the urgency he had been feeling earlier. It's strong and that's what's important.
"Me too," Dad says, "but I want to know how you're feeling."
Ben sighs and carefully lets go of Matt, making sure to tuck him in. Then, he scoots up so he's sitting next to Dad. That way, he can kind of stare into the mid-distance without having to look Dad in the eye.
"I'm fine," Ben says and it sounds pitifully unconvincing.
Dad nudges him. "Come on, you should know better by now."
"Yeah, I should," Ben says, contemplating for a few seconds. "I just don't know what to say. I don't even know what's going on. I figure I should focus on helping Hal. Maybe then I'll be able to figure it out."
"You just seem kind of," Dad pauses and Ben can feel the intensity of the gaze that he's purposefully avoiding, "Kind of slow."
Ben laughs and shakes his head, and then he stops shaking his head because the room starts to low key spin. "You know, I'm never saving Hal's life again. He calls me an idiot, you call me slow. No respect, any of you." At least Matt thanked him.
"I didn't mean…"
"I'm kidding, Dad," Ben says, yawning and resting his head on Dad's shoulder.
"I'm just worried about you, okay?" Dad says. He wraps an arm around Ben and pulls him close.
A weird burst of jealousy shoots through Ben, but is gone as soon as he registers it, so he ignores it.
"I'm not the one who almost died, Dad. There's no need to worry about me," Ben says.
"I'm your dad, Ben. I'm always worried about you and your brothers," Dad says.
"I know," Ben says. He sighs and sits upright. "I think I'm going to go for a run."
"Be careful."
Ben rolls his eyes and gets up. "If it makes you feel any better, I think that once the Espheni are ready to come for us, they're just gonna come. No skulking in the bushes."
Dad laughs, but there's no humor in it. "That doesn't make me feel much better."
"Yeah, I didn't think it would," Ben says. "We'll be okay, though."
He hopes.
Ben forces himself to his feet, even though he feels too heavy. He walks outside, purposefully avoiding the infirmary. Who knows if Dad's concern has spread to Anne? Ben knows that he would have tried, at least.
Once he gets outside, he tries not to notice the wreckage. It's pretty difficult, since there isn't much else other than rubble and wreckage around.
Once he gets to the woods, he starts off slow, jogging along a river. It's tricky terrain, but he's nimble and careful, so it's no big deal. It's entirely possible that he could have run like this even before he got his spikes, which means this isn't nearly enough to keep his mind off of things, so he pushes himself a little harder.
His blood really starts pumping through his veins and it feels good. He's been feeling kind of foggy, so he's hoping that if he pushes himself, he'll be able to push through the fog and feel the way he usually does.
But it's different. Yeah, there's the wind whipping through his hair and the steady thud of his feet against the ground, cracking twigs in half, but it's not as crisp and close as he's used to. It's like there's a bubble between him and the rest of the world.
He doesn't like it, so he jogs a little harder and heads uphill. The strain is starting to make him sweat and breathe hard. This isn't the kind of thing that's usually enough to make him sweat too much.
His vision starts to blur, so he takes it down a notch, turning back towards camp, just in case. Ben's foot catches on something and he's on the ground, rolling downhill until a tree stops him.
Maybe he blacks out for a few seconds, maybe he doesn't, but either way, his body hurts. At least nobody is around to see him. That would have been embarrassing.
He tries to pop up to his feet like usual, figuring that if he walks slowly, he'll be mostly healed up by the time he reaches camp again. Instead of landing on his feet, however, he just falls back against the tree.
Ben eases himself to the ground. When he looks down at himself, he sees blood trickling down his wrist. Swearing to himself, he pulls his sleeve up to see a big gash on his arm. What a pain in the ass.
He carefully takes his jacket off, not wanting to risk getting blood on it. Moving slowly, Ben scoots his way to the river, rinsing his arm off carefully.
It doesn't look too bad, so he figures it'll stop bleeding in a minute and heal up not too long after that. Seriously, for all the crap that people give him about the spikes, they come in handy. They're probably jealous.
A few minutes later, he's still bleeding from his arm. It's not too much, but it's enough that it's unusual.
Okay, Ben he thinks to himself, feeling kind of dizzy, maybe I can't just ignore this better after all.