Summary:The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3
This Chapter: L believes Light has an addiction problem, Light becomes careless and accidentally loses something very important.
Rating: Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+some shounen-ai, and general crack.
A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it. Sometimes I wonder if I've crossed the funny line into just plain stupidity. Then I stop to think about it...And I honestly don't care. :3
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own any of the Death Note characters, nor do I own Wal-Mart, I do have a strawberry scented pen though, it writes in pretty pink ink and everything...
L chewed absently on his thumb as Light compared the different pen brands. The wall was completely packed with writing utensils and Light was at a stand-still as to which brand of pen would prove to be most durable when he went off into one of his dramatic killing sprees.
He eyed a black ball point, extra firm grip.
Taking said pen off the shelf he began closely examining its barrel. The barrel was key when it came to comfort and support for long hours of dishing out justice. The last thing you want when in the midst of a killing escapade is a hand cramp.
Ryuzaki observed how meticulously Light was examining his pens, he'd decided long ago that Light was either an overly extreme obsessive compulsive when it came to details, or seriously lacking in the mental health department. Not that L had any room to talk, but in his opinion he was perfectly normal.
"Light-Kun," L prodded, "Why are you studying those pens so intently?"
Light let out an agitated sigh, wasn't L the one who said he should make the most out of his time here?
He thought about his answer for a moment, then replied. "Well, Ryuzaki, don't you like to spend time and pick out just the perfect sweet to eat? You won't just grab one off the shelf and decide you like it before you've tried it, right?"
L nodded in understanding. "I get it Light-Kun…Pens are like sweets. So they are like your addiction?"
What? Honestly he couldn't be hearing things right, did Ryuzaki just call him a pen addict?
"Ryuzaki," Light sighed, "I am not addicted to pens."
L waved a chastising finger at the other boy.
"Light-kun, accepting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery!"
He tried to keep his cool, but his blood was beginning to boil, L was honestly driving him off the deep end, or maybe…just maybe…he was in denial?!
Ryuzaki suddenly had an idea. The detective scanned over the many different pens until his dark eyes met with the perfect set. He reached up and grabbed them off the shelf, handing one to Light and keeping the rest of the pack tucked under his arm.
"Ryuzaki….why are you giving me a Twinkie scented pen?" Light questioned as he stared blankly at the yellow inked pen in his hand, for once he actually had no earthly idea what was going through the detectives head.
"Light-kun, write on my arm with that pen, please."
Light's eyes bugged, did Ryuzaki just tell him to write on his arm with a Twinkie scented pen? Honestly, does he have brain damage?!
"I am not going to write on your arm with that pen…" Light said sternly.
The raven haired boy smiled triumphantly, "Well then you really are an addict! You see, if you really didn't care what type of pen you used, you would have just written on my arm. But due to the cheapness and poor quality of the pen you refused to do so."
Light tried desperately to resist the urge to take the pen and shove it into his eye.
"Just because I won't use yellow colored ink, or a pen that smells like Twinkies incarnate, it does not mean I have an addiction problem."
L patted Light's shoulder comfortingly. "It's okay Light-Kun, just because you have a problem doesn't mean we can't still be friends."
"For gods-sake, I do not have a pen problem!" Light seethed.
"Now calm down Light-Kun, anger won't solve anything, you need professional help." L nodded slowly for emphasis.
Oh dear god, what he needed was to get the hell out of Wal-Mart!
Light was about to unleash his plea of pen addict innocence on L when he noticed the other boy had begun to chew on the end of one of the scented pens.
"Ryuzaki, what are you doing? We haven't even paid for those yet!" Light scolded.
The other boy just smiled and continued chewing on the pen. "Light-kun, it says it is strawberry flavored, but it doesn't taste like strawberries at all!"
For a genius, L sure didn't know much about proper pen procedure.
"Oh no, don't tell me you cracked the back..."
He didn't need L to answer him; there was a huge river of pink ink spilling all over L's white shirt, and the floor as well.
