Author: Oh, I'm so thrilled to write yet another chapter! Okay now, it took me way too long...yeah but let's just forget that, ay? Enjoy!
(The italic stuff are Alex's thoughts btw)
A new, loud howl of pain struck through the calm night. It ripped the air in two, forcing its way around the dimly lit, filthy hostel room. It reached no other ears than its owner's, keeping the room's secrets untouchable.
There was only one broken leather couch in the room accompanied by a lonely coffee table made of oak. One candle was lit but otherwise, the only light in the room was the moonlight.
In the middle of the room, there was one young witch sitting on the floor, a gleaming little item in her left hand. She was the only alive thing in the room but the coldest, nevertheless. End it all. You own everyone that.
Alex's blue eyes squeezed shut when yet another howl escaped her lips, leaving a bitter mental aftertaste. For a moment, however, there was something more than pain, making the witch swim in pure ecstasy. It only lasted for two fine seconds and then it was gone. Like you should be. The pain was there again, only the coldness left behind, leaving no room for the long-waited feelings.
The darkness of the fall night reflected the young witch's thoughts perfectly. Darkness after darkness after darkness. She was suffocating under her own pain, under the never-ending darkness. She wanted it to end but didn't. She wanted everything to end but didn't. She was in the edge of ending everything and wanted no redemption, no help. She only wanted the release although she knew she didn't deserve it.
You deserve nothing anymore.
The marked arm was raised and in one flash of a silver, the other one was harmed.
The howls never changed, never silenced.
Alex's right sleeve was rolled up, leaving her small arm bare to the cold. From the elbow to the fingers, the pale arm was coated in blood. It had messed up Alex's cloak, the floor under her and the sharp silver knife in her left hand.
As Alex saw her own blood flow on the blade of the knife she couldn't help herself but think how it didn't seem any different from a mudblood's. It only made her hate herself even more, cut deeper and longer and scream more painfully.
It all almost made her laugh.
Alex's right arm was full of different sizes of cuts, from her fingers to her shoulder. There were small, almost invisible cuts and big scarred cuts. Every cut had brought more pain, more emotion and more life.
Alex had sat on that same spot for hours, sometimes falling unconscious. She had cut herself repeatedly time after time and always healed the cut after. Not immediately, not painlessly but slowly and painfully. Alex wanted the pain and the scars. She wanted the marks, the scars to tell her she was still alive. She wanted to feel, to be reminded who she was. Alex was in a situation where she didn't know herself anymore.
This, of course, wasn't the first time that Alex hurt herself. She had started it the day her sixth year at Hogwarts had started. There was this secret passage under the Whomping Willow which led to the Shrieking Shack. It had always been one of Alex's favorite places in Hogwarts including the Black Lake. First of all, no one ever came there and Alex had been able to breathe in peace and sometimes even cry or scream. Secondly, no one ever questioned the screams coming from the Shack.
Nobody knew that Alex just needed it, she needed the pain to feel something more than anger because the anger, the blinding red anger was all she felt. The anger was something that was always there. It was in the way of other feelings, it controlled her and made her head all foggy. It was useful in the missions given but it was the anger that controlled her, not her that controlled the anger.
Once again, the feelings faded away, leaving the pain that made Alex gasp loudly.
"Fuck." The strangled whisper echoed in the room, staining the already filthy walls with its venomous way. The sharp knife dropped to the floor from the shaking hand of the young witch and a wand was raised to heal the last cuts.
After the wand was placed back into the left sleeve with a huge difficulty, Alex was left shaking. It was completely silent. Horribly silent. She was able to hear her own heart beats. The blood that was left in her body was rushing through her, to the places most needed. It was pumping red behind her eyes, her ears. Her brain were screaming at her for being so shameful, her body begging her to end it all, her hands combing through her silky black hair. She had no control.
In the silence the voices took over everywhere. They were screaming, whispering and laughing. First Alex lost her heart beats. She heard them no more. Then the voices got louder. Alex heard whispers, screams, laughing. It was like she would've been in the middle of jungle, the noise was unstoppable. She looked around the room, saw no one but didn't understand she was alone.
The room was silent but Alex's head wasn't.
They always tell you the first heartbreak is the worst. What about the first time you hear voices when you've cut yourself and drank?
The noise was getting unbearable. Alex had her hands on her temples, pressing her head as if trying to squeeze the voices out. They were mocking her.
Such a shameful girl.
What a disappointment.
End it. It's easier.
END IT.
"No...No...Stop...Please stop..." The broken witch begged the voices that no one else heard. She was crying and shaking, pressing her temples, looking for the owners of the voices.
She was alone.
