A/N: I found some original notes that went with the story so I now know it was beta'd by both Wendy and Charlotte. It was inspired by Jody Revenson's ATF story "Unexpected in Common Hours", which is, as far as I know, available at Blackraptor.

Thanks again for the comments! - Sue Kelley

Still

Epilogue:

I shifted around in the rocking chair. It was actually Ezra's chair but he had volunteered to leave it in Buck's room during "Mr. Wilmington's extended period of recuperation." With a pillow in the seat it was a heck of a lot more comfortable than a straight chair.

"JD, you don't have ta baby-sit me, ya know," Buck said, leaning back in the bed with difficulty. His two broken ribs were high up, near the back. I had a cracked rib once. Hurt like a son of a gun. Buck didn't complain even though I noticed he was real careful not to breathe deep. The white bandage covered the jagged wound on his head, but blue, black and purple bruises shaded the whole left side of his face.

"I'm not babysittin'," I pointed out. "Just enjoyin' your company. You mind?"

It was Buck's first night back in his own room-Nathan had finally given up trying to keep him in the clinic. But the healer was determined Buck wasn't up to "socializing with his various paramours" as Ezra had put it. So yeah, I was babysittin'. But truth be told, I was enjoyin' being with him. There'd been too many hours there when I was scared I'd never get the chance to talk to him again.

But I didn't know how to tell Buck that. We had a lot we needed to talk about, me and him, but I just didn't know how to start.

"You look like a man with a powerful lot on his mind," Buck said suddenly.

Startled, I looked up to meet his eyes. They were warm and accepting. I couldn't hold the gaze for long.

"I was just wonderin'," I stalled, looking around the room.

Buck let out a deep sigh, then winced and shifted uncomfortably. I opened my mouth but before I could say anything, he did. "JD, I'm sorry."

My mouth slammed shut. He's sorry?

Buck looked at me with a hopeful expression on his face. I was still too stunned to say anything. He looked away. "The other night, in the saloon...hell, you were right, Kid-JD. I shouldn't've been raggin' you about the beer-"

"Buck!" I had to interrupt because this just wasn't right, damn it. Buck wasn't the one who should be apologizing.

Buck just went on as if I hadn't said anything at all. "You're a man, Ki-JD. A man shouldn't have to account to another man for his doings."

He was trying so hard not to say "Kid".

"Sometimes, I-"

"Buck!" I practically shouted this time. "Just shut up!"

Buck's eyes widened.

Okay, well, that was one way of getting a word in edgewise.

"You don't need to apologize," I said, more quietly now. "You were just being...you." Suddenly I remembered what Chris had said that night in the saloon and almost unconsciously I repeated it. "Can't fault a man for being what he is."

Buck kind of chuckled, then grabbed his ribs. "And when it comes to you I'm a mother hen, JD. I know that."

"It's not just you," I heard myself saying. "It's Chris, Vin...all of you guys. You think I'm a kid." I felt my face getting hot. "Can't blame you when I act like I did in the saloon, blowing up like that." I met his eyes with my own finally. "I'm the one who's sorry, Buck. I don't ever want you out of my life. You're my best friend...my big brother."

Buck was looking more and more uncomfortable. He really hates sentimental moments I think, less'n it's a pretty lady he's getting' sentimental with.

"Can you forgive me?"

"Oh, hell, Kid, there's nothing to forgive," Buck said roughly. He didn't seem to realize he'd said "Kid" and I very carefully kept my smile from showing. Funny how that word wasn't bothering me anymore.

"Nothing to forgive!" I retorted, waving my hand at his body stretched out in the bed. "You call this nothing'?"

"JD," Buck sighed patiently. "What happened in Devil's Finger wasn't your fault. I knew better than to go out there this time of year with all the rain hereabouts anyway."

"So why did you?" I asked. "Were you that mad at me?"

Buck traced a patch on the quilt with one finger. "Wasn't mad at you at all," he finally said, refusing to look up. "I knew you didn't mean it. Leastways I hoped you didn't mean it. I just needed...sometimes a man just needs space to think. In a way I'm kinda like Vin, I guess. I do my best thinkin' out under the stars." He finally looked at me. "JD...when I-when any of us-call you Kid, it's not meant as a put-down. It's just..." he sighed again, looking frustrated that he couldn't think of the words. "You're-oh, hell, you're going to hate this-but there's something innocent about you-"

"Innocent!" I exploded.

He grinned shakily. "Said you'd hate it. Just shut up and let me finish, okay? There's something pure and...good...about you. Something the rest of us have lost somewhere. I just don't want you to lose it too soon. That's all I meant."

