Phase 4: Taking Out the Enemy

"Alright Lindsay. Heather just sent word that LeShawna and her, how she said… 'band of ninja assassins' have taken care of all the interns. It's time to do our part!" Geoff announced from where he and Lindsay stood side by side near Chris' privet tent.

"Ok, I'm confused. What am I supposed to do again, Gary?" Geoff sighed loudly and dragged his hand over his face in exasperation.

"First of all Lindsay, its Geoff. My name is Geoff. Not Gary, not Gerry, and not Greg. Geoff! Second me and you are going to go in there, you're going to distract Chris, and I'll knock him out with this!" Geoff answered showing the dumb blond a large metal bat.

"OOOOOH! Wait, which one is Cameron?"

"Chris Lindsay, Chris. You know, the dude with the face of evil?"

"OOOOOH, that Chris."

"Yes Lindsay, that Chris. Know what to do now?"

"Yep! All clear Geoff!" Geoff shot the blond an amazed look.

"Did you just call me Geoff?" He gasped incredulously. Lindsay cocked her head to the side confused.

"I thought you said that was your name? Oh my god, you must not be Geoff! If you're not Geoff then you must be Tyler!" At this sudden revelation Lindsay squealed happily jumping up and down while clapping her hands. Geoff resisted the urge to hit himself with the metal bat. Wow, even Lindsay wasn't this dumb.

Those piranhas must have bitten her head one too many times.

"Focus Linds." Geoff said firmly. Lindsay blinked once then nodded vigorously.

"Right, focus." She did this weird thing with her fingers pointing to her eyes then Geoff's while grinning widely. Geoff shook his head and sighed again.

"Are you sure you know what to do?"

"Yup!"

"Fine. Then go!" Geoff commanded pointing towards the tent. Lindsay saluted and skipped towards the tent while Geoff snuck around back. Though he didn't have as much ninja assassin skills as the others he managed to make it around the back unheard and waited for Lindsay to distract Chris. Clearing her throat quietly Lindsay took a deep breath.

"Chriiiii-iiiiiiissss-sssaaaaa!" She whined loudly as she stomped into the tent. She could see Chris flinch violently from his favorite recliner chair where he had been watching TV.

"GAH! What? What do you want?" He snapped irritably swiveling his chair around to face the seemingly distraught blond.

"Heather's being mean to meeee!" Lindsay wailed loudly causing Chris to grimace and rub his ears.

"And?"

"Do something about iiiiiit!"

"Why should I? Drama between teammates is great for ratings." He announced cheerfully. Lindsay, in one of her rare serious moments, gave Chris such a cold menacing glare it made both the host and the still hiding Geoff flinch.

"She made me lotion her back. Her BACK for God's sake!" Her serious moment passed and Lindsay collapsed in front of Chris, sobbing loudly and wrapping her arms around his leg like a five year old. "Do you have any idea how gross her back is?!" Lindsay wailed. Chris panicked and tried to shake the crying girl off of him.

"Lindsay! Get off of me! You're staining my brand new pants!"

"Its all flaky and… and just plain wrong! Male her stop Chriiiii-iiiiiissss-sssaaaaaa!"

"Lindsay! Off! Now!" Seeing that Chris was thoroughly distracted Geoff began to silently creep up behind the unsuspecting host slowly lifting the metal bat above his head.

"My hands may never recover!"

"GAH! I'm serious, stop it!"

"I'll never live my dream of being a hand model!"

"Stop it!"

"My hands have been forever scarred by the horror that is Heather's back!"

"That's it! Enough is enough Lindsay!"

"I agree, enough is enough!" Geoff shouted once he was close enough. Chris didn't even have the chance to turn and see who had shouted, because a moment later Geoff swung the bat down hitting Chris square in the back of the head. The host moaned loudly and fell back in his chair, his head lolling to the side. Geoff stood over the unconscious man, eyes wide and wild and panting loudly, still clutching the metal bat that now had a distinct Chris shaped dent in it. Suddenly his mind cleared and he bit his fingernails nervously.

"Oh my god, I'm as crazy as Izzy!" Geoff whimpered in a high-pitched girly voice. Lindsay stood up at that point quickly brushing her crocodile tears away. Her eyes widened and she gasped upon seeing Chris' unconscious form.

"Holy crap! I think you killed him!" She shrieked. Chris moaned sending Geoff into a lapse of panic during which he hit Chris with the bat again, his eyes once again wide and wild and panting heavily.

"He's fine." Geoff stated as he tossed the metal bat that now had two Chris shaped dents in it over his shoulder. Turning on the device in his ear Geoff spoke to Heather. "Ok dudette, Chris is out cold." He said. All he heard was static before Heather responded.

"Good work. Tie him up and bring him back to the base of operations." She answered.

"Yes Mam, Commander Heather Herr Deviousness, Mam." Geoff said calling her by her new proffered title. The 'Commander' didn't answer and left Geoff to tie up the unconscious host who kept muttering something about Candy Mountain and some dude named Charlie.

"Ok Princess, the commander just gave us the heads up. Chris has been taken care of and now it's our turn to take care of Chef."

"I don't like how you said 'take care', it sounded menacing, and don't call me Princess!" Duncan and Courtney were hiding in the bushes by the mess hall getting ready to take care of Chef as Duncan had so bluntly put it. Duncan was clutching the little dart thingy in his hands while Courtney glared at him. She was beginning to wonder why the commander had sent her along with Duncan in the first place.

"Just setting the right mood babe."

"Don't call me babe either!"

"Whatever you say darling. You know you love it."

"Uhg. I don't even know why I'm here. We could get into major trouble if we're caught!"

"Then we wont get caught. Admit it, you want to be here, sneaking around with me, doing naughty things…"

"Perv!"

"You said it not me."

"Uhg. Whatever. So what's the plan here?"

"When Chef walks by I shoot him with the blow dart thing."

"And?"

"… That's it."

"Of coarse…"

"Hey! Who's out there!"

"Shit! It's Chef! He spotted us! Shoot him you idiot!"

"I'm going I'm going!"

"What are you punks doing snooping around outside my kitchen?!"

"Unbelievable! You missed every shot!"

"Ow! Well maybe I wouldn't have missed if you weren't yelling in my ear!"

"Shit! He's coming! Do something!"

"OW! Woman, stop hitting me!"

"HA! I got you punks now!"

"Shit!"

"AAAAHHH!"

Well. I really don't know what to say here except, Heather means BIDNIS now! XD It's official, my computer is dead. My sister's computer is also near dead, and I managed to snag it before she sends it to the boneyard. I won't be updating much now since all our computers are dying. But hopefully by the end of the month or sometime in April I'll get my very own laptop! Woot! By then I'll have another chap of The Haunted Campgrounds ready. So stay tuned.

Also, I still need ideas for this. How should I... torture Chris? I promise I'll credit anyone whos idea I use. Und with that, I wish you all a happy Spring Break! (Well, I'm at least on Spring Break) Girls gone wild!!! YUSH! X3 83 3 ;3 B3

BTW Knowing Jester, these people don't know what Dreamer's Court is. Hopefully they will one day.

I love the :3 face,

Silent Assassin