It had been almost six nights since Kat had last seen the Joker, or even heard anything of him on the news. She had started wondering whether he'd moved out of town. Of course deep inside she knew that was insane, he owned these streets. And there was the Bat here…
"What are you up to?" She muttered to herself, feet beating out a rhythm on the street.
She turned into an alleyway; not bothering to see what was down there. Just as she left the safety of the streetlamps she felt herself slammed into a wall and something sharp pressed against her neck.
"Give me your purse." The assailant growled from the shadows.
"Oh no. Whatever will I do?! I don't have a purse sir, please don't hurt me!" Kat pleaded voice flat and completely devoid of emotion.
The mugger pulled back slightly, baffled by his victims complete lack of fear. Using the moment wisely she slid her hand into her pocket, fingering a small hunting knife she had slipped in there earlier. But before she had a chance to use it the man let out a startled yelp and fell to the ground, the tip of a knife protruding nicely from his neck. Kat rolled her eyes and huffed.
"Everyone in this god-damned city is determined to relieve me of my fun." She grumbled, peering into the shadows. "Mr J, that you?"
Her question was met with a hard slap to the face, one that sent the back of her head bouncing off the wall behind her. Before she even had a chance to recover from the slap she was hoisted off her feet by a strong hand around her neck and the Joker's white face appeared out of the darkness. Level with her own despite standing a foot taller than her.
"Don't… EVER… call me that." He spat, pulling her forwards and slamming her back into the wall again.
"Ow." Kat snapped, bringing up her knees and kicking him hard in the stomach.

She landed on the floor seconds later with a thump.
"Point received." She sniffed, getting to her feet and dusting herself off. "What can I call you then?"
"Joker."
"I didn't know you did rescue operations." She grinned, poking the corpse with the toe of her boot. "Not that I really need rescuing, but still the thought was there? Although you know I could have done a much better job, there'd be more blood. More screaming. More pain. A knife through the neck isn't really all that original y'know?"
He didn't answer, just grabbed her arm and started to drag here away, fingers digging into the soft skin there. Realising there was no point in arguing, or even commenting on the situation Kat followed him, easily matching his long strides.
"I'm going to play a little joke on my old… friend… Batsy." He explained as they went along.
"Uh huh, keep going."
"You are a part of it. Seeing as you're a real laydee."
Kat's eyes lit up. This would be fun. Part of a plot to take down the Batman as devised by non other than his arch enemy, never in her wildest dreams would she have thought of anything so exciting. She turned to look at the Joker carefully, a smile spreading across her lips.
"Do explain more." She laughed. "I'm just dying to hear all about it."

The plan had been explained. The scene was set.

Kat's skin tingled with a dizzy mixture of excitement and anticipation as she walked down the street. She was thankful for all her early training as an actress. She hated to lie, but lying was different to acting and acting she loved. She wondered for a moment whether Batman was really a fantastic actor or everyone was just too blind to realise who he really was. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear the clown coming up behind her and was so taken by surprise when he grabbed her, a small squeak leaving her lips.
From that moment on she was in full acting mode.
"Oh god! Oh no! Someone help!" She wailed, putting as much emotion into her voice as she possibly could. "Oh please don't hurt me! I'll do anything! HELP!"
She hoped that she was loud enough for the Bat to hear. He'd been spotted in this area before by one of the Joker's other goons, which was why she was down this alleyway screaming her head off, hoping to lure him into a trap.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of silver, the clown had withdrawn a small blade. Kat found herself having to fight two urges at once. The strongest was her urge to defend herself, to take that knife and dig it hard into the man's body, to wreak havoc as she was so used to doing. But on top of that she also had to fight to keep the glint from her eye, that perverted masochistic pleasure she took from the close proximity of the knife to her flesh. The pleasant sting of pain as it dug into her skin.
"Oh god someone please help! He has a knife." She screamed, raising her voice even more.
By now she was sure people across the street could hear her, although she was sure no one would help even if they did. The Joker was a big presence on the streets and no one wanted to intervene in case it was him. 'Aren't Bats supposed to have good hearing?' She thought to herself exasperated. She was getting tired of this act, she wanted action. She hadn't been the victim of anything for more than a minute or so in years.

