AN: as you can probably tell by the title there is some angst in store for our heroes! But don't worry- i'm not big into angst. So enjoy this next update and let me know what you think!

Chapter 4: Break my Heart

Valeria watched the knights as they practiced in the courtyard below. Her step father said that today, the knights would put on a show of their skills for their amusement. Valeria didn't know exactly how amusing it would be- especially if one of them got hurt accidentally. They weren't to use practice swords. She couldn't help that her eyes seemed to drift towards Gawain more often than naught.

Gawain hefted his sword and grimaced a bit. He really didn't know how Arthur let himself get talked into this. A show battle for that fool Fulvonius and his family. He felt his eyes drift up to Valeria and saw that she was looking down at him. He smiled a bit and she blushed before looking down at her lap. Gawain frowned. He hadn't been able to talk to her since they had kissed in her room. He found himself desperately wanting to do both again- talk to her and kiss her.

"Ready to begin?" Lancelot asked walking over to Gawain, his eyes also fixed on the wall of their observers. For a moment, Gawain thought that Lancelot was looking at Valeria, but then realized it was the red headed maid behind her that had caught Lancelot's eye.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Gawain said with a shrug.

"Don't worry Gawain, I'll go easy on you." Lancelot said with a smirk. Gawain resisted the urge to punch Lancelot.

"Knights! Gather round!" Arthur called and the knights gathered in a semi-circle facing the people seated on top of the wall. Fulvonius got up and began to address the knights.

"We thank-you for putting on this exhibition for our entertainment." Bors snorted from his spot in the line causing Fulvonius to pause in his speech. "Hem, entertainment. You shall be paired in groups of two, fighting with the broadsword only. Each bout will last two minutes and the winner will advance to the next round. The winner of the exhibition shall receive this prize."

With that Fulvonius gestured for one his soldiers to hold an intricately carved bow in the air. The knights were unimpressed. They had no desire for what was little more than a decoration- they could tell it would easily snap in a real battle.

"You may begin!" Fulvonius said as he clapped his hands and sat back in his high backed chair. Valeria had to struggle not to roll her eyes. She could practically feel the knight's irritation as the "exhibition" began. She watched a bit half-heartedly as Lancelot and Bors circled each other occasionally clanging their swords together. She couldn't help but smile a bit at their reluctance and apparent indifference to the so-called reward. Her attention was turned back to her sewing after a short while.

Time seemed to march on slowly. Whether she meant to or not, the only bouts that she paid any attention to were the ones that Gawain was a part of. She followed the way that he swung the sword in a graceful arc, for such a large man, she was amazed at his grace and found herself entranced by his movements. When Gawain lost his "match" to Tristan, Valeria found all her interest in the exhibition fade.

Soon, it was over and Tristan was the winner of the match. He was escorted with Arthur up to the wall where the observers were sitting. Valeria, pleased that she had finished her project, quickly stood when she realized that her mother and step father were standing and greeting the winner. She smiled pleasantly at the knight and Arthur and they bowed in response, although Tristan's eyes seemed to linger on the scarf that she had carelessly set on the chair behind her. It was made from sturdy wool with horses interwoven on it, hardly to the taste of a young Roman girl.

From his spot in the courtyard, Gawain watched as Valeria descended the stairs separately from the rest of her family and the company. He quickly went to where he knew she would exit.

"Valeria!' Gawain called as she reached the bottom of the steps. He moved forward to steady her as she slipped a bit in surprise.

"Gawain." She said with a smile. "I was hoping to find you."

"Yes?"

"Yes. I made this for you." She said and unfolded a long woolen scarf with dancing horses embroidered across it. Gawain took it from her hand and looked at the delicate stitch work and recognized the fabric as some that she had purchased earlier that week. He was touched.

"You made this for me? Why?" He murmured, his hand reaching up to rest on her shoulder, one finger wrapping around a lock of her hair.

"I thought that you would like it." She said with a smile. "You talked about how cold it is here, and this will keep you warm. I thought the horses would remind you of your home." She said and Gawain marveled at the gesture. It was probably the first act of kindness he had been shown by anyone, any Roman, since he had left his village.

"I shall always wear it." He said and wrapped the scarf around his neck. Valeria laughed at his enthusiasm and he felt a tug at his heart with the sound of her laughter.

"I wanted to talk to you about your step father." Gawain blurted out and was sorry to see all the happiness drain from her face. He glanced around and noticed that they were alone, but pulled her back into an alcove, just to be safe.

