Just a quick AN, I just want to say thank you to all those who review this fanfic and my other ones too, it means a lot that people take their time out and write a few words, whether you enjoy the updates or not, I always get reviews which are either praising my work or constructive criticism, and I take all feedback on board but recently I have had a review from someone who I assume is the same person who sent me a PM and then deactivated their account, if you don't like my fic's then please don't read but if you do read then please refrain from posting a review, if you want to spew your venom, go somewhere else or make an account which you don't deactivate and I shall more than be willing to have a few not so nice words of my own.
Thanks to the rest my lovely readers and hope you all enjoy. It's my longesssst chapter ever.
Chapter 4
Natalie was a very strong women but Brax was a weakness she could not deny how much this man was having an effect on her, the way his lips moved simultaneously with hers, to her they were the perfect fit but she didn't realise that even though Brax cared for her, lots, she would never ever come close to the bond he shared with Charlie.
Losing herself as Brax moved his lips towards the nape of her neck, she couldn't help herself but moan his name, expecting him to continue with his ministrations he did, but it was different, there was something about him, it was like before when they made out, he always held back a little but he was letting his full force out today.
There was a reason for this; Brax had never felt so comfortable in any relationship as much as he had done with Charlie, with Natalie he always held back, but today the lips were different, the feel of her body was different, the way her head moved to the side whilst he kissed her, it was all different but it felt like he was with Charlie, she was here, that feeling resided in the pit of his stomach, that jitteriness was there. He grabbed Natalie's waist, puling her closer, her hands automatically travelled towards the back and she gripped his t –shirt ready to pull it off, as her skin touched his, he breathed in as he moved his lips, and through the little gap between his lips and Natalie's, with his hitched breath he let the name escape easily,
''Charlie''
Almost instantly he was pushed back,
''what did you just call me?'' Natalie asked, there was no point Brax denying it, he knew what he had said and what she had heard,
''I'm sorry, it just came out'' he tried to grab her arms but she took a step back, the tears were threatening to escape and right that moment Brax realised how much this women actually loves him,
'Brax I can't do this'' she didn't stop the tear that fell,
''I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say''
''you never know what to say when it comes to explaining your feelings to me'' she spoke and there was a little anger there,
''I... Nat... I like...''
''No Brax you use me for sex!'' she said a little harsher than she intended, he just shrugged his shoulders and he twisted the space around his finger where normally there used to be a ring.
''you know what Brax, I'm done, I can't compete with a ghost, you clearly still have feelings for her, I know it is hard but you need to get over her''
The words she said pierced through him, how could he get over her, did this women know what she was asking from him?
'I can't, I just can't'' he was angry at what she said but it was the truth, she really was competing with a ghost.
-x-
Amelia ran down the stairs and out of the surf club, going around the corner, she hurled, and vomited on the floor, when Brax (she wasn't even sure if this was his name) said Charlie, it sent a spark through her body, it rolled of his tongue so easily, and it made her all hot and fuzzy inside, almost like when you meet the love of your life for the first time and you have that nervousness but you know everything is going to be good.
Wiping her face clean with a tissue she found in her pocket, she pushed her hair back, a little sweat residue on her forehead making some stray hairs stick, pushing them back she turned around and made her way back to her caravan. Sitting down on the bed, she played with her fingers, she was agitated, getting tired of sitting, she spun her legs around and lay on the bed, she tried to piece together the puzzle but she couldn't, the women from the diner told her she resembled a Charlie Buckton and that's why she was shocked, she refused to tell her anymore, but did give her address in case Amelia ever needed to speak. What Amelia didn't understand was if this woman refused to tell her anything then why she thought Amelia might ever need to speak to her was contradictory. She just couldn't understand. Amelia was not strong enough for this, yes she had come to summer bay for answers, maybe help her discover her past but this was proving to be more difficult then she thought.
The only place she could find answers was with Irene and that's what she was going to do, she walked out of her caravan and began the short walk back to diner.
