A couple of hours later, Luke woke up to an unwelcome combination of nausea and a massive headache. The memory of the day's events was a confused muddle in his head, as though they'd happened years and not hours ago. The last thing he could properly remember was downing shot after shot of whiskey in the kitchen. He grumbled and massaged his temple as it became clear why he couldn't remember anything else.

Barely dragging himself out of bed, Luke felt like vomiting, which he did as soon as he'd made it to the bathroom. He proceeded to take a long, hot, much-needed shower, and after changing into clean clothes, almost felt human again.

He tentatively made his way into the kitchen, stopping short when he spotted Noah sitting at the table. Noah was skimming his notes from some class or another, though he didn't seem to be particularly concentrated on what he was doing.

"Noah," Luke said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

As he slowly looked up at his boyfriend, Noah was unsure what to say. He was relieved that Luke looked better than earlier, but didn't know how to take it from there. Sobering Luke up had been easy compared to what he had to do now – talk things through with him. He'd been sitting there for a while, trying to pass the time until Luke returned by studying, but his thoughts kept returning to Luke and what he should say to him; he hadn't been able to come up with much.

The awkwardness hung in the air for a long moment, until Noah mumbled, "I, uh, came by earlier to see how you were."

"How I was?" Luke lifted a semi-confused, semi-sardonic eyebrow.

"I know you're going through a hard time right now, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Noah offered, rather lamely. He knew they weren't going to be able to dance around the subject much longer, but he had no idea how he was supposed to approach it.

Luke, for his part, studied Noah's features with just as much uncertainty. A part of him wanted to just let loose and start saying all the things on his mind: how scared and humiliated and ashamed of himself he was, how horrible he felt for letting everyone (including Noah himself) down, how much he just wanted some reassurance that everything was gonna be okay. But another part reminded him that he and Noah weren't together right now. It refused to let Luke run back into the arms of the boyfriend who had left him. He wasn't going to fall apart in front of Noah, not when they were like this.

"I'm okay," Luke said blandly, folding his arms almost in spite of himself. "I mean, this whole thing sucks, but I'll be fine." He figured this was a good compromise; he wasn't being honest, but he wasn't being obnoxious either. He rather wanted to add something along the lines of, "If that's all, maybe you should leave," but he decided to go for complete indifference instead. Noah could do whatever he wanted. I – don't – care, he told himself stubbornly.

It didn't come as a surprise to Noah that Luke was defensively retreating into his shell. He hadn't expected a warm welcome after their conversation at Java, and knew he didn't really deserve one. But he couldn't let himself off the hook by leaving, using Luke's attitude as an excuse. As difficult as it would be, they would have to figure things out, and he would have to be the initiator.

"Listen, we need to talk," Noah pointed out uncomfortably.

Luke's face hardened. "I don't - really think there's anything to talk about, Noah."

Noah was immensely frustrated, even if he wasn't surprised by this reaction, either. He didn't know what to say in order to get through to Luke. Before he could think of anything, the front door opened yet again and his head turned in its direction.

Lily walked into the kitchen, offering Luke a smile once she saw him. "Hi, honey. How was your day?". She barely finished the question before her eyes landed on Noah, her expression instantly turning more serious. "Oh, hi, Noah."

"Hi, Mrs. Snyder," muttered Noah, meeting her gaze for the briefest of moments.

Lily looked from her son to Noah and back again; it clearly wasn't too difficult to pick up on the tension between them. "I'm sorry, if I'm interrupting something I can just – "

"It's okay, Mom. Noah was just leaving," Luke stated coldly. He was mad at himself for somewhat losing control, for allowing Noah to see how angry he was, but he couldn't take it anymore. After hurting Luke so much, the least Noah could do was stay away. Seeing him just made the pain worse.

"Luke, please…". Something about Noah's desperation, about his heartfelt tone of voice, made Luke soften almost without realizing it. He sighed.

"Alright. Let's go upstairs," he said quietly. They left, Lily looking after them in concern.

As they entered his room, Luke slowly turned around to look at Noah, almost crossing his arms again but deciding to just slide them into his pockets instead. "So…".

"How do you feel?" Noah asked.

"Like hell, actually."

"Luke, what the hell were you thinking, getting drunk like that? With your kidney, you could be killing yourself."

Luke gave a bitter chuckle. "In case you haven't noticed, my life's pretty much over as it is, Noah. I don't think a bit of drinking makes that much of a difference."

