Erai might be spread eagled. He might be so tense that he's shaking. He might be twitching with every potential fright, regardless of whether or not the creaks and crunches are at all loud or dangerous. He might even be flat on his face, with his eyes shut tight, and his claws jammed in the cracks between Kaori's scales.

In fact, he's doing all of the above.

But he isn't scared.

When he's like this, everything can be perfectly normal – because with a little imagination, it can all sound normal. For instance: Kaori's rumblings are just like the purr of a really nice car, so long as she doesn't have anything to actually say. The crunching of foliage is just because the really nice car has gone off–road for some reason, not because Kaori is terrible at avoiding badly placed trees.

"Are we there yet?"

That sounds so human, he's almost reassured enough to open his eyes. He's in a car, all right. How could he be anywhere else? There's even some annoying little kid sitting just in front of him, and another, somewhat older one arguing with it somewhere to his left.

"That does it! Rule One of Super Cool Clan Talk is gonna be 'don't ask when we've achieved full hella cool destiny status'! That'd totally ruin the surprise! Even I, Snakejaw McAwesomefangz, can't godmod every day of the week!"

"It was just a joke, I think? But if that wasn't okay, I can apologize! I, um, reeeeeeally don't want to be problematic! Or triggering, or cisphobic, or thinsplaining or ableis–"

"Heyyyoooo, Mighty Magnificent Second–in–Command, ' Emerald Cherub'? A–kay–a Kaori Morita Leafheart Potato Gembounded Montessori–sensei, a–kay–a 'Feelslayer'? Are we there yet?"

"–rotypical or patriarchal or misogynistic or anti–NaruSasu or pro–NaruSasu or gaslighting or cultural appropriating or–

How could I know where 'there' is? No–one decided where to go.

"–bashing or triggering or oppressing or whitewashing or doxxing or discriminating, and – oh my gosh, if I'm any of those things I'm so sorr– "

"What, don't you know?! The perfect clan setup place is deep in your heart! Trust in, like, the spirit of Stonesteal Flamewar, and you'll know! For suresies! I, Snakejaw McAwesomefangz, am counting on you, as a totally great G–M–R–P–er!"

What on earth, or under, it is a G–M–R–P–er?

The illusion that Erai's riding in a comfortable car with very uncomfortable passengers is gone. Cars don't talk, or if they do, it's not done at ear–splitting volume. Kaori's voice rips through his body, every last syllable feeling like a miniature tremor; she's only said three sentences, and his ears are already ringing. All Erai wants to do is curl into a little ball, hold his head in his paws, and rock himself to sleep.

Hell, the first two things seem doable. He's sorely tempted. But Between Mark's ongoing list of possibly obscene obscurities, Snakejaw's lengthy explanation of 'godmod roleplaying', and Kaori's forgetting to lower her voice in her grumpiness, the sleeping part of affairs seems nigh-impossible.

"–'ll never make that joke again! I swear! N–not to any gods that would cause offence, though." Mark takes a deep breath, then seems to change tact.

"Um… but… You said it was Stonehide Flamesmoker earlier, d–didn't you? I mean, I reaaaaally don't want to be privileged or microaggressive or hyperaggressive or passive–aggressive or aggressive–aggressive or– "

Hm… You might be right.

Here, Kaori decides to illustrate just how right Mark is by nodding, or as it registers in Erai's mind, 'threatening to send everyone else tumbling to certain doom'. Mark screams blue murder somewhere in the middle of the gesture ("Am I reclaiming?! I don't want to do that, I'm so sorry!"), but that only does the opposite of what she intended. Kaori snaps her head level so fast, Erai nearly goes sliding into the abyss, and even Snakejaw loses her footing, if the scratching noises and cursing's any indication.

Yes, certain doom.

Yes, the abyss.

That implied bad thing is definitely a thing. He saw it earlier – it's what gave him the brilliant idea to start lying face–down. Not that he's scared or anything, he's just had a go and decided that he really, really enjoys spread–eagling. It is entirely his choice, and he is very proud of it. Pressing his snout and claws into Kaori's hide is, without a doubt, the most comfortable thing he could be doing right now.

Yes. Definitely.

…Fine, so he's scared of falling. Big, hairy deal. Who wouldn't be horrified by the view? It consists of only horrible things – a long, long way to fall, a trail of fallen trees behind them, and let's not forget, two creatures with giant fangs and bigger wings, flanking him like gargoyles, making sure he'll never leave this hell he's in. If he closes his eyes, he can pretend that they're really nice people and also look like really nice people, even if Haru's words still whisper in the back of his mind.

