So I will admit and I am sure you are now very much aware, I am not an awesome updater. Goodness knows when the next one will be... I do however finish Uni at he end of next month so I think we should all cross our fingers. To be honest this has only been completed because I am avoiding my two assignments which both weight heavily for my final result and at least my Dissertation is looking healthy :). Just needs editted and a conclusion added :D.

Anyways, T. I really appreciate the continued reading and only hope I am still able to give people a good read.

Thank you X

"I have called you in sick and I told them I will go in for rounds, but all my surgeries are to be pushed to tomorrow so I can come home and look after you, ok?"

Arizona nodded, "What about Mark?"

"What about him?" Callie asked with a confused look. Her tone was neither spiteful nor concerned.

"Well... he was a part of this too... Is he going to work?"

"I don't know - probably" Callie shrugged, "I think we need to go over this first don't you? I am sure Mark is upset and more likely scared of seeing me anytime soon... I'll talk to him once we've..."

Arizona nodded again, she knew if Calliope had finished the sentence with "talked" or any word of the kind, one or both of them would have freaked out. Needing to "talk" always meant something serious and probably heavy and yeah, in this case it was both serious and heavy, they both felt inclined to let it flow.

"I'll be back for lunch." Callie said over her shoulder whilst heading for her things by the front door.

"ok. I'll make us something." Came Arizona's little to cheerful voice.

This gained the response of Callie's raised eyebrows. "Food poisoning won't get you out of this, I'll pick us something up on the way back." Callie grinned. Arizona sighed.

She was in for several hours of her own thoughts. She was currently feeling a little nauseous. She didn't want to go over the night before, sure all her reasons remained the same, they just seemed a little naive and lame in hindsight. Poor Mark. Arizona was torn between humiliated and broken for them both. No doubt a chat with Mark himself wouldn't be too far off. She would have to apologise. How was she ever going to look at him again.

She tried to shake the thoughts from her mind. She needed to distract herself, she needed work. So for the next few hours Arizona threw herself into a research project she had been working on. Children. Illness. Cure.

Usually trying to distract one's self was hard work, Arizona however jumped, drawing a heavy pen line across her notes. She looked around trying to figure out the source of her disruption realising it had been the key opening the front door and it shutting soon after.

Yep now she was a mixture of emotions: panic, nervousness, trepidation, and relief of sorts. She knew what was for lunch before she saw Callie or the food bags. Callie had obviously been shopping, knowing Arizona didn't do it often and she had only been back in the apartment a few weeks. She has also picked up a pizza from their favourite place.

Lifting the bags onto the counter Callie decided everything bar the milk would wait, she poured them each a glass before putting the rest of the bottle in the fridge. She watched Arizona tidy away whatever she had been working on as she placed the milks on the coffee table and going back for the pizza.

Now there was a dilemma. Did she sit on the opposite sofa? The same sofa but at the opposite end? Or sit right next to Arizona so they could touch if they wanted or not if they didn't?

Arizona had so far kept her gaze down... at Callie's hesitation she found the courage to look up. One look into Arizona's eyes Callie settled in next to her, no room for escape for either of them.

They ate in relative silence. The intensity of the situation and the talking they were about to go into was one really big dauntingly grey cloud. Arizona picked up their milks and handed one to Callie. She gave a small smile taking the glass to her lips. Callie giggled at Arizona's white moustache and moved to brush it away with her thumb.

The familiarity of the touch made them both freeze. Callie took a deep breath and followed through with the action. "Ready?" Her heart felt heavy just preparing herself, but the look that washed over the blondes expression was a lead weight. Nevertheless her ex nodded.

Arizona turned leaning back into the sofa and placing her head on the back of it. She couldn't look at her Calliope while explaining herself and she figured tilting her head upwards would stem the tears for a bit longer than if she were sat normally.

"I don't know what to tell you..." it was little more than a whisper.

Callie turned on the sofa. Legs tucked under herself and her right arm across the back of the sofa in a way that her hands could run through Arizona's hair. She wanted contact, but flesh on flesh would feel too much.

"The truth?"

Arizona gave her a sideways glance as if to say, 'yeah I am going to lie about something this important'. Callie just kept her gaze. Damn it, Callie! She wanted so much to keep looking into Callie's gaze, to get lost in it, but the emotions running through her, the guilt made her look away.

"Curiosity?" another quick glance and nope that wasn't a good enough explanation. Callie's raised eyebrows said it all. One big inhale then exhale...

She sounded so quiet and small that the first sentence brought tears to Callie's eyes. "You weren't talking to me, I'd tried apologising, I allowed Mark to tell me my faults and I ripped myself apart for you to see me. The me who couldn't bear to be away from you for more than a month. The me that came back because I was stupid enough to leave in the first place. The me that regretted ever leaving you. The me who broke my heart every night I was away from you, who had nightmares every night I wasn't and still am not in your arms. The me who never stopped loving you and desperately hoped you would forgive me and tell me you loved me too..." Her voice had got raspier the more she spoke and by the end only vulnerability shone through.

Tears. One lone tear slipped down from her right eye. It just happened to be the only side Callie was privy to from where she was leaning against the couch. At this one tear, Callie's, which had so far been pooling, broke free, but silent.

"I thought I was heartbroken just because I wasn't with you. But then I came back and you were with me, I mean I could see you and hear you, but you wouldn't take me back...b...but nothing compares to my worst fear, my greatest fear involving you. I always feared you would want to go back to men, that I wasn't good enough for you. Mark, your best friend; a man to whom women flock in the hundreds because he is that good. My biggest insecurity and now my biggest heartbreak is that you not only slept with some else, you slept with Mark... I know (her voice caught in a sob)... I know we were over, but I wasn't in Africa getting over you by jumping into bed with someone else... I was miserable Callie and now I would take that instead of this more than anything..."