There was the swoosh of a cape and a thud of feet behind her. Both of them whirled around, the clown dragging her around with him, the blade digging hard into her ribs. She could feel it tear her clothes and puncture the flesh and she made a quick mental note to remind the Joker he owed her a new shirt.
"Let her go."
Kat fought the urge to roll her eyes at the great bat. He was just so pretentious with his ridiculous deep voice and throwing orders around the place like he owned it. It was completely bloody insane and she couldn't even think of one reason why anyone would think he was so good for Gotham at all. But, she firmly reminded herself, that was not who she was right now. Right now she was one of those stupid girls who swooned over men in tight suits and flappy capes.
"Oh thank god you came! Please help me!" She gasped.
It would have helped if she was able to cry, but unfortunately even her powers of acting didn't extend that far. The clown loosened his grip on her slightly, preparing for the punch that was to come. She could feel him slide the blade down back into the knife, digging the handle a little harder into her to make things look real. It was all one huge joke, a giant celebration of their acting skills. She couldn't help but smile as she heard the collision just about her head. The thud of skin on skin and the subtle crunch of body against brick. The alley air rushed around her, dancing against her skin and the hole in her jacket.
"Are you okay?"
She looked up at the Bat and smiled, the malicious grin really reaching her eyes this time. For the first time since it had happened she was really and truly thankful for the fact she had met the Joker as she darted forwards and jabbed the needle into the flesh of his neck where he wasn't protected by the thick armour.
"Sweet dreams." She giggled, standing over the Batman as his vision swam and blurred and he went crashing to the floor.

When Batman came to again he found himself strapped into a chair, thick leather restraints biting into his arms and legs. He struggled hard against them, the vision of the petite dark-haired girl coming to the forefront of his mind. A trap. It had all been a trap.
"Sleeping Beauty awakes."
His head whipped around. The shadowed corner of the room he could just about make out a figure. He peered closer, narrowing his eyes a little to try and get the clearest vision he could. The girl!
"You!" He spat.
"Ooh I think I made an impression." She giggled, stepping out of the shadows and walking towards him, tossing a small blade between her palms. "Ah, no need to be afraid of this little thing Mr Batman Sir. The Joker told me not to kill you unless I wanted to die ten times more slowly and painfully." She paused and looked at him thoughtfully. "He never expressly mentioned not harming you though…"
"You don't want to do this."
"Do I not? Really?" Kat's voice had taken on a slightly dangerous tone underneath the mockery, one that Batman didn't fail to pick up on.
"What is it you want? The money? The fame?" He continued, eyes searching hers for some semblance of emotion, of motive.
"The entertainment value?" She added in helpfully.
"No. There have got to be better things to look forwards to than spending the rest of your life in Arkham."
Quick as a flash Kat was upon him, straddling his lap with the knife held dangerously close to his eye, digging into the flesh of his cheek. Her eyes were blazing with fury, the first real emotion he had seen in them since they started talking.
"Was that a threat?" She hissed, her face millimetres from his and her voice dangerously low. "It wouldn't be wise to threaten me with things like Arkham while you're tied up there and I'm free to move around. Plus, I have all these pretty toys."
The great caped crusader didn't flinch, much to Kat's annoyance, although she could see the faint traces of sweat on his upper lip. She didn't like the way he stared into her eyes, like he could see something there. And indeed he could. He could see the tiniest spark of fear in those green eyes. It was there for the merest fragment of a second but he's caught it.
"Something wrong with your voice all of a sudden Batty?" She hissed her breath hot against his skin.
Batman just smiled and threw his head forwards, hearing the crunch as his forehead smacked against her nose.

