tall dirty chai
half milk, half chai
single shot of espresso
steam to 145
Edward lets go quickly
Almost like he's been electrocuted
He takes two steps back
Quick, decisive steps
That's all he can take before he backs straight into a rack of coffee beans
Two bags fall
Landing on the floor
Breaking open and spilling outward
/
Edward looks at them blankly
"I can't get anything right around you," he says
But mostly to himself
Like I'm not really here
Watching every single one of his movements
With some sick fascination
That makes me feel crazy
/
He looks me straight in the eye, then
And the stare is so piercing
It's like he sees straight into my soul
It can't be much of a view
/
When he kisses me
Impulsively
Quickly
Beautifully
I don't feel it in my lips
I feel it my toes
My fingers
My eyelids
Every place that shouldn't be warm, is
Before he can pull too far away, I've got my hands fisted in his hair
Pulling
Pushing
His mouth opens
/
I've only ever done this with one other person
In high school
With a boy
(Just a boy)
Named Jake
He will always be a boy, I think
He's one of those people that doesn't age
Just stays the same no matter when you see him
He's reliable like that
He's unsurprising like that
And that's why we fit together
Until the day he cheated on me
With a girl named Emily
When I asked him why
He said
"Our relationship was just too predictable. It never felt exciting."
I wondered if I ever felt the same
I never did
/
Because you have to feel something before you miss it
/
Kissing Edward is different than kissing Jake
For one, I know nothing about Edward
There is mystery
Intrigue
And Edward knows nothing about me
He doesn't even know my name
I could be anyone
I could be no one
I am one of the two
He just doesn't know which one
/
His hands fist in my shirt and pull it over my head
Fingers greedily skimming the fabric of my bra
The cup
His lips are on my neck
And I know this is moving too quickly
And I know I don't care
/
I feel the self-doubt creep in
It starts somewhere in the recesses of my brain
In those dark, dusty corners
Where I wonder if I'm skinny enough
Pretty enough
Smart enough
Good enough
Because when only one other person has seen you like this
Naked and vulnerable and raw
You don't know
Quite exactly
How you compare
/
"Edward," I breathe
Because his tongue is in that spot
That makes my toes curl
And my heart race
And my breath quicken
/
I don't know when it happened
But his shirt is on the floor
His pants are unbuttoned
And his belt hangs separated like a limp
Snake
His chest heaves up and down
His hands burn
/
I touch him
Barely
He reacts
"Rose," he moans
/
I don't know what I feel
Empty again
I guess
Maybe it was just hiding
Maybe it never left
/
I back up
Clutching my breasts
That are now bare
And cold
He pants in surprise
His hair is a mess
His face is a mess
Of emotion
/
"Please leave," I say
His face transforms from confusion to distress to understanding to apologetic
"I'm so sorry," he tries to say, tries to apologize
And then I realize this is the point where he's supposed to say my name
But he doesn't even know it
"Just leave, please," I sigh
"I keep fucking up," he cries, like he can't contain it anymore
/
Mechanically, I pick up my clothing and put it on
When I'm fully dressed
He's still in the same position
His back resting against the coffee beans
His eyes glazed over, looking off into the distance
At that point
Just over my shoulder
/
"I have to get back to work. You can stay here if you want."
I leave
Almost a full hour later, I see him slink out the front door
Attempting to go unnoticed
I watch his back as he blends into the rain
/
That night, I cry
The kind of great, monstrous tear that I didn't know I was capable of
Alice is at some frat thing with Jasper
I saw her leave dressed up as that Mario Kart character
That looks like her face is a vagina
The pink one
I don't know
Brosper was Mario
It makes sense, I guess
It's October 1st
Fair game for all the Halloween parties to start
And never end
I figure she won't come home tonight
Given that she isn't home most nights
I fall asleep early to the sound of the rain on the roof
/
The next morning, Alice is passed out on the couch
I have no idea where Brosper is
But apparently she never managed to make it out of her costume
Before she threw up on her shoes
I poke her forehead until she wakes up
Disoriented and hung over
She sits up and gags
/
"What the fuck is all over my shoes?" she asks, both appalled and outraged
"Your barf. Or someone else's barf. Brosper's barf?" I offer
"What time is it?"
"Time to get a watch"
"Oh, I'm Bella and I'm so hilarious," Alice sneers "If I come into the café today will you make me my Alice is hung over drink?"
"Dirty chai?"
Alice nods
She stands, but sits back down immediately
"Better make it a double."
/
Today is busy
Sundays usually are
I'm attending to customers for most of the morning
And almost miss it when Alice walks in
She sits in a corner booth
Huge sunglasses perched atop her ski slope of a nose
She looks entirely out of place
I make her drink and bring it over
Sitting across from her
She takes a sip
"How was the party?" I ask, just for something to ask
"I don't know, it was typical. Except this one guy stripped down naked and tried to crowd surf"
"That's weird"
"I guess. I don't know. He was crossfaded, I think"
"Oh"
She then launches into some story about how Brosper was being hit on by a girl dressed up as Luigi
And I tune her out in about six seconds flat
/
Through the reflection on Alice's sunglasses, I see him walk in
He's carrying the same bag
He's in the same clothes
And he very obviously hasn't showered
He looks disoriented
Especially when he sees that no one is behind the register
He saunters up
Like he doesn't know exactly where to put his feet
Before resting his elbows against the counter
His eyes wander to the bell
That requests the customer to ring for service
His palm hesitates over it
Like he's wondering if the bell might bite
/
Alice sees me watching him
"Who's that?" she asks
I sigh
"That's Edward"
"Edward Edward?"
"What does that even mean?"
"You know, ballet shoe guy"
"I have to go talk to him"
"I'm coming"
"You're so not coming"
She makes a face and sips her chai
/
I walk up to him and place my hand on his shoulder
He jumps
Practically launches into outer space
Before turning around
"You scared me," he says
"Sorry," I half-heartedly apologize
Then he just looks at me
"What?" I prompt
"I came to apologize. You weren't supposed to apologize," he says
"Apologize for what?"
"For what happened. I mean, yesterday"
"Nothing to apologize for," I dismiss
He fidgets, wrings his hands together
"Yes there is. I said the wrong name. I just—my head wasn't in a good place. It still isn't, I guess. It never is, I guess"
And I truly have to admire such honesty
"It's okay. You don't know my name"
Sheepishly, he rubs the back of his neck
"Can I get your name?"
soooooOOOOOooooooooo hi.
who reads The Art Teacher by spanglemaker9? MEEEEEEe if you don't you should too ya because it's BOMB
brb (for the next 5 days) getting stoked for the Doctor Who xmas special