A/N: ok guys, I'm really sorry this took so long but I've been so busy with the end of school, I'm sure you guys wouldn't even have had time to read my story anyways lol. But I am very happy to say I have made a lot of progress with this story! So here we go…
Theme songs for this chapter: Knocks you down- Keri Hilson & The man who can't be moved- The Script
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Durr.
BPOV
"Hey Jane." I greeted my friend Jane as I walked into the Middle School we helped at once a week. I hadn't been able to go lately because I was so busy, but I really missed Jane and the girls so I decided to make my English paper wait and go join them.
"Hey Bella." She looked up from what she seemed to be drawing. "We didn't really feel like learning today so we decided to draw the guys we like."
I laughed. "Ok, where's my paper?" I asked sitting down.
"Here you go Bella," one of the girls, Lacey handed me a piece of paper and passed the markers to me. "Thanks Lacey. So who are you drawing?" I asked her.
"No one really, I don't really like any of the guys at our school." She explained. "Who are you drawing?" she asked.
"I don't really know either." I lied, not really wanting to tell her about my Edward situation. I knew that I was drawing him but no one else did.
"I think I know that person." Jane hinted, ok she obviously knew.
"Um, yeah…" I said nervously. "I don't know…I think I really like him." I confessed to her. If I was supposed to be drawing a person I liked and I started drawing him with out even thinking about it, which must mean I like him, right?
"You guys would be cute together." She smiled. "He's really sweet."
"Um, thanks I guess." I laughed. "We're just friends though." I told her.
"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "We'll see how long that lasts."
"Do we know him?" Lacey asked.
"Um, yeah, you might. Goes to the high school study groups here sometimes." I explained.
"What's his name?" one of the other girls, Bridget asked.
"Edward Cullen."
"Isn't he a senior?" Bridget asked, her brother was a senior so she knew most of them.
"Um, yeah."
"He's cute," she agreed and went back to her drawing.
I continued to draw my little picture of Edward, trying to get his hair just right. I did a horrible job of course, but for some reason I still really liked the drawing.
………………
"Hey Anna!" I called over to her as I stepped out of a van. I wasn't really sure where I was but I guess that's all part of the dream thing.
"Hey Bella, how are you?" she asked.
"I'm fine," I found myself responding. "I really like your shirt," I commented, it was really bright and everyone from our leadership group seemed to be walking around in them.
"Thanks, we just came back from Mexico!" she told me. "Since I didn't get to go on the trip over spring break, we went on another one."
Anna was in our leadership group and was going to come on the trip with us but a few days before we left, she got really sick and had to drop out. She was sad she had to stay home so I was happy they had gone on another trip so she could experience it.
"I missed you guys," I hugged and greeted a few of them.
It was then that I saw him and I felt that same tugging feeling I usually feel pulling me towards him and away from him at the same time. I knew I wanted to go say hi to him but at the same time, as always, I didn't want to.
"Hey Bella," he beat me to it, making my mind up for me.
"Hey, how was the trip?" I asked.
"It was ok," he shrugged. "I wish you were there though."
He pulled me in for a tight hug. My arms went around his neck and I rested my cheek against his chest. I was glad he was so tall and I felt so comfortable in his arms, like I was floating on a cloud and there was no one else in the whole world except for us. His embrace was warm and strong and I wanted to stay there forever. My favorite thing in the world was hugging him and in my dreams it was even better. I was surprised my dream self wasn't suffocating due to his tight grip on me, but at the same time, I was way too happy to care.
I always felt like this, even if I wasn't dreaming, but I never got to hug him this long in real life before. If I wasn't dreaming right now it would be really awkward for us to hug for so long. It felt like an eternity and I started to pull away from him but his hold on me didn't loosen.
He chuckled. "No way. I'm not done yet." Of course I didn't mind so I held onto his neck a while longer. We swayed in the breeze and I felt the movement of the wind but I didn't feel cold at all, being protected by his arms around me. He finally started to let go of me so I did too.
"Haha, I let go before you." He teased. I stuck out my tongue at him and he laughed again, draping his arm over my shoulder.
Mike Newton walked towards us and I internally groaned.
"Hey Bella," he tried to hug me but it turned into a kind of awkward one-armed hug because Edward didn't let go of his hold on me.
"Edward, have you seen this?" he asked, pulling up his hand. It was silver and shiny. "It's like the Terminator movie." He explained.
Edward let go of his hold on my shoulder and walked over to look at Mike's arm.
"It's shiny in the sun, but it looks like normal skin in the shade…"
Then I woke up from the best dream I've had in a while. It was sad; I really liked hugging Edward in that dream. I love dreams, not only because things can happen that can't happen in real life happen, but also because my dreams really help me sort things out sometimes. They say your dreams are you subconscious trying to tell you something, and I knew my subconscious was telling me that I really did like Edward. I guess deep down I always knew it but I hadn't really admitted it to myself yet, and that dream had just confirmed my suspicions.