"Oh?"

"Yes. I don't believe that Arthur trusts him; he is not an honorable man." Gawain said and was a bit let down when Valeria merely nodded in response. "I'm concerned for you." He said gently taking her hand in his own.

"Don't worry, Sir Gawain. I generally escape his notice." She said with a wry smile. Gawain frowned.

"After what I saw the other day…" He trailed off and released her hand to cup her face, where a slight bruise still lingered. She blushed.

"That was the first time that happened. I do admit, I don't want to stay here with him. I had no choice when we moved here, being so young. But now my mother is a mere shadow of herself, how can I leave her? Even if I could leave, how can I? I can hardly ride around Briton safely…" She trailed off with a pained look in her eyes and Gawain knew she was thinking of her journey to Briton.

"You could go back to the wall with us." Gawain said beseechingly and was pleased to see a hopeful light enter her eyes. "And then from there, you can head to Rome. You must have some family there still. And that far away, you can surely escape your step father's influence." All the hope that was there, seemed to drain away in an instant as Gawain's speech continued.

"You would wish me as far away as Rome?" Valeria asked with a slight tinge of disappointment in her tone. Gawain did not misunderstand her meaning. He couldn't look in her eyes as he continued.

"I can offer you nothing." He said in a low voice.

"But-"

"No, Valeria. It matters not how I feel; not even how you feel. I am a slave to Rome. Unable to marry- any children I have before I am freed would be born bastards. Is that what you want? I know that you believe in your religion. The church would curse any union between us." Gawain said bitterly. Valeria nodded, looking up at him with tears filling her eyes.

Gawain reached out to touch her face again, not being able to resist his desire to feel her soft skin perhaps for the last time. At first, she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, and Gawain felt one of her tears slip through his fingers. Suddenly she pulled away as though realizing that they were just hurting themselves more.

"Valeria…" Gawain started, not sure what he was going to say; would he warn her off or take it back?

"No." She whispered. And before another word could be spoken, she ran from him. Gawain merely watched her go, his heart in his eyes. He was interrupted from his reverie by Bors' loud grunt.

"What was that about then?" Bors asked in a suspicious voice. Gawain looked at his brother knight with a frown.

"None of your business." Gawain said, his usually open eyes shuttering closed. He moved to walk away but Bors grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"None of that now. You'll talk about it and you'll talk about it to me, now. I won't see you turn into a moody little bugger like Galahad. I don't think that we could take two!" Bors said and Gawain couldn't help but laugh. Bors was pleased; Gawain hadn't been laughing much lately. "What's going on with that little Roman?"

There was a moment of silence and Bors noticed the slight softening of Gawain's eyes and the new scarf that Gawain was wearing. Bors internally cursed- he didn't see how this could end well.

"I like her. She's kind." Gawain said. He gave Bors a light push at Bors' disbelieving look. "She is!" He said almost defensively. Bors grinned.

"Whatever you say, Gawain." They chuckled a bit together.

"I know that nothing can happen between us." Gawain said at last and Bors didn't much care for the melancholy look on Gawain's face. Gawain was supposed to be the cheerful, reliable knight. Not one for sullen brooding. Against his better judgment, he would encourage Gawain.

"And why not?" Bors said in his customary bellow. Gawain snorted, but Bors didn't let him interrupt. "Why shouldn't you try to get some happiness on this godforsaken island? Granted, if you had fallen for a nice little red head like my Vanora, it would probably go easier for than you-" Bors manfully ignored Gawain's scoffing disbelief. "-but we can't all be as lucky as me."

"Lucky? You've already got five little bastards Bors…and another on the way! I don't think that many men would consider that lucky." Gawain said with a chuckle. Bors merely gave him a steady look.

"Then most men are idiots. My little bastards and Vanora are the only things that keep me sane on this damn island. And I'd kill anyone who tried to take them away."

Gawain was a little startled by the serious thoughts that Bors was expressing, unused to this side of his friend. Bors was usually rude and loud, Gawain was almost touched that Bors would share this softer side with him.

"Just take what happiness you can get, Gawain." Bors said patting his friend on the shoulder. "Why worry about tomorrow, when you could get stuck by a Woad today?" Bors walked away and Gawain watched him walk back to the others, his normal boisterous attitude quickly returning. Feeling the scarf wrapped around his neck, he came to a decision. He would follow his heart- consequences be damned.

AN: A little bit of a shorter chapter. But the faster the reviews come, the faster the chapter updates come!