…Great, now I'm thinking about that! Go me.

It feels like an age, but Kaori finally steadies herself. Ah… Apologies? I forget, sometimes.

A pause, then she continues with that far more bearable, yet far creepier whisper. "Well, anyway… Are Stonehide and Stonesteal different dragons, Snakejaw?"

She's shuddered to a halt. Erai shudders with her, opening one eye because Kaori's head feels stationary enough to have been resting on the ground – nope, nope, nope. They are most definitely nowhere near the ground. The tree tops are metres below them; a creek resembles a dropped ribbon far more than it does water. The vertigo's worse than what he imagined it would be. Just one look down, and Erai is left with a head that reels and a gut that churns. He can't look away. He's going to fall. He's going to die.

Erai shivers at that last one, clinging to the giant scales with all the strength he can muster, trying desperately not to scream. Usually, he can deal with heights, but – they're just so high up, and no–one's wearing any seatbelts, and his two companions are maybe fighting themselves or something. It's bad enough being sixteen feet in the air, perhaps even more; never mind the arguing, or the fact that Snakejaw looks terrifying whenever she's excited. Huge fangs click against each other as she talks, spittle flying from time to time.

"H–hah! Nice try with the newbie question, but I'm no n00b!1! See, Stonehide Flamesmoker's a mythological figure in the mighty awesomesauce dragon kingdom of coolness, so she goes by, like, all the names! I've heard rumors that she even multiaccounts!"

Erai grins, trying to look a lot happier about the whole situation than he feels. "Oh, like – Stonerock Flamehot? Is that a thing?"

Maybe a joke can defuse the… the whatever's actually going on here, he has no real idea. Here they are, presumably all humans stuffed in the wrong bodies, riding on a giant dragon's head, and apparently the reasonable thing to do here is chat about some fictional dragon's name. Maybe his companions just don't deal very well with stress, or maybe they just have zero common sense.

"Yeppers, exactly right! Stonerock Flamehot's actually one of her more famous forms. I heard she even trademarked it, but Snakejaw McAwesomefangz is completely above restraining orders, so it's all good. I ship her with Lady Shadowclaw Du Bloodytearz, my Pokémon OC, but that's only a crossover thing! And also, only a thing if I can find someone willing to roleplay as an Eevee on . Must be sixteen or under, must be female, must know everything about my personal Pokeumans 'verse! I'm gonna bump that search post when I get home, you better believe it."

Yes, of course. I understand.

What part of any of that did you understand?!

At least Mark seems confused enough for Erai to keep some faith in humanity – or dragonity, or whatever he's supposed to have faith in at this point. He's not entirely sure. "Well, if we're done talking about… uh… Rockpebble Chiligarnish, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening because I was being sorry – anyway. We're not moving very fast, are we? And we keep, um… not to be rude, but we're, uh, maaaaaybe violating plant rights? So, I was thinking, maybe we could sit down and figure out where–"

"Ooooor, she could fly! Be free!"

Who can fly?

"You!"

…I can?

"Not if you talk like that, you can't", Erai growls, but no–one seems to hear.

"Yes, I think so! You have wings… Um, I don't mean to be ableist, but it does seem like you might be able to move them? U–unless you can't, in which case I'm sorry!"

No. I think – ah, sorry – I think I can move them." Kaori gingerly stretches first one wing, then the other. She flaps a couple of times, experimenting – and something in Erai's gut begins training for the world record somersault attempt.

"Hey! Uh! I–I don't think this is a very good idea", he begins, but he's drowned out by Snakejaw's latest speech. The four–eyed beast is hopping up and down, tail lashing about in a big show of excitement. If Erai hadn't been busy spread-eagling, he would have considered slapping some sense into her.

"Hell yeppers! I've always wanted to ride a dragon, or be a dragon – so being a dragon while riding another dragon's the absolute best of both! Also, it's definitely a time honored clan tradition for elders to fly hatchlings over the mighty misty mountains. Just wing your flappers, initiate friendoodle! You can do it!"

"Initiate friendoodle. Yes. And you would like me to… er, what my what?"

"Ancient dragon language", comes the reply, sounding as sensible as if Snakejaw just said the sky was blue.

"I think she might mean that you should flap your wings. Both at the same time, if that's okay? A–and maybe jump, too."