Between the last two classes of the day, I saw him in the hall but I wasn't sure I wanted to look at him or make eye contact. He was walking with a few friends, I didn't even know if he would see me. But my eyes somehow betrayed what little resolve I had held and still looked at him.
"Bella," he smiled and was already looking at me when I glanced over to him.
"Hey Edward." I smiled; we were walking slowly in opposite directions in the hall so there wasn't much room for conversation now. He passed as a blur in the sea of people in the hallway. In that split second I was sad we hadn't talked right when we walked past each other because now we wouldn't get to talk at all. But Edward surprised me when he came to a stop and started to walk away from his friends and back towards me. I slowed to a stop and waited for him.
"We haven't talked in ages," I could just slightly hear his voice as he walked towards me in the hallways and couldn't help the smile that was appearing on my face.
"Yeah," I agreed, glad that he missed me too, and walked over towards him.
We ended up in the side of the hallways where there was room to talk and I hugged him, enjoying it after not seeing him for so long. It lasted a little bit longer than our usual hugs, probably due to lack of seeing each other lately, but I couldn't help but think of my dream. That subconscious hope had been filled today. As he let go of my waist, I smiled. That hug was better than the one in my dream.
"Are you going to leadership tonight?" I asked, foolishly hopeful.
"No," he shook his head," I'm just fed up with all the drama," he saw what I was about to say, "Not with Jessica, just all of them in general. I just like going to the adult meetings and stuff."
"Aw, you cant fade out now, there's hardly any time left." I said sadly.
"I know, I'm just gonna see how it goes."
"Okay," he could tell I was disappointed. "Well maybe I'll go with you. Let me know if you're going this week."
"I will." He replied and the bell rang.
"See you later," I walked away, waving.
I walked into my class, only slightly late, and I sat down, loving this indescribable feeling that I was experiencing right now.
No matter how much I didn't want to be attached or fought with myself, I couldn't deny the purse happiness I felt after just a little talk with him. I still didn't know what I was going to do, but I figured for now, in this second, I would enjoy it, and worry about it later.
…..
Tonight was our last leadership meeting of the year. I really hoped Edward would show up, but I didn't really want to let myself hope too much and I tried to come to terms with the fact that he wouldn't be there.
I was content with talking to my friends for the first half hour or so, but right before we went into our new groups, he showed up. We were all outside since it was a nice day, and I saw him walking across the street. I didn't know where he came from, but it looked like he had walked here. I lump caught in my throat, I was happy to see him, but at the same time, I kind of just wanted him to go away.
Over the past few days I had been thinking about him a lot, and now I was even more confused. I knew that I really liked him, but looming in the back of my head was always the fact that he was graduating soon.
Sure, he would still sort of be around since he was going to the college that was twenty minutes away, but it would still be different. I wouldn't just see him around, I needed to be forward and ask him to hang out, but I wasn't really that forward of a person.
And I knew if I asked him to hang out, it would make my year when we did, but I didn't know if it would even mean anything to him since he didn't know I liked him. The other thing was the fact that he probably wouldn't like me, so I was really just getting myself into a mess and I would be stuck there all alone when it came crashing down.
And then on top of all the things I was worrying about, I would then get mad at myself for letting it affect me so much. It's not like he's the love of my life, but I really care for him a lot. And it just sucks that he doesn't return the feeling and doesn't even know at all. Part of me wants to tell him, but I'm too scared of what would happen.
Either I would gain an amazing boyfriend or I would make a fool of myself and loose a great friend. Sure, at first Edward would be nice about it and say he still wanted to be friends, but we all know that would never work because it was always be awkward, there was no avoiding it.
But I couldn't help how I felt, trust me, if I could help it, I would make it go away.
It was just making everything more complicated. For me there was a big difference between thinking someone's cute, actually liking them, and picturing yourself with them. There were only a few other people in my life that I had ever thought of in the deepest meaning, and I guess those two hadn't turned out completely horrible, but Edward was so much more than the middle school crush, or even the high school crush. I really liked this guy, but I always told myself that I shouldn't. I just couldn't ever decide.
He walked into the parking lot and smiled at me.
"Edward!" I walked towards him and hugged him. "I'm glad you decided to come." I told him. A weak, acknowledging smile crossed his face instead of his usual flawless smile.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned now, he didn't look good.
"Nothing," he assured me. "I'm just really sick."
"Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay?"
"Not really," he confessed.
"What happened?" I asked softly. He looked really sad and ashamed almost.
"I did something really stupid." He said quietly, into my ear almost, not wanting anyone else to hear.