Half way across, she saw a women, and just by looking at her she instantly recognised her as the women from the restaurant, she smiled at Amelia and began to walk over,
''hi, new around here''
''yes'' Amelia replied, there was something about this town, everyone was so nice and approaching that it made Amelia question whether this place was real.
''I'm Natalie, fairly new here myself''
''Amelia''
''nice, so what brings you here, work or just passing by''
''a bit of both'
''I'm off to meet a friend, would you like to grab a coffee with us''
''erm I wouldn't like to intrude'' Amelia replied honestly,
''no she won't mind at all''
''if you're sure''
''yes I am'' both women began the short walk to the diner, upon entering Irene wasn't anywhere to be seen and Amelia assumed she was on her break, what she did notice and so did Natalie was the quizzical look that they were getting from the girl which had been in the diner earlier.
Natalie waved at her before walking up to the counter,
''could I get a flat white please Sasha and…'' she turned to look at Amelia,
''could I get the same please'' Amelia said felling rather awkward at the way Sasha was looking at the two of them,
''Amelia you grab a seat and I will bring them over'' she didn't need telling twice, Amelia walked over to a table and sat looking at the menu, trying to ignore what the two women were saying, but she could hear it all,
''Nat do you know who that is'' Sasha asked her school councillor,
''yes its Amelia''
''nooo, nooo that's no Amelia, that's Charlie'' Sasha tried to whisper but Amelia heard it, thinking to herself great another person now thinking she is Charlie,
''what are you talking about Sasha, is everything okay, do you want to talk?'' Natalie automatically went into her councillor mode,
'no, pffft I'm fine but trust me, that's Charlie, as in Charlie Buckton, you know the Charlie'' Sasha motioned with her hands across her throat to imply dead.
Amelia looked down trying to look busy and acting like she didn't hear anything, whilst Natalie looked from Amelia to Sasha and then she noticed Irene had come in and just by the look that was splayed on Irene's face she knew it was the truth. Was this a cruel joke, she couldn't get her head around it and instead she rushed out of the diner not before bumping into a blonde women,
''whoa, Nat steady on'' the women spoke and then looked across to Irene who shook her head and motioned for the blonde women to come in,
''what's up with Natalie?''
''Bianca'' Irene raised her eyebrows and looked over to where Amelia sat, her hair was in front of her face and she was unaware of the scene that was playing out near the entrance, she lifted her head up thinking it had been a while since they had ordered coffees and see what the hold up was, looking over, she noticed Natalie wasn't there any more, instead a blonde women stood in her place, as soon as the women saw Amelia her hand flew to her mouth and with the other she grasped onto the counter top steadying herself.
-x-
He sat in the same spot as he had sat the numerous times before, right next to her grave, he nursed the bottle in his hand, he took a swig and he just couldn't get himself to look at the picture of hers that adorned the grave. He would have accepted everything that was thrown at him, every ounce of pain, he would have, his love for her was that strong, one he had never felt but given the chance all he wanted to do was to have said goodbye, then she could have gone, wherever she pleased, even if she died he would have dealt with it but this was different, there was no farewell words spoken, she was gone before he knew it and he didn't know why, everyone loses someone but no one knows what it means to lose her, she was his everything.
He couldn't help himself he picked up the bottle which had slid out of his hands and was slowly emptying itself onto the ground, he picked it up and threw it, the noise echoed around the area, prying himself of the ground he went back to his car and made his way back to the bay.
He didn't know why he did it, why he put himself through the pain, why when ever the going got tough, he made it harder for himself and would find himself sat at her grave. It was not like there were any answers there.
He made his way home and he sat down on the couch, turned on the telly, maybe meaningless daytime shows would take his mind of everything, everything he knew in his life had gone, he really did have nothing left.
Just as he slouched into the couch, the front door swung open, no warning and in she stormed,
''did you know'' she screamed at him,
''did I know what Nat'' he asked quite shocked at her outburst, fair to say it was the first he had ever seen like that,
''did you know that your precious dead girlfriend is not actually dead!?''
