4.
He looks up at her when she walks into his office. "You've spoken to her?"
"She spoke to me."
He smiles at that and she's certain it's the first real smile she has seen from him since she got back.
"And?"
"I believe her."
Disbelief creases his brow. "You believe her?"
She nods once. That should be all it takes.
He puts down his pen and stands slowly from his chair, all the while staring at her intensely. The panic in his eyes reminds her that – at least for a while – it will take more than it used to for him to trust his instincts when it comes to her.
"Relax, Phil. It's – I'm me… But, I believe her… She didn't know that she wasn't me."
"Until she did."
"Until she did - "
"At which point she should have –"
"Phil, her fear of losing you is real."
They haven't talked about the feelings that were obviously shared between Phil and her replacement. He is visibly uncomfortable every time someone merely mentions the time she was away. So it's become something else they just don't discuss.
Predictably, he squirms now, and looks away from her. "It's programmed." He fiddles with the papers on his desk, shuffling them into a pile.
She takes a step closer and pointedly tells him, "It's real."
His hands still, resting on top of the stack and after a second's pause, he raises his head so his eyes can meet hers.
"She has my memories of our past. Whether she was programmed to get close to you or not, her basic programming to be me would give her a fear of losing you."
"But you would have told me the truth anyway."
"I have always done whatever I could to prevent losing you. She just did the same."
"Why are you defending her?"
"Why are you determined to blame her?"
He doesn't verbalise his answer but she hears it in the pain of his expression.
"The alternative is to blame Radcliffe, not you."
"I should have noticed –"
"You weren't supposed to notice."
"Still… What if we hadn't –"
"But you did. And I'm fine."
"Are you?"
"I'll be better once you stop feeling guilty."
"Might take a while… I have a fear of losing you, too, you know."
"I know… But I'm right here."
She's getting used to the glimpses of disappointment that he just can't control. It's slowly getting easier to not take them personally.
She offers him a sympathetic smile then turns to leave.
"Melinda…"
She turns back.
"Aren't you going to ask?"
"I know enough. And if you want me to know any more, you'll tell me when you're ready."
The frown that flickers across his forehead indicates that he doesn't know whether she is referring to him telling her what happened with the decoy or to him telling her how he feels about her.
She's not sure which she means either.
So she smiles again and leaves him to wonder.
… … …