Noah shook his head in disbelief. "You should have seen yourself earlier. You looked awful and you were all – " he stopped dead in his tracks. He had just remembered the very pressing issue of Brian kissing Luke earlier.

"What?"

Noah gulped. "Luke, how much do you remember?"

"Not much. Just that I started drinking. I think Brian stopped by at some point…" his brow arched suspiciously. "Why? Did I make a complete ass out of myself or something?"

"No…". Noah had absolutely no idea how to say this, but he had to. Anything except full disclosure between them – even if it meant telling Luke something that would horrify him - would complicate things further. He took a deep breath. "Luke, when I came to see you, Brian was here. He was kissing you."

This statement was followed by a very loud silence. Noah watched, his heart sinking, as the color slowly drained from Luke's face. "He… what?"

"He kissed you," Noah repeated, barely suppressing his disgust even now. "I'm sorry."

Noah's words had awoken the memory in Luke's mind. He relived the feeling of Brian holding him, of Brian's lips on his own, how comforting it seemed for a moment until reality sank in and he was squirming to get away. What the hell?

He had held it together so far – well, mostly (he started to remember more details about earlier; he was actually crying in Brian's arms before the kiss). He had managed to put on a brave face. So what if he'd been kicked out of school, if his friends and family and boyfriend didn't love him anymore, if his entire future had been destroyed because of what he had allowed himself to become… he was strong… he could handle it. Not anymore.

His legs gave way, Noah catching him just in time to sit him down on the bed. "Luke."

But Luke just shook his head, as the tears came streaming down his face again, more fiercely than before. As he began sobbing uncontrollably, Noah tried to gather him into his arms, but Luke wouldn't let him.

"I fucked everything up, Noah…" he said in between sobs. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do… and now this, with Brian…? It's just too much… "

"It's okay," insisted Noah.

"It's not okay," Luke wept harder. "Nobody wants anything to do with me after what I did. My parents are so ashamed of me. And so are you."

Noah placed his hands on Luke's shoulders. "Luke, I want you to look at me. You have no idea how you make me feel. I couldn't be ashamed of you if I tried. I know we've been through so much, it doesn't always sound that convincing when I say it, but - I love you."

"You do?" Luke asked, voice quivering, lashes wet, eyes red. Noah had never seen him look more lost. "Still?"

Noah reached to wipe a tear from under Luke's left eye with his thumb. He locked eyes with Luke, ice blue diving into chocolate brown with an intensity that seemed to still Luke's heart and silence his fears.

"Always."

He leaned forward to gently kiss Luke, just a feathery, barely-there kiss that meant the world to Luke at that particular moment. After their lips parted, Luke finally relented and embraced Noah. He started sobbing again, but Noah could tell he just needed to let it all out at this point, and held him comfortingly as Luke's tears stained his t-shirt. He'd stay there as long as Luke needed. He was in no hurry.

Eventually, Luke pulled away from him, finally getting his breathing in order now that he'd calmed down. "I can't believe you came here for me after what I put you through. I mean, what kind of a boyfriend asks his guy to lie for him after he's been caught cheating?"

"I don't know," shrugged Noah, "What kind of a boyfriend leaves his guy after he's been kicked out of college?"

"Okay, so… we both suck," Luke decided. After glancing at each other momentarily, they both snickered. The tension seemed to have lifted at last.

"This is just so messed up," Luke admitted helplessly. "I have no idea what to do about Brian. How the hell am I supposed to tell my grandmother?"

"We'll figure out what to do about Brian later," stated Noah. "Right now, I'm more worried about you. About what Kevin's done to you."

Luke sighed. "Noah, I really don't want to talk about Kevin anymore. And I think the damage has already been done."

"I think you're wrong about that one. I'm sorry about giving you the cold shoulder at Java, but I stand behind what I said – you have serious issues with Kevin. And we have to deal with them if we're gonna deal with this." The fact that Noah said 'we', for the second time, lifted Luke's spirits a great deal. "Please, we need to be honest with each other."

Luke bit his bottom lip as he considered how to reply. It wasn't just a matter of being honest with Noah; he hadn't really dealt with his feelings about Kevin inside his own head. Making sense of them was no mean feat.

