Chapter 4
While Merlin and Percival were bravely fighting their intense little wars in silence, the other two had yet to spare them a glance. Lancelot was still raving on about the art, drink held un-tasted and forgotten, as he pointed from piece to piece, demanding to be told the history of each. Eventually Gwain held up his hand.
"Look mate, this is gonna take forever. If you like them that much, you can pick a few and take them for yourself. Lord knows I've got nothing to do with them." Lancelot gaped at him.
"But, these must have cost you a fortune! I doubt even Arthur could afford a fraction of what you have here!"
Gwain smirked and took another swig. "Didn't cost me a penny." Lancelot frowned.
"Then, how did you buy then?" Gwain's smirk widened.
"Who said I bought them?"
Lancelot looked confused, then slowly his expression turned to one of horror.
"You're saying you STOLE them!?" Gwain burst out laughing and Lancelot backed away, as if just being close to either him or the pictures would contaminate him with criminal guilt. Even Merlin and Percival, having just made it through their experience alive, were quite taken aback by the sheer scale of Gwain's crime, but Lancelot looked to be on the verge of hysterics.
"Gwain, these pieces must be worth MILLIONS! And you just…You…Oh God." Apparently at a loss for words, Lancelot lifted his mug to his lips and took a huge gulp.
The effect was immediate. Grasping his throat, he began to choke and gasp. Merlin and Percival, who had started forwards, intending to stop their friend from swallowing, now had to leap back to avoid being splattered. The three of them watched, mesmerized, as the parts of the floor- the STONE floor- where those droplets had landed began to smoke and hiss gently. None of them moved as the limestone was slowly eaten away before their very eyes. After about a minute of this, there came a thoughtful, "Huh. Who knew?" from behind them. Then everything snapped.
Lancelot started to scrape crazily at his tongue, while the other two spun to face Gwain.
"You…What the hell WAS that!?" Percival's voice was hoarse, a combination of the effects of the drink, and a healthy dose of pure, undiluted panic. Gwain shrugged modestly.
"It's one of my own blends. A mixture of vodka, tequila, and that stuff for getting rid of old paint. And then, just for that final touch of flavour, a twist of freshly squeezed orange juice." He smiled proudly. "It's my best so far."
Merlin and Percival glanced at each other. Then, as one, they stepped towards Gwain. Percival's jaw was clenched, and his eyes fixed murderously upon the smaller man, and Merlin knew that his own were glowing bright gold to match the sparks jumping from fingers curled into claws. Gwain's smile faltered as he backed away.
"Guys?"
"You," Percival's voice was low, and deceptively quiet, "gave us drinks made with paint stripper?"
"And orange juice. You can't forget the orange juice. Because everybody loves orange juice. Right?" Gwain was clearly beginning to understand just how much danger he was in, and his pitch was distinctly higher than normal. Merlin was not exactly sure what they would do to Gwain when they reached him, but he was fairly certain that it would be messy.
Luckily for Gwain, it was not to be. Just as the would-be murderers had him backed into a corner, Lancelot called out from behind them.
"Guys, stop." Merlin and Percival turned to him in disbelief, but he held their gazes. "We've got to focus on the matter at hand."
Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Gwain shake his head in mock disapproval, and wondered, vaguely, if his friend actually had any sense of self-preservation at all. But he knew, deep down, that Lancelot was right, and it shamed him that the knight could be so much more forgiving of Gwain than he himself.
"Besides," Lancelot continued, his eyes cold. "I don't want to risk getting any blood on these paintings." Or not.
In a rare display of wisdom, Gwain managed to remain quiet, and, judging from Lancelot's face, Merlin suspected this may just have saved his life. Or at least, saved him from a large amount of pain. They all returned to the table and sat, careful not to crush any of the pieces of art. When Gwain shoved the ones near him onto the floor and nudged them away with his boot, Lancelot glared at him like he'd just spat in the Holy Grail. Gwain just blinked innocently.
Percival cleared his throat.
"Right. Now that we've all recovered, we'd better get down to business. Merlin, can you put some sort of spell around the room so that no-one can listen in?" Merlin nodded.
"I did that as soon as we came in. I've also put a block on the door, so that even if it's open, nobody but us can come in without our express permission." Maybe that was over-doing it a little, but as his mother always said, you couldn't be too careful. Speaking of his mother…
"My parents are going to be here in a few hours." The others looked surprised.
"Your kingdom is over two weeks ride away, with mountains in the middle. How on Earth are they going to manage that?" Lancelot paused. "And how do they even know to come? You haven't seen your parents in almost five years!"
Merlin raised his eyebrows in a disturbingly good imitation of Gaius.
"I know, right. It's almost as if there is magic involved!"
"Oh." Gwain snorted, and Lancelot grinned sheepishly before asking, "So how are they getting here?"
"Well, it's not the entire army that's coming. No, it'll just be the sorcerers who are strong enough to teleport themselves over- it'll take them a couple of hours, because it's too far for them to travel in one go. They'll have to do it in several shorter jumps- and as many warriors as the dragons can carry over."
"Dragons?" Gwain was practically dancing in his chair. "They're bringing dragons?"
Merlin rolled his eyes
. "Of course there will be dragons. We are a country of magic. My father is High Lord of the dragons. For god's sake, the kingdom is called Draygon. How could there not be dragons involved?"
"Oh, this opens up so many new possibilities! Why, with enough green dye and…" Merlin cut him off.
"Gwain, if you try anything along those lines, I can guarantee that you will go out one day and never be seen again." He paused. "At least, not in any recognisable form. Dragons do not take kindly to being treated in such manners."
Gwain looked dismayed.
"But…"
"No."
"Even…"
"No."
"What about…"
"Gwain, if you do not shut up right now, I will turn all of your drinks into water."
And with Gwain struck momentarily mute with the horror of this idea, the others finally returned to the previous conversation.