Chapter 4: How to be Brave

I have the next few chapters formed in my mind, and I'm very excited for them. I have been writing the scenes in pieces until I can go back and put a whole chapter together. It's really awesome how easily this fic is coming together. In case people are wondering how to say Karan's name, it's pronounced kha-rhan, with hard vowels. Remember to R&R!

It had been a full week on the SSV Hyderabad. Shepard had gotten acquainted with a few of the crew members, but had spent most of her time with Dr. Esperanza and Karan. Her heart still hurt from the loss of her world, but the pain lessened with each day. Jane had created a routine for herself to keep her mind and body busy for most of the day.

Wake up. Light Workout. Eat. Read on her Omnitool. Listen to Alliance military chatter. Talk with Dr. Esperanza. Eat again. Talk with Karan and other crew members. Shower. Read until she fell asleep.

That routine had been working pretty well for Jane, but she'd begun feeling restless. She brought it up to Karan while they were eating dinner one evening.

"So, how much longer until we get to the Gagarin Station?" Jane's voice was edged with anxiousness. Karan took note and chuckled.

"We'll get there soon enough. We have about six more days of travel until we arrive, but don't act so excited to leave," Karan responded with a tone of mocked hurt.

Jane smirked at him, "It's not that I want to leave, but I have been missing wide open spaces," Her eyes glanced around the mess hall, "I think I'm slowly starting to suffocate within these walls,"

"Shepard, if you plan on joining the Alliance Navy after you finish your biotics training, you better get used to it. These rooms become your home," His voice was soft, and Jane noticed that he did indeed consider the ship his home; his blue eyes gazing over certain areas of the mess hall with what she could only assume were fond memories.

"I'm just looking forward to being somewhere that has more room than this," She explained herself, her hand gesturing around the deck. "I'm not allowed on any other deck, and it's rather boring after staring at the same walls day in and day out," She wanted to change the subject, not desiring to think about metal walls closing in on her any longer. "Karan… When I get to Jump Zero, will you message me and keep in touch?"

His bright blue eyes perked up for a moment, but a tinge of remorse was revealed in their depths. "Shepard, I'm sorry, but the Gagarin Station is cut off from the extranet. No information comes or goes from there by anything but a physical datapad. They're incredibly strict about that,"

"Oh wow, they must be serious about this training program, to not even let anyone on the extranet," She murmured, suddenly realizing that she was committing two years of her life to a place she didn't know much about.

"You're going into the program late, which isn't your fault, but you'll have a lot of catching up to do. You'll be so busy, you won't even notice that I'm not there," Karan was trying to be encouraging, quelling Jane's fears about the station. However, nervousness stayed lit within her emerald irises, and she gave a small sigh.

"And what about this surgery I have to go through? You went through it, right?" Her mind was now bringing up every possible thing that might deter her from going to the Gagarin Station.

"They give you general anesthesia, but they can't put you under completely while insert the implant. If they did, your biotics would have the chance of short-circuiting the implant before it's even calibrated, it would be useless. However, it's only mildly discomforting, I got mine when I was older than you. Back then, there were very few biotics, and most of us can't compare to those that have powers now," His voice was calming, comforting her in a fatherly way.

They had finished eating, both of them standing up and moving their dishes to the sanitation station, and making their way to the hall. Jane was incredibly thankful for having found someone like Karan on the ship; he was able to calm her fears with just a few words. Most of the other crewmembers on the decks would talk to her, but Jane got the impression it was due to her being the lone survivor of Mindoir, or her biotic abilities that had put half the ship offline. She had heard her name whispered when she would walk through the mess hall. She didn't think anything that she had done was heroic, but some others did.

Karan didn't treat her any differently, and for that she was grateful. The older man was also inspiring. After being on the ship for only two weeks, Jane had decided she wanted to join the Alliance Navy when she was of age, due in no small part to Karan and his daily chats with her. She took a step towards her room before settling her jade eyes upon his form.

"I better head to the shower and ready myself for lights out, because I have so much to do tomorrow," Her sarcasm was clear, humor filtering through her voice and face with a smile. Karan nodded and headed towards the crews quarters, "See you tomorrow, Shepard,"

Shepard lay on her bed. Sleep had eluded her like a wild varren, her mind desperately snatching for dreams, while her body yearned to move freely. It was incredibly difficult acclimating to the small amount of space she had to live in, compared to the wide open spaces of her home. And each time she thought of Mindoir, it would bring darkness over her head, full of sadness and hate. Jane was still angry, but no longer at herself, she was angry with the Batarians, angry that another sentient being could consciously and willingly take another's life, or take another as a slave, treating them as less than a person. She wanted to hurt them, and that was what had been pushing at her body, willing her to move around and do something productive. However, Jane had been at a loss of anything productive to do.

