NOTES-The only thing I have to say is that, originally at least, the next chapter is supposed to be the ending, but I've been thinking of either continuing it, or making or sequel, or even rewriting it in Choji's POV. The only thing I have to say is maybe start thinking about whether you'd like that. I won't ask officially until you've read the next chapter though.
Shit, shit, shit, shit…The word repeated itself, filling my head until I thought it would come out my ears.
What had I just said?
"What…?"Choji trailed off, shock etched into every cell in his face.
"No!" My emotions were so tangled up that my thoughts were blocked from view. I didn't know my reasoning behind my objection, but it spilled out anyway, "No, no, no."
Please don't tell me I just basically told Choji I liked him!
He pulled up a chair and sat down. "Are you saying…?" A big hand pushed aside russet hair, "Kiba…I never thought…"
"I…"I couldn't say it; I couldn't think it, not right now. But I did understand, I knew why this Aya girl had bothered me so much, I just couldn't tell that straight to Choji. "I'm eating out tonight." I said finally. I felt totally drained and defeated. Vulnerable too.
I couldn't bring myself to look at Choji while I left, even though I could feel him watching me. "C'mon Akamaru."
I burst into a desperate run as soon as the door clicked behind me. A barrier between me and Choji, a wall between my emotions and my sense.
Only I think I left my sense behind.
Akamaru barked questions to me but every time I just shook my head. Step, step, breathe, step, step. I fell into a pattern, and concentrated on just that. Just the running. Movement. That's all there is. No Choji, no Shino, no confusion or feelings. Just the pure exhilaration of moving.
But even that had to come to an end.
I was in a park when I stopped, out of breath. When I took the time to fully look at my surroundings I recognized it as one I used to go to when I was young. It was just around a couple corners from where I grew up. I used to go here when mom was pressuring me and I couldn't take it. No wonder my feet had led me here of all places.
Just like when I was young I sat at the top of the slide and put my head in my hands while I cried. Only when I was younger it would have been out of anger, now I was just confused.
I knew I was bisexual, that I liked guys too, but Choji?
Sure, Choji is a great guy. He can cook amazingly, was overly modest and nice. He'd taken me in when I had no where else to go but…
There were no buts, where there?
Choji was the best. There was nothing else to it. He'd taken me in when my world had fallen apart and become a part of it when helping put it back together.
And by not realizing that earlier I might've just lost my chance at him to someone else.
That hurt. I saw it over and over; Choji and Aya together, alone on the couch. The guilty look on Choji's face when I'd walked in on them, like he'd just been caught cheating or something. It hurt knowing I'd lost him before I even knew that I wanted him.
"Kiba?" The voice that broke my thoughts was almost as familiar as Akamaru's bark.
"…Hinata." I looked up and tried to smile at her through my tears.
She gasped anyway, obviously surprised to see me crying. "What's wrong Kiba?"
I looked at her. She'd changed a lot growing up. She was so different from when I'd first met her getting out of the Academy. But in a way she was still the small, caring Hinata that she'd always been. "How do you do it Hinata?" My heart twisted into yet another painful configuration, "How do you stay strong, even though Naruto has never shown you the slightest sign of love? How do you stay standing through your unrequited love?"
"What happened, Kiba?" I slid down the slide and into her waiting arms, "Who hurt you?"
We stayed in the park while I told her, and after she took me to Shino's, where she filled in Shino on my predicament. I think I went numb inside halfway through, having cried out my pain, and not having the capacity for anything else at the time. I'm not sure how things went, but I stayed the night at Shino's, and the next couple after that. Hinata came over often, so I don't think I was ever alone. She tried a couple of times to talk to me, to try and get me back to my old self, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to face anything but my own emptiness.
After about five days Shino decided that enough was enough. He never was the kind to wallow in self-despair for long. "Kiba," He said in the voice he usually reserved for commanding missions, "You can't just mope and not tell Choji anything."
"But Shino," Hinata started in my defense. She changed her mind when Shino fixed her with a stare that she couldn't go against. She turned to me, "He's right Kiba. Knowing Choji, he's probably waiting for you to come back…"
"Kiba." He addressed me again, and I gave him a small look, "You can stay here for awhile, if you must."
I gave him a full look. Suddenly, this didn't seem as amazingly horrible. "You sure? I know you don't like sleeping with Akamaru around…"
"Only for awhile." He repeated, "And only because your no use to anyone like this. Maybe if you get away from Choji for awhile, without feeling guilty for not telling him will do you some good."
I smiled for the first time in days. "Thanks a lot-"
"But you have to tell him," He set Hinata with a sideways look, "yourself." Merciless bastard was like a sword smith hammering out all possible flaws. I couldn't help but visibly wince. "And get your things from him while you're at it."
"I won't let you stay here unless he knows." Hinata shrugged helplessly when I shot her a desperate look.
"It's okay Kiba," Hinata put her small hand on my shoulder and gave a reassuring smile, "I'll come with you if you want."
"Please…" Was I ready for this?
No, I'm not.
"It doesn't look like he's here." Hinata pointed out the next morning when he arrived at Choji's apartment. I looked at the familiar door and was relieved that maybe I wouldn't have to face him today. Just being here made me feel so…open. I wanted to know how he felt about this, but I was so…scared.
"Maybe we should come back later."
"No, let's start moving things now." I brought out the key Choji had made me when I first moved in.
He'd been so good to me…
Walking through Choji's strangely clean apartment, remembering how things had been for me while I had stayed here…It made me tired thinking that that was all over now. It felt like I was moving out of my parents place all over again, only without the excitement at the new adventure of it all. I would miss the peace and familiarity of this place.
Before I knew it I was crying all over again, Hinata trying to hold her armful of things and comfort me at the same time.
"Kiba?" Peoples really liked to step in on me in my weakest times didn't they?
I spun around at the deep voice. "Choji…" I breathed, taking in the sight of the larger boy. He was beautiful, which only sent other knife stabbing through my heart.
It didn't help that Aya was hiving me a small glare from the doorway.
"What are you doing here? Are you okay?" he took a step forward and automatically offered a box of tissues.
I used my sleeve to hastily wipe the water off my face. I opened my mouth to say the words I'd rehearsed all night. They didn't come.
Desperate, I glanced at Hinata and she gave a weak smile and nothing else. Shino had made her promise not to do more than help move my things from one place to another.
"Choji," Aya calmly side-stepped the group and headed towards the kitchen, "I'll start putting things away if you want."
"Yeah, sure." Choji disappeared for a moment, and returned without his bags of groceries.
"Choji, I…" I looked at my feet. I couldn't stand to look him in the eyes.
"Are you leaving then?" He asked quietly.
"Shino's letting me stay at his place awhile, so yeah." It was easier not having to say I'm leaving right to his face. "Sorry, for just coming in. You weren't here so…"
"Don't worry about it." I didn't need to look at him to know he was smiling."
Then we both went silent, neither knowing what to say. I felt like an awkward teen again, like I was still trying to ask out the first girl. I was painfully aware of the boy in front of me. And of the distance between us. I couldn't take it.
On a whim I touched his face, screwed my eyes shut, and kissed him. God knows this was probably the only time I'd get the chance to do that.
Choji hastily stepped back, breaking the contact. I waited a second to open my eyes, afraid of what I would see. I wasn't angry, but he was surprised, and obviously not wanting a repeat. My eyes watered again. Would these tears ever end?
"Bye Choji…" I ran out the door, not even checking if Hinata was coming or not.
I made sure to leave my key behind.