I shook my head. I didn't understand what he was saying. Innocent? Me? Heck I've killed people. Pure and good?

Maybe that knock he'd took to his head had scrambled his brains more'n Nathan thought.

Looking at him, I knew the conversation was over for now. Buck obviously didn't want to say any more, and he was hurtin', I could tell. I let it drop. He's not mad at me for what I said in the saloon. That's what's important. We can talk about the rest of it some other day. Maybe I'll even tell him I don't mind being called "Kid" so much.

On the other hand, maybe I won't.

There was a knock on the door and Chris stuck his head in. "You two doing okay?" He looked at Buck and hastily added, "I was just passin' by."

Yeah. Right. Chris has just happened to pass by three or four times since we brought Buck back from Nathan's. He's not fooling Buck or me.

He'd brought Buck's medicine from Nathan with him. Nathan was out at the Sumner place, Mr. Sumner had gotten gored again by one of those Texas Longhorns of his. Buck drank the stuff down with no objection and only a little curling of the lips. He must have been hurtin' bad. He doesn't put up the fuss Ezra does but he usually manages to say something about how bad that tea tastes.

Chris stayed a few more minutes and helped me get Buck situated more comfortably in the bed. Then he left, giving me a slight grin. He and I both knew he was gonna come by when Buck was asleep and sit with him; he and Nathan had already ordered me to get a good night's sleep "for a change". Buck'll be pissed about the "baby-sittin'" but by the time he wakes up and figures it out tomorrow mornin' it'll be too late for him to do anything.

You're not the only mother hen around here, Buck.

Thinking of Chris made me remember something. I looked over at Buck's dresser, at the little drawer underneath the mirror. "Hey, Buck?"

"What?"

"When you was missin' that morning...before Ezra got you back into town, we came in here-" I stumbled to a stop, realizing I was telling Buck we'd broke into his room. Well, not really broke in since Chris had a key, but I didn't know how Buck would feel about what we'd done.

Didn't seem to bother him, actually. "Yeah, Chris told me. So?"

"Chris opened that drawer, over there," I pointed. "He just took one quick look, and it was like whatever he saw in there, he knew you were coming back. That you hadn't meant to leave for good."

Buck was studyin' me with those dark blue eyes that usually seem so carefree but can see all the way to my soul. "Did you think I'd left for good?"

"No," I denied. "I mean, not until he...not until I realized he thought you..." I trailed off, feeling my cheeks burn. God, I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. I looked down at the quilt and absently traced one of the patches with my finger.

"JD."

I looked up. Buck was smiling gently. "Go look in the drawer."

"You mean it?"

"It's no secret, Kid. Go look."

I probably should have protested, that would have been the "gentlemanly" thing to do. But hell, I ain't no gentleman and neither is Buck, for that matter. I got up from the rocker and scrambled over to the dresser.

There was only one thing in the drawer: a small wooden box about ten inches square, with a tarnished brass lock and hinges. I didn't touch it, just looked over at Buck. "What is it?" I asked. "Chris didn't open it or anything-"

"He didn't have to." Buck interrupted. He grinned. "He knows I'd never leave that box behind...not if'n I had a choice. He and Sarah-and Adam-" his face shadowed for a minute as he said the names-"gave it to me. I'd just had an old cardboard box before. It was fallin' apart, had ta wrap string around it to keep it together."

I frowned. "Is there anythin' in it?"

He grinned again, sleepily. Nathan's tea must be takin' effect. "Oh, yeah."

"What?" Okay, I was being nosy.

Buck was quiet for a long minute, then he sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Pebbles," he said finally.

"Pebbles. You mean like rocks?"

He shook his head. "No, not like rocks. Pebbles."

And suddenly I knew what he was talking about. Josiah had been talkin' one night, out on the trail, telling one of his parables. This one had been about a man who as he walked through life picked up pebbles to remind him of where he'd been, the things he'd done, the mistakes he didn't want to make again. He put the pebbles in his pockets. One day the man got caught in a flash flood and instead of drownin' him because of the weight in his pockets, the pebbles helped anchor him to the bank and kept him from being swept away.

As Josiah's stories went it wasn't one of his best. I remember Vin frowning like he was trying to figure out how the man kept from drowning, and Ezra just rolled his eyes, but not where Josiah could see. I remember though, that Buck looked kind of thoughtful, and that Chris had looked at him and smiled.

"You got some pebbles yet, JD?" Buck asked.

I thought of my ma's Bible and her locket. And then I looked at him, at my self-appointed big brother and guardian angel.

And I nodded. "Yeah Buck, I think I do."