Chapter 4: Let the ultra-super-hyper-ninja-battle of the century begin!!
"Okay, so we can at least agree that Shikamaru is important to the plot," Naruto said. "Yes, so long as you agree that Ino is essentially useless, though not as useless as Sakura," Sasuke said in reply. "Deal! Okay, so who are you freaks and why did you attack us!?" Naruto exclaimed, shifting his attention to the new ninja enemies. Haruka was the first to speak, "We are rogue ninja from Dichaskagure" "I don't believe I've heard of that village. Which one is that?" Kakashi asked, not looking up from his book." This time Genjii spoke, saying, "It's The Village hidden in the ass of George Bush" "Yeesh!! I bet smells nice in there!!" Kiba yelled sarcastically. This brought forth Ryuk. "The smells bad, but we didn't leave because of that." Uohime stepped up and said, "We left because every couple days or so, the village would get attacked by some giant hand." "A-a d-de-demon?" Hinata stuttered. "No, Dick Cheney operating Bush like a puppet" Ryuk answered. "You should've known better than to attack leaf-village shinobi…" Shino droned monotonously. "HA! Leaf village shinobi… so weak… just like those 4 we took down 3 days ago…" Haruka laughed evilly. "Wait, YOU'RE the rogue ninja who beat bushy brow and his squad!?" Naruto cried out in surprise. "Of course they are dobe…" Sasuke said. "Shut up Teme!!" Naruto said in rebuttal. "Um, guys. Not the time…" Kakashi warned his students. The hidden-ass ninja were coming closer.
"See ya!" Kiba said. "You're not gonna help!?" Sakura screamed in surprise. "Not really. We're not really the author's favorite characters. Mostly because he thinks that I'm boring and Kiba's an asshole…" Shino said once more. "Yeah, we're gonna go to wherever Kurenai-sensei went." Kiba added. "Eh, don't worry guys, it's 4 on 4." Sasuke said, attempting to calm his squad. "Eh, there are 5 of us Sasuke-kun," Sakura replied. "Yeah, but you suck," Sasuke replied, "Why don't you just go sit on a flag-pole and let the useful characters handle this?" "Tee-hee. He's so dreamy" Sakura muttered to herself as she skipped off to find a flag-pole.
Suddenly, Haruka lunged at Sasuke with a kunai, but he leapt up in the air, spun, and did a vertical roundhouse kick to her face, sending her flying. As soon as his feet were on the ground again he instantly gained momentum in her direction. She pulled out two shuriken and threw them. Instantly, Sasuke jumped in the air, spun around, pulled out a kunai, slashed at the shuriken defensively, dropped the kunai, landed right in front of her, and delivered a powerful uppercut to her face. As Haruka flew into the air, she began making hand signs. Sasuke instantly began making hand-signs as well.
"Wind style: Tornado fist jutsu!!"
"Fire Style: Fireball jutsu!!"
Sasuke sent a fireball straight up at Haruka. However, she punched down at it, releasing a tornado which dispersed the flames and hit Sasuke dead on, smashing him into the ground. Haruka then used another tornado fist jutsu to propel her toward Sasuke, but he was ready. As she tried to smash her foot into his ribs, He quickly rolled to the
side and spin kicked her fist, knocking her off balance and sending her into a tree. She stood up and began making hand signs. Once again, Sasuke followed.
"Earth style: giant rock smash jutsu"
"Chidori!!"
Instantly, a giant square piece of rock shot up from the ground and began flying at Sasuke. Unfortunately for her, his chidori cut through it like tissue paper, before connecting with her chest, killing her instantly. "Oh yeah, I'm bad-ass…"
Sasuke turned around to see that the rest of the team had begun engaging the enemy ninja. Hinata was currently involved in a duel with Ryuk, who seemed to have some power over shadows. In fact, that looked a lot like Nara clan style ninjutsu. Hinata charged at Ryuk with her Byakugan activated. As she neared Ryuk, he made his hand-signs and said "Dancing Shadows Jutsu!!" Instantly, his shadow came alive and split in two. The two shadows began punching Hinata in the face mercilessly, as she bent down with her hands over her head. Down, but not out, she suddenly started spinning and yelled "Rotation!!" The sudden burst of chakra cut through the shadows, destroying them. 'When did Hinata learn rotation?' the reader asked themselves. Hinata replied "Shut up!" as she tried to strike Ryuk, but she was having a lot of trouble, as Ryuk appeared to be a contortionist. Every time it looked like she had him, he bent himself into an odd shape, dodging her attack then kicking her in the chest. Little did he know, Hinata had a strategy. Suddenly, he couldn't move. Hinata had tricked him into wrapping himself around a tree. She then struck him in the chest and face with Gentle style taijutsu. Now, half of the battle was won.
Meanwhile, Kakashi and Genjii were just standing around and staring at each other. At the start of the battle, Kakashi had caught Genjii with his sharingan and had sent him to genjutsu land. What Kakashi hadn't known was that, true to his name, Genjii was a genjutsu fighter and they were now having a mental battle. First Kakashi made it look as though Genjii's allies had turned on him. However, Genjii immediately realized it was an illusion and dispersed the illusion. He then created a prison around Kakashi. It took all of Kakashi's strength to release that jutsu. He then used his genjutsu skills to make the text of a NaruSasu yaoi fan fic scroll in front of Genjii's face. The disturbing mental images were too much for Genjii to bear and he passed out.
