Bella's POV (time jump)

Memories of our time have just faded. Now I'm left with fragments of what we were. Just small flashes that left me frustrated, trying to remember something out of my reach. I remember a him coming into my room in the middle of the night. I'm sure it was Edward, but he was so much older than I remembered him ever being.
I remember him saying goodbye, we were 12 years old. I remember what he looked like in that hospital. But I also have this photo of us, and we were older, but I can't remember when it was taken. I can't remember who pressed the button on the camera.

I spent all my free time looking out the window, holding this old, tattered photo. I could not guess how many hours I've spent sitting here. I snuggled as deep into chair as possible, trying to remember what his hugs felt like. Hell, I tried to remember anything in detail, no matter how small. Just anything that I could hold on to and know that it was real. Anything that was factual and not just something I made up to make myself feel better. But it was all just too hard and hurt so much.

The more I tried, the more the memories seem to run from me, as if to save me. But at the same time, they were building a wall that nothing could cross, not even me.

It was like only getting to look at the cover of a book. I was never able to open it, to read the specifics of what those pictures meant. I could never find out what those images represented or why they were so important.

I knew in my gut that he always looked after me and kept me safe. He was my everything and that's how I will always think of him. But the details have faded, I don't know why I long for him, or dream of the feelings he used to bring. His safety and love, it lingers in my veins and deep in my soul. Sometimes I wonder if I made it up.

That was it, that was me. My brain had stolen pieces of my life, I can only assume to save me from going crazy. I mean how much can a kid take. I was alone and unprepared for it, there had to be consequences to that.

…..

Billy was a complete control freak, but more importantly he was completely insane. He was the kind of person that needed to be studied for a long time, before you can learn to live with them. But the time it takes could kill you.

I was around thirteen when Sam eventually left him. We never once blamed her, but most people did. It would be easy for someone on the outside looking in, easy to say she abandoned us. People think she should have stayed and protected us, but Jake and I both knew better, she never had a chance at defending us. Truth was, if either one of us had some where to go, we would leave each other without a second thought. Besides, it's not like she was our mother, why should she die for us.

The funny thing was, when she left things did get better in a way. Billy would go on benders for days, sometimes even weeks, it seemed that she was his tie to this place.
It was nice when it was just the two of us. We were close, seeing as all we had in the world was each other.

The only problem with Jake was that he had become extremely protective, to the point where I felt suffocated. Any friend that I made he found a way to make them go away. He always gave me the same line over and over, until I just believed it to be true: 'Everyone's just fake Isabella, they'll just hurt you in the end and I'm not letting anyone hurt you again'

A part of me believed that he was only doing it because he loved me and he couldn't stand to see me go through any more pain. The other part of me knew that he was trying to keep me away from everyone because he thought it would eventually lead to our separation, he was so scared of being alone and I couldn't blame him for that.

At first, we were nothing more than friends, but it all changed one night after Billy returned home. It was almost a year ago, but I remember every detail.
He came after me straight away, I was the easy target. I had noticed he had been steering clear of Jake, he was growing very big, very fast and it was obvious that Billy was becoming intimidated by his size.

Like usual, Billy was completely senseless, the smell of sweat and beer radiated of him in strong waves. He accused me of stealing money, that I know he had just spent. But he was too drunk to remember or maybe this was all a part of the vicious game he so obviously enjoyed. He ran at me fast and grabbed me, throwing me into the book shelf. I shielded my face as I saw him run at me, watching his fist raise.
But as I waited for the next blow to come, I heard a loud thump. I opened my eyes to see Jacob standing over Billy's passed out body, holding a frying pan in his right hand. He pulled me into his arms and held me until I stopped shaking, waiting patiently for the shock to wear off. It wasn't Billy's rage from that night, that stood out in my mind. It was the comfort I had found in Jacob.

We went to school the next morning leaving Billy's lifeless body on the floor. When we arrived home that night, Billy was gone. It was the first night we slept in the same bed. It was more for safety and comfort than anything else, but we never slept apart again. It's not a normal relationship and it probably is built on the wrong kind of love, but it's all I have. I was more about companionship than anything else. I could count the number of times I had kissed him with my fingers, I couldn't seem to too give myself to him 100%. Every kiss was filled with thoughts of someone else and feelings of betrayal. Both to Jacob and Edward. I felt like I was betraying Edward by kissing Jacob, and I was betraying Jacob by thinking about Edward. I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but I couldn't help myself.