Kat reeled, pinching the bridge of her nose between her two fingers.
"Why the nose? Is there something so wrong with my nose that everyone thinks they should try a little DIY plastic surgery on it?" She groaned, wiping a trickle of blood away from just above her lip with the back of her hand. "The Joker definitely didn't say anything specific about not hurting you. And I must thank you, giving me good cause to call this one self defence an' all. I wonder how well bats can fly without wings. Not very well I'd wager."
She moved to the side, running her fingers over an array of fearsome looking torture instruments. Knives and needles, an array of branding irons and a propane lighter, there was even something that looked like it gave electrical shocks. He almost breathed a sigh of relief as she moved back away from the table, but she just stuck a hand in her pocket and pulled out a hunting knife and a lighter. She smiled at them lovingly and stepped towards him, frowning slightly.
"Oh dear, I think you hurt your cheek Mr Batman, oh great keeper of the peace of Gotham city!" She mocked, pointing at the incision she had made with her blade as she was knocked away from him. "We'll have to clean that up properly. Don't want you getting an infection or anything, that would be just awful for our fine city don't you think?"
She reached to the other side of him, placing her tools down on the table and picking up a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a grubby looking cloth. As she soaked the cloth and brought it towards his face just the mere smell of the alcohol made his eyes water and he tried to move his head away.
"Uh uh. No fiddling now." She scolded, dabbing the alcohol on the cut and sending fire racing through his skin. "That's much better. All clean."
"You're insane."

"Stop insulting me." She snapped, placing the bottle down and picking up the lighter and knife again. "You really are stupid aren't you? First you dare to threaten me with Arkham" a shiver ran over her skin as she repeated the name "then you start insulting me. Your reviews are far too generous."
He watched nervously as she held the blade over the frame, watching as it heated up bright red. The glow reflected off her pale skin, making her scar stand out even more. She removed the flame and stepped towards him, suddenly digging the blade into his shoulder, between two segments of his armour. He couldn't help but cry out in pain as the burning hot metal sank into him, searing the flesh and leaving a pungent smell on the air.
"That'll teach you."
The Joker, who had been watching closely, chose this moment to step in. No one else was allowed to so much as touch the Bat. Batman was his and his alone. Kat even touching a blade to his skin hadn't been part of the deal, she was only meant to restrain the brute than come and get him. But she was a woman and in his experience women never listened. So he had told the clown to inform him when the Bat arrived. Up until now he'd been happy to watch, he would have stepped in earlier when she had the blade to his cheek but he had been to interested to find out what the Bat had said that could provoke such a reaction in the girl, when even death barely made her bat an eyelid. Apparently that thing was Arkham. But now she had taken a step too many.
"WHAT do you think you are doing?" He roared, slamming the door open.
"Morning Mr J."
He advanced on her, grabbing her by her throat and hoisting her off her feet. His fingers dug in hard enough to bruise and even she choked a little under the strain, her hand flying up instinctively to his.
"I touch you not to tou-ch him. Batsy is mine," he continued, spit flying everywhere. "Do you want me to rip off your legs? That's what they do to spiders isn't it?"
Kat choked but said nothing, her eyes widening slightly. The Joker turned to see a blur of black racing past him.
"STOP HIM!" He roared, throwing Kat hard against the wall.
There was an almost sickening crunch as she collided with it and he stopped for a second. Wondering whether he had thrown her too hard. But she whimpered slightly, slithering down to the floor. He turned and headed for the door, but he'd wasted too much time. The Bat was gone.