"Ryuzaki, get that pen out of your mouth now! You are going to get ink poisoning! Plus you are making a complete mess all over yourself!"
L surveyed the puddle of pink ink decorating the front of his shirt. "I have made a mess, haven't I?" he observed.
Light sighed, reached down and unzipped his backpack. He was almost certain he had a handkerchief or something in there that he could use to try and clean up the messy floor and even messier detective.
Ah, there it is. He unzipped the pocket where he kept his Death Note, and pulled out a pack of Wet Ones. He then attempted to de-pink the ink-covered detective.
"Honestly Ryuzaki, I swear..." He muttered.
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Light was preoccupied with cleaning up L's mess, so it was no surprise that he'd failed to notice when another set of customers entered the same isle.
"Anna sweetie, why don't you pick out a new notebook, you've completely filled the pages of your old one with stories about Frank." The brunette woman said to the little girl clutching her hand.
"Okay mommy!" Anna replied cheerily.
Her mother let go of her hand for a brief second so she could examine a purple binder that she'd been looking for.
Anna peaked over at the note books; they seemed to be out of every single style except for two. The girl stuck her tongue out as she looked at the options in front of her. It was either Spiderman or some kind of weird looking Pokemon-thing. Neither of which she could reach anyway, they were both placed too high up on the shelf.
Disgusted by the lack of choices, Anna was beginning to back up in order to get a better view of the entire shelf when she tripped over something. She fell over someone's backpack in the middle of the isle, and it sounded as if something had fallen out, but there didn't seem to be any sign of a loose item. Then she saw it. A cute little black notebook sitting face down on the floor. It was prefect! Quickly scooping it into her arms, she picked herself up off the floor and ran back to her mother.
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Light picked up his backpack to put the Wet Ones away once he'd gotten all the ink off the floor, and most of the pink off L. "Honestly, I can't look away for two minutes without you.-" He had his hand in the pocket he'd taken the Wet Ones from, but...No it couldn't be. His Death Note wasn't there?! But he'd just felt it when he took the wipes out.
"I hope that little girl is okay…" L mused.
Light felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked at L who was now chewing on a different scented pen.
"What little girl? What do you mean?" Light questioned hastily.
L cocked his head and looked at Light quizzically. "You didn't see her? She tripped over your backpack. You sort of left it in the middle of the isle…"
Oh. Hell. No.
Light couldn't believe it, was there really some little girl running around with his Death Note? Oh no, what if she wrote a name in it? Or worse, destroyed it! Light was panicking despite himself. Okay, okay, calm down. I have to get the Death Note back without L noticing.
"Ryuzaki…" Light said.
"Yes Light-Kun?"
"I uh, I need to use the bathroom." Light lied.
"Oh okay, I too need to alleviate myself as well, I will go with you." L offered.
"Uh no!" Light replied automatically.
L was taken back by Light's sudden haste to deny him bathroom privileges.
"I'd prefer to go alone. I am, uh shy."
"Oh…I see." L nodded, but was still rather confused. Light had been handcuffed to the detective previously for over a month during the Kira investigation without any personal privacy, and now he was suddenly shy? Something here didn't add up.
"Well, uh, I will be right back alright?" Light called to Ryuzaki as he quickly strode out of the isle.
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Light found the little girl in the next isle of office supplies sitting on a cleared out portion of a lower shelf, swinging her legs. She seemed to be humming a tune Light found vaguely comparable to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie", and writing in, yes, his Death Note. Flustered, but not lacking entirely in judgment, Light waited for her mother to turn the corner into the crafts supplies before he approached her.
"Hello sweetie, how are you today?" Light smiled his best 'I am your friend not some crazy, lying, backstabbing, power-hungry delinquent' smile.
The girl stopped humming in recognition, but paid him no further attention.
"Aw Hun, it's okay, you don't have to be shy," Light prodded, "That is a very nice note book, where did you get it?"
Again she acknowledged his presence, this time ceasing to swing her legs, but she still refused to look up from her writing.
