Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling

Warning: This story contains angst, violence, self harm and sexual situations. RATED K+ /T FOR LATER CHAPTERS
A / N: this is my first story. If you think it isn't interesting, or nor worth it I'm really sorry, because this is my first fan fiction writing. This is set after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened.

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"Harry…"

She felt her own voice echoing as a mere whisper in her head, yet the raven haired figure facing the wall froze for a tiniest moment before turning to face her. Hermione felt two familiar eyes gazing at her with un-sureness and a nervousness she was not used to while facing her... or is it regret, she really couldn't tell.

His skin was pale, a colour that could not only reached by continuous staying out of sun but repeated sleepless nights as well. The black cloths he wore clashed inhumanly with his uncovered skin in face neck and hands... His raven hair fell on to his forehead covering the legendary lightning bolt scar which she was sure he had done by purpose. Dark circles under his eyes were visible even behind his usual round framed spectacles. His eyes fixed on her. And she looked at him without blinking as if afraid he might vanish to the thin air if she did so. She felt her eyes fill as he gazed back at her dumb folded as she was. But finally he spoke taking a step forward as if not sure he was doing the right thing.

"Hermione' he muttered '...it's been long…" he swallowed, but that was all she needed. She dragged her frozen feet to him, and crashed on to him open armed drowning herself in a hug. He was lost to her since so long, without any trace. He could have been anywhere, faced uttermost horror of loneliness as she had or worse … but this was not the time to ask, she knew.

She felt him stiffen with her sudden physical contact, but slowly his hands came around her and she tightened her grip letting down tears of anguish of two year pass down her cheeks silently.

She did not know how long they stayed like that but remembering McGonagalls' words on Harry being not well, she straighten and stepped slightly back gazing at his face clutching his hand by her, not yet ready to go.

'Are you unwell?… professor McGonagall told ...'

'I'm fine now' he said getting his gaze to an expressionless calmness.

'Mr. Potter..' said McGonagall hastily reminding Hermione that their professor was still there. There was a clear alarm in her voice, and a sternness that she almost forgot that they were far from their Hogwarts years.

'It is acceptable that you are concerned not to worry your friend, but delaying the necessary measures that should be taken immediately ' ... 'Professor… please' Harrys' voice was suddenly tiresome as if he had been arguing for too long. He let go of her hand clasping his own face lightly, 'you don't have to worry …'

'Not worry Mr. potter?... last night-'

'Last night.. I was too tired,.. and my defenses were low… it won't happen again'..

he sounded irritated than tired as he cut the professors words short.

'…I'll see to that'

he said looking at Hermione before fixing his gaze on the floor with a sigh.

'I hope you both will... .' muttered McGonagall with a fixed gaze on Harry before nodding her and leaving the room.

Hermione didn't move an inch.

'What was that?' she asked smoothly not wanting to make the moment more tiresome to Harry than it already was. Sooner or later she knew she had to get in to the bottom of this.

Harry looked at her without turning his face from the downward direction.

There was something haunting in his emerald green, which, a part of her suddenly trembled for a second seeing it.

'Harry... .' she felt it sounded as if she was unsure this was the real Harry, who tried to live at its best not wallow in whatsoever miseries after the chaos he faced in his fifth year at Hogwarts, who usually wore his heart on the sleeve for his best friends.

'Harry ..' she tried again, drawing closer to him. He straightened as she stood in front of her and looked past her. 'what's going on..?'

He turned sideways from her with a sigh, clutching the upper edge of his nose between eyes. The long sleeve of his shirt dropped slightly down, revealing rims of angry red cut marks around his wrist. Hermione froze. They did not seem two days old. He sure was hiding them, and didn't know that she saw.

'Harry wha… '

'Later.. 'He said turning to her with a light smile which looked alien on his face now. She opened her mouth to object but his whole attention turned to her,.. she knew his eyes told that this is not the time.

She felt somewhat an invisible barrier between them as if they cannot touch each others' skin.

It was an awkward silence.

This was not the image she had of them,.. if they ever met. But the years they spent apart was haunting them, behind closed doors of experiences they had to endure without each other. It was their catastrophe in friendship, pushed to them by the loss of their lives.

But in the end Harry broke the silence.

'How are you doing Hermione?' he asked as if she was the one who anyone should be concerned about.

This wall should be broken.. She knew that much. She had to go smooth, giving him time to reveal things in his own ground as always.

'Me..? … not so bad.., if you consider isolation is bliss…' she gave him a sad smile. He kept his gaze unmoving at her. 'It is... in a way' she heard her saying 'but everything is turning to be a bad dream we cannot awake..hasn't it?'

'How's Ron?'

She sighed. 'Coping up I guess, though Charlies' death affected him badly, and you going missing in the same time…'

she didn't want to sound complaining. He had his own life to safeguard with a mad man chasing around. 'Bill said he is a bit frustrated lately..'

'Can't see why that is' said Harry with a light smile though he couldn't hide the slight bitterness in the tone.

His eyes went to her dress, isn't she overdressed to the occasion.. she suddenly felt cold being reminded that she was not wearing her usual robe which had come to a second nature to her.

'You look …' he looked at her lightly and Hermione wondered whether that is just a mask he got used to. 'What's the occasion.. you look as if you are all ready to graduate again..'

he asked casualness dragging too much in to it.

'Slughorns' put up a Christmas party… think McGonagall thought best way to distract my absence around is to fake a presence there.. Though I did go there' she went on. She told him about the meeting she had with Bill and Dean, and their argument.

'..Dean knew something was going on. He suspected your involvement because he's familiar with the presence of invisibility cloak… and he can't be the only one.' She looked at him concerned.

'They don't know that I'm here'

he said with such a certainty and a coldness that Hermione didn't know what to say.

He looked at her 'And this would be the last place they'll look… isn't it' he added in an apologizing tone as if he offended her.

'who else knows I'm here?'

'McGonagall you me.. and Lupin I guess..' she said lightly not taking her eyes off him.

Harry sighed as if he was tired, and sat on the bed looking at her leaning forward and smiled sadly. Was it for the years they missed their friendship, lives… or for the reason he had to abandon their struggle against the dark side.. or was it because of the hopelessness he saw in every eye he looked in to…? She couldn't guess.

' ..Harry..' she couldn't stand this anymore.

This falseness between them is stretching to an extent where she hardly felt this is her friend anymore… she sat down turning to face him, her left knee almost touching his leg. Her hand clasped his, on the smooth bedspread. His skin was cold as if he was out in the snow.

'Where were you Harry?'

She couldn't control the downright hurt and concern in her tone.

'…I tried every single way… but no one knew… at least whether you were alright… I could have lived with that'

.. She felt her tears pouring down her cheeks.. She couldn't see Harrys' face. But suddenly Harry moved, his head resting on her shoulder. His eyes closed and he did not say a word. Hermione felt her tears fall free. She raised her hand and rested her hand lightly on his cheek which felt cold as his hand. He nestled to her as he was desperate for her warmth, as if it was the only thing left for him in the world. The silence flowing now was the unspoken words of emotion and warm friendship which they had so longed, in front of the face of horrific malice destined for their lives.

How long they stayed like that.. she didn't know. She didn't want this moment to end. Yet suddenly Harry removed her hand from his face with a slight tremble in his hand and got up, without looking back at her he walked to the washroom. Hermione watched his dropped head and slightly slumped shoulders in a stunned silence. Still not looking at her he turned the handle opening it and paused.

'….see you tomorrow Hermione' His voice was controlled, and strained.

Harry disappeared behind the door.

...

So any comments…? Please heed the warnings for the next chapter