The day went by pretty quickly. i got home and checked the time. I had atleast an hour to myself before Millie-Jayde was being dropped off by my auntie and my dad was working away for a few days. i went upstairs and re applied the eyeliner on my top lid. then got changed into my leggings and a hoddie. I went and got my blackberry and deleted all the broadcasts about a slag list also ignoring the fact that i was on it about 7 times. i looked at the texts one from my auntie;
Auntie Caron; Millie is ok, dropping her off in half an hour. hope you had a good first day!xxx
me; Thankyou, it was as good as it could have
Then i had one from Louis
Louis; i'll be round in ten!xxxxxxx
Me; Ok, Millies not back for a bit yet!xxxxx
Louis; Gives us time to talk, you better have food im starving!xxxxxx
Me; dunno i aint looked, you can look when you get
i sat down and looked at all the pictures on the living room wall, Millie's scan picture, Me and my dad, Me dad and mille. Millie when she was first born. Its hard to remember my life without her. Ok, i lied. Before millie my life was going down hill. My mum died when i was 9 of cancer, it was hard for me and my dad. i have an elder sister but she doesnt live with us because she has two kids of her own. When my mum died i felt empty, like everything had gone from my life. but i couldnt show it, i had to be there for my dad, he needed me to be strong and i was strong from the ages 9 - 13 i was the strong one, constantly looking after my dad making sure he was ok. Then when i was in year 8 i became angry at everyone, i would get into aguments with kids and teachers. i was always in isolation, i started drinking a lot at the weekends. no body understood why i'd become this rebellious teenager. My sister came down to visit one weekend and saw the state i was in, it was her who suggested it
'she's angry at everyone because its only just hit her that mums gone and she's blaming everyone around her, she was too young to realise before she didnt realise mum was gone forever so she didnt deal with it properly' i over heard her explaining to my dad one night, my sister was a bereavment councellor so she understood about this. After that night everything became clear to me. My sister was right. i was made to go to anger management at the hospital and at school. There was some improvement but i was still going out at weekends and drinking a lot. it was too late for anyone to do anything this time, the damage was done. i'd fell pregnant with millie. i've always been against abortion and so had Holly, My sister. Holly had fallen pregnant at 16 with my eldest niece Georgia. The rest is kind of history, i had millie in february and then i went back too school. i know what you're thinking 'what about the dad' Well i havent seen him since so he doesnt know about mill! i didnt realise how long i was sat there thinking about everything until i heard a knock at the door. i go up to answer it.
'Fuck sake key, do you know how cold it is out here. if you leave me out here any longer i might turn into a snowman' He said with slight sarcasm
'Sorry, i was thinking about stuff' i said closing the door behind him.
'Dont tell me you were thinking about what Mikayla said again' he raised an eyebrow at me
'NO!, i was thinking bout my mum and life before mill!' i replied, following him into my kitchen and sitting on the side whilst he rumaged through my cupboards. Before Millie was born Louis and Harry practically lived at mine, we used to get ready for parties here on a saturday. I miss all of that. He hadnt been round since and neither had Harry. I was too scared too ask them and they hadn't contacted me since Millie was born.
'Your mum would be proud you know' He reassured me whilst forcing Quavers in his mouth
'Would she though, i was pregnant at 15, drank every weekend, was in endless shit at school and i have you as a best friend' The last bit was a joke of course but thats just how we roll.
'OI' he shouted throwing a quaver at me.
My aunties car pulled up and i ran outside to meet my baby. I unclipped her out of her car seat and kissed her forehead, i called Louis over to help my auntie with the pushchair and car seat. I took millie in and placed her in the highchair. Me and Lou waved bye to my auntie and walked into my house. Millie was giggling to herself. I watched her and smiled to myself. Millie had literally saved my life and no body would ever understand that as much as me.