"We talked about this at Al's on the election day," he said slowly, "But I guess I didn't really get to the bottom to it. I was just looking for ways to justify what I was about to do. Fact it, I thought I'd put everything with Kevin behind me, but then he showed up again and it was like I'd never stopped hurting." He paused to exhale before continuing. "You have to understand, I was at a point in my life when I was still coming to terms with being gay. Most of my family was great about it, even my mom came around eventually, but I still had these endless conversations with myself: was it really normal to be what I was? Was it really okay? I kept examining myself, trying to decide whether I could really accept it or not."

"That sounds vaguely familiar," Noah said with a wistful little smile. "Believe me, you're not the only one who's been through that."

"Anyway, Kevin and I were best friends, even if we'd drifted apart a little. So I was scared to tell him, but on the other hand I thought, he's such an awesome friend. He'll have my back no matter what. Maybe he'll even help me come to terms with it; I mean, every person who accepted me made me feel a little better, whether it was my cousin Jade, my friend Will, my dad … anyone. Now, I did have a crush on Kevin – "

"- and you don't anymore?" Noah interjected before he could stop himself.

"No, I don't. But I did back then, and deep down I was hoping that he'd tell me he felt the same." Thank God he didn't, look what I'd be missing out on, he thought, smiling to himself. "But even if we'd just stayed friends, it would have meant so much to me. My best friend, who was as straight as an arrow, accepting the fact that I was gay."

Noah swallowed, knowing what was coming next. "But that's not what happened."

"No. Instead, he threatened to beat me up when Jade told him that I had feelings for him – how I wish she'd kept her mouth shut – and then he announced that I was a liar and a faggot."

Even though he'd already heard that story, Noah felt a slight chill down his spine as Luke recounted it. He brushed his hand against Luke's cheek. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That jerk didn't deserve your friendship, much less your love."

"Yeah, well… the thing is, I think I regressed after it happened – with being gay, I mean. I was finally starting to feel okay about it, and then someone so close to me said something so awful… it made me feel so small and insecure. So ashamed of what I was." Just like I'm feeling right now, except for totally different reasons. "It took a long time to recover from that."

Noah shook his head sadly. He wasn't surprised to hear this, recognizing the very things he went through during his own coming out process, but every detail of Luke's suffering pained him as well. "And then Kevin came back."

"Yep. He never said it outright, but it was pretty clear he wouldn't support the film festival. And I got thinking, no way! We want to have the festival, you actually want to submit a movie next year, and this guy who humiliated me for being gay at high school gets to ruin that? So I decided to run." He closed his eyes as he recalled the events of the past few weeks. "And it wasn't long before the festival became almost… insignificant. It was all about beating Kevin. I thought I could kill him when I saw that video they made – just the idea that he would still do that after I saved him from drowning at the lake…".

"For a student government election, it sure got out of control."

"It did," Luke agreed. "But the nastier it got, the more determined I got to win. I was scared that those feelings from high school would come back, that I'd feel ashamed of myself again, and the only way to stop that would be to beat Kevin. I never stopped to think that maybe things had gone too far. In the end, it was like this big war on homophobia. Which is so stupid, because Kevin said he's not homophobic anymore, and I honestly don't think he is. But I wasn't thinking rationally, I'd have done anything to win… even cheat."

After several moments of silence, Luke looked at his boyfriend, his expression changing. "Now, what about you? There has to be a reason why this whole Kevin thing freaked you out so much. C'mon, it's high time you told me how you feel."

Noah hesitated – sharing this with Luke would be even more difficult than his earlier admission to Alison. But as he'd been the one to make the point about honesty, it would be pretty hypocritical of him to cover up his emotions now.

"Luke, I don't think I've ever had doubts about our relationship. Ever since we got together, I knew how you felt about me. You were certainly comfortable with saying it a lot earlier than I was. But when I saw Kevin and remembered what you told me about him, I guess logic went out the window. Even though we're so great together, and he's straight, and I knew there wasn't any real possibility of losing you to him, it bothered me on some level."

"But you know those feelings I used to have for him are gone," Luke reminded him. "I love you, Noah, and no other guy stands a chance."

Noah smiled, touched as always whenever Luke declared his love. "I get that now, even though I still had to ask you about it. But there was something else. I realized that maybe you didn't have a crush on Kevin anymore, but you felt the opposite. You hated him. So much that you started acting differently. That's why you got into the race in the first place, that's why you were cool with Casey pulling off Kevin's flyers and Alison spying on him, that's why you decided to steal the election." Noah gave Luke a look fraught with significance, to make sure he understood. "Whenever I'd try to talk to you about it, you'd just get angry and shut me out. And I got so frustrated, so scared, because I was losing you to Kevin… just not the way I'd imagined."

