6.04 – In Smokey Veritas!
Author's note: Ok, so this chapter goes to KaydenceRei, for putting Amy's theory in my head, now I can't shake it off, I hope she's feeling better. And also to Ilayda, because I added a part on this chapter just upon her request, I hope she likes it!
Oh, and thanks for everyone who's reading and reviewing. 21 reviews, yay, it's already legal for this fic to drink! =] And in order to celebrate it, let's have some of our characters get drunk.
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After a day of walking through the jungle, Ethan finally reaches the beach camp, the night was already falling. He is ready to blend in, pretend he was on the flight, that he woke up on the jungle. But as he walked into the beach, something was really wrong.
Claire [frightened and pointing at him]: Ethan!
Everyone turned to face a stunned Ethan. So this people did remember him! He was going to kill Ben this time.
Jin: Ethan… Others… OTHERS!
Sun: You speak English now, Jin.
Jin: Oh, yes, thanks for reminding me Sun!
Ethan starts to run into the jungle, Jin and Paulo run after him and soon they manage to get a hold of him. They bring Ethan in and handcuff him to the plane wreckage with Kate's cuffs.
Claire: How do you have the guts to come back here?
Ethan: I thought you guys didn't remember, and I'm here because I need to help you and the baby.
Claire: What a bunch of crap, you gotta be thankful Charlie isn't here.
Ethan: Oh, I'm scared, what would he do, stab me with an invisible pot of Peanut Butter?
Paulo: Claire is right. We need to do something with him.
Claire: Yeah, but what?
Sun: It's not like Sayid is here to torture him with pointy sticks for answers.
Arzt: Or Jack to torture him with his daddy's issues stories.
Niki: Or Sawyer to give him a new offensive nickname.
Ethan: Are you saying that without A-team, you guys can't think things out for yourselves?
Neil [annoyed]: Let's just kill this guy, I bet he was one of the people who shot me with a flaming arrow.
Paulo: And kill him how, Frogurt?
Neil: It's Neil, you dumbass.
Rose: Aren't we being a little heist here? Shouldn't we give him the benefit of the doubt?
Jin: All right, you heard the lady, what are you doing here?
Ethan: Isn't it obvious? I am here for the same reason I was the first time. I'm here to watch over Claire, because pregnant women die on this island.
Claire: But I didn't die the first time.
Ethan: Because I gave you the medication that Juliet designed.
Suddenly they hear the smoke monster roaring deep into the jungle, everyone turns to look as the monster knocks down trees. Ethan smiles as he has an idea.
Niki: That thing is still out there?!
Shannon: No, that was a very hungry boar, Jeez, how stupid are you?
Niki [in mocking surprise]: Shannon made a joke! *Niki shoves Shannon* Get lost, you little bitch!
Shannon [starting to cry like a little girl]: Why does everybody call me little bitch?
Rose: Calm down girls, I'm sure if you let the monster be it won't be a problem, he never attacked us on the beach there's no reason to start worrying now.
Ethan [smugly]: I know what that thing is!
Paulo [interested]: You do?
Ethan: Yeah, of course I do, I was born on this island, I know everything about it.
Claire: Ok, then tell us!
Ethan: I'll tell you if you let me go. I promise I won't run away!
The castaways look at each other then agree to let him lose.
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Joey, Hurley, Juliet, Sawyer, Ben, Amelia and Tom are at the recreation center, they are playing snooker.
Amelia: I can't believe you didn't recognize me.
Juliet: Well, to be honest, you did look familiar, but you were thirty years younger.
Amelia: And when did you know for sure?
Juliet: When you named your son Ethan.
Amelia: That's right, I remember the look on your face when you found out.
Juliet: Yeah, it was the weirdest thing. That's why you always took so much interest on me when I first came to the island, right?
Amelia: Of course, it really was weird, because you looked younger then I remember and I was so much older than I used to be when we were friends.
Juliet: Explain something to me though, Amy.
Amelia: Yeah…
Juliet: Why does your son look like he's forty five, when he is actually twenty seven?
Ben [chuckling]: It's one of the powers of the island. You grow old faster than normal. Like Walt in the end of season two, he looked to have aged two years when he had only aged three months.
Juliet: Is that why you looked fifty when you were twenty years old the time you kidnapped Alex?
Ben: That is why, Juliet!
Sawyer: Rapid aging, it doesn't make any sense!
Ben: Of course it does, Richard never gets old because of this. The island sucks the youth out of us and gives it to Richard.
Sawyer: Stupid never ageing son of a bitch!
Hurley sees that Joey left his plate of crackers unattended as Joey concentrated on his next move. So Hurley takes opportunity to snatch one for himself, Joey catches him red handed.
Joey [angry]: JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!
Hurley: Oops, sorry, dude! *puts the cracker back*
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Desmond and Charlie were walking back to the beach, but it was night and they got lost. As they walk in the dark jungle, they both hear something knocking down trees.
Charlie [stoned]: That's bloody fantastic!
Desmond [also stoned]: What is, brotha?
Charlie: My first island hallucination.