There were times when we got seriously injured, but we kept our secrets to ourselves and carried on, like everything was normal. People seemed to turn a blind eye to it all. Billy was once a well-respected man, and their loyalty seems to lie with him. We knew if we came forward and confessed it all, we would end up in the system and more than likely separated. We knew enough about foster care to realise it was better with the Devil we knew. Things can always get worse, that we were sure of. But still, I didn't understand why we didn't just run. Why did he want us to stay here? I knew the reasons he had made up, the ones he tried to convince into believing. But deep down I knew there was more to it. I feared he loved his father and the idea of that was horrifying.

…

Jake left school as soon as soon as he was old enough to get a job, but I was stuck with it. After Jake left I was moved out of the school on the reservation and started at the school in forks, because they said it could accommodate me better. They told me over and over how they wanted me to have every advantage, and forks high had an advanced science and math program. Jacob insisted that I go, because to many questions would be asked if I refused.

I hated going there every day, I didn't talk to anyone, not that anyone bothered trying to talk to me.
I really carried on about having to go there, and today was no different.
I got into the Ute and waited for him to get his work gear. He jumped in and slammed the door behind him.

"What's your problem today then?" he asked rather coldly.

I shook my head in an instant, not wanting to make his mood any worse.

"Nothing I'm fine"

He sighed at my reaction, I could tell my nervousness made him feel bad.

"Sorry Isabella, I'm just in a shit of a mood. I've been trying to figure out how were going to pay for everything since he took all that cash. Daddy dearest has really fucked us over this time." He joked trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't work.

"Maybe the boss will give me an advance or something. I'll figure something out"

He kept rambling on and thinking out loud. I wasn't worried about the money. He always found a way to make sure we had what we needed. Even if we had to lie, cheat and steal to do it.

By the time we approached the school car park, my mood had gone from bad to worse. I slouched into my seat and sighed, shaking my head to myself and muffling off a few four-letter words. Anything to help me relieve some of my anger, before having to spend the next eight hours with a large group of people who hate me.
Jake attempted to park the big old truck but we bounced back when the front tires hit the gutter. I didn't react to the jolt, I just kept staring down at my dirty old sneakers and my lose faded jeans with a rip in the right knee. I frowned harder looking down at them, I wonder how much worse things could get.

"Hey" Jake's chipper voice caught my attention and I turned to look at him.

"Cheer up" I just stared at him and didn't say anything.

"c'mon Isabella, smile. I hate leaving you here every day with that look on your face"

"I hate it here" I huffed and looked back down at my shoes.

"You'll finish high school soon. You'll get a generous scholarship we will both be old enough to leave and do whatever we please"

I always took these opportunities to try to bargain with him,

"Or... I could just leave now and get a job. We both know we could really use the money and then we wouldn't have to hang around here" Jacob rolled his eyes and leaned across me to push open my door

"Have a good day Izzy"

I snatched up my bag from under my feet and dragged my body slowly out the door before slamming it behind me.

I turned to give him one last dirty look for leaving me in this social hell, but being the smart ass that he is, all I got in return was a huge sarcastic smile as the truck roared to life. He waved his hand at me like an idiot "learn something for me babe"

I didn't move or respond to him, I just glared at him as he drove away.

His car disappeared from my vision and the sound of the bell forced my eyes closed. I took a deep breath and exhaled it harshly, then turned to face my doom.

School was easy, as far as the work went anyway. Even here I was incredible bored, but I could handle being bored. I looked over at Jessica struggling to learn the stupid book, rubbing a hole into her temple with her index finger. As if she was trying to get the information through her thick head. Yeah, I can handle being bored.
It sounds really mean, but I love to finish my work early just so I can watch Jessica to scrape together the answers. Cruel, I know, but you should understand, I don't have allot to do.

The school was not very big, so this meant I had a lot of classes with Jessica and her clan of Barbie dolls. They constantly made fun of me, played tricks on me, anything to try to make my days at Forks high school, as shitty as humanly possible.