The only ninja left were Naruto and Uohime. Uohime used a nearby lake for "Water style: Water dragon jutsu" Naruto quickly leapt out of the way and countered with 7 shadow clones. The first two clones charged at Uohime, but Uohime spun around with a spinning double chop dispersing the clones at a speed almost too fast to be seen. However, a third Naruto clone used the after-smoke as a cover as he launched himself at Uohime with a flying-side kick which hit Uohime square in the face, knocking him into the air. As Uohime flew towards a tree, he quickly spun in the air, hitting the tree with his feet and using the rebound force to launch himself at Naruto. As he flew, he made hand-signs and screamed, "Ninja art: Shark bite jutsu!!" Uohime suddenly grew massive fangs
as he tore through the remaining Naruto clones and suddenly sank his teeth into Naruto's neck, causing him to scream in pain. Suddenly, a gun-shot was heard and Uohime had a massive bullet-hole in his head. Naruto turned to see his savior. "Who are you?" The man standing there was a really big, muscular dude. His had a gold chain with a medallion reading "Born to kick ass" He had a ak-47 for a hand and a gold tooth. "My name is encyser. I'm the only person who reviewed this story and the only reason there's another chapter I just showed up so everyone can see that I'm the pinnacle of awesomeness." The man stated matter-of-factly. "Wow, Encyser-sama, you sure do kick a lot of ass." Naruto stated in awe. "I know… I gotta go now… I left my anvil lying around somewhere and I've gotta go find it… bye…" Encyser said as he walked away. (A/N: I really, really hope encyser is a dude. It didn't say on his profile, so I'm just assuming from the abundant amount of anime he said he liked that I, a man, do like. Yeah, I'm betting the rest of you are wishing you reviewed now, aren't you?)
Once, the battle was over, Kakashi drew his headband down and said, "Okay. Mission accomplished." "Yeah! Let's go home and get some ramen!!" Naruto squealed in joy. "Is the fighting over?" Sakura said nervously from inside a bush, "Can I come out now?" "sigh yes…" Sasuke replied… "Oh Sasuke-kun! You were so cool! Cha!!" Sakura said as she tackled him to the ground, smothering him in hormonal love. As she did this, Sasuke thought to himself, 'I wonder if Orochimaru will still let me join him…'
Naruto rubbed his shoulders where Uohime had bitten him. He was still bleeding pretty bad and he knew he had to get it treated before it got infected. Luckily, Hinata probably had some medicine- Hinata!! He'd almost forgotten her completely. He still needed to ask her out. At least this gave him an excuse to talk to her and break the awkwardness. "Hey Hinata-chan, do you have any medicine on you?" he asked. "Y-yes N-N-Naruto-kun." She said as she began to administer the medicine, "Naruto-kun, I'm sorry for yelling… what I yelled at Ichiraku… It's just that I've always admired you Naruto-kun. Your life was so hard, but you never gave up. You never stopped believing in yourself, in your dream. You were so strong and confident, everything I wasn't. I wanted t be like you so much. I idolized you, but more than that… I love you Naruto-kun." Naruto couldn't help but blush, "I'm really flattered Hinata-chan. You've always been so kind to me and you've always been one of my best friend. I'd love to go on a date with you when we get back to the village…" "R-Really!?" Hinata asked in disbelief. "Yeah, believe it! And you know, I think you have gotten as strong and confident as me…" "Wh-what makes you say that?" "You told me all of that without blushing, stuttering, or fainting once," he said, casting a foxy grin in her direction. Hinata gasped in realization. Then she lost all control again. But this time, it didn't make an awkward situation. She began to laugh and cry at the same time as she pulled Naruto into a big, loving hug, which shocked him at first, but slowly, he returned it, holding her tight and laughing alongside her.
'Things are going to be different now,' she thought, 'things are going to be a lot better…' Somehow reading her mind, Naruto said, "You bet they will…" Suddenly, A great figure leapt from the trees and into the midst of the ninja. The figure was easily 8 feet tall and extremely muscular. He had a big beard and dual axes tied to his back. On
his head was a ninja forehead protected with the symbol of an ass in the center with a scratch through it. As Naruto looked at him he realized something. If this enemy was important enough to the plot to actually have his appearance described, they were probably in trouble. Sasuke didn't care though. He'd gotten through an entire chapter without a gay impulse. Then he noticed this ninja wasn't wearing a shirt, allowing his great pectoral muscle and six-pack abs to show… "DAMN IT!!"
Poor Sasuke. And yes, I stand by what I said in the description. There are no pairings in this fic, despite what just happened between Naruto and Hinata. Next time, the gang meets the leader of the rogue ninja from the village hidden in George Bush's ass. But this guy is so strong; he was actually a former ass-kage. Who can stand up to him? Only a future Hokage. If only we had one of those lying around wink wink Until next time, take care and God bless you all.