Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Thanks again for understanding my little name mix up. At least I got Emily right! R&R!!!
Selfish Fool
"J-Jacob, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?" of course something was
wrong. I had a vampire up in my room and a werewolf at my door getting even more
furious by the second. This was not going to end well.
"Where is that bloodsucker?!" he stormed with anger.
"Jacob, please, Calm down." God only knows what will happen if Jacob loses control of
his anger. After what he did to Laurent, I have no idea what he could possibly do to
Edward…
Jacob began to shake violently and uncontrollably. It was only a matter of time until he
lost all control.
"Careful now, Black. You wouldn't want to hurt Bella," A voice erupted behind us. It was
Edward. Was he insane!!! "I'm right here." He spoke flatly.
"What are you doing here!?!" Jacob demanded pushing past me and into the house.
"Bella, you might want to leave," Edward recommended, doubting Jacob's self control.
"She's fine! Now, what are you doing here?" Jacob's frustration was rising. His tremors
became stronger and more frequent. I started to think that maybe Edward was right.
Maybe I should leave.
"I came to see Bella," he stated.
"Bella?" Jacob said directing the question at me.
"She didn't know I was coming, I just did." Edward interrupted.
"Stay out of my head!" Jacob commanded. "Why did you come back? Don't you think
you caused her enough pain? Did you think that by coming back here and saying a few
fancy words it would make everything right?!" he was right though. Even if Edward did
come back, it doesn't erase the past.
"Edward… he's right," I whispered with sorrow. "It kills me to admit it, but he's right. It
doesn't make everything right. I don't know what can."
"You think I don't know that. Bella, that's why I'm here, that's what I'm trying to do. That's
what I will do. I didn't want to see you hurt. I was putting you in danger by even existing,
Bella. Would you have rather died or have me leave?" he questioned hurt. He didn't
seem to care that Jacob was here. He was standing directly in front of me clasping my
shoulders with icy marble hands, making my heart race.
"I would rather die," I said immediately. I didn't have to think about that answer. I was
already dying being away from him, no matter what I did.
They both stared at me in shock, especially, Jacob. After all he did for me; he didn't
deserve to hear this. I kept a straight face meeting Edward's gaze. I don't even think I
was blinking. I just kept staring at him and him and Jacob at me.
"This is why I left, Bella. I was putting you in constant danger. You don't understa-"
"I understand perfectly," I began screaming. "In case you haven't notice it's not your
choice. It's mine. If I want to put myself in constant danger, than I will. But you have no
say in that matter. You might have had an opinion before but now you have nothing."
"Bella-" he said softly. His eyes were screaming with agony. The hole began to burn but I
didn't dare show any emotion.
"Leave!!" I commanded screaming louder than necessary, the hole beginning to tear
open wider and wider. The pain was unbearable. I was making the most stupid decision
of my life. "You too, Jacob." I said lower but my voice still retaining its original anger. I
just needed to be alone.
Jacob could tell I meant it. I didn't want to yell at him. But I needed to be alone, I couldn't
take anymore of this and any moment I was going to explode with cries of pain, agony,
and anger. He quickly got the message and calmly walked out the door without
complaint.
"I did that to you," Edward said mostly to himself. I couldn't bear to look into his suffering
eyes.
Oh, god. Edward read Jacob's mind again didn't he? I thought nervously.
"I told you to stay out of my head!" Jacob yelled from the doorway.
Edward ignored him. "I'm sorry, Bella. You have no idea how sorry I am." And with his
last words he disappeared. He was out of the house and gone… again.
"I'm sorry you have to go through with this again, Bella," Jacob spoke compassionately.
He shook even more violently than he was before. "I can understand if you want to stay
home tomorrow. Just promise to put on a good face for Charlie. I won't mention
anything. Not even to Sam."
"Thank you," I sobbed. There was no way I could through with this again.
Jacob gave me a small sincere smile and shut the door. I was completely alone now.
What have I done?
"What have I done!?!?!?!?" I screeched so loud that is hurt my throat. "You idiot! What
the hell were you thinking??? He was trying to apologize and you just threw it in his face.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN!!!! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!!!" I
sobbed to myself. I bet everyone could hear my frantic screams. I'm sure even Jacob
could hear me. I didn't care if the world could hear! I didn't care about anything! I just did
the most stupid thing in the world!!! What? Have? I? Done?
My sobs, cries, gasps for air shook my body uncontrollably. This was so much worse
than him not loving me. I convinced Edward that I didn't love him. What kind if heartless
creature am I? I hurt the one man I could ever love. He wasn't going to come back. After
what I did and said, why should he? He could find someone better than me. He would
find someone who would listen to him when he wanted to apologize and someone who
had at least 1/8 of his beauty and perfection.
"I'm so, so, so sorry. This was all my fault. I caused all this trouble. I caused you all this
pain, I'm so sorry. You did nothing. I'm sorry," I gasped out loud. And it was all true. I
caused him the pain he suffered each day by even existing "Everything would be better
for you if I didn't exist, Edward. I'm sorry I had to complicate and ruin your life." I
whispered to him even though he was probably miles away from me. I fell to the floor
broken down with tear stained cheeks and countless gasps for air. I was a pathetic heap,
of a selfish fool.
"Don't you ever say that, Isabella." A musical voice scolded. "You never ruined my life.
You made everything about this life of endless darkness beautiful. Without you I would
be nothing." The musical voice explained.
This must be another hallucination. He's gone and he's never coming back because of
me.
My eyes were now blurred with tears and the whole in my chest was tearing me apart.
No matter what I did the pain never seized.
The angel whispered my name. I felt something cold roll me around and pick me up. My
mind began to whirl from the scent that rolled off my angel. I wrapped my arms around
my angel's neck and buried my face into his marble shoulder.
My angel carried me up the stairs with astounding grace and with little effort, and placed
me on my bed in my room. He kissed my forehead and covered my trembling body with
the quilt that was folded at the foot of my bed.
"I love you," I whispered barely conscious.
"I'll always love you," he whispered in my ear.
I heard slow, hesitant footsteps heading towards the window. NO, he couldn't leave. I couldn't lose my angel again.
"please… Please don't leave me," I begged.
Cold, marble arms wrapped around my body. He brought his face down to my ear and
whispered once again, "I'll never leave you. There is no other place on this earth that I
would rather be, than here."
"I'm so sorry," I exploded with pleads and cries. "I love you, I'm so sorry." I wrapped my
arms tightly around his neck. "I love you so much, Edward." I cried.
"Shh, Bella. It's okay, sshhh. I love you, too. You don't need to apologize for something I
did. You'll never know how much I love you. I could never live without you. I was a fool to
think I could. I was a stupid, selfish, fool." He hushed.
"You have no idea how much I missed you," I mumbled, still clinging to him afraid he
would disappear any moment.
"If you missed me as much as I missed you, I think I have a pretty good idea." He
humored. I chuckled between gasps.
Edward wrapped his arms around my waste and rested his chin on the top of my head.
"Bella…?" Edward breathed.
"Mmmhh," I sighed.
"Marry me?"
A/n. okay, this took forever. I was going to keep Bella mad at Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought this was sweeter. Never trust my summaries. I could end the story here if you like, but if not just tell and I'll keep going. Although I'll have to make it into another story because the summary I have wont be able to explain half of what I have in mind. Even if I edit it I won't have enough space. Tell me what you thought because I'm dying to know and I really do want to write and sequel to this. REVIEW!