It felt like a thousand volt current went through him, his whole body numbed with her words and all he could do was sit there and let the words rip through him.
-x-
In the diner a different scene played out, Bianca sat with Amelia's hand in hers, the grip a little too tight for Amelia's liking but Bianca couldn't let go in fear of losing her best friend. Amelia wanted to argue but she didn't have the energy to keep telling these people she was not who they claimed she was, and this time there was also another reason she had refrained from arguing about who she was because when Amelia saw Bianca, there was a feeling of familiarity reside in her like she knew this person, it was not like before where she was trying to make the link between herself and the people, this was a natural feeling which made Amelia question whether there was something.
''Charlie where are you staying, you can stay with us, Irene won't mind, you can bunk with me, oh my god Charlie I'm so happy your back'' Bianca spoke without taking a breath, Amelia couldn't help but smile nervously,
''thank you but I have a caravan rented''
''don't be silly, your living with us, end of. Oh my wait has anyone told Ruby, have you seen Brax?''
''Bianca darl lets not bombard Amelia with all this information'' Irene came and stood behind Bianca and smiled at Amelia, she understood that Bianca was happy to have her friend back but this must be overwhelming to say the least for Charlie or Amelia.
''But Irene…''
''no buts now come on there is somewhere Amelia needs to be''
Amelia smiled and mouthed thank you, ''after we spoke this morning, I went to get some information and I think there is someone you need to go see''
-x-
Amelia looked around and wondered why they were at the police station, but she trusted that Irene knew what she was doing so she followed her in, as soon as Amelia and Irene entered the station, there was a few sudden gasps and Amelia instantly recognised the women sat on the chair,
''hey Georgia, what brings you here?'' Amelia asked the women,
''you remember her?'' Bianca questioned Amelia, who had also accompanied them,
''yes I work with her''
''I work with Amelia in Sydney, I volunteered to leave and…''
''there will be a chance to explain later Georgina'' a voice laced with authority spoke from the office doorway; it was just readable on his badge Inspector Joyce.
''if you would please follow me and we shall make light of this situation''
Inspector Joyce, Irene Roberts, Bianca Scott and Georgina Watson all followed each other into the room, Amelia stood rooted to the spot, it had only then dawned on her that her whole life was about to be revealed to her, was she ready for this. This is everything that she had wanted for as long as she could remember, she now for the first time in her life realised she had a choice, find out who she was or whether to go back and live in Sydney the life she had learnt to accept. Even that life seemed to have been a lie, Georgia a fellow colleague was in actual fact someone else, she took a deep breath and walked into the room, she wanted to know was she really Charlie Buckton or Amelia Carter.
''I know this might be confusing, but it's simple, this is Amelia Carter, she is 30 years old, she was adopted at the age of 2, her medical records state she was in an accident at the age of 27 which killed her parents and she lost her memory'' the inspector took a breath before looking at everyone in the room,
''but this isn't the truth is it?'' Bianca spoke with anger,
''I'm afraid it isn't, you have to all understand this was a decision we had to make for the safety of various people''
Georgia scoffed at this which resulted the inspector throwing her a look,
''continue'' Georgia muttered,
''this is Charlie, Charlie the women that we all knew as sergeant Buckton, everyone knows what happened to her, when we got an inkling that there was a chance of her making a full recovery, we had to step in, make sure we protected her and the people around her, our hands were tied and we had to put her into witness protection, I know this might be hard for everyone to grasp but it had to be done' he stressed
''but why was no one told'' Irene questioned,
''no one was told because quite frankly we assumed when Charlie regained consciousness she would be able to make her decision on who to inform, however…''
''she lost her memory'' Bianca interrupted,
''yes some may say it was inconvenient, but for us this worked in our favour, it was easier to make her a new life than explain her old one''
''so how did you end up there?'' Bianca turned to Georgia now, the anger was evident and you could tell this women was trying to contain it,
''Georgia left the force when she realised what we were doing and refused to make us aware of her whereabouts until we decided to check on Amelia one day and found that Georgia was working alongside Charlie to protect her, to be close to her or whatever reason she was there''
''so you're telling me, you gave her a new life, with no protection to protect someone who is supposedly dead, so you made her Amelia so you could protect Brax and Ruby and Charlie from Jake but never accustomed to the idea that she looks identical to Charlie making her still a target, you really are a brainless twat!'' Bianca screamed at the inspector,
''Miss Scott I will not be spoken to like that, I will have you know that I did all this to protect a member of my department''
''protect, we could have protected her, Br….''