The big dragon obliges, flapping and hopping about. Erai redoubles his efforts to hold onto her head, digging his claws in as hard as he dares. "Oi, I wasn't kidding! Don't do any of that, not with usssssrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRR–

He must have hit a nerve. The rest of the sentence is lost under a bellow so loud, Erai is actually part of it for a moment, his whole body resonating and shaking with the horrific noise. His eyes are squeezed shut, and there's even a horrible lurch in his stomach as the howl of agony reaches its peak.

–RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…?

Kaori trails off too early, thank goodness – Erai's ears are only left ringing, and he isn't shaking too badly. Somewhere to his left, Snakejaw claps him on the back. "Hey lookee, you did it. Yup, yup – here's the dream, right here! Kaori, Mark, just look, ohmigosh, it's the best! I would definitely be linking 'We Are The Champions' right now, if I could!"

"…Oh. Huh." Kaori sounds vaguely bemused by how small the world just became. It looks almost like a model landscape, if you ignore the fact that the table edge is more of a horizon, and parts of the diorama are blocked out completely by low–altitude clouds. And here's another, definitely–not–important–at–all difference: The models are getting bigger. Not all that quickly, since Kaori still has both wings spread, but is enough to send Erai's survival instincts screaming for cover.

"We're, I don't know, a million metres or something in the air, and that's all you have to say about it? 'Oh, huh?' Huh?!" And during the long pause that follows, he remembers that the giant dragon could swallow him whole if she wanted to.

She'd just flip her head up, and open wide….

Kaori just sighs, lifting her front legs in a pseudo–shrug. "Ahh… Sorry, I was surprised. I did go up awfully fast." Here, there is a dry rustle behind Erai's head. He assumes this is a steady wing–beat for all of about three seconds. It goes a bit like this: One, two, thr–

–the ground is much closer than it used to be. He starts screaming. The air rushes past them fast enough to whistle, and gale–force winds tear at his fur, threatening to rip him off and hurl him into a world of slightly–more–certain death. One paw comes free, but with an effort, Erai just manages to drag it back, trapping some part of Mark or Snakejaw under it in the process. He then tries very hard not to think about the wriggling.

"I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have t–translated Snakejaw wh–when she said 'winger your flaps'! This is a–all my fault!" Mark sounds close by, possibly close enough to have been trapped by his weight. Erai can only hope that the tiny thing hasn't been hurt before they can all get brutally dismembered, impaled, exploded, or whatever terrible thing is going to happen when Kaori hits the ground.

That wouldn't be particularly fair… Whoa, we're still falling? I need to do something!

Choking down his wailing, he tries for actual words – even if it's just shrieking whatever pops into his head, it still counts. "Flap! Pull up! Check your altitude! Do a barrel roll!"

Somehow, Kaori manages another sigh, despite falling out of the air like a giant–dragon–shaped rock. …Wasn't it 'wing your flappers'?

"Who cares?!" Erai screams. "W–we're all gonna die! We're going too fast, we're gonna crash and burn! In multiple bad ways!"

But we went up quickly, and we were fine.

"I thought you all went to Hope's Peak, god dammit! Even I know that hitting the ground is bad for you, and I–" He stops with a grunt, praying none of the idiots noticed that little slip. The sad truth is, he doesn't remember ever going to– who cares, we're still falling out of the sky!

"Ohmygosh, it's just like in all the books. We're gonna do a loop–de–loop at the last possible minute, and soar into the sky! I'll be just like a rollercoaster, but with ancient superpowered dragons!"

Opening one eye, Erai sees Snakejaw advancing towards Kaoi's nose. It doesn't exactly look easy – long claws dig, and all four of her eyes are closed in a show of effort. Slowly but surely, the lithe dragon wriggles forwards, chattering all the way. "Here we go, here we go – okay. Just a few more seconds… yep… now! Now!"

She taps on Kaori's glasses, making the bigger dragon flinch. But there's no flapping, and going off the wide eyes and stiff tail, that may have actually been the whole plan. Maybe it's just that she's looking about, and can now see just how close the ground is. Either way, the creature's voice goes a little desperate. "Okay, so maybe another second but – awww, come on! You can't be slacking when it comes to loop–de–loops! Wings up, we're outta here!"

Erai is about ready to black out. It is taking all his strength to keep himself from losing to the vicious wind, and his muscles are starting to burn. Only fear keeps him holding on; fear of the big, tan blue under them that barely registers as ground anymore. If Erai lets go, he will fall, and definitely die. He'll take a slim chance at surviving via Kaori–remembering–to–fly–just–in–time over certain death.

