Chapter 3

Though their world might have felt like it ended, life still went on that day. There was still dinner to eat, made by staff clueless of what was going on. The tension at the table could not helped but be felt by those who knew.

At first it was silent. The deadly, horrible silence that comes before a storm. Words didn't have to be said because the silence said everything.

Wyldon turned to Margarry. "Who did it?" he said.

The man who was once called the Stump was now brimming with emotion. His face was red and his hands were shaking that it was truly frightening to watch. Margarry turned away from him.

"Margarry..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"This isn't the place..." Vivienne began, her calm composure crumbling as she spoke.

He slammed his fist on the table. "We can't speak about it as if everything's alright! It happened and she's..."

"Wyldon..."

He stormed off again, leaving the stunned family members in his wake.

"I'm not hungry," Margarry mumbled as she pushed her food away.

The rest of the meal didn't taste so good to Owen. Having to shove it down a throat already holding a scream lessened the experience of eating it considerably.

Owen knew that it would be another sleepless night. Another night shuffling in bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling and cursing the gods.

Gods, would things ever be the same again? Looking at her broken just killed him inside.

There was a knock at the door. This time Owen knew better then to think it was Wyldon.

"Come in," he called.

She walked into the room with sad, scared eyes and sat down on the bed.

"I ruined Midwinter this year, Owen. I never should have told. I should've just gotten rid of it and..."

"That asshole ruined Midwinter, Margarry, not you."

"I shouldn't have been wandering around by myself. I shouldn't have let him take me back..." She broke off, her eyes distant.

He grabbed her arm and forced her to look into his eyes. "Margarry, listen to me. This isn't your fault. It's his. No... No means no."

"I could've..."

"Gods, I'm going to kill that bastard. Margarry, listen to me. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

She looked away from him and sighed. "Owen..."

"Margarry..."

"Can we take care of it tomorrow? I can't stand knowing that it's... inside of me still. It's almost like he still is."

"Okay but I have to do it after training. And your father... He can't know about it. You know how he's..."

"He thinks it's murder, I know. I just... I can't do this anymore, Owen."

He squeezed her hand. "Okay. It isn't his choice, Margarry."

"I feel so...dirty, Owen." Her voice broke and her jaw trembled. A single tear fell down her face. Owen wanted to cry with her but he knew that he could not let her see his tears.

"You're not dirty, Margarry," he said. "You're not dirty."

"You don't think so... " she said and her voice was so desperately hopeful that he flinched. "You would take me back, Owen? We could... do it again? I don't want to be like this anymore."

"We can, when you're ready."

"I don't... I don't... I don't wanna be dirty, Owen." She covered her face with her hands and her back started heaving.

When Owen put his arms around her that time, she didn't shrug him off but she squeezed him so hard that for a moment he couldn't breathe.

"I can't sleep by myself tonight," she said, her voice raspy. "I'm just... I can't be alone."

"Okay," he said. "You can stay with me. Come in."

She slid in besides him and clutched his hand. Once again, Owen spent most of that night staring at the ceiling.

Breakfast was just as horrible as dinner, but at least morning grogginess made the pain less acute.

The worst part of the day was waking up. For one moment, forgetting what had happened and then looking at her sleeping figure besides him and remembering what had happened.

She gave him a pleading look and he knew what she was asking. If he refused to go with her then he knew she would only go by herself and only the gods knew who she would find.

He had to go with her. If Wyldon refused, then he

He pulled aside his knightmaster aside after breakfast.

"Can we take a break from practicing today?"

"No," Wyldon said, his tone sharp. "You need to train. The Ordeal will creep up faster than you know."

Owen looked at the ground. "Margarry asked me to. She said she needed me."

Wyldon's head jerked up. "What?"

"She wants to..."

Wyldon blanched and he turned away from Owen. "Owen, she's confused after...everything. Don't even think about it."

"What? That's not it at all. She just needs..."

"Oh," Wyldon said. "I'm sorry, Jesslaw. This has just been.. really hard."

"So... can I?"

Owen heard the sharp intake of his breath. "Yes. Just... don't try anything. Not now."

"Fine."

Owen thought that Wyldon was going to let him go. However when he was walking away, Wyldon gripped his arm and yanked him back.

"What does she want to do?"

"She just needs..."

"She said she was pregnant, Owen. What are you going to do?"

