Chapter 4:
The brightness in the room didn't wake either of them, but the door opening loudly did. Lexa snapped to attention and once she noticed Abby standing in the doorway with Octavia, she jumped out of the bed while Clarke was still trying to register what was happening.
"Glad you caught up on your beauty sleep, Clarke." Octavia joked while passing Abby a bag of something.
"We got what we need." Abby told Clarke and sat the bag on the end of the bed, removing items she needed.
"Indra remained behind in Arkadia?" Lexa asked, feeling a little anxious at being caught in such a position with Clarke.
"She's there. I have no way of getting in contact with her since I had to leave the radio. Did she check in?"
"Not yet." Abby answered for Lexa.
Lexa realized she didn't know the answer. She'd been in bed with Clarke instead of keeping up with the important affairs of her people.
"Murphy has the radio. Why don't you take it from him?"
"What are we going to do with that guy?" Octavia more asked Clarke than Lexa or Abby.
"He helped me. I know he's done some bad things, but he's on our side."
"He's on his side." Octavia retorted.
"Perhaps we should discuss this when Clarke has healed more." Lexa tried.
"She's awake. She's fine." Octavia replied. She then looked at her Commander. "Bosh moba, Heda." She apologized reluctantly. "Look, I don't know who's in charge here. You're the Commander and I feel more like Trikru than Skaikru, but Skaikru are my people too. Lincoln is being held in Arkadia and Pike is in charge there, but Kane should be the Chancellor, but technically Abby was Chancellor before Kane and then there's Clarke." She motioned with her hand toward the girl in the bed while Abby hung a new IV bag. "She was in charge before all of you and despite my idiot brother trying to wreck everything in the beginning, she did a pretty good job."
"Thanks." Clarke replied without really knowing what to say.
"Just stating the facts." She paused and began walking backwards out of the room. "I'm going to find Murphy. Why don't you guys just figure out who's in charge here so I know who to listen to and we can actually take Arkadia back and prevent a war between our people or your people or my people." She turned her back toward them. "I don't even know anymore."
"She's right." Clarke stated while sitting up slightly. "We need to present a united front. We need to figure out-" She stopped herself when she noticed her mom putting something in the IV. "No. Mom, I don't want to sleep."
"It's just an antibiotic, Clarke. It won't put you to sleep."
Clarke nodded and Abby injected the medicine into the IV.
"We need a plan to stop Pike. We need…" She faded out. She looked at Abby. "We need…"
"I lied." Abby admitted. "You need more rest."
"Mom." Clarke turned her head toward Lexa. "Lexa?"
"Sleep, Clarke. It's going to be okay." Lexa assured.
Clarke's eyes grew heavier.
"We're talking about this when…" She had turned back to Abby to deliver her words, but passed out before she could finish.
"Sorry, but she's not ready to start worrying about this stuff yet." Abby told Lexa. Lexa nodded in reply. "When she wakes up, she'll be angry, but she needs to eat something of substance and then we can see if she's ready to try walking around a little to regain her strength, but I don't want her pushing it."
"Okay." Lexa listened intently.
"I can trust you, can't I?" Abby asked her seriously.
"Yes." Lexa answered quickly.
"This is my daughter, Lexa." Abby walked toward the Commander. "I need to return to Arkadia. Kane and my people need me there and its likely Pike hasn't noticed I'm gone, but he will soon if I don't get back. I don't want him knowing about Clarke's injury or what happened here."
"Neither do I."
"You have the supplies to take care of her, I can talk to your healer and make sure he knows what to do, but can you assure me she will be safe here? That you will protect her?"
"With my life." Lexa meant it and Abby could see that.
"I'll see myself out. I'll do what I can from inside Arkadia and I'll make sure Indra is safe."
"Thank you."
"Thank me by taking care of Clarke."
Lexa nodded again and watched as Abby left the room. She turned to look at Clarke, who appeared to be sound asleep until she saw her eyes shoot open.
"You should tell her to take Murphy with her. He can be of use at Arkadia."
"You were asleep." Lexa walked toward her.
Clarke smirked and held up the tubing from the IV. She had it crimped between her fingers preventing the medicine from entering her body.
