Albus entered the common room and sat down heavily onto the plain, faded scarlet couch. He gave a heavy sigh and put his face into his hands. Colin was so very troublesome! He clearly knew that he was generally beloved and could practically get away with murder, what with that charming smile of his. It was exasperating! Now that Colin was starting to come of age and growing into a very attractive young man, Albus was finding his own attractiveness fading by comparison and it was harder and harder for him to get away with his many shenanigans. Moreover, despite his feelings of discomfort and animosity, he found himself wanting to spend more and more time around the rebellious youth. But as soon as he got there, he wanted to leave. Conflicted, he would often retreat, feeling rather flustered. It was most perplexing.
"I said, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT!"" Albus heard the portrait of the Thin Lady scream.
"Don't worry, societal beauty standards are completely arbitrary anyway. Inner beauty is what counts... you'd better start working on that." He heard a familiar, sleepy voice reply.
"No." He uttered in disbelief.
There was no way the Spider Girl could be in Gryffindor. He would have noticed it before. He'd always assumed she was from Hufflepuff.
"What is your problem?" The Thin Lady screeched. "If you don't have the password, I'm not letting you in, so just BUGGER OFF!" Her delicate feelings hurt, she was starting to sob.
"There, there" Luna tried ineffectively to wipe off her running mascara, but failed since she was a painting.
The Thin Lady was about to make a snide remark about spider faces when she felt herself being pushed open. She hated how little power she truly had as an inanimate object and wished that she hadn't eaten that cursed pudding.
"Just what the hell do you think you're doing, Nula?" Albus demanded irately, still in a bad temper.
"Investigating." She answered simply.
"Investigating what?" He sighed.
"The recent disappearances. They're very concerning to me."
"Is that why you've taken to wearing a spider face?" He was still hoping for an answer to that one.
"In a manner of speaking." She smiled evasively.
"Well, I won't keep you, then. I've had a very busy day, so I think I'm going to go to sleep now. Safe journeys on your way back to Hufflepuff." He said firmly, dropping the strong social hint that she should leave.
"Wow, the furniture's so boring!" Luna breathed, walking into the Common Room. Somehow Albus failed to stop her.
"Look, you really shouldn't be in here. People from other houses need to be accompanied by a friend." He said curtly.
She turned to face him. "Oh." He could almost swear that her multi-faceted spider eyes seemed sad, lonely, and hurt all at once.
He felt a twist in his stomach. "So it's very lucky that you happened by when I was in the Common Room. Ha ha!" He laughed nervously.
"Oh, that's because I followed you!" She smiled.
"Um." Albus prepared to give his stalker rejection speech.
"I was hoping you could help me with my investigation." She added.
"Look, I'm very flattered, but, as Head Boy, I'm not really in the market for dating. I have many responsibilities that would make it impossible to be a good partner and it would just end badly and ruin our already stunning friendship." He smoothly recited.
She looked at him again with a peaceful and knowing, yet slightly stupid, expression.
"Oh, I'm quite serious about the investigation. Besides, I'm well aware that you don't exactly favor the fairer sex." She giggled.
Albus blanched. He did a quick thirty-second cardio workout as he dashed about the Common Area and the stairs to make sure that no one had heard. He jogged back up to her, quite out of breath.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He hissed. "I'm Head Boy and live in a group dormitory. I can't have people thinking that, why would you even say such a thing? Do you have any idea what would happen?" He wasn't even sure if he knew.
"Don't worry, no one talks to me anyway. So about the investigation-"
"How did you know?" He blanched further. "Is it really obvious? What should I do?" He started pacing nervously. "Because if someone like you could figure it out, then the whole school must know." He moaned.
"I was checking out that all-boy's club and happened to see your exchange with Colin from behind a tapestry." She offered.
"How could I have possibly miss that monstrously eye-catching face of yours?" He murmured, lost in thought.
"You were too distracted by his smile and trying to hide your own delicate feelings." Luna sounded strangely wise.
"Ah, how amazing spider eyes are that they can cause such an optical illusion." Dumbledore gave a weak smile and offered a confidential wink.
"Yes. Especially in dark hallways." Luna put a finger against her lips, indicating mum. "It's a wonder spiders can see anything at all. And on the note of spiders, I happened to overhear that your acquaintance's club has a strange fixation on them."
"What? Oh, yes. They are constantly drawing doodles of them in their notebooks, using the word as a affix and, if I'm not mistaken, have already developed code words to identify other members and to classify others."
"Oh?" Luna was intrigued.
"Yes. They seem to ask, 'Did you eat lunch with Susie Sycamore?' and if the person responds, 'yes', then they are identifying themselves as a member. I checked the roster and there is no such student, but she seems to never be wanting for a lunch date." He winked, somewhat back to himself, "The rest I think is a silly sort of school boy tree fort club kind of thing. I think they use it to gossip about which girls they fancy. Like, "Did she get a hair cut?" I think means that someone fancies her, since I don't hear it all that often. "I hear she's failing potions" probably means that she is of average looks, since I hear it all the time. I think that "Isn't her father a barrister?" indicates someone who they find unpleasant, since I have found that after they say that, they ostracize her." Dumbledore explained. "It took me several months to work that out, and most people probably don't even notice it."
"A secret language? That sounds sinister. Who knows what they could be plotting?" Luna looked pensive.
"I hardly think it's anything so grand. Merely young boys trying to feel special and like they have some kind of control over their quickly-changing world." Albus sighed.
"Well, it's my only lead so far. Outside of investigating the faculty, I don't see what else there is to look at at the moment." Luna insisted.
Albus could tell that she wasn't going to stop going on about the damn investigation. Knowing that she lacked tact in every sense of the word, he decided to cooperate in the interests of damage control. Besides, despite his better judgment, he was growing attached to the crazy young lady.
"I see. Well, then, if the school is at risk, I am obligated and duty-bound to get to the bottom of it. I shall accompany you." He announced somewhat grandly.
"Really?" Luna looked happy. "Bescause, like I said, no one will talk to me."
"We'll start tomorrow." Albus gave a reassuring nod.
"Thank you so much!" She smiled brightly.
"You'd better head back to your dormitory and get some sleep." He suggested, somewhat firmly. "See you tomorrow."
Luna was in the girl's washroom raiding the toilet paper before heading back to her new forest home for the night. While she enjoyed using the facilities, that was not an option after curfew.
Suddenly, the door opened and a girl with long, black hair and brown eyes entered. Taking one look at Luna, her eyes widened, and she quickly left.
"I guess she didn't need to after all." Luna mused, stuffing the rest of the toilet paper into her robes, and leaving the bathroom.
She came upon the girl from earlier talking to a crowd of boys that she recognized as the ones who belonged to that weird spider club.
"Hey, Babs. You're looking good this evening." One boy smiled.
Babs looked uncertain, clearly weirded out by their strange club. "Thanks?" And, noticing Luna, quickly continued on her way.
As Luna departed in the opposite direction, she heard the boys talking.
"Did she get her hair cut?" One asked in approval.
"Yes." Another replied. "I think she did."
And they laughed merrily and continued along their way.
"Boys sure are strange. I wonder what he sees in them." She muttered, and then exited the castle.