''I am going to ask you to please be quiet or leave'' he interrupted before Bianca could finish her sentence,
''why won't you tell her, oh this is good, you're scared she will remember him and then… is the inspector slightly scared that the eldest river boy will be after him?'' Bianca taunted,
''I am not scared for my safety, like I said I did this to protect, and the reason I am not mentioning him is because there is a lot of information that needs to be processed for Charlie..''
''Amelia''
In the whole time they had been sat here talking, words had been exchanged between everyone but Amelia, who had remained quiet; she occasionally dusted the table for imaginary fluff, a habit she had picked up, she only spoke now when it got too much for her,
''Amelia, my name is Amelia, I might look like this Charlie you all speak off, but my name is Amelia'' she tried to reassure herself as well as justify who she was, she wasn't doing a good job because the doubt was there in her voice, the way it wavered when she said the name Amelia,
''I know it's a lot of information…''
''no you listen to me'' she slammed her hands on the table, the first time ever she let her guard down,
''you listen to me, I appreciate that this Charlie women looked like me, or I look like her or whatever, but me, I don't know who I am, where I have come from and the worst thing is my life doesn't exist before the 11th February 2012, anything before then is a blur, I am an orphan, the worst thing is there is no record of me in any part of the Australian database, I am so alone, I have no one and I am always engulfed in this emptiness, so without being rude, I want to leave and maybe try get my head around this, whether I am this women you claim I am or whether I am Amelia Carter, the women with the unknown identity… I just want to go'' the anger had gone and instead she swallowed her tears, and for the first time ever Amelia spoke about herself in a way she never had done before
''and this Jake, Ruby, river boy or whatever you talk about I don't know who they are!''
Her words pierced through them, the resemblance was identical but there was a broken woman who had for the first time in her existence spoke about how she feels. They knew something was amiss and her life was a puzzle to her but the question remained who would piece the puzzle together?
-x-
''what did you just say?'' he snarled at her, she had seen most of his forms but this, this was different, she had come in like a raging bull but the way his stance changed, the way his eyes burned, the way he stood so far away from her but felt like he was empowering her, she felt scared,
''What kind of joke is this, just because I don't love you, you decide to come into my house and say something like that''
''I'm sorry Brax, I am but believe me, I've seen her''
''will you god damitt shut up and get out'' he picked up the closest thing to himself which was a bottle of beer he threw it across the room, hitting the wall, the glass broke and the wall now had a brown liquid travelling down. He put his head back and rubbed his hand across them before he looked over to her again,
''are you deaf, I asked you to leave''
''Please Brax you need to believe me'' she pleaded with him,
''she's telling the truth'' the voice changed, Brax and Natalie both looked across to the doorway where Bianca stood,
''I've seen her too''
He couldn't contain the anger once again and bellowed,
''what kind of mind fuck is this''
''Brax''
''don't, her I understand, she didn't know Charlie so making up this vile lie about her is easy, but you, supposedly her best friend, how can you say this. SHE IS DEAD!'' he was angry but he couldn't help himself feeling that ache that was now there knowing how true the words were, she was dead.
