*Chapter 4*
I lay there in suspended animation.
I felt myself floating.
The bear was melting. Old grizzly bear, my friend. Good old bear.
I demorphed. The snake was still in my mouth. Motionless.
I demorphed.
I was Rachel again, alive, unhurt. I could have bounded up and gone off to the mall to shop. But I didn't kid myself. I didn't hope.
I spit the snake out.
I was surrounded on all sides. I was only a weak human girl now. The polar bear loomed over me, his strength the equal of my own grizzly, but now I was just me, just Rachel.
I could see the viewscreen. I could see my best friend Cassie. Jake. Marco, funny Marco. Ax.
Tobias.
He had morphed. He was his human self once more. He'd done that for me. And because he was crying. I understood. Humans cry, hawks don't.
"I love you," I said to the screen.
And oh, god, how could so much regret and so much sweetness and so much sadness all be present in that single moment. I was already dead and missing my unlived life. I was already dead and Tobias was mourning.
I tried to smile. For him.
The polar bear said, You fight well, human.
Then he killed me with a single blow.
Time stopped.
He came to me. The Ellimist.
The puppet master come to watch my final act. It figured. He was in his saintly old man guise. As fake as everything else about him. The all-powerful weakling. The mighty manipulator.
"You," I said accusingly.
"Yes."
"Who are you?" I demanded. "Who are you to play games with us? You appear, you disappear, you use us, who are you, what are you?"
And then, for what seemed like a very long time, the Ellimist told me. I saw. I understood.
But I also knew that he would not save me. That he couldn't under the arcane rules of his millennia-long war with Crayak.
The Ellimist was there to honor me, and I guess that was nice of him. Wasn't going to help me much.
I wanted so much to live. I wanted so much to stay and not to leave. In a moment no answer would matter to me, but just the same, I wanted to know what I guess any dying person wants to know.
"Answer this, Ellimist: Did I...did I make a difference? My life, and my...my death...was I worth it? Did my life really matter?"
"Yes," he said. "You were brave. You were strong. You were good. You mattered."
"Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then."
I wondered if --
(And now...the fun begins.)
FLASH!
Time started up again. I knew I didn't have any time left, but I had to try. I still had just a little life still in me, and it was now or never. The Yeerks were concentrating on piloting the Blade ship away, to escape from the Pool ship, and into outer space. My broken neck lolled about aimlessly. I could not breathe. Quickly, I concentrated. I concentrated on the first morph that popped into my head. Roach. It was my salvation, my deliverance. I began to morph, slowly at first, but with growing rapidness. I began gaining more feeling as I morphed, the sensations of the cockroach overriding my dying human
ones.
15, 14, 13... The seconds ticked away, and I knew if I didn't finish by the last second, I would lose consciousness, and my life along with it.
8, 7, 6, 5... My legs sprouted hairy prickles. My head grew long antennae.
4, 3... I was 80 percent roach now.
2, 1... 95 percent.
0. I had done it. I was still alive. Once again, Rachel the Warrior Princess had beaten death. Once again I had survived. However, with the viewscreen off, at least disabled from connection with the Pool ship, I knew my friends hadn't seen me. They still believed me dead. And, for a while, it would be best to keep it that way.
I scurried down the passageway in my roach morph. I'd been here before, so the terrain was easy enough to place. I made it quickly to an unoccupied Bug fighter, and scrambled aboard, demorphing in the process.
Then, morphing to my Hork-Bajir form, I punched in the controls and fired the engine. I exploded out of the hangar and into deep space.
My destination... Hmm, I had to think about that. I needed a cover, and the only way for that to happen now was through Erek, who was currently on the Pool ship, as far as I knew. So, my plan was clear. I would dock with the Pool ship, and talk to Erek about my diversion plan.
I set the course, then flew, using the Hork-Bajir mind, who was familiar with the controls, to pilot the ship to the docking of the Pool ship.
Docking wasn't hard. So many Bug fighters were coming in at the same time, so all I needed to do was fall in line with them. I did so, then allowed the ship to be configured for auto dock. I moved into the back and demorphed once again.
