Chapter 4 – Trepidation

It was a dream. Jean-Luc looked down at Beverly's hand on his forearm. He was still holding his wine glass. He was amazed he hadn't spilled it.

"I think you fell asleep." She said. He realized there was one thing that wasn't a dream and as much as he wanted to get off the sofa and away from her, his state would become painfully obvious if he did. He realized how close she was to him now and the proximity of her hand resting on his arm to his arousal. She was sitting now with her feet planted on the floor, facing him. He leaned forward, effectively removing her hand from his arm, and placed his glass on the table. He rubbed his hands over his face and head, and wondered how long she'd been watching him. He cleared his throat.

"I guess I did. I didn't realize how tired I was." He took a deep breath and cleared his throat again. Feeling his arousal had subsided enough; he rose from the sofa and took his glass to the replicator then walked back to the living area.

"Well, I think I'll retire for the evening. Thank you for dinner." He said, pretending to absently rub his head, without looking at her as he moved toward the door. "You'll let me know if you have any other ideas for our story, I'm sure. Goodnight." He left her quarters abruptly.

Her eyebrows furrowed. She was taken completely aback by his sudden departure.

Virginia was intrigued by the emotions and thoughts she felt from Beverly and Jean-Luc. Jean-Luc was extremely preoccupied, which was evident by the fact that he didn't sense Virginia's presence and even Beverly sensed a change in him.

Beverly was very confused by his actions. What was she missing? They had a relaxing evening and decided on their cover story... Was it her introduction of Wesley into their fake lives as his son? No, he knew how she and Wesley felt about Jean-Luc's role in Wesley's life. Didn't he? Suddenly, it hit her.

Trepidation. The overwhelming emotion comprised of anxiety, fear, dread, excitement, and butterflies. Those emotions hit Beverly in precisely that order but anxiety was the most prevalent and stayed with her. She knew the plan was to pretend to be married but it hadn't sunk in until this moment. The thought of pretending to be married to Jean-Luc, to have built a life with a man she did her conscious best not to even allow herself to dream about was enthralling and frightening. It could be very intimate, almost as intimate as when they were telepathically linked. Her breath caught in her throat as she remembered the aftermath of their experience with the implants. The aftermath she caused. She knew why she did it, why she turned his invitation down but she couldn't voice it if she were asked. Part of her was glad they didn't take their relationship further but part of her, one she buried deep, wished he had pushed her.

After their mission on Kesprytt III, after she turned him down, they distanced themselves from each other. She didn't need the implants to know he felt rejected, a bit angry and disappointed. She waited a week before she prompted him about resuming their breakfasts together. At first, their breakfasts were impersonal. Only topics related to work were discussed. Slowly, he warmed to her again. Occasionally, she would catch him looking at her. Something she missed. No longer just the Chief Medical Officer, she was his friend again. A friend he desired. She knew this but chose not to think about what those glances truly meant, just that his attention was on her.

Then, there was her experience with Ronin. Her initial recovery from her addiction took her a few weeks and cost them progress in at least fully returning their relationship to normal. Throughout her recovery, shame was always there. It lessened, little by little until she eventually built up the courage to ask him, again, about resuming their breakfasts. She felt the same emotions from him as she did after she turned him down. This only added to the weight on her. But, in time, he warmed to her again, as he always did and allowed himself to steal glances of her again. They had dinner together a couple times before tonight. She thought about that for some time and let the feelings surround her. The thing she enjoyed most this evening was the way he looked at her. He tried not to be caught staring. No doubt hoping her shirt would slip off her shoulders. She smiled as she wondered what he would have done if that had happened. She also enjoyed sitting near him on the sofa. She knew he'd the take opportunity to look at her, unhindered, while she stretched out and closed her eyes. Was a part of her testing him like she did that night in his quarters after their link was removed? Yes. She was testing him, trying to indiscreetly push him. She did it without even thinking, mostly unintentionally. Their relationship, as it stood, was comfortable and familiar and safe. It was unfair of her and she knew it but she couldn't bring herself to make the first move. She thought back to earlier that evening again. After he sat next to her and some time passed with no further movement, she opened her eyes to look at him. She thought he fell asleep and he said he did but he managed to hold his wine glass on his lap without spilling it… She sighed loudly in frustration.

"So much for sleeping tonight." She said to herself as she stood up and walked to her bedroom.

Pity Virginia couldn't read two people's minds at once. She switched between Beverly and Jean-Luc throughout their evening. At this moment, she was focusing on every thought and emotion from Beverly. 'Does he often keep you awake at night?' Virginia asked gently.

Beverly was so distracted by her thoughts; Virginia's presence startled her. Her temper flared and her face flushed. 'Do you often spy on people?' She stopped what she was doing and rested on her hands on the bathroom vanity. Virginia knew Beverly was sensitive about her relationship with Jean-Luc but she wasn't aware of the woman's temper – until now…

'No. I wouldn't say I do it often.' Virginia paused. 'I'm sorry to intrude but I feel such a strong connection to you and I sensed a lot of strong emotion from you and the Captain tonight. I'm just trying to learn what I can. I think I'll be with you for some time until everyone sorts me out. Jean-Luc has known you longer than anyone else and you're each other's closest friend so I would like to learn about him too. You're both so guarded about each other.' Virginia trailed off. After a few minutes, Beverly's temper leveled off and she began getting herself ready for bed. Virginia could feel Beverly's cold shoulder so she attempted a less upsetting topic. 'It sounds like you'll be down here a couple weeks.' Virginia paused again. 'It's getting cold here. You'll need some warm clothes and a good coat.' She paused. 'You're a procrastinator when it comes to packing.' Smiling at this trivial piece of information. Beverly rolled her eyes.