''I know Brax, but please, I have seen her, spoke to her, she is not…''
''please what Bianca, she is dead, you don't know, but I was there, I saw her lying on the ground! I tried to pump her chest back to life, I had her blood on my hand, I watched the life go out of her in that hospital, holding her hand, it was me there not you, so don't you come here and tell me she is alive'' this was the first time he spoke about the way she died, that day, what he found, the days following and then how he lived each day, still lives each day like there is nothing wrong.
''Brax I know this is hard for you to get your head around but please listen to me''
He couldn't take it anymore instead he fell backwards into the couch and he let the tear roll down, from his peripheral vision he saw Natalie move a little,
''you will never get it will you ever, even though I know she is gone, it doesn't mean I can accept it, its common sense to live each day but what does anyone know, I go through each day with this feeling'' he wasn't speaking to anyone particular, he was just talking to himself, realising finally the enormity of losing the one he loved, he looked up to see that his three brothers had now joined the two women and they all just looked at him, stared with pity. It was a different experience for all of them.
Bianca had never seen this side of Brax ever, she knew Charlie was a big part of his life but this was more than that.
Natalie realised that their whole relationship was a form of escapism for him, she felt slightly hurt at how little she means to him.
Kyle just watched a man who so far had shown so much control, strength but everyone had their weaknesses.
Casey and Heath both looked at their brother, their heart tore a little because no matter how much he shouted at them, beat them, set them on the right path, there was no denying that he had always been there for the two of them. Heath looked at his brother and he almost wanted to laugh at how roles had been changed, he didn't look like the calm and controlled man who led a team, instead he looked like a man who had been through the biggest war, fought by himself and he had just come to the point of winning but whatever the girls had said to him broke him, he was on the verge of losing it.
-x-
Sitting in Angelo's she thought about the day, how it had started and how it had panned out and now she was sat here mulling over the very little she knew about her life, she picked up the manila coloured envelope and emptied its contents, papers fell out, masses of paper and a ring, she looked at the ring, it looked too big to be one of hers, it was definitely man sized, it was not very special looking, it didn't even look expensive but it obviously meant something if it was with these papers. She took the first page and studied it carefully, there was 2 pictures on the front, there was no doubt it was her in both of them, one had brown hair, long, slight curls and the caption underneath said Charlie Buckton, the second picture was of how she looked now, her ombre hair and underneath it said Amelia Carter. Towards the bottom in big font it said witness protection. She began to flick through the pages and read everything, not with great depth but just skimming past it all. When she felt that she had had enough she popped everything back into the envelope but the ring, she put that on her finger, it was really loose but she clasped it so it wouldn't fall off. She walked out of the restaurant, the sun had dipped low by now and the sky was neither dark nor light, it just burnt orange. She let the cool summer evening breeze seep its way around her body. Walking towards the pathway to the beach she stopped and sat on the fence, looking out to the rest of the bay, she could see a few people entering the restaurant, and a few people walking doing their own thing, in the distance she could see a male figure just walking, looking absent mindly as he walked towards her direction. That feeling in the pit of her stomach was back and she couldn't help herself but to stare at this man, who himself was staring straight back at her, he looked right through her, past the exterior, past the insides and right down to her soul and she could feel something that she had never felt, it was so hard to explain, her whole body was engulfed in a warmth yet she could feel the cold.
-x-
He walked out of the house, he couldn't take it anymore, he walked along the outskirts of the bay first, there was no peace, so he decided to go towards the beach, maybe there he would feel calm, try to get his head around why Natalie and Bianca would say what they did.
As he walked along, he could see a lone figure, a female sat on the fence, and from such a distance he couldn't make out who she was but as he got closer there was no doubt, if his eyes were deceiving and showing him what he wanted to see well then the feeling that had taken over his body was saying something too. He walked closer, thinking any minute now she will disperse into thin air, but she didn't. The feeling got stronger, his whole body surrounded with this tenderness. His body was turning into jelly, he couldn't get himself to walk towards her but he had too, he pushed himself and now he stood merely a few yards from her. He couldn't decipher whether this was a figure of his imagination. The feeling in his stomach had now intensified 10 folds, his heart beat threatened to deafen him, his hands he could feel the perspiration.