Desmond: I don't think that was a hallucination, I think it was Cerberus.
Charlie: Cerebellum what?
Desmond: Cerberus, the smoke monster.
Another tree is knocked down really near them, they hear two people running towards them screaming, it's Bonne and Matt.
Charlie: Des, I'm too stoned, I'm seeing a gay couple running in the jungle.
Boone [getting near them]: Run, you junkie moron, it's the smoke monster!
Desmond and Charlie begin to run with the two of them.
Desmond: Where the bloody hell is Locke? Wasn't he with you?
Matt: He stayed behind, said that he wanted to look into the eye of the island.
Boone: He just stayed behind to make love with that thing! Now, less talking, more running.
Charlie trips and falls, but he get stuck, he can't get up.
Charlie: Oh, bollocks, that's how I'm gonna die, isn't it?
Desmond hears him and comes back for him. Boone and Matt keep running.
Desmond: I'm not gonna let you die brotha!
He frees Charlie and they run to another direction.
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Ben puts Juliet, James, Jack and Kate to share a bungalow together.
Sawyer: Yeah, I guess it was about time?
Jack: About time what?
Sawyer: Someone put us in a room together and locked us up until we decided for once and for all who loves whom.
Kate: We're not locked up.
Juliet: No, but there was plenty of other houses, and yet they put you with us.
Jack: I don't see the problem.
Juliet: The problem is that there are only two bedrooms.
Jack and Kate still didn't understand the problem.
Sawyer: It's a metaphor… Who is going to sleep with whom, who loves whom, get it?
Kate: Oh!
Sawyer: She's slower than a blonde!
Juliet: Hey!
Sawyer: Sorry, Blondie, I know that you are a different kind of blonde!
Jack: It's not really a problem, you two were living together, you get one room, Kate sleeps on the other room and I'll sleep on the couch.
Juliet: Now you are just sucking all of the fun! The fans want to see us getting in a heated discussion.
Sawyer: They want jealousy, betray, angst, tears, love, make up sex, happy ending…
Kate: Ok, then how about this, Juliet and me will share a bedroom, you two the other one.
Sawyer: And give the Jawyers crazy ideas, now way, I'm tired of male pregnancies! Why does it always have to be me who gets pregnant?
Juliet: Kate's idea could work. It would give us chance to have a girl talk about the two of you, at the same time that it would give you chance to fight about the two of us.
Sawyer: I still don't like this idea.
Jack: No, Saywer, this could work, just let me negotiate.
Juliet and Kate wait intrigued for Jack to continue.
Jack: If you two sleep in the same bedroom, is there going to be a naked pillow fight?
Juliet [irritated]: Good night, Jack!
The women turn their back on the two of them and leave to their bedroom.
Jack: A pillow fight on you undies then!
They slam the door on Jack's face.
Jack: Just a regular pillow fight, please!
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Joey is put in Richard's house.
Richard: Look, I'm sorry Ben put you to sleep in my house even though there are plenty of others available. But you know, he's our leader, and if I understood his motives I wouldn't have so little screen time.
Joey: Don't worry, dude, I have ten years of experience with roommates, we're gonna have a lot of fun.
Richard: Really, what do you suggest?
Joey: Well, a good way to spend time is to sit around on a coffee house sipping coffee and talking about our DOA love life. You know, I'm there for you, because you there for me too.
Richard [sarcastically]: That sounds interesting, but we don't have a coffee house.
Joey: Oh, then I guess we can sit on the couch drinking beer watching Baywatch.
Richard: No cable, and the only beers we have are 30 years old.
Joey: Man, that's sad, what do you people do to have fun around here?
Richard: We do book club meetings.
Joey: Well, I guess we can talk about books, have you read "The Shinning?"
Richard: No, but I think Juliet might have.
Joey: Great, she and I would have a lot to talk about.
Richard: Sorry, I guess the author's attempt isn't working.
Joey: What do you mean?
Richard: Oh, it's just that Ilayda asked for more scenes with me, and the author tried to write some, but…
Joey: We can sit on the couch and talk, what do you think?
Richard: Good let's try that. *They sit on the couch*
Joey: So, this Ilayda person, she's your fan, huh?
Richard: Oh, yeah, she's the nicest person, on one of her fics she gave me a wife and baby.
Joey: How nice of her, or else you'd have to share Juliet or Kate with the rest of the male characters.
Richard: Yeah, probably! *Richard starts undoing the buttons on his shirt*
Joey [noticing Richard's action]: Hey, dude, what the hell are you doing?!
Richard [stops in the middle of his task]: Oh, and Ilayda also asked for some shirtless Richard.
Joey: NO WAY, you're not taking your clothes in front of me!
Richard: But I have been working out really hard this hiatus ever since they told me Nestor Carbonell would be a regular on season six. I didn't want to disappoint my fans. I want to show off my body a little.
Joey: I don't care, she's gonna have to wait some more chapters.
Richard [buttoning up]: Fine!
Joey: Jeez, does her husband know she's been asking for shirtless Richard?
Richard [shrugging]: What matters is that she thinks I'm smoking hot!