Lunchtime was probably the worst. I sat at a table completely alone and stared out the window, or read a book, just waiting for time to pass so I could get out of this hole. I could see them all out of the corner of my eye, whispering and pointing. I don't understand how someone who does nothing can draw attention to herself. I just try to stay out of everyone's way. So why am I the topic of their conversations? What is it about me that they just hate?

I soon realized why they were laughing and pointing today. I ran my fingers through my hair to find I had been hit with a huge spit ball and it was tangled into one of my curls.
I listened to them laugh as I removed it from the strands and threw it on the ground, trying to hide my dismay as I wiped my hand with my napkin. I shook my head, but then I just leaned into my seat and continued to keep my back to them.

The bell finally rang and it was time to go back to class. Usually I would be happy about this, but I had photography class. Even though I loved photography, I hated Mike Newton. He pestered me every class, knowing now that he could do as he pleased.
I was happy when I walked into the class early and Mr. Adams told me I could go into the darkroom and finish my photos. I moved as fast as I could across the hall, I prayed Mike would think I'm away today or maybe went home sick. That was all I had going for me.

I loved developing my own photos, everyone else used digital, but there was something neat about doing it like this, the process was kind of comforting and it only added more memories and emotions to the photos. I stared down at the picture of Jacobs bare back as he laid in the sun on the sand.
I grinned to myself at how gorgeous his skin looked on the golden grains.
I would love to show the photo off to someone, but no one else would be able to see the beauty in it. They would only see the scars that trailed over his shoulder and down his arm, they would only see the victim of child abuse. They wouldn't see the one second of peace during the tornado that was his life, the second I was lucky enough to catch with a camera.
That was how I thought of his life. As if it was a disaster. He was always surrounded by devastation and ruin. His heart was shattered and I feared there was no way to truly fix him, the damage was far too severe.

I heard I quiet creak, but ignored it and continued to hang the photos up. I knew he was in here. I felt a sick turn in my stomach. Before I could turn back from the bench, his arms were around me, trapping me.

He pressed me up against the bench and smirked at me, his face inches from mine.

"I have to go" I tried to sound as strong as possible, but it still came out weak and choky.

He pressed his body closer to mine, then used one hand to move the curls from my neck and tuck them behind my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

"c'mon you have time" he whispered into my neck mockingly.

"No, really I have to go" I pushed his arm out of the way and moved as fast as I could, to get out of the room that was now suffocating me.

I burst out of the door and all but ran down the hallway to my next class. I sat in my usual seat at the back of the room and tried to stop shaking. Thankfully no one had arrived yet, so no one could see the look on my face. I always had to wonder, how much of his obsession with me had to do with Edward. Could he possibly be that pathetic, would he really do all of this because of what happened with them, it was years ago. It felt crazy to even think about. But I had nothing but time to think about these things.

Mike started putting his sly moves on me when I first got to Forks High. After the first ass grab I explained quite confidently that my boyfriend will beat the living shit out of him if he kept going, but it didn't work.

One day, Mike decided to corner me and try to run his hand up my shirt. I left in a panic to tell Jacob. He was livid when he found out and it was nice to watch him beat the crap out of Mike. But it done us no good. I didn't know that Mike's father was a police officer, I didn't know about the lies Mike had spread through town. I didn't know how badly it could go, or how everything would play out. That's when I found out just how many trust issues Jake had and how many of them were rooted in our relationship.

…

As soon as I left school I could see Jake, leaning shirtless up against the truck. He was soaking in sweat and covered in dirt, I could help but smile at him. I jogged down the stairs, trying not to look like I was in an enormous rush to get to my boyfriend's side, even though I kind of was.

Jake pushed his body of the car when I was close, flashing his big toothy grin at the sight of me.

"how was your day?"

Just as I was ready to answer, Mike strode with his head high behind Jacob winking at me, both killing and adding to my relief that my day was finally over.

I quickly looked back to Jake and forced a smile, "come on let's just get out of here" I said as I made my way into the truck.

"That good ha?" Jake snickered at my grumpy mood.

"Yeah, it was just freaking awesome" I said sarcastically to him. But sarcasm was always a mistake with Jake, I always got it dished right back, with a vengeance.