Did I say morphing was tiring? It is. And especially after escaping an almost inescapable death, it becomes even more tiring. I had little doubt that the Ellimist ever saw that one coming.
I found a small cloak in the storage area of the Bug fighter. Most likely for one of the human-Controllers to which this fighter was registered. I put it on quickly, wrapping it around myself so as to conceal my identity. I knew I would run into Jake and the others, so I had to be prepared.
The Pool ship, one massive hunk of spare parts, or so it felt like to me, was slowly rotating in the air, not moving as such, but still mobile. I snuck in, unnoticed in the confusion. All the Yeerk prisoners were being herded off in different directions. One girl in a black cloak didn't attract too much attention. I soon found Cassie, who was walking in wolf morph towards the engine room, looking for Erek.
I saw Erek appearing before Cassie, then watched as Cassie demorphed to human.
"Hi, Erek," Cassie said.
"Hi, Cassie." He said sadly. "Jake sent you."
I watched Cassie nod her head.
"I see. He feels guilty."
"No. Not guilty," Cassie replied.
Of course not, I thought, smirking.
His holographic eyes narrowed at Cassie. "Then what? He used me, blackmailed me, manipulated my programming to get me to break through the security grid and take control of this ship."
"You drained the Dracon beams."
So that's why the cannon was so low! Erek!
"What did Jake expect me to do? I had given him control when he needed it. I wasn't going to enable him to kill."
"The Blade ship got away. Rachel...Jake had Rachel with Tom. Tom and Rachel are both... and the ship got away anyway. Thanks to you."
Such anger I had never seen from Cassie before. And yet, here I was, watching her from behind a pole, not able to reveal myself to still be among the living. I felt terrible for that.
The Erek hologram disappeared. He was an android now, a thing of steel and ivory vaguely in the shape of a dog walking erect. "And I'm supposed to feel regret because Jake ordered his cousin to kill his brother and I didn't allow him to massacre everyone else on the Blade ship?"
He had a point. But still, it was a war. People died in wars, often for no reason. But I understood what he was saying.
Cassie looked ready to burst. Her anger at his words was showing magnificently.
"So, you, too, huh Cassie?"
"Jake did what he had to do."
"Did he? Someone flushed the Yeerk pool into space. Did he have to do that too? They were unhosted Yeerks. They were harmless."
"We needed a div--" She stopped, knowing he'd react to that.
And react he did. "A what? A what did you need? A diversion? You're going to tell me you needed a diversion so Jake massacred seventeen thousand sentient creatures? A diversion?"
He was clearly breaking Cassie's spirit. She inhaled deeply. "Jake says maybe you should get off the ship, Erek. The Andalites will most likely be coming aboard the ship soon. It's up to you whether you go on keeping your existence secret. We won't divulge it."
"I see."
"Bye Erek."
He nodded. Then, as he was passing, in a direct path for my station, he took Cassie's arm in his pseudo-hand. "Take care of Jake. He's going to need you."
Cassie smiled sadly, then left. Erek came by, then stopped. He turned and looked at me. "So, did you enjoy our conversation, human?"
I smirked under the cowl of my cloak. "I'm more on Cassie's side, Erek. But all in all, it was okay."
Erek's mind whirred, I could tell. Contemplating. Then his hologram switched back on, with a face of shock embedded in the features. "Rachel!" he breathed.
I lowered the cowl and brushed back my blondish-brown hair. "The one and only."
Erek seemed to absorb that. He tried to speak, but I stopped him. "I need your help one last time, old friend."
"My help? Your cousin used my help in ways I never approved of. Why should I believe anything different of you?"
"Because, I'm already dead. There isn't anyone here who can currently say otherwise. And I need you to be me, for whatever kind of funeral plan they have for me. Most likely, I can see them cremating me, as I would hate to just be buried in the ground to rot. That's like me getting dirty. Not going to happen."
He laughed. "I understand. Rachel, this will have to be my final act though. I won't be a part of this anymore, you understand."
"Nor would I choose for you to be. We've all been through a lot. It's time to return to our normal lives."
He nodded, then scanned a picture of me into his databanks. He would help me with this last request to the best of his ability, and I was eternally grateful. I watched him disappear down the hall, then hurried to catch up with Cassie.