Only hours later Kat was up an about, ignoring as best she could the steadily darkening bruises on her throat and cheek and the pain all along her left side as she moved. She'd avoided the Joker; sure he was in a foul mood and wouldn't think twice about killing her now. There were times when it amused her to wind him up and see what he'd do, and times when she decided she wasn't suicidal enough to try anything. Right now she was in the kitchen sorting out his fridge.
"I see why you want her around Boss."
The Joker looked up, narrowing his eyes as the smile dropped from his face.
"What?"
The Henchman in the clown mask quivered a little but stood straight and pursued his point, tipping his head after the figure of Kat.
"I see why you don't mind having her around; she's a bit like the other bint." He replied. "Harley whatever her name was. Just less… clingy."
The Joker snarled, his foul mood not improved the slightest by the man's comment. "Do you know why I keep you around?"
The man shook his head. "No Boss, I don't."
The Joker nodded and shook his head, pulling a stainless steel blade out of his pocket and flinging it at great speed towards the man's head. It embedded itself in his skull, sending him falling over backwards onto the ground.
"No, neither do I." He glanced at the body. "There shoulda been a joke in that."
After that he returned to his desk, but all thoughts of his grand scheme were gone. Now all he could think about was Harley, the girl who'd made him feel. Made him need her. How he'd hated that feeling, the very beginnings of love, an emotion alien to him. And now all he could think about was that his guards were linking Kat to Harley where he never had. And that meant that all he could think about now was Harley and he didn't like that one bit.
He had to get rid of her.
He toyed with the idea of tying her up and suspending her from a tall building, sending a giant weight crashing into her like a roll of newspaper.
"Squashing the spider." He cackled to himself.
But, in a rare moment of humanity, he decided that he would give her a chance to get out of his city. After all it made him chuckle to read about her antics and she had learned a lot from him. A simple death would be a waste of a good criminal.

In a moment of unusual impulsiveness he grabbed a knife from the table and marched into the kitchen, grabbing Kat by the hair and shoving the knife against her neck.
"We… we are going for a chat." He growled, dragging her towards a side door. "Say good-nigh-t to the boys."
Kat followed as quickly as she could, ignoring the shooting pains from her head being held at such a strange angle and the sensation that her hair was about to be ripped from her scalp.
"I'm being generous." He explained, pulling her out onto a main street and stopping. "This road leads straight out of Gotham. Use it."
Kat peered down the road, eyes following it as it snaked over a hill and out of sight. She figured this was the nicest thing the Joker was ever going to do for anybody – let them get away from him without dying or serious physical injury and no threat of him coming after them.
"What, no flowers? No grandiose gesture of farewell?" She asked dryly. "Not even a good joke?"
The Joker shook his head and Kat sighed, pulling her hair back into a lose ponytail. She stared at him for a few moments more, challenging him to come up with something better. He didn't. He just issued his final warning.
"If you come back and make noise in my town again you'll never leave."
He started to laugh.
Kat rolled her shoulders in a lazy shrug. "I was getting bored of this town anyway. I think I'm going to find somewhere without a dirty great bat spoiling all my plans. Perhaps I'll hit Broadway, I did always want to be in a stage show." She spat the word bat as if it left a nasty taste in her mouth.
She turned her back to him – not something many people would dare - and started to walk away, pausing as she passed an empty car. Slowly she turned, looking over her shoulder at the towering man in his purple suit, knowing deep down that she'd never come back here again.
"Y'know, ever need a place to stay away from here. Look me up. I shouldn't be too hard to find. Like you said… I like to make my fair share of noise." She grinned, easily putting her foot through the car window and opening the door. "Never did like public transport…"

"Puddin'!"
The Joker groaned with exasperation and turned as the red and black suited girl bounced up towards him, grinning broadly. For a moment he wondered whether he should have let Kat stay, got her to really bump off Harley once and for all. But when the girl jumped into his arms it was forgotten. The next thing he knew she'd punched him in the face. Hard.
"You tried to kill me!"
"No Pooh… I just sent you on… a ride." He assured her, lying through his teeth.
She didn't say anything else, just released him from her grip and looked after the car that was driving away down the street, head cocked to one side.
"Who was she puddin'?"
The Joker just shook his head. "No one. Just someone making noise in my town."
Harley said nothing more until the car zoomed out of sight, away from Gotham. Just a streak of blue on the end of the road now.
"I missed you."
Apparently the sheer fact Kat was leaving was enough for her. The Joker smiled softly, as much as he resented her for inspiring feelings in him and wanted to get rid of her half the time, as Harley nestled herself into his side he decided that really, somewhere very deep down, he liked having her around.