"That's great babe, did you make it to the pep rally? Oh, what am I saying... as if there would have even been a pep rally without you"

See what I mean, he goes way over board. I shook my head and jumped into the truck, desperately wanting to get home as fast as possible. I watched him make his way around to the driver's seat, not looking a anyone who passed him.

I often caught Jake glaring at everyone, even the pretty girls who smiled at him. He just seems to have no real time for anyone but me. It felt sometimes like his whole life revolved around me, I mean look at him, driving a shitty truck from a crappy job, making sure were fed, clothed, and looked after. I mean jeez...all I did was go to school and complain every step of the way, but not Jake. I looked down at his holey, worn out boots and decided to stop spreading my bratty mood.

"Well Isabella what has you all cheery today, bitches on your back?"

I shook my head trying to lighten myself up and get over another crappy day at Forks High.

"screw them, tell me about your day"

Jacob eyed me suspiciously for a moment but then took full advantage of the opportunity to tell me about his day. I let him ramble the whole way home. I was glad to hear an ounce of happiness in his voice. He always seemed on edge, just waiting for someone to come along and make things worse than they already are. Waiting for Billy to come back and ruin our peace and quiet again.
We always got quiet when we started to pull into the reservation for that very reason. We had a way of doing everything. We took the back streets, so that we could sneak up to the house. We needed to check and see if Billy came home while we were out.
Then we would leave the truck hidden and close to the road. Once we were inside it was a complete lock down. The house was easy enough to break into, but we need time to run, the sound of the door getting kicked in was usually a good indicator that it was time to go.

…

We hadn't seen Billy in a month at least. The last night he showed up, I had made the mistake of falling asleep with the radio blasting in our bedroom. We didn't know he was home until he was in the bedroom. He stumbled around demanding his money, meaning our money.

"get out of bed boy, now!... and you get up and cook something to eat" he yelled, slurring all of his words along the way.
I wasn't like Jacob, I was completely horrified of Billy and as soon as he ordered me to do something, I did it.
I tried to get up of the bed, but Jacob reached out and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling my back into the bed.

"Get out Billy...I'll get you some money, but you have to leave" Jacob sounded so strong and confident, even a bit freaking scary. But to me, he mostly just sounded crazy and really stupid.
I clung to him tightly waiting to hear Billy's reply to Jake's outburst.
"Well hurry up" He said, as he waved his arm around.

I couldn't believe it, Billy seemed almost unsettled. Jake got up of the bed and started to walk over to the dresser. I watched as he pulled open the top draw to get his wallet out and it was over in a few seconds.

Billy came up behind Jake, faster than I thought he could possible move in his state. He punched Jake right in the back of the head, before I could scream to warn him.

Jake's head flung forward, hitting the dresser before he collapsed unconscious into the floor. I lept of the bed at him and began hitting him, but it only took a second before everything went black. I knew I never stood a chance.

For a second I was somewhere else. I could see his window, I knew I was meant to climb in it, that it would make it easier to breathe if I did. When I climbed in it was so dark I couldn't see, but I knew where to go. Like the destination was built into my feet. Even if I didn't remember where I was, they did. They led me to this gloriously soft mattress with fluffy pillows and a big warm blanket. As soon as I laid down I felt an arm cover me, a warm body press close to me, so much that I felt connected to it. I felt safe, but as my eyes closed in that room they opened in another. I was still in the bedroom on the floor, facing Jake. I panicked and crawled over him, taking his hand in mine.

"Jacob, wake up" I almost cried out.

Jakes eyes blinked opened in the same terror they had shut in. Instantly he tried to get up.

"stay down " I whispered as calmly as possible, but he didn't need much convincing. He dropped back onto the cold floor boards, holding his head. Then his eyes looked at mine.

"Are you ok?" he asked reaching over to me and then his face became sad as he inspected me.

"I need to kill him" he whispered but the rage I could hear in his voice was shadowed by his own pain. The pain he felt in his heart was so much stronger than any hit he had received.

"Do you think he's gone?" I said weakly. Jake nodded and stroked the hair off my face. I felt a few tears escape as I looked at him, but I forced them to stop.

