Chapter 4
About Living Beings
"That would not have been necessary," Qui-Gon reprimanded Obi-Wan when Anakin had disappeared. "Anakin is my Padawan and I would be very grateful if you left his training to me."
Obi-Wan flinched at the harsh words of his former Master. "Excuse me, Master," he said stiffly. "I thought it was important for him to learn that lesson."
"He will learn it eventually."
He will not if nobody is going to teach it to him, Obi-Wan thought. "You treat him differently," he reproached Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "Differently than who? You?"
Obi-Wan felt himself redden slightly. Was he so obvious to see through? "Differently than any other Padawan."
"Good. I won't deny it," Qui-Gon said composedly.
"Just because he might be the Chosen One…" Obi-Wan shook his head in disbelief. "Qui-Gon, the Force may be very strong in him but that doesn't mean he is able to control this Force!"
"I have already meditated with Anakin and even now his command of the Force has been nearly as good as that of some other Padawans after several years of training."
Ah, I see. Like for example that of such a boring, normal and insignificant Padawan as me?
"I understand," Obi-Wan said coldly. "But if he is as far ahead as you are saying – then why didn't you tell him to use his lightsaber more carefully?" Obi-Wan's words had turned out more and more into an open accusation. He could tell that Qui-Gon did not like that.
"He is just nine years old. So it's absolutely normal that I treat him differently than an older Padawan."
"But even at his young age he is already so much more… self-confident than most of the other pupils of his age. Perhaps you should better set limits to him instead of encouraging this… trait of his." Obi-Wan remembered how casually Anakin had hogged his new room. How impudently he talked to Obi-Wan or even Qui-Gon. How arrogantly he had asked Obi-Wan without hesitation if he could have the starfighter model. Just like that. Because he had liked it. And no word of thanks. The same applied in case of the Padawan braid. The boy did not even master the most basic manners!
Qui-Gon slightly shook his head, sadly, as it seemed. "Anakin's back is full of scars," he said softly. "From beats from his slave-holders."
Something in Obi-Wan's chest contracted painfully. He felt driven into a corner. Qui-Gon wanted to appeal to his bad conscience or rather to his pity. This had already made him give Anakin his Padawan braid. In retrospect he did not think it a good idea. It would have been better, probably, if Anakin had been teased because of his short braid. Perhaps it would have shattered his abundant self-confidence. Of course the idea of slavery and things was very sad and distressing but did it justify Qui-Gon's special treatment of Anakin? Obi-Wan had a feeling Qui-Gon was blinded by his sympathy and affection for the boy. Just assuming that Anakin was indeed the Chosen One: Wouldn't it be irresponsible to neglect his training because of sympathy? For Anakin's own sake and in the duty towards the Jedi-Order.
"You know that I despise slavery," Obi-Wan started, "and I think it is horrible that even children are treated that brutally but… it doesn't do Anakin any good if you treat him totally differently just because of his past. If he really is the Chosen One-"
"Anakin is the Chosen One," Qui-Gon interrupted him.
The conviction in Qui-Gon's voice maddened Obi-Wan. It maddened him that Qui-Gon believed unreservedly in Anakin. Qui-Gon had never trusted Obi-Wan like that. He had hesitated for a very long time before he had accepted Obi-Wan as his Padawan in the first place.
"Why?" he asked his former Master accusingly. "Why are you so sure?"
"You still have much to learn," Qui-Gon replied coolly.
"Then tell me. Please," Obi-Wan implored insistently. He had never requested to take his trials that early. He was well aware of the fact that he still had much to learn. It was unfair from Qui-Gon's part to reproach him now after refusing to train him any longer. Qui-Gon seemed to sense what was going on in Obi-Wan's mind and his expression softened somewhat.
"It's not about droids, who have all been programmed in the same way and can be operated in the same way. It's about living beings and you cannot produce them by following a set pattern. Beings differ. You cannot regard someone without their background. And without their emotions."
"The Jedi-Code teaches that there are no emotions: There is no emotion, there is only peace."
"Nice quotation, Obi-Wan, but I'm afraid it is a bit unreflected. First, we're speaking of the Jedi-Code, which means that the majority of the galaxy still feels the normal amount of love, hate, anger and fear. Second, this rule does not say you must deny your emotions but that you must not let them control you." Qui-Gon paused. "And that's exactly what you're doing at the moment," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Let my emotions control me?" Obi-Wan asked weakly.
"Correct," Qui-Gon answered. "You let jealousy manipulate your true judgment about Anakin."
"And what is my true judgment about Anakin supposed to be?"
"Oh, you will have to find out yourself. Search your feelings, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon smiled sagely. "However, I'm sure you like Anakin very much – somewhere deep down from the bottom of your heart."
Obi-Wan shrugged. "If you say so…"
"I feel a strong bond between the two of you in the Force."
"I feel nothing of the kind, Master." Although Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon was much stronger in the Living Force than himself, he did not want to accept that theory of Qui-Gon's. And honestly, if the bond was as strong as Qui-Gon claimed, then even Obi-Wan ought to have noticed it.
But Qui-Gon just smiled again. "As I said: You still have much to learn."
Obi-Wan looked down resignedly. He was getting that feeling, too. Never in his life had he felt so ignorant. At the thought of his first solo-mission (which, until now, had always seemed to him like a "standard-mission" like the ones he had successfully executed together with Qui-Gon countless times) a damning discouragement invaded him. He had no idea how he was going to make it on his own.
Unexpectedly, Qui-Gon placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "In my heart there is enough place for both of you," he said kindly.
A tad ashamed Obi-Wan met the eyes of his longtime Master. "I guess I should know that."
"That's true."
He is right again – as always, Obi-Wan thought, and I shouldn't act so ridiculously towards Anakin. The problem is just: When Qui-Gon says it, it sounds so logical and it seems easy to follow his lessons but as soon as that little snotty nose is standing in front of me…