Owen hesitated. He couldn't lie to his knightmaster yet he was set in his decision. "I don't know. Whatever she wants me to do, I guess."

"If she ends her pregnancy, she'll regret it the rest of her life. She doesn't need that to deal with."

What did he know? He didn't see the horror on her face and the desperation in her eyes. "It's her choice."

"I'm not letting you go then."

"I'm not forcing her to do it by herself."

"Owen!"

Owen ran away from him, terrified of his knightmaster catching up after him. He needed to get to Margarry, needed to help her.

He ran to the stables. Wyldon wouldn't go there because he didn't know that that was their secret spot.

Margarry was already there, her hands clasped and her eyes to the ground. She looked up when Owen came near her.

"Hey," he said. "I'm here." He didn't need to worry her with the details that her father was coming after them, begging Margarry not to make a horrible mistake. That alone filled Owen with rage.

What kind of father would force his daughter to carry her rapist's baby against her will? It wasn't like the baby was close to term or anything so there wasn't a reason for her to feel guilty. He loved Margarry but how could he let his conservative ways cloud what was best for her?

"Thank you," she said. "I don't think I could do this by myself."

The look in her eyes told him that it was worth coming there. He took her hand and squeezed it. He couldn't tell her how it would be alright or anything of the sort because there was no guarantees that it would be.

"We have to get going," Owen said.

"Yeah," she said. "I should do this before..."

Owen squeezed her hand. "You don't have to do this. I would marry you. I told you so."

"Yes I do," she said. "I do."

"Your father's coming after us."

Her eyes flashed. She gripped his arm and she glared at him. "Did you tell him?" she asked. When he didn't answer, she gripped him harder. "How could you tell him? I trusted you."

"He found out, Margarry, I..."

She didn't seem to hear him. Her eyes looked as if they were focused somewhere else, somewhere in a place where Owen couldn't reach.

"I trusted you," she said. Her eyes were glazed over and she was staring at the sky. "I trusted you, I trusted you, I trusted you..."

Owen felt himself freeze, his insides turning in on him and twisting inside of him.

He grabbed her. "Margarry, Margarry..."

There was no use. He could not pull her from whatever dark hole that she fell into.

She squirmed away from his grasp absently. She stopped talking, staring blankly at the ground.

"Margarry..."

She looked at him for a moment and then she started furiously kicking at the ground.

"Margarry..."

She didn't stop but her moments only became more frenzied.

Oh gods, he couldn't do this anymore. It was one thing to hear her cry but it was quite another to see her lose control like this.

"Margarry, stop!"

She looked up at him and the look on her evaporated. It was like she was stuck in a bubble of some sort and the bubble popped.

Her head fell into her hands and she started to emit this horrible choked sound. With tentative steps, Owen walked towards her and put a hand on her shoulder.

She took her head out of her hands and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

"What am I gonna do, Owen?" she said, her voice so small. "What am I gonna do now?"

He was frozen; words were lost on him. He had to say something. With those big wide eyes, he knew that she expected him to say something to her. "Maybe... Maybe you'll miscarry."

She flinched, turning away from him. Owen cursed himself for saying the wrong thing.

"I can't do this, Owen," she said. "I can't, I can't..."

"I can marry you, Margarry," he offered up lamely. "I can..."

She just shook her head and stared at the sky. "Owen, you don't, you don't..." Her voice became more heated with each word. Finally she sighed and moved away from him.

There was nothing for him to say. Nothing would make it better so what was the point? It was bad enough that she couldn't stand to look at him but now she couldn't stand to be near him.

Of course marriage wouldn't be the easy solution. It would only help the baby and it might help Wyldon but it wouldn't help her. It wouldn't take the memory of that terrible night away from her.

"Margarry..." He didn't know what to say to her but he only knew that he couldn't stand another moment of silence.

She didn't turn around. She just stood there as if she were made of stone. Owen wanted to shake her and make her speak to him but the rational part of him stopped him from doing so.

He looked up at the door frame to see Wyldon in the shadows, his facial features blurred by the darkness. The sight of him filled Owen with a seething rage as he wondered how his knightmaster could have dared to have witnessed the scene before him.

He looked back at Margarry but she hadn't changed. He knew that his knightmaster was judging him and he supposed that he was probably failing miserably in Wyldon's eyes.

Yet there was nothing to be done now, nothing that needed to be said. There was just the horrible blackness in front of him as well as that which lurked in his head.