"I know my mother." Lexa tried to take her hand, but Clarke pulled it back. "I know you too. Don't make me go back to sleep."
Lexa rolled her eyes.
"Why should she take Murphy?"
"Because he's a survivor. He'll do anything to survive."
"If he only looks out for himself, that does us no good."
"He wants a place to belong just like Octavia. Just like all of Skaikru. He can protect her." Clarke got to the point.
"Miya snap!" Lexa yelled while turning around as the door opened and one of the guards entered. "Find Murphy and tell Abby he is to accompany her. He should remain behind the barricade with Indra unless Kane needs his help inside Arkadia. If he has a problem with this, send him here."
The guard nodded and left quickly.
"Thank you."
Lexa turned back to her.
"Thank me by going back to sleep." Lexa begged and walked toward her, but then noticed that Clarke had removed the IV from her arm and was pressing a bandage to the spot that now pooled blood.
"I'm fine. I'm actually really hungry."
Lexa sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Clarke before lifting her shirt up enough to look at the bandage covering most of her stomach.
"Be honest." She started before pulling at the tape to lift the bandage slightly so she could examine the wound. "How badly does it hurt?"
Clarke felt Lexa's fingers gently touch her skin just below the wound and it was enough to cause goose bumps to break out as the fingers slid across it.
"It's not that bad now." She didn't mean it the way it sounded. Lexa smiled at her and put the bandage back in place and pulled her shirt down to cover it.
"You should change. Your mom put those clothes on you after the surgery."
"I should do more than just change my clothes."
"I'll prepare a bath for you and send for food for when you're done. I'll have clothes brought in from your room and-"
"Lexa?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you." She reached for Lexa's hand and took it in her own.
"You have nothing to thank me for. You saved my life." Lexa stood, but kept their hands linked. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Clarke's forehead before touching them gently to Clarke's lips. "And you were right, Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving." She stood up all the way; not waiting for a response before she walked into her bathroom.
She emerged a few minutes later and walked toward the door. She said something to another guard and came back into the room.
"Clarke, hold on." She rushed to Clarke's side as the girl tried to stand on her own. "You shouldn't be standing without help." Clarke lifted her arm so Lexa could slide under it and help her walk very slowly to the bathroom where she'd filled the bathtub only half way with water; not knowing if Clarke's wound could be submerged in water or not. "Should I get the healer or-"
"For what?" Clarke asked as they arrived at the edge of the bathtub.
"To help you."
"To help me what? Take off my clothes? Take a bath?" Clarke questioned.
"Yes." Lexa lifted Clarke's arm off of her shoulders.
Clarke laughed and noticed that the pain was better this time. She lifted her arms and began pulling at the loose shirt her mother had apparently put on her after the surgery. Lexa stood in front of her and watched. Once it was off, Clarke held it in her hand a moment as she stood in front of Lexa with nothing covering her chest. Lexa continued to meet her eyes, but took a step forward to take the shirt from her hand and set it on the chair next to the bathtub. She watched as Clarke nodded to her and put her hands on her pants to slide them down her body along with her underwear. The only thing covering Clarke's skin was the bandage over her stomach. Lexa gingerly lifted Clarke's legs to pull the clothing off her entirely and tossed it on the chair before standing back up and placing her hands on her waist.
"Can you…" Clarke started and looked down. Lexa knew what she meant and she tried to pull off the bandage without hurting Clarke. Once removed, she threw it in a trash can and returned to Clarke.
"Should I help you in?"
"Yes." Clarke told her. "Can you close that first?" Clarke asked her referring to the door. Lexa nodded and walked toward the door. She closed it and twisted the lock to make sure Clarke felt entirely safe in this vulnerable position and she returned to her. She stood behind her for a moment and lifted her hair that had grown out so much since they'd first met and pulled it back from her face and then ran her hands down her back. Clarke felt the fingers graze her skin and sighed as silently as she could.
"You're beautiful." Lexa leaned forward and kissed Clarke between the shoulder blades before lowering her hair back down to cover them. She walked around to face her and watched as Clarke bit her upper lip before putting her hands out and lifting Lexa's shirt. "Clarke?"