I made him feel this way? Luke didn't think his regrets could get any worse, but he was wrong. He realized he hadn't spared a second thought to what Noah was going through during the campaign. In his single-minded quest to defeat Kevin, he'd missed what it was doing to him… and to Noah.

"Anyway, when we were sitting at Al's, and actually talking about whether or not you should cheat, I admit I freaked. Because even considering something like that was so unlike you, but you wouldn't listen to me when I pointed that out. And when I saw your victory party, and realized that you did it, it just broke my heart." Noah shook his head sadly as he recalled how much it hurt to stand there and look at his boyfriend through the blinds, knowing what he'd done. "I mean, I begged you not do it. I told you that I wouldn't be proud of us if you did. And then you went ahead and did it anyway. So I figured that getting back at Kevin was more important to you than we were. You hated him more than you loved me."

Noah's words hung in the air as the reason for their brief break-up finally became clear to Luke. He was horrified by the realization of how he'd made Noah feel.

"Noah… I'm still not sure what was going through my mind when I made that stupid decision. But I do know one thing, I was only thinking about Kevin. I saw him celebrating with his buddies and I lost control. I had a one-track mind: win the election at any cost. It had nothing to do with you, or what we had not being important enough to me." His voice started to shake slightly. "If I'd been thinking about you at that moment, about how much I loved you and didn't want to let you down? You can't honestly think Kevin would have stood a chance, not in a million years."

With immense, cathartic relief, Noah pulled his boyfriend into another warm hug. That weight on his shoulders, that had gotten heavier and heavier ever since Kevin came back into Luke's life, seemed to have finally lifted. As they laid their heads on each other's shoulders, relishing the moment, Noah made a mental note to share as much of his feelings with Luke as possible from now on, and encourage Luke to do the same. They might be able to spare themselves a lot of pain down the road that way.

After they broke apart, Luke decided it was time for pragmatism. "Noah, I need your help. I wanna go back to school, get back on track, but I don't see how they're gonna take me back after everything. What do you think I should do?"

"Well, I can only offer advice. The other day, Lucinda told me that she and your mom were thinking of going over the dean's head, to the chancellor, since your family's donated a lot of money to the university."

"No," Luke immediately shook his head. "I'm not gonna have any strings pulled for me. If I'm gonna fix this, I gotta do it the clean way. No more cheating."

"Hear, hear," Noah said with a smile, "But that's not what I meant… just the chancellor part. You wanna convince OU to take you back, you gotta play to your strengths. Like writing." At Luke's confused face, he clarified, "I think you should write a letter to the chancellor and explain everything. Tell him why you decided to steal the election, and how much you regret it."

Luke wrinkled his nose. "You want me to write down everything Kevin did to me, everything that happened during the campaign, and put that in a letter that who knows how many people – how many strangers – are gonna read? You can't be serious."

"Luke," Noah sighed at the predictable response, "You should only tell them as much as you're comfortable with. I'm not expecting you to open up about private things that caused you such a hard time. But you have to give a context for what you did. If they think you just cheated because you wanted to win, that letter's not gonna do any good. But if they realize what you went through, what pushed you into that decision, then maybe we stand a chance."

"I don't know," Luke murmured skeptically. "I tell them my sob story and suddenly I'm forgiven?"

"I'm not saying it'll be that simple," Noah reasoned. "But you've never put a foot out of line before, they have to recognize how unusual this was for you. Maybe if you publicly apologize, they'll be willing to reduce it to a suspension, or something."

"I guess it's worth a shot. I'll get to work on it tonight, I promise."

"Not so fast," said Noah with a dazzling grin. "It can wait for tomorrow morning. Tonight, we are going out to dinner, my treat, and then we're gonna curl up on Emma's couch with all of your favorite movies. Yes – your favorite movies, not mine," he immediately added, as Luke's jaw practically dropped.

"Wait – my favorite movies?" asked Luke eagerly, giving Noah a playful nudge in the ribs. "Does that mean you're gonna sit through as many crappy action blockbusters as I care to inflict on you?"

"Don't push it, Snyder."

Tbc...