'All right. I'll let Jean-Luc know.' Irritation still laced Beverly's tone.

'I know you worked out most of your cover story but you forgot something and I know he hasn't thought of it…'

'What's that?'

'Rings.' Virginia's presence had diverted her attention from her evening with Jean-Luc but that single word sent her right back into a spiral of emotions. Virginia was taken aback and shook her head. 'Oh, and bring the outfit you wore tonight and some other dressy clothing too. We will have some functions to attend.' Virginia trailed off.

'How…' Beverly began to ask then stopped herself.

'Goodnight, Beverly.' Virginia said quietly.

By the time Virginia joined Jean-Luc, he was sitting at his desk in his quarters. She was curious what he was thinking and if she could enter his thoughts undetected. She gently entered his mind and sensed no indication he knew she was there. He was drinking a nightcap and researching the climate where Virginia lived and clothing people wore then. She took this opportunity to search his mind for his reaction after leaving Beverly's quarters. His mind was consumed with the thoughts of pretending to be married to a woman he lusted after and loved for decades. Beverly seemed to create an entire fictional life so easily, so nonchalantly and in a matter of minutes. How far will they have to take this story during the mission? What if they have to sleep in the same bed? It isn't as though they haven't slept next to each other but that was on a planet with hostile forces.

What about Wesley? Naturally, he read into Beverly claiming Wesley as "their" son then chided himself for it. How easy this appeared to be for her – like a game. She set their boundaries and controlled their relationship. She could have fun with this while she watched him squirm. He had a difficult time tonight keeping his self-control in-check. He wouldn't be able to let his guard down from the moment they arrive on Earth until the moment he stepped back into his quarters on the Enterprise.

Just as he was ready to turn off his view screen, a message came through from Beverly. 'Don't forget a ring for me' was all it said. He shook his head then rubbed a hand over his face. It would have to wait until tomorrow. He turned off his view screen.

As he lay in bed, his mind drifted toward her again. How her dress threatened to slip off her shoulders all through dinner. The expressions on her face when she took sips of her wine and how her slender, delicate fingers held the glass. He could see her resting on the sofa after dinner. The way her hair fell against the back of the sofa. Her face looked so peaceful. The exquisite lines of her neck and shoulders exposed. The length of her long, slender body stretched out. Her dancer's legs half-hidden under her skirt while her lissome calves bridged the gap between the sofa and the table. Her delicate, bare feet resting on the table. When he sat next to her, he could smell her familiar smell. He rolled over in bed, telling himself repeatedly to sleep and hoped he would eventually.

Jean-Luc ate breakfast alone in his quarters. After his abrupt departure last night, he doubted she would arrive to have breakfast together. That was fine. He wasn't ready to face her yet. While he ate, he remembered her message last night. He needed to pick out a ring for her. He thought about what she might like and tried to remember the ring Jack gave her but couldn't. She didn't often wear jewelry but when she did it was elegant. He went to the computer terminal at his desk. He wanted to find a ring that would compliment her. It needed to look graceful on her slender hand. Though part of him resisted, he had to consider what he would get her if this wasn't just a mission. Their marriage had to look real for it to be a success. Thankfully he wasn't needed on the bridge. An hour later, he found a ring and was packed.

He walked to Engineering to see how Geordi was doing with preparations. The installation of the cloaking device was complete and Geordi was preparing to test the system prior to their departure. Jean-Luc headed for the bridge before the testing, planning to immediately depart for their mission afterward.

"Good morning, Number One." Jean-Luc said without smiling as he rounded the bridge and sat in his chair.

"Good morning, Sir." Will returned

"Picard to LaForge."

"LaForge here, Captain."

"Proceed with testing."

"Aye, Captain."

Within minutes, testing was successfully completed and the Enterprise was on her way to twenty-first century Earth.

Beverly ate breakfast alone in her quarters then went directly to Sickbay. She saw no point in going to his quarters. She wouldn't have been surprised if he wasn't there and if he were, it would have been awkward. She would have inevitably confronted him and he would have danced around answering her or blatantly ignored the question and she would have left angry and confused rather than just confused as she was.

She still needed to find a ring for him. She sat at the computer terminal in her office. She'd never seen him wear jewelry. The band she bought Jack was just a simple gold band. She looked at several rings. One caught her eye and she made her selection. When she looked closer, this band had an inscription. That would explain why the computer asked for the name of her 'mate.' She hadn't thought of an inscription. Did it really matter? This wasn't a real marriage but it had to look real. She sat back and let herself think of it as real for a moment. The feelings she always kept hidden away washed over her as she thought about how it would feel but was startled out of her reverie when Dr. Selar reported for final instructions. She was giving her final instructions to Dr. Selar when she saw Jean-Luc walk into Sickbay. He stood and waited outside her office. Though she knew it would be childish, she thought about making him wait for a good, long while but thought the better of it. Dr. Selar exited Beverly's office and nodded to the Captain in passing. He walked into Beverly's office and stood behind one of the chairs well aware of the effect his quick departure last night had on her and he was mindful of his actions and words. She looked at him with no discernable emotion on her face.

"Good morning." He said. She raised her eyebrows slightly but uttered no verbal response. "We are currently orbiting 2012 Earth." He paused again. She continued to look at him, waiting. "When will you be ready to transport to the planet?"

"I can be ready in an hour." Her eyes bored into him.

"Good. I'll, uhh, meet you in the transporter room in an hour then." He gave her a perfunctory smile and nod then left her office for his quarters. She smiled at his retreating form, thoroughly enjoying this.