Her light workouts were okay with keeping her fit, but they did nothing to increase her strength, and she truthfully didn't know the first thing about strength training or intense exercise. Her work on the farm had been more than enough work those days to keep her fit and in shape, sometimes even helping her build muscle when the crops were extremely productive.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, sitting with her head in her hands, she sighed. There's no use in fighting it, let's just look forward to this sleepless night… Jane had even worked out extra that day to make her body a little more tired than usual, but the confinement of ship walls had spurred on her extra energy be completely spent. The waterfall of red tresses had a pale hand run through them, before Shepard stood and started to leave her room. Dressed in her sweat pants and grey tank top, she went out in search of something to occupy her mind.

Wandering through the hall, Jane walked past the crew quarters, the life support area and the mess hall before reaching the port observation deck. The door slid open with a nearly soundless whoosh and she walked into the room, an extensive window revealing the galaxy's stars moving by quickly. There weren't any lights on, the only illumination was provided by the stars gliding quickly past the glass opening. Her footsteps lead her to the glass, and she pressed a palm against it, leaning her head against the cool surface, hoping for a mental relief from her daily stresses.

The expanse of space calmed Jane, making her realize that she was just a very small piece of a very giant puzzle in the universe. She thought about everything she would be doing in the future, different worlds she would visit, the action she would see, the technology she would utilize, the races that she would meet…

The last thought made her blood run cold. Jane didn't want to meet another race like the Batarians. In fact, she wasn't sure that she wanted to meet any other race, not at the moment. In her historical civilities class on Mindoir, Jane had been taught on how the Turians had initiated war with the Humans, and there was still a lot of tension between the races. When the humans gained entry to the Citadel and given an ambassador's position there, many more races became incensed at the humans for their aggressiveness, and now the Batarians were pissed for the humans expanding into the Terminus Systems. Jane wasn't sure what would happen if she met another Batarian so soon after losing Mindoir.

Without Jane realizing, her hand had went from a flat palm against the glass and formed a fist that she held from the window. Shepard had a huge urge to punch the closest thing in her vicinity, but swallowed the anger instead, her fist falling to her side.

"I was worried you were going to break the window for a minute there, Shepard," Karan's familiar voice rang out of the darkness, and Jane jumped at his voice. The intense emotions she'd been feeling drained out of her face as she noticed Karan sitting on a bench in a dark corner of the room. His bright blue eyes were settled on her, his blonde hair stark against the shadows he sat in.

"Karan! You almost gave me a heart attack. Why didn't you say anything when I walked in?" Shepard gave him a curious look as she sat beside him.

"I come here quite often after my shift, a nice place to settle my thoughts. However, this is the first time I've ever seen you in here," He didn't offer more of an answer to her question, but continued talking. "What brings you here in the middle of the night, anyway? Bad dreams?"

Jane shook her head, "More like no dreams, lately I've had so much pent-up energy that I'm not tired enough to sleep. Days run together here, even with simulated 'Night Cycles' and designated eating times,"

Karan nodded in understanding, "Yeah, it'll take you a little while to get used to it. I remember it took me about two months before I really adjusted. That's not what you thinking about over there, though…" His words trailed off as he gestured to where she had been standing at the window. "Your anger was nearly tangible. Shepard, if you're beating yourself up about not being able to help your family-"

"I'm angry at the Batarians." Shepard's voice cut him off roughly, surprising herself with her tone. "Sorry. I've just been thinking about how nearly every race is against us. The Turians despise us, so do the Batarians, and countless of other races that are on the Citadel. I just don't know if I can face them with everything that they've done to our people," Her hands hand clenched into fists again.

Karan put his hand on her shoulder, and spoke in a fatherly manner. "Jane… Humans are new in this galactic capacity within the universe. We've only been interacting with species outside of our galaxy for a few decades. Yes, there will be those individuals that don't care for our species, but many other individuals will welcome us into their galaxies on onto their planets. You can't judge these people on their races, but as individuals. There will always be those people that don't like you and those that do. Even other humans will despise you for simply being born off of Earth. Everyone's different," Jane had turned her head, and his azure irises pierced her emerald gaze.

