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*two hands two feet
Chapter 4: Snow
Effy:
"You're home early." Her voice breaks out from the living room as my company and I stroll inside.
"Slow night" I sigh tugging the cigarette from my lips as I lean over the back of the couch and place a quick kiss on Katies lips.
"Go figure, what with the weather being complete shit and all. I swear if Emily doesn't give me the money for those rounds I've been helping her with then I may have to resort to stealing from her closet and I don't know if even I am skilled enough to make any sense out of the lezza fashion nightmare that she has mistaken for a wardrobe." Katie rambles off having yet to notice Naomis presence.
"Mmm." I muse grabbing three beers from the fridge. "Or, hows about we use that money to pay up on our gas bill so our heat wont get turned off again, or do you not recall last winter?"
Out of all of the things that nearly pushed me over the edge last winter is well near the top of the list. That does include my brother getting hit by a bus, my parents divorcing, several overdoses, and an ultimate mind fuck at the hands of my shrink. Me, Katie, and Emily had thought it smart to move in with Sid and Cass, to save money and all. Turns out that hadn't been the best idea. Everyone just stayed spiffed up, and Ems nearly burned the flat down, and I got stuck in my head again. Guess we all fared better than Cass however, she got knocked up trying to "stay warm."
"Back so soon?" A familiar, slightly raspier voice calls out from the back of our flat.
I nod Naomi into the living room and pass her a beer. She sits awkwardly in the arm chair in the corner picking her thumbs, and becoming very interested with the beer label.
"What the FUCK is she doing here?" Katie hisses turning to me wide eyed, "And what the fuck happened to her face?" She continues turning back to Naomi "Looks like someones taken a mallet to-"
"I am in the room you realize?" Naomi speaks up looking up to meet Katies eye. Katie looks slightly taken aback. Im not though. Figures this girls got some spunk.
"What's going on?" Emily asks entering the room.
Naomi looks nervous, and Katie puzzled. I on the other hand don't see any use reacting. This situation is bound to play out as it will, so I do what I do best. I watch.
"Naoms." I see Emily take a step toward the girl only to stop sort before looking down at her own feet. Her arms are crossed across her chest in a failed attempt at nonchalance. "What are you doing here?"
Naomi stutters a bit before she speaks.
"Effy brought me here." I can feel Katies eyes fuming into the side of my head but I keep my own trained on the girls. "I- I wanted to see you." Naomi rises to her feet and takes a step toward Emily. This is our cue.
"Come on Kate." I grab her gently by the arm in attempt to give these two their privacy. This is bound to be a lengthy conversation.
"Where the fuck are you going?" She asks as I slip on my jacket and toss her her own.
I smirk back at her innocently, as she has no idea what I'd gone and signed us up for.
"We're sitting for Sid and Cass, and if that clock is anywhere near correct we are already late."
"Well go fuck off then because I never agreed to that. I refuse to spend my Friday night-"
Sometimes I can take it, the rants and the blowups. Mostly I find it endearing, just another fucking charm of Katie Fucking Fitch. The one thing about Katie however is that she hasn't quite realized that the world wont stop spinning if she doesn't get her way. A point Ive been trying to beat into her head. Thus she is oblivious to the thick air of tension thundering though the room… a storm brewing that could take down everything in its path. Love is a funny sort of thing.
"GET UP YOU DOZY BITCH!" I march across the room yanking Katie to her feet with one hand. She pouts like a small child and crosses her arms over her chest. Her brown eyes snap up to mine, defiant but yielding. She gives me a small smirk, and agitated eye roll. I place a chaste kiss on her lips. She returns the gesture before slipping on her coat.
"At least I can buy some new shoes with the money." Katie sings as she prances to the door.
I cough as I pull the cigarette between my lips.
"Gigs free."
"What?" Katie exclaims allowing her handbag to fall to the floor dramatically.
In two strides I am across the room and we are nose to nose.
"Gigs free." I repeat. I keep my eyes locked with hers, allow the electricity I'm feeling surge from my body straight into hers. I hear her breath hitch as I lean into her slightly. "Sid's practically my brother!"
