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Chapter 4

"Hi." I watch silently as Rachel stands in my bedroom doorway.

"Hey." I breathe out.

"May I?" She motions towards my room.

"Uh yea…please." I fumble over my words.

"David said you haven't been feeling well," Rachel slowly approaches my bed. "I like to think cookies help make things better."

"Yeah, thanks." I smile when she hands me a plate with a few on there.

"Your mom said you don't eat too many treats…so I thought just a few would do."

"No…this is fine. Thanks." I take a bite out of one of the chocolate chip cookies. "Mmm…tasty. I bet my dad is having no problem taking care of the rest of them." Rachel laughs and moves across the room to sit on the chair in the corner of the room. A few months ago when I was having another breakdown, my mom went out and bought me a recliner. She said if I refused to leave the room at least leave the bed and sit in the chair.

"Oh…this is comfy." Rachel sighs and sits back in the chair.

"My mom bought it." I say the only thing that comes to my mind.

Rachel just smiles and looks around the room. There's not much to look at. The only furniture in the room is the chair Rachel's sitting in, my bed, and a dresser with a TV on top of it. My childhood bedroom has pictures and posters littering the walls. I also have trophies from different activities I participated in during my high school and college years. This room has nothing but bare walls…

"Oh my…this is beautiful." Rachel's voice brings me out of my thoughts. I look up and she's no longer in the chair, but now standing next to the dresser with a picture frame in her hand.

She's holding a picture that I had forgotten was even in there. I had turned it around so that the picture faces the wall. I didn't want to see it.

My dad had marched into my room one day after we argued and held it in my face. He told me to remember that I am capable of more than just sitting in my room and watching life past me by. The picture was brought in motivate me.

"You took this?" Rachel's eyes dance over the picture again before she settles those brown eyes on me.

"Yeah," I say with a small nod. I watch as Rachel run her finger along the bottom of the picture where I know my name is sloppily signed.

"I'm guessing that's your bother?" Rachel says referring to the picture. The image she's looking at is a black and white picture of my brother and mom walking and laughing in the park. It was a little windy so they were trying to keep a hold of their belongings. My mom's hair is blowing and Noah is grinning as he holds one hand on top of his head to keep his hat from flying away.

"Yeah," Rachel smiles at the picture one more time before putting it back down. But instead of facing it toward the wall like she found it, she sits it so I can clearly see it from my bed.

"Sorry for just popping up." She steps closer to the bed. "David was just really worried and demanded that we came to check up on you."

"It's fine. I…I don't mind. Thanks." I smile shyly at her.

"So…are you feeling better?" I watch as she slowly walks closer to the bed. "My brother misses you terribly at the bookstore. And I also would like to see you doing well." She runs her hand alongside my bed.

I just watch her fingers go a short distance on the cover and back again.

Here in my room is beautiful young lady asking if I'm doing better. Now I can't exactly tell her the truth, which is…that I felt bad for myself and decided to shut everyone out and lock myself in my room. Will she understand how I sometimes find myself emotional unstable? Is that something you even tell a stranger?

"I feel…better." I nod. "I'm going to work tomorrow." Rachel smiles and steps back from the bed.

"I'm happy to hear that, Santana." She walks over to the door. "You were greatly missed." She sends me another bright smile before waving and leaving my room.

$%^&*&^%$

I returned to the bookstore the next day like I said and Dave and Ms. Pillsbury was thrilled to see me. They acted like I had been on for years. Dave helped me file away information on new books that we had come into the bookstore that week. While we worked he told me about his school day and how nice he thought my parents were. The night he was over he came back to my room after Rachel left to give me a hug before leaving with his sister. He told me about how he started to bring me the cookies but got caught up in the kitchen talking about basketball with my dad.

I also went to the support group meeting that night too. It was Friday so everyone got the chance to share how their week had been. I didn't speak. I felt embarrassed that I had let myself go back to that dark place. I didn't want them to see how easily I became depressed after all the progress I've made the past two years. I mean…yeah I could have told them about how it was the anniversary of my accident. I would have gone on and on about how just making it through the day was a hard thing to do. But I didn't. I just sat and listened.

Afterwards I apologized to Artie for ignoring his phone calls. He didn't make me beg for forgiveness or anything; he just offered to buy me ice cream. I think his feelings were hurt and he wanted to discuss it but he also knows about my anniversary so he didn't push the issue.

I spent the weekend working and with my mom doing little tasks before working in the evenings. It was like she didn't want me to be alone for too long. Like she was afraid I'd resort back to lying in my bed all day and not talking to anyone. So instead she would have me go to the grocery store with her or watch TV in the living room with her.

Now it's Monday and I feel great. I started the day off by having breakfast at a nice little café with my mom and Quinn. And now I'm at the bookstore watching Dave blush every time this teenage girl looks our way.

"I can't believe you forgot to inform me that you have a girlfriend now." I tease when I catch Dave shyly waving at the girl.

"Santana!" Dave knocks a stack of books over. "Please lower you voice."

"Dude," I laugh. "You just yelled my name. Calm down."

"What if she heard you?" He looks panicked. "She's not my girlfriend." Dave's eyes are wide and he actually looks like he might get sick.

"Calm down, Dave. She's all the way across the room. She can't hear me." Dave takes a calm breath than looks back across the room. The girl is now writing in a notebook she brought with her to the store.

"So…what's her name?" I inquire.

"Sugar. And she's not my girlfriend."

"That's a shame. She's pretty." I comment and he blushes.

"She's smart too." Dave supplies. "We have Biology together."

"Ew…Biology sucks." A frown covers my face as I thinking about how much I hated science when I was in high school. "So when are you going to ask her out." Dave eyes go back wide.

"What? I'm not going to ask her out."

"Um…why not? Don't you like her?" I asked confused.

"I…she..." Dave sits frowning at the books he knocked over. "I don't know what to say to her."

"What do you mean?"I watch as Dave scoots his chair closer to my wheelchair and leans in closer to me.

"I never talked to a girl before." I just stare at him. "I mean…you know…I've never talked to a girl like that?"

"Girl like that?"

"A girl that I…like." He whispers. "I don't know what to say or do."

"I see."

"Could you help me?" He asks with hope in his voice. "Like give me some pointers."

I open my mouth to advice him to seek help from a male in his life, but then I stop and think. I've never heard Dave mention his dad or a brother. Matter of fact, the only person he ever talks about is his sister. He never talks about his parents.

"Um…what about Rachel? Have you talked to her about this stuff?" I decided to focus on the subject at hand. I'll worry about that parent situation later.

"No!" A woman reading a book a few tables down shush him. "She's a girl. Not to mention she's my sister."

"Dave…I'm a girl too."

"I know but you're also my buddy. I can't talk to my sister about stuff like this."

"Yeah. I see your problem." I take a second and think about this. Dave is my buddy, but he is also still a kid. I can't be the person he goes to about girl problems and I defiantly wouldn't know what to tell him in regards to being a growing boy.

"Hey…my brother and his wife come over on Wednesday's for dinner at my house. I'm sure Noah wouldn't mind giving you some tips on how to woo the ladies. How about you and Rachel join us for dinner Wednesday?"

"I…don't…" He looks hesitant to say yes.

"Look…I don't know that much about..." I stop to think about how I want to say this. "My brother does a Big Brother mentoring program, so he has more experience with talking to boys about…life and stuff. He wouldn't mind helping you out. Plus…if you thought my dad was exciting to talk to about sports…Noah will blow you away with his love for sports."

I guess I said the right thing because a smile breaks out on Dave's face and he agrees to talk to his sister about coming to dinner Wednesday.