"I'm sorry I left the radio on" I choked out but Jake shook his head and reached out to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"it's not your fault Isabella"

"You told me to turn" I reasoned, but Jake cut me off.

"No... We don't blame each-other, ok." I nodded agreeing, he was right. It wouldn't get us anywhere.

"Let's get back in the bed" He said with a groan as sat up and took my hand. He lifted me off the ground and we went back to sleep, in the hopes this could all just be a bad dream.

When we woke up we walked through the house to find we had been robbed. We both looked around at the destruction and then at each other. As if we could read each other's minds, our eyes lit up and we both moved as fast as we could to the kitchen.

We both dropped to our knees when we realized he had found it. Our savings stashed under the lose floor board. And that's why when we get money now we burry it under the house.

…

"Eat Isabella"
His voice seemingly came out of nowhere, making me jump in my seat. I realized I hadn't eaten a bite. I had just been moving everything around with the fork, stuck in yet another daydream.
"What's up. You've been quiet all afternoon." He questioned, rolling his eyes when he received yet another shrug.
"I think I like it better when your yelling at me. Just tell me what I did and I'll apologize" he said, making me laugh.

"I'm just tired. I really need a good night sleep." I said, still moving the food around the plate, trying to decide if I was hungry. He raised his eyebrow at me and became still, trying to decrypt my response, to see if I really was mad at him.

"Really, nothing's wrong. I promise" I added before he started to worry.

"Ok... well let's get an early night"
I nodded in agreement when he suddenly groaned, hitting his head lightly with his palm.
"I forget to tell you. I got some extra work on Saturday. It's only a few hours and it's in town, so I'll drop you off at the library and pick you up at six" He said, eyeing my reaction.
"That's fine." I agreed with a forced smile. The least I could do was spend my Saturday at the library, so he can work without having to worry. But I was getting sick of him always having to know exactly where I was and what I was doing... no matter how necessary it was.

…

The next day at school was unusually quiet. Everyone was talking about the new students that were starting tomorrow, thankfully it drew the attention away from me. The school was so small that it was big news to everyone, the idea of not seeing the same faces day in and out, had the students excited. Honestly, I could care less. It was just two more people to torture me. But at-least it gave everyone something else to focus on.

I sat at my lunch table alone, as I tried not to look directly at the table to see the fresh slander of my name. They were my very own personalised gifts, left by the more intelligent students. It was hard to get offended, mostly I found myself rolling my eyes at the horrible spelling.

I slowly made my way down the hallway to Biology, as usual I dragged my feet the whole way. I didn't mind Biology, it was one of the few classes where I was left alone. Everyone else in the class had a lab partner, but me. The teacher always offered to join me up with one of the other groups, but never pushed it when I refused. I was doing fine on my own and it was no secret that everyone hated me.

When I finally arrived at class Mr. miles walked over to my desk, handing me back my graded essay. "You're a bit late miss Swan" he said softly so no one else heard.
"Sorry" was all he got out of me. I never tried excuses, I think that's why the teachers liked me. I don't think it even had that much to do with the grades. I think it was because I had a bullshit filter, unlike every smart-ass student here. How could I be a brat to the teachers? I could see in their eyes they hated this school as much as me.

Mr. miles began to stroll away from my desk, when he quickly turned back to look down at me, letting his glasses slide down his nose.

"oh, and Isabella, starting tomorrow you will have a lab partner. There is a new boy starting and…"

Then my bullshit filter was temporarily turned off. I pleaded with him to put him with one of the other teams, arguing that he would hold me back. I had a thousand reasons why he shouldn't be with me, but he accepted none of it.

I frowned through the rest of the class. I stared at the empty spot next to me and frowned even more when I realized I wouldn't be able to put my bag on the empty seat any more, or spread my books all over the desk... I wouldn't be able to be left the hell alone.

After hearing my horrible news, I walked even slower to my last class. As I approached gym I looked up to see Jessica. She and all her bimbo friends were hanging of Mike's arm, laughing hysterically at him. Without thinking I just kept walking right past them, moving quickly to the door that led to my freedom. 'No way, not today'.