"Please?" Clarke asked. She pulled the shirt up higher and watched as Lexa lifted her arms so she could remove it. It hurt Clarke, but she grimaced only as Lexa's face was covered by the shirt because she knew if she saw her in pain, she'd force her to go back on the medication. Clarke's eyes met Lexa's and she could tell the girl was vulnerable despite the fact that they'd both seen each other naked and recently at that. Lexa removed her own pants and once she was bare as well, she placed her clothing on top of Clarke's and climbed into the bathtub. She helped Clarke lift her legs one at a time and when she laid back, she pulled Clarke back against her. She wrapped her arms around her cautiously so as not to cause her pain and after a few moments of silence shared, she began running her fingers up and down Clarke's arm.
"I never thought we'd get to have this." Lexa finally broke the silence. She used her free hand to run soap across Clarke's skin slowly as she was enjoying being able to touch her.
"Neither did I." Clarke shared and kept her eyes closed, feeling Lexa pressed against her and her hands on her body.
"I am sorry, Clarke. I should have known Titus would attempt something like this. I trusted him when I shouldn't have and it almost cost you your life."
"He only wanted to protect you."
"He was my subject. It was his duty to obey my command." She sounded more forceful.
"Can we not be Heda and Wanheda for a moment?" She leaned her head back further and Lexa pressed her lips to Clarke's shoulder.
"We don't have that luxury, Clarke." Lexa reminded her.
"I know. That's why… I'm me, right?" Clarke smiled, but kept her eyes closed.
Lexa stopped her movements, recalling the moment she'd said those words to her, before Titus shot her and before she thought saying three words to her would actually matter. She was leaving for Arkadia. They wouldn't be seeing each other for a long time. There was no need to complicate things further. So, she stopped herself and she held out her hand instead.
"That's why I love you, Clarke." She gulped after saying it out loud for the first time. She felt Clarke tense in her grasp, but was grateful she couldn't see her face. It was better since Clarke wouldn't say it back to her. She buried her face in Clarke's hair as if that would shield her from whatever Clarke might say back since it wouldn't be those words.
"Ai hod yu in." Clarke returned in Lexa's tongue. Lexa felt her heart press rapidly against her ribcage as if trying to push itself out of her body. She felt Clarke relax against her again. "I never thought I'd say that to you." Clarke continued. "I never thought I'd be able to look at you again after Mount Weather."
"Clarke…" Lexa's hand began to move again over Clarke's skin, but this time Clarke's fingers moved over Lexa's arm.
"I know. I don't want to talk about it either. I just… we're here now."
There was a sound from the bedroom. It startled Clarke, but Lexa remained calm and held her against her.
"It's your food. The door is locked. They'll leave it on the bed and go." She kissed her neck. "I know we have much to discuss about Arkadia and what to do, but we should finish here and you should eat and rest."
"How much longer are you going to make me rest?" Clarke asked.
"When have I ever made you do anything?" Lexa replied.
Clarke laughed and Lexa felt it against her body. It caused her to smile.
"I'm not good at this, Lexa. I can't just sit on the side and watch things happen around me."
"I know that, Clarke, but you need to heal and I promised your mother I would take care of you."
Clarke laughed again.
"You really are afraid of my mother, aren't you?"
Lexa didn't respond.
"I've never had to-" She finally started after a few moments of silence.
Clarke thought for a moment and sat up. It hurt, but only slightly and not enough to deter her from slowly trying to turn around in the bathtub. Lexa scolded her before giving in to her stubbornness and helping her turn to face her. Lexa straightened her legs as she watched Clarke straighten her body, ungracefully straddle her and wrap her arms around her neck.
"You've never met a mom of someone you're…" Clarke started. "Dating? Is that the right word?"
Lexa smiled at her and moved her arms around Clarke's back.
"You shouldn't be moving around this much. We should get you dressed and back to bed."
"Answer the question." Clarke smirked at her.
"No, I've never had to do that." Lexa replied. She was staring into Clarke's eyes, but Clarke could tell she was nobly avoiding looking elsewhere.
Clarke shook her head at her and pulled her face toward her own and connected their lips. The water splashed slightly as Lexa's arms moved up and down Clarke's back as she lost herself in the kiss. When Clarke pulled away, Lexa's eyes were still closed.