I lay there in suspended animation.
I felt myself floating.
The bear was melting. Old grizzly bear, my friend. Good old bear.
I demorphed. The snake was still in my mouth. Motionless.
I demorphed.
I was Rachel again, alive, unhurt. I could have bounded up and gone off to the mall to shop. But I didn't kid myself. I didn't hope.
I spit the snake out.
I was surrounded on all sides. I was only a weak human girl now. The polar bear loomed over me, his strength the equal of my own grizzly, but now I was just me, just Rachel.
I could see the viewscreen. I could see my best friend Cassie. Jake. Marco, funny Marco. Ax.
Tobias.
He had morphed. He was his human self once more. He'd done that for me. And because he was crying. I understood. Humans cry, hawks don't.
"I love you," I said to the screen.
And oh, god, how could so much regret and so much sweetness and so much sadness all be present in that single moment. I was already dead and missing my unlived life. I was already dead and Tobias was mourning.
I tried to smile. For him.
The polar bear said, You fight well, human.
Then he killed me with a single blow.
Time stopped.
He came to me. The Ellimist.
The puppet master come to watch my final act. It figured. He was in his saintly old man guise. As fake as everything else about him. The all-powerful weakling. The mighty manipulator.
"You," I said accusingly.
"Yes."
"Who are you?" I demanded. "Who are you to play games with us? You appear, you disappear, you use us, who are you, what are you?"
And then, for what seemed like a very long time, the Ellimist told me. I saw. I understood.
But I also knew that he would not save me. That he couldn't under the arcane rules of his millennia-long war with Crayak.
The Ellimist was there to honor me, and I guess that was nice of him. Wasn't going to help me much.
I wanted so much to live. I wanted so much to stay and not to leave. In a moment no answer would matter to me, but just the same, I wanted to know what I guess any dying person wants to know.
"Answer this, Ellimist: Did I...did I make a difference? My life, and my...my death...was I worth it? Did my life really matter?"
"Yes," he said. "You were brave. You were strong. You were good. You mattered."
"Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then."
I wondered if --
(And now...the fun begins.)
FLASH!
Time started up again. I knew I didn't have any time left, but I had to try. I still had just a little life still in me, and it was now or never. The Yeerks were concentrating on piloting the Blade ship away, to escape from the Pool ship, and into outer space. My broken neck lolled about aimlessly. I could not breathe. Quickly, I concentrated. I concentrated on the first morph that popped into my head. Roach. It was my salvation, my deliverance. I began to morph, slowly at first, but with growing rapidness. I began gaining more feeling as I morphed, the sensations of the cockroach overriding my dying human
ones.
15, 14, 13... The seconds ticked away, and I knew if I didn't finish by the last second, I would lose consciousness, and my life along with it.
8, 7, 6, 5... My legs sprouted hairy prickles. My head grew long antennae.
4, 3... I was 80 percent roach now.
2, 1... 95 percent.
0. I had done it. I was still alive. Once again, Rachel the Warrior Princess had beaten death. Once again I had survived. However, with the viewscreen off, at least disabled from connection with the Pool ship, I knew my friends hadn't seen me. They still believed me dead. And, for a while, it would be best to keep it that way.
I scurried down the passageway in my roach morph. I'd been here before, so the terrain was easy enough to place. I made it quickly to an unoccupied Bug fighter, and scrambled aboard, demorphing in the process.
Then, morphing to my Hork-Bajir form, I punched in the controls and fired the engine. I exploded out of the hangar and into deep space.
My destination... Hmm, I had to think about that. I needed a cover, and the only way for that to happen now was through Erek, who was currently on the Pool ship, as far as I knew. So, my plan was clear. I would dock with the Pool ship, and talk to Erek about my diversion plan.
I set the course, then flew, using the Hork-Bajir mind, who was familiar with the controls, to pilot the ship to the docking of the Pool ship.
Docking wasn't hard. So many Bug fighters were coming in at the same time, so all I needed to do was fall in line with them. I did so, then allowed the ship to be configured for auto dock. I moved into the back and demorphed once again.
Did I say morphing was tiring? It is. And especially after escaping an almost inescapable death, it becomes even more tiring. I had little doubt that the Ellimist ever saw that one coming.