It was hard to wipe the smile from my face as I fled the school grounds. My adrenalin pumped a bit whenever I skipped class. Not that it was something I did often, but the rush it gave me was well worth it. I had never been caught and could always cover it up with a well written letter, signed by Jacob who had perfected Billy's signature.

…

I walked into town, stopping only to treat myself to a smoothie, then I headed over to the construction site where Jacob was working.
I hated it when Jake started this new job in town. Usually he built houses, but the company he worked for got hired to build a commercial coffee shop, right where my favourite little book store was. I was furious at first...that was until I saw the difference in his pay check. I very quickly jumped off the moral high ground and on the Starbucks bandwagon.

I pulled myself up onto the tray of our truck and watched Jake. He was on the roof shirtless as always, moving planks of wood around and hammering stuff in... I can't lie, it was hot.

I watched quietly, as he stood up wiping the sweat dripping from his face with his discarded shirt, before he then stuffed it into his back pocket.
He yelled out to one of the older guys on the ground, I can only assume what he said was builder code of some kind, because I didn't really get any of it.
Suddenly his head turned to see me. He must have seen me out of the side of his eye, because his face light up and he looked over to me flashing his big toothy smile that I adored. "hey".
He nodded to another one of the men standing on the frame with him, who waved and nodded back.

Jake climbed down and strolled over to me. As he approached I extended the arm with the cold smoothie in it, he took it straight away gulping it down. He jumped on to the tray with me, before he rocked his body into mine, nudging me softly.
"you ok?" he whispered after a few minutes of waiting for me to say something. I looked up at him and smiled, trying to reassure him.

"I'm good. Really, I just didn't want to deal with gym today"
Jake didn't say anything he just nodded and accepted my answer.
"let's get home" he said as he leaned over and kissed my cheek, obviously knowing I was lying about being ok.

…..

I sat in the old armchair doing homework and watching Jacob sleep on the coach. He snored lightly and looked so sweet laying there that I had to take a picture.
I got my camera out and crept over to him. His skin was shining from sweat and he was covered in dirt. I smiled and began clicking away. He woke halfway through a photo with shock, that was quickly followed by a smile.
"wow paparazzi" He laughed as he waved his arm in front of his face; I snickered and put the camera down, reaching out to give him a playful push.

He smiled up at me through sleepy eyes as I sat on the ground facing him. I relaxed down next to him as he rolled on to his side to look at me. He was silent for a few minutes, before reaching out to wipe the hair from my face and tap my nose with the tip of his finger.
"what's up with you lately." he whispered.
"You're so quiet all the time. You're always hiding behind that camera" he said nodding in its direction, while letting out a big yawn. I shrugged and looked down not knowing what answer to give him to make him drop it.
"Hey, I'm just worried about you Izzy"
I nodded "I know you're worried, but you have no need to be, really I'm..."
"Come on Isabella" his voice groaned in frustration with me. I looked in his eyes and like always I couldn't lie, he could see right through me. I gave up and sighed in defeat.
"it just feels like the universe is against me, more than usual. It's kind of getting to me"
"What's going on" he looked even more worried than before.
"It's nothing really, it's just allot of little things, most of them are stupid and not worth the worry" "like what?" Jacob asked immediately.
"Well, as of tomorrow I get a brand-new lab partner in Biology."
"Seriously? That sucks, no wonder you're pissed off"
I smiled to myself, He knew I hated everyone at that school. He took a deep breath and looked at me intensely for a moment. I could almost tell what he was thinking.
"I was thinking maybe instead of going out with the boys tomorrow, I'll just stay home with you"
I hated it when he did this. Like I can't handle being alone for a few hours. I hated feeling like I needed to be babysat. I just stared at my camera acting like I didn't care; not wanting to argue. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, he knew this annoyed me, but he would do it anyway.
"I've got to do some overtime tomorrow anyways, doesn't look like Roy will show up again. We really got to get a move on if we're ever going to finish this job in time" he looked away from me and back to the TV.
"I'll pick you up from the library at five, so be out the front ready"
I decided not to fight with him over how he just spoke to me like a child. I knew he was just tired from work.
I got up and went into the bedroom for a minute to be alone. There was no point in trying to argue with Jake or debate plans, it was easier to just let him have his way. I worried privately to myself about how his temper was getting worse, but it was out of my control. All I could do was except everything he said and avoid any fights. Honestly it seemed like maybe men were just like this. Behind all the bullshit and sweet nothing's they were just assholes, waiting to show their true colours.