The voices only got louder, driving Alex nuts. She was on her knees, her forehead pressed against the floor, almost begging. "Stop...Stop..."
"Please stop!"
Her nerves getting the better of her, her brain screaming in pain, Alex finally broke.
As the scream left her mouth, the voices stopped. They disappeared. The agony didn't.
Alex screamed and screamed.
The young witch screamed until her voice broke.
Is this what you've became?
Half an hour later, an empty firewhiskey bottle was thrown towards the farthest wall. It hit the opponent, broke and the shattered glass flew everywhere.
A drunken Alex opened her room's door and stepped out, bleeding.
"WHERE ARE YOU?" she yelled. There was no one in the corridor.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Alex yelled again, walking down the corridor and reaching the stairs.
Originally, Alex had wanted to keep low profile but after all, none of the muggles knew that she was a criminal. Besides, the drunken Alex had no intention to act rationally.
"Hey IDIOTS?! You bastards...COME OUT AND PLAY WITH ME HA?!" the drunken sixteen-year-old shrieked, falling down a couple of steps.
Sprawled on the floor, Alex was helped up by the owner of the building. "Girl, it's 1am. There has been complaints enough today. You're out."
"Has anyone been looking for me?" Alex asked, not understanding she was being thrown out of the building.
She got no answer but was thrown to the streets of London, alone.
A gang of twenty-year-old men was hanging around their usual corner bar. It had started raining so they were not in the mood for walking elsewhere, not to even mention getting soaked. None of them had gotten lucky so far, so they were quite happy to see one young woman in a black cloak entering the bar.
She surely was drunk already, judging by the way she walked. She wasn't a light-weight in drinking however, although in every other way she was. It was clear to these men as the girl only asked for more the moment she came in, soaked as a cat.
"Hello beauty, what's your name?" Came the poor excuse of a flirt from the right side of Alex.
"I'm- you know what?! You...filthy muggle, 's none o' your business." Alex slurred, downing the strong shot given by the irresponsible bartender.
The man's friends laughing at the background, he himself turning into multiple colors of crimson, he got mad in a split second.
"You called me what, you stupid little brat?" He hissed ridiculously slowly, trying to gain his composure back after Alex's insult.
"Don't talk to me, ya'll such a...shameful." Alex slurred back, making no sense to the man at all.
"Answer me bitch." The man challenged the drunken sixteen-year-old who was out of the situation already. Alex turned to the man, focusing and squinting her eyes, trying to remember who she was talking to. She stood in silence, not moving.
No one predicted the first blow that came swinging to the man's face, leaving him screaming in rage. The next one, delivered to Alex's ribs, however, was highly predicted.
The pair was thrown out of the bar immediately, along came the man's friends.
Before she knew what was happening, Alex was in the middle of a figting circle. The man's friends circled her, leaving her no option of escaping.
The muggle man advanced Alex, ripping his coat off in the rain. "You wanna fight? We're gonna fight!" He yelled at the coughing Alex who lay in the ground, trying to get a hold of herself.
She was given no time.
The first kick felt the most, Alex decided, as she almost passed out after three hard kicks aimed and delivered at her ribcage.
"Bitch can talk but can't act!" The man yelled to his friends, who were cheering around the two. He didn't take any notice on the small girl on the ground.
Alex had risen up, wobbling on her feet. She was out of breath, vomit rising up in her throath but she was not to give up. Hunters never did.
Her punch was good to nothing. She knew she held no chance but that...excited her. She fell against one of the men, just to get pushed back to their own private ring.
Alex closed her eyes, swimming in pure ecstasy. It wasn't the whiskey, the cutting. It was the adrenaline that the fighting and the new kind of pain brought.
"What's wrong with her?! She's smiling..." The man asked his friends, getting irritated by the laughing of his friends and his smiling opponent.
"She won't smile no more..."
After one knock-out punch delivered in the head, Alex stumbled forward and collided with a dumpster. She felt her eye warming up, her ribs screaming at her and her head loosing it all.
Even still, after the men left her, thinking she was dead, she released a laugh. The pain was once again only a small side effect of a greater good.
Alex felt alive.
I know it was messy but anyway...hope you umm...liked it. (Not quite sure can you like it when it was so dark all the way) As a summary of what happened: Alex was once again cutting herself and she was drunk. She was in muggle world, out of Bella's reach (or anyone else's). She started hearing voices out of nowhere but didn't understand those were voices, not people. She drank more, got out of her room and looked for the voices which got her thrown out of the building. She went to a bar (too drunk to notice where heading yeah I know) and got into a fight with a grown man. She got beatrn up but instead of feeling bad, she felt alive.