Arizona lost her battle with her tears. Now they just kept falling. She didn't think it was possible but yesterday's meltdown did not compare to this one.

She had brought herself forward on the couch, holding her head in her hands. She tried pressing the tips of her fingers to her eyes to stem the flow, but it was no use. Callie remained silent. She was watching the love of her life once again, in less than 24 hours break down. Sure she had plenty to say, but she wanted all the answers first.

To be honest she hadn't known the extent of Arizona's insecurities of her and her and Mark. The newborn comment at the very beginning was about being an experiment. Callie had taken this as experimenting in the skills etc of being with a woman. But now she thought about it... it seemed to be about being with a woman in comparison to being with a man. That a newborn would have a quick lay and go back to being with men.

Callie had experimented and yeah it was about comparing, but she it never crossed her mind to go back to men, to go back to Mark.

"You told me you slept with Mark!... I thought the fact that you wouldn't take me back there and then was about hurting me, making me suffer, even though I had done that enough and then some more. But telling me about Mark, I wasn't a hundred percent certain as to whether you were telling the truth or you knew that that was what I was most insecure about. I prayed for the latter, but you left it at that and I knew... I knew you were telling the truth."

Taking in a deep breath, Arizona managed to get some semblance of being 'together' once again. The tears never stopped but she was able to speak more clearly.

"Being with Mark was supposed to be an experiment... an insight into why you or anyone would sleep with and keep going back to Mark. I realise that it was stupid. I knew it before, during and after. But whether you would take me back or not was no longer the issue. My fear was... I... I... couldn't be with you again not knowing. Feeling insecure and you obviously not acting on it was manageable, but knowing it was now and probably always will be a possibility and actuality. I couldn't do that to myself."

Arizona only now took a moment to look up at her ex, at her Calliope. Her cheeks were glistening and for a moment Arizona just watched as the tears kept falling and falling down those beautiful tanned cheeks.

"I thought if we were to get back together and fall out or even break up again, knowing you would be in his bed, knowing I would go through the same pain again was an unbearable thought. But not being with you ever again was even worse. So, after days of not talking to you, emotions, lack of sleep, pure irrationality and self destruct... (she shook her head) it seemed logical. There's not much more to it than, at the time it seemed logical. I mean I even persuaded Mark that it was a good idea." She let out a short snort at how she had managed to talk Mark around.

"And we both know he isn't that desperate for sex that he would sleep with his best friend's ex lesbian lover just to get laid. So please... please don't be too hard on him. I think I shocked and scared him into doing it. He wanted me to let one of you explain why you'd done it. But I told him he could explain afterwards because it wasn't going to change what I was asking him for."

Arizona kept throwing glances back over her right shoulder to look at Callie. Sure they had both been tense at the beginning but Callie had managed to make herself look remotely relaxed. But now she had shifted positions; sat curled up, her legs tucked to her chest and her arms folded across her knees. There was no arm across the back of the couch or any signs that there would be any physical contact. This time it was Arizona who made herself more open. She leant her right side into the couch so she was facing Callie, her legs were tucked under her and her right arm and hand were propping her head up. Her left arm was free in case she felt the need to touch her ex or if Callie looked liked she needed the contact.

"Callie, look at me please"

There was no hesitation on Callie's part like Arizona expected. She thought she would have to coax her into making eye contact.

"This is not Mark's fault okay. He just wanted to help." Breaking eye contact briefly to look to the window and then back again. Callie's gaze hadn't shifted. "He was... gentle... and loving... and patient" For the life of her she didn't want to go into details and watching Callie she hoped she didn't want in depth details either.

"we'd just... he's just...(she sighed) it was uncomfortable, it felt wrong and I just..." She choked on her words remembering the moment, the sensation that she wouldn't forget for a very very long time. Her words now came out with intermittent sobs "I couldn't go through with it and... and he knew what I needed... I needed you... I didn't ask for you, he told me he was calling you and I've never been more scared in my life."

Callie had uncurled herself and now mirroring Arizona's position. They were making themselves more available to the other. Yet neither one could bring themselves to make the first contact.

"Before you walked through the door I contemplated running for it... obviously the only place would have been to the bathroom. I though you or Mark would have said something and I would have been able to gauge your mood. But neither of you spoke... and you came in... and you hesitated, I knew you weren't expecting it to be me, but I knew it would take you seconds to work it out." Her emotions were fraught, the relief from the night before and even now made way for only more tears "you didn't shout or yell... you just... you..."

"I held you."

Arizona just nodded through more sobs. These were Callie's first words since the 'talk' had started. The only emotions that came with these 3 words were love and sadness.

Barely more than a whisper... "Will you hold me now?" There was no hesitation, one nod of Callie's head and Arizona all but dove into her arms. Callie let her emotions run free. Sure she had been crying the whole time but it was only now that Callie allowed sound to accompany her tears. Each of their sobs vibrated through the others body, there was no gap between them. Their bodies melted together perfectly.

Hope that was okay for everyone... I am thinking Callie's POV next?

P.S. I loved the musical, I wish they had played out the full Universe and U and I really didn't get the dream sequence... 'Is this what love feels like?' Seriously? She is actually asking that question? I feel as though both women have been taken out of character... they can still grow as individuals and a couple, but where is the intimacy? the perkiness? I love you? Maybe in the last eps and next season they can get them back on track...:/. Rant over :D