"Well," Her voices quakes out, "I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me." Her eyes roam me over lingering on my chest, before meeting my eyes again. I grab her by the back of the neck and pull her lips to mine.
"Soon as we walk back in this door I'll rough you up proper." I smirk at her turning on my heels. "Just the way you like!" I singsong as I head out the door. I stood in the hall for a second waiting, breathing deeply in preparation for what I knew was to come. Seconds later I am met in the hall by Katie slamming me against the wall and thrusting her thigh between my legs…
Sid and Cass can wait a bit longer I suppose.
Emily:
She sits eyes fixed on the floor, hands shaking like a leaf. I can hear her breathing from across the room. Its heavy. I still haven't moved from the spot in the doorway. There are so many things I want to say, questions that I want to ask but I don't know where to start.
"What the fuck was that today Naoms?" I didn't mean it to come out as angry as it did, or judgmental even.
She lets her eyes linger outside where the snow was falling heavily.
"They say this may be the snow storm of the century."
"Don't fucking change the topic Naomi. Why are you here?"
Tugging her lip between her teeth she takes a second to speak.
"Be-" she sighs before continuing "Because I wanted to see you."
"You wanted to see me?" I scoff, sounding more cruel than I intend. "So what? Are we pretend this afternoon didn't happen? He was hitting you Naomi!" Lamely stating the obvious
And then it happened. It had been a long time before I saw a person shatter before my eyes, but as I watch the pieces fall I want nothing more than to be the one to put them back together. She begins to sob as she drops her head in her hands shielding her face. Hiding.
"Hey, Naoms look at me." I rush across the room and kneel in front of the chair. "Look at me." I say again firmly
And she does. Her eyes, I cant help but sink into them. Im taken aback by the intense flash of blue… blue that could break me. Has. The blue that has broken me. It takes a second for me to catch my breath, but I had to. For her.
"Atta girl." I wipe a tear from her tear stained cheek, careful of course of the dark blue bruise below her eye.
"Emily, you don't have to-"
"Hey." I stop her. "I want to help Naoms. You just have to be honest with me. Can you do that?"
She sighs as I take her shaking hands in my own.
"I don't want to put you in danger."
What kind of trouble could she have gotten mixed up in that got so bad?
"I'm a big girl." I raise to my feet with her hand still in mine "now please, talk to me."
Growing up is an odd phenomenon. It happens so gradually and yet for most of us, for me at least I can pinpoint the moment in my life when things change. When I've learned, when I've been hurt in a way that will never be reconciled. Looking at this girl I feel something in me change… if only I could say what.
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Effy
"It's really coming down out there." I watch on as Katie stares out the window of Sid and Cassies flat. Their apartment is beautiful really. They quite lucked out, sure it's small but as far as neighborhoods in this city you couldn't get this place for this price. Luckily for Sid and Cass a double murder had been committed in these walls and nobody else would take it.
There is a change in the air tonight. A shift of things is to come, I can feel it. Katie cradles the baby in her arms as she stares down to the street below. Its beautiful, the night, the girl. The streetlight casts a glow across Katies face as she turns to face me.
"Come look, yeah?" She urges me
I stalk across the room and toward the window. Katie has me split. Though I am completely enamored by her, half of my heart belongs to the side of her that is feisty, short tempered and relentless. When Katie believes in something her word is gospel. She is strong and fiercely independent, though she doesn't know it. The other half of me belongs to this side of her, this Katie that nobody else ever sees. The caring, compassionate vixen. Doesn't matter I guess though. No matter which side of her rears its head I want her by my side.
"Its beautiful." I watch as her eyes wander back out down onto the street. "Do you ever think this will be us Eff?" She asks turning again toward me and then looking down at Hazel. "Do you ever think that we'll ever have normal lives?"
I shrug, but only because I don't want to say out loud the truth that we both know. Our lives are never going to be normal, …and things are likely to get worse before they get better.
"Spliff?" I offer Katie, trading the baby for the roll in my hand
"Of course."
