The weekend after the Hogsmeade trip, Sirius and Remus were sitting in the castle courtyard talking to Zany Xenophilius Lovegood about girls (which was a challenge in itself). Zany Xeno had broken up with Aubrey Bertram again in what was becoming the oddest and most eventful pairing in Hogwarts and Sirius was nothing if not curious. An avid gossiper, he liked to collect his information from the source.
"…Then I said, 'I'm not the mint spice to your origami paper'; you know what I'm saying?"
There was a pause as the two friends regarded their fellow seventh year. "Not at all," Sirius answered.
"Honestly, Phil, I don't think anyone knows what you're saying, even if they understood those muggle references." Remus said, absentmindedly.
"Yeah, what's 'orrie-gammie'?"
The conversation was cut short by the appearance of a short blonde witch, foreshadowed by a sweet scent of cherries. The three boys turned to look at her and she smiled, her full lips widening. "Boys," She drawled.
"Marlene McKinnon," Remus was polite and maintained eye contact with her, while Sirius made no attempts to hide the movement of his eyes up and down her small stature. Xenophilius promptly excused himself with a stammered sentence and a huff. "What can we do for you?"
Being a part of one of the most well-known and influential wizarding families, Marlene McKinnon had no trouble with attention. There was an unshakeable confidence in everything she did – she could even make wrestling with a Venemous Tentacula look graceful. Perhaps it was this aura of self-assuredness and control that made her so attractive to many of the male population at Hogwarts.
If it was a problem, she didn't let on. Marlene took everything in her stride. One thing she didn't believe in being relaxed about, however, was sexual tension.
"I need you to talk James into asking Lily out."
This demand made Remus raise his eyebrows and Sirius scoff. "So he can get rejected once again? I don't think so."
"He hasn't asked her out in almost four months."
"What?" Remus said, surprised. "He claims that he asks her out practically every week… He literally said it yesterday. He–"
"Felt it in his bones, he did. His bones are remarkably sensitive when it comes to predicting outcomes of matters of the heart." Sirius interjected, and was rewarded for his jibe with a smirk from Marlene before her expression turned serious again.
"Yeah, well, he hasn't, and frankly it is becoming unbearable."
"What is?"
"Their chemistry."
Now it was Remus' turn to scoff derisively. "Chemistry? Now you're being ridiculous."
"Am I?" Marlene frowned at him. "You obviously haven't seen them together recently. It's all secret smiles and soft nudges and flirty conversations and it's so frustrating I want to throw them in the lake. I can't take it anymore."
"But then why don't you just make Lily ask James out?"
"We all know that Lily is a beautiful, ginger idiot who is too proud for her own good. If I tell her that everyone from Professor Dumbledore to Zany Xeno knows she fancies James Potter she will be mortified and never talk to him ever again, resulting in more drama for all of us. I just want to study for my N.E. without having to deal with pity parties and angst." Marlene twirled a curl around her finger in a coy manner, but Remus could see there was a steely glint in her eye that indicated a determination he hadn't really realised she had. She wanted to do well, and so did he. As for the drama and angst, he had roomed with Sirius and James for almost seven years. He understood how she felt.
Sirius was in the middle of protesting when he said, "Okay."
His friend gaped at him. "Remus, what?"
"I know we said we wouldn't get involved, Sirius, but if what Marlene says is true and Lily likes James, then all we have to do is give them a little push and we will be free of the rants and madness we have had to deal with for two and a half years. Tell me that doesn't sound appealing."
Sirius continued to gawk at Remus before realising that he was being serious. He was hesitant about playing the role of matchmaker – the marauders had ventured into the risky business of love and setting up blind dates the year before and their endeavours had not ended well… but then he remembered all the painfully boring rants James had gone on regarding his crush and the possibility of them coming to an end was too sweet to ignore.
"Fine," he agreed, and Marlene gave him a one-hundred watt smile. "But I want to be the one who does it. And I want something in return, McKinnon."
Marlene raised an eyebrow at him, having an indication where this was going but not impressed. "And what would that be, Black?"
Shocked Sirius had been exchanged for Smooth Sirius, and he gave her a wink after replying, "You have to go on a date with me."
Remus sighed – this wasn't the first time Sirius had asked Marlene out, and he had never succeeded before – but she didn't react. If anything, the happy shine in her eyes had turned wicked as she smirked.
"A date?" She stepped towards him, and Sirius suddenly worried that he'd taken on more than he could handle. He was Sirius Black, notorious ladies man, but this was Marlene McKinnon and she was unforgiving. She took another step towards him, like a cheetah stalking her prey, and suddenly she was a hair's breath away from him, looking up at him. The top of her head barely reached the bottom of his chin, but he didn't break eye contact with her for a second.
"I don't think you could handle me, sweetheart," She whispered in a sultry tone before reaching up on her tip-toes to give him a wet kiss on the cheek.
Remus chuckled.
She sauntered away, leaving him gaping, and Sirius swore she swayed her hips that extra bit, just enough to send his naïve notions of self control out the window as he stared openly after her.
"Nice arse, McKinnon!" He found the courage – once his jaw had returned to its proper position off the floor – to call after her.
She didn't turn around; she tossed her mane of hair over her shoulder, holding up her left hand and he could see the glint of her silver ring on the third finger that was aimed in his direction.
He gulped audibly once she had turned the corner and was out of sight. This witch had him right under her spell.
"Alright, mate?" Remus grinned knowingly at him. Sirius was charming and had many girls fawning over him but he had met his match in Marlene McKinnon and the rest of the Marauders loved it. Nothing was better than watching their incorrigible flirt of a friend be left speechless after an encounter with their fellow Gryffindor. The blonde had an effect on Sirius – not the kind of 'Lily Effect' James suffered from – but it was almost as if she simultaneously attracted and intimidated him.
"Piss off, Remus."