Chapter Four.
The next days fell away in an apprehensive thrill, the seconds themselves skipped desperately toward the next meeting, be it chance or business. Each man walked around inside-out – eating, sleeping, breathing the other as if every last detail were an unspoken secret spread between them. They yearned to hear more of what they knew without ever asking: if Iruka were a book then Kakashi knew every word but longed to hear him read aloud. Time paced, alive and ready – unsatisfied, even, but ready.
The two nins' chance came before long and Iruka's eyes traced Kakashi's shadowed outline, absorbing every smouldering inch, anxious to remain undetected, while the Hokage talked of the chuunin exams. The younger man took full advantage of his view, eyes following the jounin's casual walk, daring to strip him a little with every step as he made his way forward to face the Sandaime.
Does he walk like that on purpose? Damn, he's good if he does! Mmmm what a voice! I could just listen to you all day, honey… WHAT??? Seriously, did I hear that right? No way!
"Wait! Please, Hokage-Sama, please let me speak!" Iruka interjected, desperately.
"What is it, Iruka-sensei?"
"Please, all nine of them were students of mine in the academy. While they are all talented, I just don't believe they can be ready – they surely need more experience first!"
Kakashi turned to face Iruka, trying his hardest to separate his teacher-head from his Iruka-head.
"They complain about every mission we take… maybe getting roughed up will wake them up a touch, give them a clearer sense of their level." The silver haired jounin fought with his pride as a mentor. "It may be a hard truth but they are no longer your students, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi inwardly winced, holding his breath in the wake of his final sentence.
"-Ah," the abrupt, guttural cry that kicked in Iruka's throat gave expression to the sting in his heart, Kakashi's words of dangerous wisdom lost in the bitter truth, which rang through the chuunin's very being. They were no longer his students.
"We will hold preliminary tests before the entrants are finalised," the Sandaime went on, his comforting voice trailing off somewhere beyond the poison in Iruka's stomach.
Iruka's day wore on in sickened silence, his only relief coming from the prospect of holding the preliminaries himself, later that day. He'd have to see Kakashi though and he wasn't sure how that fitted into the swirling mass of emotions he was holding.
Did I have you pegged so wrong, Kakashi, as to think that you might be human after all?
The tests themselves were executed with baited breath, hopes split between success and advancement, and the safer promise of failure. The results left Iruka satisfied and beaming with pride – they've all come so very far – if a little empty for the acknowledgement.
Maybe I'm just too far off from what it truly means to be a ninja… Better swallow your pride this time, Iruka-sensei, you don't want another wound to match this one…
The sun had set by the time a lowly and twisted Iruka appeared on the roof behind Kakashi. He still felt twinges of pain from the remaining shards of truth inside but deep down he could not blame Kakashi.
He's just as fiercely proud of them as I am, he cuts with everything he has.
"Ano…" he started, returning to his usual form, his dark hair swaying in the evening breeze, "It's just as you said, Kakashi-sensei, they've improved so far beyond-" his voice cut out before the simple admission of his lonely absence from their lives.
"So they have," Kakashi held his voice a little above a whisper, "so they have… though it will still not be enough for the actual exam."
"I understand," Iruka's voice echoed Kakashi's hush. "Kakashi-sensei-"
"Kakashi!" the jounin interjected, "it's just Kakashi."
The dormant hope in Iruka's gut dared to punch a hole through the anxious churning and he seated himself on the cool roof, slipping next to the still form of the older nin.
"Ano… I see the truth in what you said today," Iruka ventured, "still…" he trailed off, unable to fit the words to his needs, his focus shifting instead to the warm and sporadic refreshment the sky had consented to relieve his heart with.
"Harsh but fair, right Iruka?" Kakashi's apologetic tone belied his reluctance to be in the right against the other man.
Iruka sighed.
"Yeah… you know… this morning – let's not mmph!"
Iruka's words lost themselves in the warmth of the lips he found his own entwined with. His cheeks burned against Kakashi's cool skin and the rain that fell on the oblivious passion sparking between them. He closed his eyes, breathing the jounin in with the fresh night sky. Moments passed and they reluctantly relinquished each other's mouths, settling for a tight embrace, hands rolled tightly into uniforms. Newly-opened eyes explored each other's face, yearning to etch the image into memory. In the shallow breaths that followed, Kakashi's soul was the first to speak.
"Iruka," half moan, half whisper. "I…"
"I know," came the reply, naked and ragged with passion.
Kakashi ripped down his mask and Iruka's heart turned in his stomach, dazzled by the elegant features that panted his name.
"You – you're b," Iruka's breath hitched but did not resist the mouth that sought admittance to his own. The sweet damp did not dispel the fire that raged between them and Kakashi lost his hands in Iruka's loosened hair, the rest of him in his searing kiss. The rain came down harder and mingled with the taste of each other, already becoming one. Only the night's cold shudder forced their heads apart.
"We should go – you're soaked through," Kakashi whispered, his hot breath a wave of shivers down Iruka's neck and spine.
"I'm not the only one," the younger man replied, trying to chuckle, his body woozy from the evening chill about and the giddy warmth within.
No more words were needed and Kakashi drew Iruka closer into him, allowing himself a lingering moment of indulgence before forming the seals that would remove them from the lashing rain and chasing wind. The last sound on the rooftop was the slip of a tile and a bang.