"I think its her bedtime." I bounce the baby awkwardly on my hip. She coos up at me smiling with the big blue eyes and deranged smile that could only be mirrored by her mother. All things considered however, Hazel is a gorgeous baby.
What Cass nor Sid knew is that I have absolutely no experience with babies, well, Sid likely figures as much. Hazel is in fact the only child that I've ever so much as held. My plan to make this babysitting venture a success rests solely on Katie and any experience that she'd had with her younger brother James. Lots of thirteen year old girls in my year had made money babysitting and things of the sort. I was to busy fucking and getting fucked to do that sort of thing, though in hindsight I cannot imagine I'd have changed it.
"Well put her to bed then." Katie shrugs sitting back on the couch leaving me standing in the middle of the room with a wide eyed baby girl. Katie nurses the spliff a second before handing it to me. I take it carefully trying to balance the spliff and baby. Taking a drag I pass it back to Katie.
I venture to Cassie and Sids room which was also where Hazel conveniently sleeps. The room is quite small, which is no surprise for this city. Against one wall was a full sized bed and then stuffed on the opposite side of the bed was Hazel's bassinet leaving a small isle in between. As soon as I place her in her bassinet she reaches up at me and her bottom lip quivers.
Babies intimidate the shit out of me. She looks at me wide eyed and on the brink of tears.
"Now go to sleep Hazel." I sing to the baby. "It's fun! I promise! Cool things'll happen in your dreams. Now sleep." I smile at her cheesy and wide, she smiles back at me that big goofy grin. "You're going to make me look like a proper tool aren't you?"
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Naomi
Never did I imagine that I would have the overwhelming urge to protect someone the way that I do Emily, the same what that I had done for James. I also never thought that I would want to protect someone from myself. I was always the girl with a cause, the girl who fought for something. It's just been so long since I've known what I stood for.
"So you're telling me that your family has no idea where you are?" Emily asks where she sat beside me. We had been chatting over tea for what seemed like hours. Somewhere in that time I had spilled to her my secret. I told her how I was blackmailed by Sam into marrying him and moving into the states. I told her about how I had seen him shoot people in the knee caps, and numerous people that he defaced. I told her one thing that we both know. Money is the backbone of civilization, and with it you could get away with murder… and he had
"Don't have any family." I sip on my tea. Her eyes are on me, I can feel them. I don't want her pity. That's the last thing that I want. "My mum- well… she was really young and it just wasn't what she wanted you know?"
I had known my mother. I had loved my mother… now in hindsight it was a one sided sort of love. I adored her with the naivety of a child. She may have been gone for days at a time, and brought strange men around, or made me shove food in my coat when we went to the store but she was my everything.
"She was, lord" I sigh thinking for a moment "what? About 16 probably when I was born. Never knew my Dad. My mums parents kicked her out when they found out about me. I lived with her until I was about seven… and then she was just gone."
"Gone?" Emily asks sitting her mug down on the table.
I remember waiting at school. She was three hours late to pick me up and the last teacher was becoming agitated but she waited with me. I waited wringing my mud caked hands scratching my lice infested hair. Mum had never cared if I showered. We rarely had running water.
"One day she just never came back." I shrugged "It's okay though."
"And James, where's he?"
"James, he's none the wiser. I tried… I tried to find him, write him anything after we left. The letters got returned, Sam found them. I got two black eyes. After that I tried the internet, nothing. That pretty much ended that. Chances are knowing James he's locked up in some Spanish prison. The last lead I had on him was in Spain you see." I explain
"Sorry, I really hate to bombard you with twenty questions, but you're not seriously going to go back to Sam right?"
"He wont let me go. I know too much… but being with him… any man- gah, its too much." I cringe inwardly at the thought.
I let my nose curl up in disgust as I turn to Emily with a smile.
"Any man huh?"
"Any man." I reaffirm with a nod
"So you're gay then?"
"As a window."
"You?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
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"What the fuck is going on in here I told you to put the baby to sleep not torture her!"
I storm in the room to find Effy slumped on the bed, head in hands defeated. She looks up at me eyes wild and alarmed. Never in the entire time that I have known Effy have I seen her look so spent. And she looked stunning.