The resemblance was uncanny, she had the same pouted lips, the same blue eyes, those eyes, they stared right back at him, piercing his inside, those blue eyes which had the capability of driving any man insane; those eyes that he had first seen of hers and then he had madly fallen in love with her. They were the same eyes, but he could see beyond them, he could see all the way inside her, she was gaunt and there was a mystery surrounding her. He knew if it really was her then he would-be fixed, his broken heart with the missing piece, would be complete, but the biggest thing was that feeling of being alone would go, it had already began to slip away and he could feel himself being consumed by something that had left when she had supposedly died. Love.
He tried to get her name out, but it was proving difficult, it had been too long and even though she looked like she was broken, he could see the spark, without thinking about his actions, he didn't have the ability to do anything other than kiss her. He moved forward, grabbed her face with his hands, he didn't mean to be forceful, but her head jerked forward, his lips latched onto hers, the two of them moulded together, like they never had been apart, a sense of euphoria consuming the two of them in a bubble, he moved one of his hands down towards her waist, she definitely had lost weight, he could feel her bones, or maybe that's how long it had been since he felt her that this is how they always were. He felt his face break into smile as they continued to kiss. At first he didn't realise but now that he was trying to make sense of the situation, and what was happening. What he thought was Charlie gripping his body and clawing at him was her trying to touch his body but he was mistaken as she was in fact trying to push him away, he couldn't understand why she was doing this.
Amelia finally managed to push him away, she couldn't believe this man, how dare he kiss her, what was it with this place. She looked at his confused face, and she admits she kissed him back at first, it just felt so real, the way they morphed together but then she realised she was kissing a stranger, in all the time she was trying to push him away she had kept hold of the ring that was on her finger and now he stood there staring at her and then the ring.
''Charlie...'' he spoke,
''Charlie, it's me Brax'' he had picked up on the confusion on her face,
''Charlie it's me Brax, I love you'' he told her again, trying to reach for her, she pushed him back,
''I can't deal with this, I'm not Charlie, and...'' she didn't know how to continue, she knew nothing about this man, nothing at all, and here he was declaring his love to her,
''Charlie...''
''its Amelia, please my name is Amelia'' she was getting sick of correcting everyone.
''Charlie please tell me you know who I am?'' he asked still trying to move towards her,
''please'' she could feel the hurt in his voice,
''I'm sorry'' she told him honestly,
''you don't remember me?'' she just looked at him rub his hands across his face,
''wow, you don't remember me'' he said it again, he continued to repeat the words until they merely became whispers, she looked at him, and as much as she willed her mind and her body to remember him, she just couldn't,
''I'm sorry'' she was barely audible but he heard her. He looked like he was in a state of shock.
He thought his heart had broken when she had passed away. He thought that was it. He had suffered it. He had endured the worst pain there was. He didn't think anything could ever rip him apart again. He was wrong. How very wrong.
She didn't remember him, she didn't remember anything about him, she couldn't remember any of the times they spent together, the journey they went through to be together, but him. He remembered everything, and even now he was still infatuated by her, he was still in love with her. He dropped his hands and with defeat walked away, there was nothing he could do, she was back, it was her, but she was different.
As he walked away he tried to hide the hurt, the noise of his soul being ripped apart again, it was deafening but he tried to mute everything, he just couldn't handle this. Amelia watched as he walked away. He didn't speak, he didn't acknowledge her, he just walked away.
That was the one thing about true love, no matter how much you try to hide a feeling, or an emotion, the one thing that can never be hidden is when you are crippled from inside and Amelia could see that in Brax, but she was yet to figure out why she could see this and why did it pain her when he walked away...
-x-
Sorry I kind of might have lost track on how long this chapter is... I wanted to split it into 2 but then there wasn't enough writing. There are something's in this chapter I love and others I'm not so sure about, please review and let me know if you would have liked it differently.
As always thanks for reading