I cooked a quick dinner and finished my homework, that's when the boredom set in. I felt so shut in, I decided I wanted to go for a walk. It was still light out, but Jacob had been asleep on the couch since he finished dinner.
I seriously thought about not going anywhere, but it just seemed silly. I should be able to go for a walk if I want. With that I snuck off out the front door, grabbing my jacket on the way.

I started to wonder around our lot, eventually I made my way over the garage and saw Jakes old rusty motorbike. I wondered if it would start, then smiled to myself knowing the answer.
I dragged it out of the junk filled space and walked the old beast over to the road. I felt stupid for walking it all the way to the road before trying to start it, but a big part of me wanted to have an adventure by myself. I wanted to do something without my babysitter. I felt bad for thinking it, but it was as if I never left the house without him.
It gave me a bit of a rush, like I was doing something bad by going for a ride on our bike. I smiled widely when the bike roared to life, a wave of relief that I could escape that house, even for a few minutes.

I jumped on and took off way too fast. I sped down the dirt road that would lead me out of la push. I felt free. It was so odd. Why did I feel so unrestricted? Unless I was a prisoner.

…

I was reckless on the bike and paid no real attention to anything except the feeling of the wind running through my hair and down my neck. There was only one place I wanted to go. I realized I was already heading in the direction of his house. I turned down my father's old road, I was excited to find his old house still buried in the woods, as if I thought it might have disappeared.

I stopped the bike and pushed it over to the side of the house and used it to boost my way through the window with the broken lock, landing me in the kitchen.

I smiled as my feet hit the ground. I liked that the lock was still broken, that I had to put my foot in first and use it to search for the edge of the breakfast bench.
The house was thick with dust and cobwebs and I wondered why some nice family didn't buy it. But I was happy they didn't, I don't know what I'd do without this connection to him.

I walked slowly through each room, running my fingers over things I remembered him touching. Tears falling helplessly from my eyes without any warning. The few small memories I had flooded back and hit me like a wave, that I was not strong enough to stand against.

I could sit in here for hours and hours. Just to feel like I'm still with him, like I still had my happy life...before everything went horrible wrong.

I found myself just staring into the darkness of the old house. I wondered if I looked crazy sitting here like this. I wondered if anyone who wasn't crazy would have a problem sitting here for so long. Just as those thoughts swam in my head, I heard a large smash that had me on my feet in a second. In an instant I was panicking and scolding myself for being so stupid to come here alone. What was I thinking? The sound was coming from outside but that just made me feel trapped...surrounded.

I looked around for any object I could use as a weapon. But the house was empty. I was sweating and shaking uncontrollably, I could feel the tears of terror behind my eyes.
I didn't stop to think. I just acted.
All I wanted to do was get out of the house. It was irrational. I should have just stayed calm in the LOCKED house, where I was safe. But like always, when I felt like I was in danger...I started to feel like I was suffocating and trapped. I had to get out.
The walls already started to close in on me and the thought of being stuck in here, outweighed my fear of the noise outside. I began climbing back out the window I came in, knowing my bike was below it.
I moved way too fast for how horrified I was, but I couldn't help it. I lowered my body out the window, my feet only just started to seek out bike before I lost my balance. I found myself falling harshly into the hard ground. Knocking my head on an old flower pot on the way. With just enough time to think how typical it was, before I was knocked out cold.

"Bella wake up"

The voice that sang into my unconsciousness was the missing piece to my soul. It was unfamiliar, but at the same time it reminded me of my deepest deems. Like the house did, it stung me. The way my name sounded as it fell from his mouth, as if he had been saying it for an eternity. It made me ache, but in a way I have not felt in years.

"Bella! C'mon wake up"

He sounded scared and concerned for me. I gained back some strength and used it to force my eyes open, to see if the voice was only in my mind.

But there he was, hovering over me, horrified.

He was bigger... obviously.

He looked like a man. All the traces of the little boy I knew were gone. But at the same time, still there. His smile was the same. His voice was the same, but deep and stronger. His bronze hair flowed wildly on his head, in thick untamed locks.

