Written for the Lyric Inspired Drabble Challenge, for Taylor Swift - I Knew You Were Trouble, for the lyric:
Flew me to places I'd never been Till you put me down
Also written for the A-Z Competition, for W - WolfStar
Words: 559
For chronology, this is early 6th Year.
W is for WolfStar
I liked girls. That was the way it always had been, and always would be. I'd taken it as a given. I hadn't even bothered to give it any thought. I hadn't considered that maybe, I just liked sex, and the semblance of love it created.
Until Remus.
I'd known him for years, of course, but I'd never seen him in that light until we got drunk. We got drunk and went for a walk, and he flew me to places I'd never been. All he said was a subtle joke, a casual glimmer of hope he'd never dare speak sober. That was when I realised I wanted him. Or maybe it was just the drink.
But all the same, it was exciting, invigorating, and I'd thought I was falling in love. That was something I'd never seen coming, but I relished in the happiness it brought.
Until Sunday.
"Sirius, this… this isn't working," he'd begun, looking out over the lake.
"What do you mean?" I asked, unable to contain my shock. We'd been sat together for two hours, content in each other's presence, trying to pull off the image of two guys just hanging out. He sighed angrily. I knew I had it coming, I just didn't know what for.
"You don't want to tell anyone; you don't want to be seen with me in public, and I'm a werewolf. Do you see the problems?" he asked.
"Sort of." I swallowed guiltily. There weren't problems - there was just one. The common denominator, at least to him. Me.
"And can you fix them?"
Well, that was a question. The whole idea of being gay frightened me. I didn't want to tell anyone until I was comfortable with it myself. And I wasn't yet. I couldn't deal with the estrangement - I'd had enough of that already.
And as for the werewolf thing - no, I couldn't fix that. I'd already accepted him for it, but I knew that wasn't enough for him when it came to relationships. He hated putting lives in danger.
"No."
"Exactly."
I wanted to scream and shout, argue until my face was red, but the words disappeared somewhere between my lungs and my vocal chords, hanging at the base of my throat like a giant, cold lump. He got up and left, and I wondered if it would have even made a difference if I had fought for us. It seemed his mind had already been made up.
I sat there long after he was gone, knowing that my heart, which had never been whole, had fractured just a little bit more. The sky turned black and the owls began to hoot. I wouldn't cry, even if my heart begged for it. No one got that privilege. Sirius Black did not cry.
It was then, sat alone in the dark, that I knew that relationships completely and utterly sucked, and that I would never be good at them. I didn't think enough. I'd had my fair share of insomnia, too buy thinking about everything to sleep. I thought life would be easier if I switched that part of my brain off for good. I hated relationships, and happiness, and the eternal sadness both left behind when they closed the door softly behind them and left me in the dark.
But I was always a glutton for punishment.