"Do you…want to talk about it?" I offered, I wanted him to know I was here if he needed someone to talk to.
"Yeah," he responded. "But it's a long story. I'll tell you about it later."
"Okay," I tried to justify leaving him but couldn't make myself walk away. A few minutes later someone from my group called my name so I said bye to Edward and followed my group.
After we were finished, I walked out to see if I could find Edward but I didn't see him. Jane asked me if I wanted to go get frozen yogurt with her so we left. I was sad I didn't get to say goodbye, but I would just have to deal with it.
Anna was still there and she texted me 'bye?'
'yeah sorry, went to get yogurt, didn't see you outside' I responded.
"Let's go back after we get our yogurt," Jane suggested after opening a text from our friend Curtis. He had texted her too for not saying goodbye and she liked him a lot so she wanted to get back too. The yogurt place was right around the corner from the teen center where we had our leadership meetings so we quickly got our frozen yogurt and drove back.
I was glad to see Edward was still mingling outside with people so I would get to say goodbye to him after all. I now noticed the hospital wristband on his wrist. Edward wasn't a bad person, there was no question that he was the most perfect guy I had ever known, but he did have a small tendency to get into trouble. This was the only thing that worried me about him.
"Hey Edward." I walked up to him.
"Hey," he hugged me. "FroYo?" he asked.
"Yeah, Jane and I just went to get some." I explained.
"Bella, come on, I have to leave!" Alissa called. She was my ride home since we had driven here together so unfortunately, yet again, I couldn't talk to Edward.
"I'll talk to you later on Facebook or something." I said, using goodbye as an excuse to hug him again.
I hurried to my computer when I got home, hoping he would be online. Luck was with me but for some reason it took me a few minutes to click his name to start the conversation.
I knew I would regret if I didn't talk to him, but what if I asked him about what happened and he got mad at me or something? Maybe I should just ease into it, ask how his day was or something.
B: hey hey
E: wusgood
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Edward types really weird on Facebook. It kind of bugs me, but not enough to not talk to him.
B: haha pretty much nothing at the moment lol. How about youu?
E: nothin jus talkin to people
B: fun fun. so did you guys do intense last group meetings today?
E: not really. we watched a video
B: oh haha i saw the lights off and was wondering what you guys were doing
E: yup
B: glad you went to the last one?
E: ehhh whatevs
B: haha well i wish crhis had gone, our group missed him...but he probably would have said the same thing lol
Hmm..no response…ok we'll I wasn't ready to give up on this conversation so I decided to take durastic measures.
B: oh! i was gonna tell you today but you looked a bit..ehh...but i drew a picture of you the other day. its pretty amazing.
E: haha y?
B: jane and i were drawing pictures of people lol
E: lol ur cool
B: haha i know, it's a pretty good drawing
E: i wanna c it
B: haha no its actually really bad
E: idc
B: haha no like look at the picture of casey in my pictures...its like worse than that
E: h/o i will.
…i cant find it
B: haha ok well its really bad so just picture youself with your a's hat and a soccer ball and that's what it looks like except for like 20 worse lol
E: oh i c the one of casey lol
B: haha yeahh…
Ok no response again. I wanted to keep the conversation going but at the same time, I didn't want to force it.
B: so what was with the..uh..sadness..?today…?
E: long story. i don really feel like typin it out. i'll tell u sunday or somethin
B: haha okay. im sad when youre sad though...you always make everyone else laugh so when you're sad its like 'oh no edward!:( ' lol
E: haha well at least some people care lol
B: everyone cares! :)
E: no not everyone lol
B: ok well then i know at least i do. and i know i'm defnitley going to cry my eyes out at your graduationnn. its gonna be so sad, like for emmett and everything cuase he's my brother but like you…casey…ricky…woody…all the guys in our groups. too sadd!
E: awwww
B: haha ok when i see people cry, i cry. and all those people graduating are people i grew up with or love from leadership and clubs and everythingg
E: yeah
B: yeah but then right after i'll be happy cuase i get emmett's room hehe
E: greedy! Haha
B: pshh no way if you had to share a room with my sister nessie all your life you would say the same thing lol
E: true
B: haha very…ok well i reallly gotta get some sleep…and not to sound corny or anything ...but just...try not to do anything else stupid. i dont want to come to school in the next few weeks and not be able to see you in the halls
E: im already on home study now so u wont see me anyway lol
B: aw mann. ok well you know what i mean lol
E: haha, yeah
B: ok, i'll talk to you laterrr
E: night
…………………………
A/N: ok so what did you guys think?! I know im horrible for not updating, but I warned you guys that this story might be a little slow. I have a lot more to write but I don't have enough time so I'm just putting this out. hopefully I'll get up another chapter sometime this week.
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