"are you ok?"

I couldn't breathe, or talk, or move. I believe I felt my heart stop right then.

I just laid there looking up at him, panting and trying to catch my breath. But the more I looked at him, the more I just freaked out. My breathing just got harder and heavier.
I didn't know what I was supposed to do when the only person alive that I've wanted, no... craved, was right here. He stared into my eyes, in just as much shock as I was.

I could feel my lip tremble with my body and my eyes fill with fresh tears. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him every horrible thing that had happened since he left, then tell him to fix it. I wanted to start hitting him, and demand to no why he just left me here. But I didn't do any of that.

I still couldn't breathe properly or stop my body from the shaking, in a way that made the world appear to be falling apart.

His look of shock turned into something else. I could only watch as his face crumbled and his hand slowly started to reach out to touch my face. I watched his fingers that were only inches from me and felt the panic I was already in take over.
For reasons unknown to me, I used my feet to shuffle my body back as fast as I could. I wanted to put distance between us, immediately his hands raised in front of him showing he meant no harm. I could see my whole world in his eyes. Everything I lost was there in front of me. I was so used to having nothing that the realization of having everything completely terrified me.

I just looked at him shaking in the dirt. I couldn't control myself and I'm sure I looked insane, but there was just no containing the hysteria.
He was gorgeous. I looked at him before me on his knees, his hands still raised in front of him like a criminal approaching a police officer, showing he's not armed.
His brow was creased and he looked at me, I started to wonder if he knew what it meant to me just seeing him here.
"Bella" he started to whisper to me sweetly and softly, the pain in his voice was obvious and I realised he did know what it meant. This was no coincidence, we were both running in the same circle that we had when we were kids.
"What are you doing here" the words came out in a horrible pained sob and every word shook with my body. I don't know why I said it, but I did.

He looked extremely shocked by my words, they forced his brow into even more of a mess. It seemed for a second like he might start to laugh, like the answer was so obvious that there should be no need for the question.
He shook his head and lowered one of his hands down slowly, the other racked almost violently through his hair, pulling at it. His hand tangled in the golden knots, before he began looking at me with a deep sadness in his eyes. His expression forced my harsh breathing to finally halt, when I saw him ready to answer.

"I came back for you Bella..., like I promised I would" he said with a scratchy voice. I watched as his eyes became red and glassy. Never did know what it was like to really want someone. I could look at him and see it all. Those missing pieces could just fall back into place, the details would appear before me. I could finally open the book and see past the pretty picture on the cover. But I didn't want too.

I didn't know what to say or do...I just scrambled to my feet crying louder and louder, moving quickly over to my bike.

He stayed frozen on the ground, still staring at me. No doubt as shocked by my reaction to his words as I was. It wasn't until I was on the bike next to him trying to start it that he got to his feet.
The bike roared to a start as he stepped over to my side.
"Bella please..." his voice rose to take over the sound of the motorbike but I couldn't look at him again. I just shook my head, realizing that I just couldn't handle it.
This was all just too much for me and I was assured of this as I frantically tried to wipe my face to clear of the tears. He took one step closer to me, holding his hands out to me, pleading with me to stay.
"Please just stop and talk to me... You can't just leave"

But before he could finish the sentence I was taking off down the driveway. I sped home more recklessly then before, leaving him behind to wonder if I had completely lost my mind.

…..

A/N: I know this is a big time-jump. Going from 12yrs old to 16 leaves a lot of questions for both characters. Those 3 years of separation are very important for them both. When I originally wrote these chapters, I thought it would be interesting to leave the readers in the dark about what happened, just like the characters are with each other.
There will be quite a bit of time jumping, but as I said in the previous a/n, I will advise readers of this in the chapter title. I know this kind of stuff can get confusing.
(Keep in mind that this story is already complete, I am simply editing it. If you think there's a lot of rambling now, you should see the first version. I have played with the idea of moving things around, so the timeline is in order, but it ruins parts of the story, so I'm just gonna go with it.)

(Trigger Warning: This story deals with abuse, mental health, drug use, self-harm & issues surrounding suicide.) This story also contains violence and adult language, please be prepared for this.