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At the beach everyone sits around a fire.
Paulo: You said you knew about the smoke monster, now talk.
Ethan: Its name is Cerberus.
Ethan didn't say anything else.
Claire: Is that all you know?
Ethan: No I know more, I just made a dramatic pause… *Ethan sighs* When Juliet was in the seventies, there was an incident. They were drilling the Swan hole and when the pocket of electromagnetism was breached, everything metal started to get sucked in. Metal chains wrapped around Juliet's waist and dragged her to the bottom of the hole where she detonated a bomb and died. When Cerberus attacks, there's the chain sound and the mechanical noise, he grabs people by the waist and drags then into holes in the floor. Just like what happened in the incident to Juliet…
Rose: Are you really saying what I think you're saying?
Ethan: Juliet died and became the smoke monster.
Claire [scared]: Really, I thought the smoke monster was a security system… I hate ghosts, where's Charlie? Charlie!
Rose [hugging Claire]: Calm down, honey. The guy is just messing with you. *Rose glares angry at Ethan* How can you tell a pregnant girl things like that?
Ethan: I've done worse. I dragged her through the jungle in the pouring rain and hung her boyfriend.
Paulo [kind of scared too]: So it's really true? The smoke is a ghost? *Ethan doesn't answer, he's looking past him with fear on his face.* What? *Paulo asks more scared than ever.*
Ethan [Pointing behind Paulo, he says almost whispering.]: It's Juliet!
Paulo turns suddenly, and when he sees a tall blond woman he screams terrified. Claire screams too, and Ethan burst out laughing.
Joanna: It's me, Paulo, Joanna!
Paulo [out of breath]: Oh, God, you scared the hell out of me!
Ethan: You needed to see the look on your face. *laughs some more* That's just a stupid fan theory, Juliet didn't die, she was alive before I left the barracks this morning.
Claire [angry]: Then why the hell did you tell us that story?
Ethan [still laughing]: Because I thought it would be fun, and it was!
Sun: Ethan, tell us the truth, do you really know what the monster is?
Ethan [taking a calming breath]: Ok, I'm getting there, relax… The smoke monster is… *drums drumming* Vincent!
Shannon: Vincent as in Walt's smelly dog, or as in the guy who chopped off his ear?
Arzt [sarcastic]: Wow, Shannon, you know who Vincent Van Gogh is?
Shannon: Don't start with me, Leslei!
Neil: It's Neil, God Dammit!
Everyone starts at him speechless.
Neil: Oh, you weren't talking to me, sorry…
Paulo: Anyway, the monster is a cute friendly dog?
Ethan: Yes, yes, he is…
Jin: That explains why he's always missing.
Rose: Why it never attacked Bernard and me when we were living out in the jungle.
They start to discuss what to do with Vincent when he appears on the beach. Then Claire screams again.
Rose: Honey, there's no need to fear, Ethan was just kidding.
Claire: No, I think I'm in labor.
Ethan [smug]: See, if I wasn't here, what would you guys have done?
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Juliet, James, Jack and Kate are drunk playing truth and dare with an empty bottle of wine forgotten on the coffee table, it was Jack's turn to ask and Kate's turn to answer.
Jack: All right, Kate, the question we've all been waiting for. Who do you love?
Kate: I love my father Sam, my high school sweetheart Tom, agent Edward Mars, my ex husband Kevin…
An hour later, Juliet is spinning the bottle bored, Jack is concentrated on how Kate's boobs bounce slightly as she talks and Sawyer is dozing off.
Kate: … I love Cassidy because she's my best friend, and Clementine because she calls me auntie Kate. And of course I love Aaron as if he was my own son. I love Jack even though he's annoying, and last but not least, I love Sawyer and Juliet. That's it, that's all the people I love.
Jack elbows Sawyer awake.
Juliet [emotional]: You love me?
Kate [embarrassed]: Well, I had to tell the truth, right?
Jack: Not the WHOLE truth, we really just wanted to know if you love Sawyer or me, but thanks for clearing that up.
They play a few more turns, until Sawyer dares Juliet to have a pillow fight with Kate like Jack had suggested earlier. Soon Juliet has the upper hand, beating with a pillow a giggling Kate who is lying on the floor too drunk to make a move.
Kate [between giggles]: All right, stop, stop, I surrender!
Sawyer [aroused by the scene]: This is great! We should all like throw away all that Jate, Skate, Jacket, Suliet bullshit, and be happy the four of us together!
Kate: We could be like a really big ship.
Juliet: Let me come up with a name… I know… how about J3K? It rolls off the tongue… J3k, J3k, J3k… I said it three times fast!
Kate [rolling her eyes]: That's stupid…
Juliet: Thanks Miss Trip-and-fall-every-other-episode. Tell us, why the hell are you so clumsy? Now, THAT is stupid!
Next week on After the Boom: 6.05 – It's a job for…
Alex: That's smart of you, Jack, didn't expect more from you.
Ben: Alex?!
Michael [from the jungle]: WAAAAALLLLLLLLLLT!