"I tried." She shrugs as Hazel continues to rage on from her bassinet. "I covered her with a blanket, and I gave her the stuffed pig, I pretended to sleep too, and I even tried to sing to her! Turns out I know no lullabies."
"So what'd you sing her?"
"Tic tok."
"Kesha?"
"It's your damn fault for poluting my ears with that shit! I wouldn't have even known what a Kesha was if it weren't for all of that top forty bullshit that you pollute my ears with." Effy fumes
Leave it to Effy to wear the most scandalous outfit even in the freezing cold. I grin down at her, still feeling the buzz of the spliff a bit.
"Well did you try picking her up?" I chide Effy who looks at me blankly. "Come the fuck on Eff!"
"I am not going to indulge her behavior." She crosses her hands over her chest and leans back on the bed.
Stubborn she is. But I am worse.
"You cant act so victimized by a baby Eff, Pick her up!"
"No!" Effy looks between me and the baby wildly.
"Fucks sake Eff, she doesn't have claws and fangs, do it!" I pinch the inside of her arm quickly, a tactic that always worked for Emily. Effy however is not that easy.
"Ow Katie! Fuck off!" She fumes as she plays nurse to her barely tender skin that she is feigning hurts so bad.
That was it. Did she really come here and expect me to do all of the work? Well fuck her then!
"Pick up that child right now Elizabeth Fucking Stonem or I swear I will walk out of that door this moment!"
Effy hesitated for a second as she stared me down. Checking to see that I was bluffing… she wasn't so lucky. Taking a deep breath slowly she rises from the bed. She wont make eye contact with me. Her pride wont allow it. She picks up the baby and holds her against her side. As the baby starts to fuss and arch her back Effy looks increasingly uncomfortable.
I guess that it makes sense if I think about it. Effy thrives on emotion, whether its withheld or on the surface, but it dictates her entire being. Babies put it all out there, it's all coming at once so it's a lot to take in and paired with whatever the fuck is going on in her head go figure she's overwhelmed. So she did what she does best when the world gets to much for her. She shuts down. And that's where I step in. It's kinda become our thing.
"You've never put a baby to bed before?"
"Are you insane Katie, who the FUCK would ever hand me a baby?"
"I don't see who wouldn't. You've got two arms and at least half a brain." I smile content not to push her further as she had already given in a bit. "Here." I grab her stiff arm and help her shift Hazel back in her arms so she was lying horizontal against her chest.
Effys eyes nearly bugged out of her head as the baby nuzzled against her chest and placed her hand over her breast.
"Oh hell no Katie take it, take it!" Effys eyes were wild and panicked, obviously put on edge by being cuddled by a baby in that way. By being touched in that was by somebody who doesn't want anything in return.
"Calm down Eff, she probably just needs a bottle."
"So what? She's got to gnaw my tit! It'd be more polite to just ask."
She looks stunning, panic ridden like that as her unruly curls frame her face. Her striking blue eyes soften as she sees me watching her, grinning, with my lip tugged between my teeth. Were she not holding Hazel I would ravage her that second on Sid and Cass's bed.
"I'll get the bottle." I stride across the room quickly and give her a chaste kiss on the cheek.
I run to the kitchen to get a bottle, and realize that we have yet to check in with Sid and Cass. I decide its best to phone them before I head back to the bedroom.
"Hello, who's this?" I hear Sid scream over the sound of a pretty fierce beat
"Katie!"
"Katie?"
"Yea Sid its me!"
"Ah Katie! What's going on?"
"Nothing, nothing. I just wanted to know what time to expect you back through? Snows getting really bad and all."
"Did Eff not get Cass's text?"
"Cass's text?"
There is a brief fumbling of the phone and suddenly it was a woman on the other end.
"Oh Katie WOW! I must've forgotten to pass the message to you all. It seems as if the snow is covering the tracks and theres no bus or tube service for the night. Say it's going to be a proper blizzard."
"Well what the fuck are we supposed to do?"
"There's, haha Sid stop" She mumbles between words "Sorry Katie you still there?"