He continued, "What matters is how you respond to those individuals. Every time that you meet another person of a different race, it is your responsibility to show them the good traits and values of our own race. You must exemplify our characteristics and show them how much we deserve to be a part of the universe as a whole. If each Human were to do that, the other races of the Citadel would be much more inclined to welcome us with open arms. There will always be situations or occurrences outside of your control, but you can always control how you will respond," He took his hand off her shoulder, and Jane felt as though weigh had been added to her body instead of taken away.

"I know my little speech won't completely change your mind, especially about Batarians. But you need to know that when you join the Alliance, there will be times when all you have around you are other species. You just have to get past physical differences and be yourself, besides, you're going to be around plenty of Turians soon enough," He finished speaking, still looking at her, a smirk rose on his face.

"What? Why would I be meeting Turians anytime soon?" She wasn't panicking about it, but it would be the first time she would meet another species up close.

"When the BAaT program started, I had nearly finished my training with the Navy. However, I was invited to go and take additional Biotics training, which I desperately needed. Humans really don't have that great of a handle on how to train Biotics, so they hired Turian Mercs to come and train humans on how to use their powers. It's a great experience, even though some of the Turians aren't that fond of humans," Karan explained.

"I still need to be myself around them," Jane told herself. "Now that I know I'll be meeting some Turians soon, I think I should become familiar with some of their customs," She stood up, her auburn hair just a red-black hue in the dark room as she pushed some out of her face.

"Thank you, Karan. I'm glad to have someone here that doesn't think of me as just the 'girl who blew a Batarian shuttle to shit' or the 'kick-ass Mindoir survivor'," Her words were directly quoted from some whispers she'd heard earlier in the day.

"Goodnight, Shepard," Karan nodded to her. She returned the gesture and made it back to her room, no more tired. However, now she had some material to look up on the Extranet and read about.

After six days of looking up as much information as she could on the Turians, and their customs, as well as their behaviors, the day had come.

She was excited, but anxious about what lay ahead of her.

Shepard stood in the starboard observation deck, watching the Gagarin Station come into view. It was a large station, with enough docking ports for at least twenty ships, if not more. Karan stood beside her, and she felt her heart ache a little at knowing she wouldn't be able to see or talk to him for almost two years. She would be isolated from the Extranet and most outside information, but she had a mission ahead of her.

Shepard had resolved to herself the night before, she would do her absolute best in the program. She wanted to be stronger, faster, better than she was at the moment. Jane wanted to be able to help others across the galaxies, to atone for those she couldn't help on Mindoir. She wouldn't be helpless anymore. From now on, I'll do more than just survive… She told herself. Jane's face reflected that of a determined young woman, her demeanor calm but ready.

As they came closer to the station, Karan walked up behind her, a few others following in his wake. His eyes glanced at her face and he spoke softly, "Ready?"

Shepard nodded her head, "Ready. Let's move out,"

He lead her through the deck back to the elevator that she'd only been on once before. As they passed the med-bay, she waved goodbye to Dr. Esperanza. The doctor mouthed a few words to Jane as she went by, it looked like 'Good Luck,' and young girl nodded with a smile.

By the time they reached the airlock, going through hallways and rooms that disoriented Jane thoroughly, the SSV Hyderabad had already docked. Jane stepped into the inner chamber that connected the ship to the dock, and only Karan stepped in with her. She gave him an excited smile, and waited for the scans and depressurization to be done before the door in front of them opened.

Shepard took the first step out, and the room wasn't much different from the one she'd just left. It was a short hallway that opened up into a central registration station, a good number of staff and others at their positions. Karan walked out of the airlock and stood beside her.

"This is as far as I go, Shepard. They have all your information at the desk. They'll tell you where to go and you'll get acquainted with other new recruits and be assigned to a room. I'm sure you're going to do incredibly well," Karan had a look of a proud father as he stood watching Shepard gain her bearings.

Jane looked up at him, and moved to face him, taking a deep breath. "Thanks for everything, Karan," As he began to speak, she gave him a quick hug, and then took off down the hallway.

Jane didn't want to say goodbye. She had already said goodbye to her old life, and she didn't anticipate ever having to say goodbye to this new one.

This chapter, after starting to write it, left my hands much more fluidly than the others. I feel like this was a pivotal point for Ms. Jane Shepard, and she's really going to come into her own over the next few chapters. We'll also meet some familiar faces next chapter! I believe I'll be updating every Tuesday and Friday from now on. My semester of school is almost over, so that will speed things up a bit, and I may begin updating three times a week once school is over.

Remember to R&R!