I found a small cloak in the storage area of the Bug fighter. Most likely for one of the human-Controllers to which this fighter was registered. I put it on quickly, wrapping it around myself so as to conceal my identity. I knew I would run into Jake and the others, so I had to be prepared.
The Pool ship, one massive hunk of spare parts, or so it felt like to me, was slowly rotating in the air, not moving as such, but still mobile. I snuck in, unnoticed in the confusion. All the Yeerk prisoners were being herded off in different directions. One girl in a black cloak didn't attract too much attention. I soon found Cassie, who was walking in wolf morph towards the engine room, looking for Erek.
I saw Erek appearing before Cassie, then watched as Cassie demorphed to human.
"Hi, Erek," Cassie said.
"Hi, Cassie." He said sadly. "Jake sent you."
I watched Cassie nod her head.
"I see. He feels guilty."
"No. Not guilty," Cassie replied.
Of course not, I thought, smirking.
His holographic eyes narrowed at Cassie. "Then what? He used me, blackmailed me, manipulated my programming to get me to break through the security grid and take control of this ship."
"You drained the Dracon beams."
So that's why the cannon was so low! Erek!
"What did Jake expect me to do? I had given him control when he needed it. I wasn't going to enable him to kill."
"The Blade ship got away. Rachel...Jake had Rachel with Tom. Tom and Rachel are both... and the ship got away anyway. Thanks to you."
Such anger I had never seen from Cassie before. And yet, here I was, watching her from behind a pole, not able to reveal myself to still be among the living. I felt terrible for that.
The Erek hologram disappeared. He was an android now, a thing of steel and ivory vaguely in the shape of a dog walking erect. "And I'm supposed to feel regret because Jake ordered his cousin to kill his brother and I didn't allow him to massacre everyone else on the Blade ship?"
He had a point. But still, it was a war. People died in wars, often for no reason. But I understood what he was saying.
Cassie looked ready to burst. Her anger at his words was showing magnificently.
"So, you, too, huh Cassie?"
"Jake did what he had to do."
"Did he? Someone flushed the Yeerk pool into space. Did he have to do that too? They were unhosted Yeerks. They were harmless."
"We needed a div--" She stopped, knowing he'd react to that.
And react he did. "A what? A what did you need? A diversion? You're going to tell me you needed a diversion so Jake massacred seventeen thousand sentient creatures? A diversion?"
He was clearly breaking Cassie's spirit. She inhaled deeply. "Jake says maybe you should get off the ship, Erek. The Andalites will most likely be coming aboard the ship soon. It's up to you whether you go on keeping your existence secret. We won't divulge it."
"I see."
"Bye Erek."
He nodded. Then, as he was passing, in a direct path for my station, he took Cassie's arm in his pseudo-hand. "Take care of Jake. He's going to need you."
Cassie smiled sadly, then left. Erek came by, then stopped. He turned and looked at me. "So, did you enjoy our conversation, human?"
I smirked under the cowl of my cloak. "I'm more on Cassie's side, Erek. But all in all, it was okay."
Erek's mind whirred, I could tell. Contemplating. Then his hologram switched back on, with a face of shock embedded in the features. "Rachel!" he breathed.
I lowered the cowl and brushed back my blondish-brown hair. "The one and only."
Erek seemed to absorb that. He tried to speak, but I stopped him. "I need your help one last time, old friend."
"My help? Your cousin used my help in ways I never approved of. Why should I believe anything different of you?"
"Because, I'm already dead. There isn't anyone here who can currently say otherwise. And I need you to be me, for whatever kind of funeral plan they have for me. Most likely, I can see them cremating me, as I would hate to just be buried in the ground to rot. That's like me getting dirty. Not going to happen."
He laughed. "I understand. Rachel, this will have to be my final act though. I won't be a part of this anymore, you understand."
"Nor would I choose for you to be. We've all been through a lot. It's time to return to our normal lives."
He nodded, then scanned a picture of me into his databanks. He would help me with this last request to the best of his ability, and I was eternally grateful. I watched him disappear down the hall, then hurried to catch up with Cassie.