Little More Than Drabbles (Or Cracked Nuts)

by Moon Fox

Various drabbles and ficlets. Some angst and sad, most humorous. Bromance, cracked, etc. No Merlin character is off limits for picking on. Odd pairings, weird scenarios, missing scenes, and challenges. New chapter: Valley of the Fallen...Queens?

4. Merlin's List

Inspired by Skippy's List of 213 things Skippy is not allowed to do in the army. I don't own Merlin and I take no credit in writing Skippy's List- I have just borrowed and mashed them together because I needed a break after re-writing a particularly depressing chapter (again) in my Two Sides of the Coin story.

Anyhoo These were just the first 25 of the list, 3 of the original list items fit so well I didn't have the heart to change the. Google Skippy's List for the full real content.

If there is enough interest I might continue to try to modify more of these.

1. Not allowed to read any magic when I'm supposed to be polishing armor.

2. Arthur's proper title is "King Arthur" not "Princess Clotpole"

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic. (This is the real #3 from the list)

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair. (yep this is the real one from the list too)

5. Not allowed to wear Morgana's dresses.

6. Not allowed to play bandits with a wooden sword and any knight.

7. Not allowed to add "In accordance with the prophesy" to the end of answers I give to a question Arthur asks me.

8. Not allowed to draw pictures of knights I don't like on War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to tell Arthur to "Get Over it".

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on the king's time.

11. Not allowed to join the current rival kingdom.

12. Not allowed to join any group of bandits.

13. Not allowed to form any group of bandits.

14. Not allowed out of Gaius's chamber when the King of Nemeth visits.

15. Not allowed to transform stone dog and train it to "Sic knights!"

16. Must wear my neckerchief even if it tampers with my awesome magic powers.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders. (another one I didn't have the heart to change)

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous "Want to hug Dance" while on duty.

19. May not call any relative of Arthur immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

20. Must not taunt visiting knights any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize Dragons.

22. Must never call a Dragon a "Wanker".

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been dipping into Gaius's secret herb stash.

24. Must not tell any noble that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

25. Never confuse a Mercian soldier for a Saxon one.