"Don't be nervous around my mom." Clarke tried to order. Lexa smiled and opened her eyes.
"She hates me." Lexa put out while running her hands again up and down Clarke's bare back.
"She doesn't hate you. She doesn't know you."
"Are you in pain right now? You should lie back." Lexa tried to move so Clarke could lie back in front of her.
"I'm fine. We're fine." Clarke expressed and kissed her gently again.
Clarke finally gave in and laid back against Lexa while she felt Lexa's hands running soap over her body. After they were finished, Lexa got out first and wrapped a towel around her body, moving her hair up and out of the way with a band before leaning down and helping Clarke out of the bathtub to help her dry off. She left the room momentarily to retrieve clothes for herself and after dressing, walked to Clarke's room to bring her clothing as well. She asked a guard to bring the rest of Clarke's stuff to her own room since she knew Clarke no longer had a need for the room she'd been nearly killed in. When she returned, Clarke was still wrapped in a towel, but was lying on the bed eating the food that had been brought for her.
"Sorry, I couldn't wait." She confessed.
Lexa sat the clothing on the bed in front of her.
"You might want to get dressed. I'm having them bring your stuff from your room."
"Oh." Clarke moved to stand, but needed Lexa's help. She managed to get to the bathroom in time as there was a knock at the door. Lexa closed the door behind her and told the guards to enter and leave her stuff. Lexa would sort through it for her later. She returned to the bathroom to watch Clarke as she attempted to put a clean shirt over her head, but Lexa approached from behind and helped.
"You need a new bandage. I'll send for the healer." She walked around to Clarke's front and pulled the shirt down the rest of the way. She knelt down and helped her finish getting dressed. As she was kneeling, Clarke noticed something.
"You have another tattoo." She pointed out.
"What?" Lexa asked and stood.
"I didn't notice it before because your hair's so long. The back of your neck."
"Oh, that."
"Turn around." Clarke tried.
"We should get you back to bed. You shouldn't be standing this much."
"Fine." They walked back to the bed and Lexa pulled the blankets over her while Clarke snacked on the food she'd been supplied. "Are you staying with me or…" Clarke didn't like asking that. She hated the fact that she was being selfish. Lexa had an empire to run and Clarke was keeping her from that, but she wanted her here. They'd had so little time together before everything happened. She wanted them to have more time just as Clarke and Lexa and that part was outweighing the part that knew they had jobs to do. They had a war to prevent.
"I will stay until you fall asleep." Lexa answered and climbed in beside her.
"Lie on your back." Clarke asked and moved the tray to the table.
"I should get the healer." Lexa remembered.
"I can put the bandage on myself or you can do it." She reached for the supplies, which were now next to the tray. "Here."
She lay back and watched as Lexa moved on top of her, straddling her legs. Clarke looked up at her as she lifted her shirt just enough and put the bandage in place. Thankfully, there was no blood and there didn't appear to be an infection either.
"Is that okay?" Lexa asked. Clarke looked up at her and pulled at her shirt. Lexa smirked. "What?" She let her lift it all the way off.
"Lie on your back."
"Why?"
Clarke just glared at her. Lexa moved to her side and did as she was told. She thought about how no one ever tells her to do anything, but she let it leave her mind when she felt Clarke's fingers once again move up and down her back. She closed her eyes and turned her face away from Clarke.
"Tell me about this one." She slid her finger all the way up to the base of Lexa's neck and outlined the symbol there.
"It's the most sacred symbol of our people. The Commander gets it when they take power."
"What makes it sacred.?" Clarke asked and then felt bumps along the skin. "There's a scar here. What happened?"
"What do you know about our history?" She asked Clarke and turned to face her.
"Why don't you tell me about it?" She continued to glide her fingers over Lexa's skin while she relayed the story of the first Commander and the sacred symbol. Clarke's eyes grew heavy despite her desire to stay away. She knew she'd tired herself out and her hand slowed its movements against Lexa's skin; eventually stopping all together as Lexa rolled out from under it. She placed Clarke's hand closer to her body, slid her shirt back on and began placing Clarke's belongings around the room wherever they belonged before returning to the bathroom to ready herself for the rest of the day.