Chapter 4

Callie couldn't help but feel a sigh of relief coming on the second Wyatt pulled his car up in front of the Fosters' house. It still felt safe no matter her reasons for going back, and she couldn't help but be thankful that Stef's car wasn't in the driveway.

She still had time.

Probably not much, but it was something.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Wyatt asked.

I asked you to bring me here to get away from you, she thought to herself.

"No," Callie said casually instead. "Not now. Maybe you can come over later or something… I kinda want to sleep…"

There was some truth to her last sentence.

"Yeah, sure… Call me when you wake up?"

She couldn't help but feel horrible for using Wyatt again. It was like kept using him and then throwing him away over and over. And still, he always came back for more… Why would he stick with such a mess?

"I will," Callie forced a smile. "And thank you…for being there. I know I can always count on you," she said honestly.

"Anytime," he smiled in return, before he tried to give her a kiss. But she turned away so that his lips fell on her cheek instead. She hadn't meant to do it. It was almost a reflex and she felt like crap immediately afterwards… but maybe it was for the best. She didn't want to get anyone else involved in her mess.

If she could keep him out of the fire, she would.

And with that thought she got out of the car and turned back to face him, "I'll see you," she lied.

She couldn't break up with him now.

Not yet.

Callie tried her best not to race toward the house after she closed Wyatt's passenger-side door, but her legs weren't agreeing with her. She didn't want to look obvious to Wyatt and she hoped that she hadn't.

But she had to get in.

This strange and sudden urge of desperation came over her. And if she didn't know any better, it was like the flames were already calling her name.

She needed to feel something,

Anything to get her mind off of what happened today. It was easier to look forward to something else, even if that something else was even more pain…a different kind of pain, something physical.

Physical pain was something that she was used to. Growing up in foster care and getting bounced around one foster home to another, she was used to getting tossed around by all kinds of people. She learned not to react though and it was only then that she was able to concentrate on something else…But Callie never thought that she'd long for this kind of pain so much, that she had to inflict it on herself in order to get it.

It was crazy, even to her.

Crazy that she'd prefer to physically hurt herself in order to draw out Robert's words that had already engrained themselves into a spot in her mind.

She knew it would only be a temporary fix, but any fix was better than dwelling on them.

And the second she opened the front door, she walked in and slammed it shut, making sure to lock the door in the process. Immediately, her eyes darted around the living room, searching for anything that might heat up. Panic filled her body as she ran into the kitchen and raced towards the drawers in the cabinets, throwing all of them open on a quest for a lighter. Her eyes gleamed and she let out a sigh of relief when she found the red outdoor lighter that Stef used to fire up the grill. She held it in her hands and wondered what would happen if she kept it with her?

Would Stef or Lena would notice the lighter was gone?

…Probably.

But for now, Callie didn't care.

She instantly tried to turn it while holding the safety lock up and pushing down on the trigger-like button.

Nothing.

Again, she tried.

Still nothing.

She furrowed her eyebrows and grunted in frustration as her breath started to quicken. She could feel her heart begin to race as she kept pressing down on the button in hopes for the smallest sight of fire but wasn't greeted by one.

Callie threw the lighter back into the drawer and searched for another one before closing it. She could feel her tears welling up in her eyes, as everything that happened at the fundraiser started to replay in her mind.

Rita convincing her to give Robert a chance,

Her stupidly calling him her father on stage,

Sophia telling her that she destroyed the abandonment papers,

Robert telling her that he wouldn't resign them because of what she said… just taking away the small bit of hope she had left as if it didn't matter to him at all.

And it didn't.

But this was ultimately her fault.

She was the one that called him her father on stage in front of everyone…Jude, Stef, Lena, Robert, Sophia, Jill… She should've known what that would've done to all of them. And now she was being given the consequences, but she would've never imagined they'd be this extreme.

She wiped her tears away harshly with her right hand and glanced around the room again. Her eyes immediately paused at the stove.

How stupid was she to miss something so big and obvious?

Almost immediately, the teen ran over and twisted one of the knobs all the way to the right and watched in amazement at how high the flames got. She could feel the heat from where she was standing and she was finally able to let out the breath that she had been holding ever since she got inside of the house. Callie placed both of her palms in the air over the yellow and blue lights and it only took a few seconds for them to feel the burning sensation from the fire. And still then, she kept her hands in place allowing for the pain to consume her every thought. She turned them around, so that the flames were only aimed towards the back of her hands now, and she kept repeating the process over and over again every time the pain became to much for her to bear.

She wondered for a few seconds what it'd be like if she actually placed her hands directly into the fire, but she fought against it. From her experience, it would probably leave evidence and that wasn't what she wanted. Instead she kept her hands above the flame and kept shifting up her arm every time, so that the pain wouldn't become too much in one particular area. Gratefully, she wasn't crying anymore, but that was only because she had her eyes clenched so tight that they wouldn't allow room for tears.

It was relieving for her to concentrate on something else, even if it would only last a little while. When she finally had enough, she turned the knob off and watched as the flames disappeared.

Glancing down at her arms seemed different now. Her vision was slightly altered from the constant staring into the bright flames that she had just gotten done with. She could see that a pinkish color covered up and down her hands all the way to her elbow. And even though the fire was off and barely left a mark on her, she could still feel as if her arms were on fire….

She could still feel the flames intensifying...

Callie stared back at the stove again and glanced over all four of the tops, knowing that they'd all do the same thing. And out of curiosity, she wrapped her fingers around the metal that the fire had just been covering seconds before, expecting it to be hot but not realizing just how hot. At the excruciating pain, a whimper escaped her mouth and she released her palm from the black metal and turned it around so that she could see what she had done. The darkened lines were quite obvious and still burning, making her forget completely about the burns up and down her arms.

She quickly ran over toward the sink and turned on the knob for the cold water, pushing her palm over toward the stream. Through her mouth she was able to let out another deep breath as she felt the relief attempting to mask the pain.

But the sudden feeling of her cellphone vibrating threw her off completely. She used her left hand to shut off the water and dry them both and she wasn't surprised her right palm still felt warm to the touch. She reached into her pocked and glanced down at the number calling her, only to realize that it was Stef.

That's when she remembered that she did leave without saying a word to anyone.