"Yeah I'm fucking here!" I practically scream into the line. At this point my head is sunk on my arm on the counter. Forecast for my night isn't looking too sunny.
"Well Katie, there is about an ounce of spliff under the sink you guys can help yourselves to, and whatever else you can find. Wow, I mean, as long as you don't look under the bed. Katie remember, not under the bed."
Of course Cass, offer us up your stash when we're watching your kid.
"Got it Cass. Not under the bed."
"The performance was absolutely lovely, we just went out for a bit after next to the hotel and here we are. My phones dying though. I've got to go! Give Hazel a million kisses from her mum ey? I'm about to go get fucked, lots of pills about you know! I'll phone you tomorrow Katie!"
Click,
"Cass? … Cass?" Gah. I resist every urge to throw my phone across the room. "I will not freak the fuck out, I will not freak the fuck out."
I cant though. Effy is relying on me to hold it together tonight, whether she's willing to admit it or not. Taking a deep breath I grab a bottle for the baby from the counter and head back to the bedroom.
"You did alright, see?" I cock my head to the side and give her a rare smile as I hold out the bottle to her.
"Hear from Sid or Cass? I think I left my phone at our flat." Eff breathes out as she tries to force to bottle between the babys lips.
As Effy rocks the baby awkwardly and tries to feed her the bottle Hazels eye lids began to droop. As she drifts off to sleep I can see Effy trying to suppress a smile. Not a smirk, or a here one second gone the next smile that she is so notorious for. It's a real smile creeping to the surface.
"Yeah and uh, by the way, … we're snowed in."
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"A sculptor eh?" Her eyes twinkle as she watches me work "A timeless art form no?"
"So I've heard."
"I don't know how I didn't notice this set up before."
She ventures over to my "studio" which is in truth just a corner of my room I have converted and removed anything of value so I can experiment as I please.
"Yeah, I am working on my final project for school. Trying to get a head start. It's my final semester so…"
"I didn't realize you were a student." She eased her way toward the corner of my room littered with a pottery wheel and numerous sculpting tools and different materials.
"Mmm hum. I go to the school of visual arts."
"Mmm" Naomi muses. "I like a smart girl."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
I watch as she stands and makes her way over to my tools, lightly fingering one here or there. Guessing their purpose I suppose. A small smile graces her lips at every new discovery that she stumbles upon. Her eyes ask questions sometimes, though she never voices them.
"I never thought I would see you again."
"I know. I didn-" She sighs "I'm sorry."
"It's crazy" Sometimes I let my feelings get the best of me, but it's worked so far. Throwing things out there and seeing what sticks. I've had to grow some balls Katie being my twin and all. There was a time when I used to let myself get pushed around. Those days are over though.
"What?"
"The way that I feel about you." I confess "I felt like I lost something that I had never even had, and that's crazy."
"No Ems, you're not crazy." She rejoins me on the bed "I'm the raging lesbo posing as the perfect house wife. Dinner on the table by 5 pm, cleaning rounds all day, running the dry cleaning… being the submissive woman… I thought I had more self respect then to let myself become nothing more than a trophy, or better yet a punching bag." She rejoins me on the bed.
"Naoms! You ended up in a shit situation but you did it to protect your family. Now everything that Sam has done is completely FUCKED but something tells me that you havent given up on yourself." grabs hand kisses the top softly "you wouldn't be here if you had."
Her eyes pop up to meet mine. Searching for deception, hoping that I am genuine. Not fully trusting, but trying. And that's as good a start as any.
"You scare the shit out of me you know?" She tugs her lip between my teeth as her eyes fall to our conjoined hands.
"I know."
Suddenly my phone violently vibrates beside us on my bed. The moment is lost as Naomi allows her hand to fall away, and fixes her gaze out of the window. I see Katies name flash across the screen. Were Katie and Effy not incharge of another life for the night I wouldn't pick it up, but my conscious is telling me I'd better.
"You okay?"
Naomi asks as I hang up. I roll my eyes and fall back onto my bed.
"Yeah, that was Katie. We've been summoned to Sid and Cassies."
"Sid and Cassie?" Naomi asks, quirking a brow.
"I'll explain on the way."