"Frank told me not to talk to strangers." She mumbled.
"Oh, is that so? Will then I will tell you my name. Then I won't be a stranger." Light paused to see how she'd react, when he saw that she was now looking at him, he continued his introduction. "My name is Light Yagami." Light extended a hand toward the girl, which remained there in the air between him and her for a good 5 minutes before Light finally decided she was not going to shake it. He thrust the rejected hand into his pant pocket.
"Frank says strangers have germs. And germs will eat all of your insides." Anna stated.
"Oh," Light started, "Well isn't Frank pleasant. Is he your daddy?"
Anna looked at Light as if he'd just stepped out of an alien spaceship wearing a goat in a purple sweater around his neck.
She made a face at Light, then laughed. "Frank thinks you are weird."
Light cursed inwardly, he wasn't having a very easy time when it came to winning this disagreeable little girl over. "I think we've established that Frank isn't that fond of me." Light mumbled.
Hold on, something in Light's mind clicked suddenly. He'd just introduced himself to the girl now, but she was stating that Frank already had grounds to decide that he was weird? That could only mean that this 'Frank' had been present with both him and the little girl. Light grinned at the conclusion drawn from his superior logic(or ego). That's it, an imaginary friend.
Forget all the manipulative cute cuddly talk, lets go with Plan B: guilt-trip her into giving it up. "I don't think that note book belongs to you, you stole it didn't you?" Light scolded.
The girl's blue eyes grew wide, a guilty look crossing her face.
"I didn't really steal it; it was just lying on the floor…" She tried to defend herself.
Light looked at the girl sternly. "But it wasn't yours, so technically it was stealing." And now he suddenly had morals. "That is my note book, so please give it back."
Dejected, the girl looked down at her feet for a few minutes, then reluctantly she handed Light the Death Note.
"Thank You." Light said politely, turning on his heal he made his way out of the isle and around the corner where he took refuge behind a display of cork boards.
When he was sure no one was watching, he began flipping through the pages to make sure the little girl hadn't actually written any names or anything. He stopped when he'd found her (very bad)handwriting, and began to read. 'Frank lukd at me now end his fase lukd hapy. I think he lykt the candy.'
Good, she hadn't written any real names in the notebook just some misspelled little girl babble about her imaginary friend and what he looked like after she gave him candy…Wait, what he looked like? His name? Oh no. Can imaginary friends die?! No stop, calm down Light, she said Frank thought you were weird at least 40 seconds after she wrote this. Everything is fine. Except…how am I going to sneak the Death Note passed L?
Oh, fuck…
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The tall dark haired man stepped uneasily through the automatic doors, slowly taking in his strange new surroundings. He'd never been to Wal-Mart before, to be honest he actually would really prefer to use the internet for things like this. But unfortunately he'd heard on the TV that this was a book sold exclusively at Wal-Mart.
He cautiously walked a few more feet into the store, still unsure of why he was doing this. There were so many people everywhere, and it was so noisy. But when he saw the rack of books, it was like all those present distractions just faded away into nothingness. Speed-walking his way over to the display, he very carefully picked one of the featured books up.
Mikami pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose, then gently ran his hand over the cover as he read the title aloud.
"How to find God in Wal-Mart."
Yey! Mikami!!!!
Well there is chapter 4. Oh, and I totally named "Frank" after "evil bunny Frank" from Donnie Darko since I watched Donnie Dakro before I typed this. I was thinking "Hmm...What is a good name for an imaginary friend? OH, EVIL BUNNY!!!!!" Yeah, and I was doing a jazz combination to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" about an hour before that so it was still stuck in my head...
Don't you hate it when all the good notebooks are gone(-cough-blackcamo-cough-) and all that is left are those weird character ones that no one really wants to buy...
Hey, have any of you ever thought there could be a LightxPen pairing? -awaits someone to start throwing things at her- Yep...Matt/Mello next chapter. :3
Fatal Error