And for long, terrible seconds, he's stuck in this one horrible moment. And the big dragon keeps falling. And Mark tries to say something apologetic, but it's muffled. And Snakejaw looks back over her shoulder and yells a warning and loses her footing and goes to shriek and–

The ride from hell comes to a halt.

Which might be okay, if no–one was hurt. Unlikely, since a certain annoying four–eyed thing has vanished, but still – if they had all survived unharmed, they might be able to laugh it all off. Problem is, the whole stopping thing… well, it's definitely not okay at all, since it doesn't involve the ground. Therefore to Erai, it's Impossible and therefore Not Okay.

Yes, Kaori's nose brushes overgrown cobblestones with each slow, sickening swing. Yes, it makes Erai's stomach resume training for the world record somersault attempt. But no, it does not count as 'involving the ground'.

"What's going on?"

Tearing his gaze from the awful sight of the ground being much too close for comfort, Erai looks down at his left paw. A purple leg is sticking out from under it, feeling about at the scales for a suitable purchase before it tries to help Mark get out. "I c–can't see…"

Erai glances at the ground, then presses down a little harder. "Ah, you don't want to get out. I've got you, and we're, um – sideways? Never was good with directions. I don't know if this is east or west."

Snakejaw must have been sprawled low on Kaori's nose, since now she comes into sight, dragging herself up the dragon's forehead to cling onto one of the horns."Ayyyy, ayyyy, aghhhhh! Forgive me, mighty vessel of magnificent might, for in my excitement, I totally messed up! Mighty second–in–command, please accept this leader's most humble apologies for this totally catastrophic yet utterly avoidable fuckup! I, like, super–shamed you for not being able to fly!"

How she can say all that whilst clinging to a vertical surface, Erai has no idea. At any rate, it's a wasted attempt of a speech. There's no acknowledgement from Kaori; the dragon's attention seems to be drawn elsewhere. Just as Snakejaw takes a deep breath, the giant lets loose with a not–very–mighty–but–still–very–loud–squeaks. Wings flap desperately, and she lunges hard to the right, hurling herself up towards something in Erai's peripheral vision.

Live prey? Maybe a bird? He watches intently, for too terrified to remember that watching probably isn't the best idea. They sail through the air fast enough to throw Snakejaw back down Kaori's head, threatening to ruin Erai's grip by crashing straight into him. He manages to stay on – even gets a paw onto Snakejaw's tail or back or somewhere, does his best to pin her down.

"H–hey now! You've got passengers, remember?"

That is all he manages. Before he can yell for the big dragon to stop moving so much, Kaori twists in midair to face her foe. There's a horrible lurch, and though Snakejaw is for the most part in the way, Erai can still see huge claws reach behind her, gouging deep into something grey.

And they stop, at long last. Kaori just hangs off whatever she's attached herself to, panting. Snakejaw takes the opportunity to step away from Erai, picking her way up towards their mounts' snout without a word. Mark mutters about being oppressed ("He's literally on top of me!"), but Erai's not in the mood for it. He just redoubles his grip as best he can, watching Snakejaw and trying to remember how normal breathing works.

"Oh. Huh." Erai feels Kaori shudder under him, and clears his throat.

"Please tell me that's not gonna be a catchphra–"

!

Not a branch, as much as he'd like to believe it. Kaori is now holding a human arm, unless branches happen to look like human arms in whatever messed–up world supports dragons. Erai's throat is burning too much for him to make a sound, but his mind screams blue murder as they tear back down the arc, double–taking only when Kaori shrugs hard enough that his head is thrown back. His gaze locks onto the object she just tossed up and over her shoulder.

Yep, definitely an arm.

Thankfully, also definitely not a real one. He breathes a sigh, trying to settle down as best he can while his world view swings wildly. It was only a broken part of a statue – the enormous, grey thing she was just trying to cling onto. Nothing… worse, whatever 'worse' might have been. It would be for the best not to think about that–

"Relax!"

The word is loud and harsh enough that Erai actually lets go. At least he isn't the only one – as he falls, Kaori drops the rest of the way to the ground, serving as a cushion for his landing. Pink sparks dance in his vision, but soon leave him to stare at the courtyard they've wound up in; an enormous, circular thing, and they're lying roughly in the centre. He's no expert, but he guesses the place looks kind of nice, with its pretty sundial, the tasteful vine placement, the giant awesome (and okay, also one–armed) angel statue, and of course–

"Ahem."

He turns at that, taking in the sight of Far Too Many Dragons. None of which Erai recognizes, and none of which look particularly impressed with him or his new friends.

"…Oh. Huh."