Chapter 4
She watched as Penelope put her envelope with the others and stepped back to stand on one side of Morgan. She watched the usually giddy woman as she crumbled emotionally; she wanted nothing more than to run to her and tell her everything was okay. But she couldn't, she had to be strong to keep them safe. No matter the pain she was feeling now, it would all be worth it to keep them safe.
She watched as her partner, her friend, her brother stepped forward. She could see the pain in his eyes even from where she sat in the darkness of the SUV. The darkness that had taken over her life.
Her body was already beginning to heal, but her soul… she didn't ever think ever would. She felt her soul was irrevocably damaged beyond repair. It had been three weeks since she 'died'. They had waited to have her funeral until her mother was able to back to the country; she was told this by her handler. Not even the death of her only child could make that woman put politics aside. At the last minute the Ambassador decided not to come to come to the funeral; had said it was just too painful and maybe it was, but no one could tell by the icy exterior of the woman. She hadn't even waited to go back to the Middle East, she had gone back the after she had returned to the States. She knew her mother was heartless but she thought that her death might have struck a little emotion from her; yet again the woman had let her down.
Derek Morgan stood there staring down at the box where his friend laid. Yes it was a beautiful casket Hotch had picked out for her; but in the end it was still just a box that would forever hold the remains of his partner, his friend, his sister.
'Emily, There are so many things I should say right now, like how I should have kicked your ass until you told me what was going on. But I won't. I won't because in the end it wouldn't have mattered. You still would have chosen to do it your way. I understand now why you did it and I find a little peace in knowing that you only wanted to protect us. To keep us safe; thank you for that, your sacrifice for us will not go unnoticed by any of us. I am trying to remember the good times we had, sometimes it's hard I won't lie about that.
I don't know if you knew or not but you have always been an inspiration to me and I am sorry I never told you that. You leave me wanting to be a better agent, a stronger agent; a better man. In my weakest moments you and Pen have been my rocks, keeping me strong and not letting me break. You always had my back; I'm sorry that I didn't have yours. You listened to me when I told you about Carl Buford; you didn't judge or make me feel any less that what I am. You told me it wasn't my fault and that I was stronger now that I took back that control from him. I knew you were right. You always were. You were and always will be my partner, my friend, my sister. I love and miss you sis. Say hi to my dad for me. Love you always Princess, Derek.
P.S. I still want to know what a 'Sin to win weekend is.'
She watched as her friend put his envelope with the others and then placed his hand on top of the coffin. She watched as as he cried for her before he pulled his hand away and moved back over to Penelope and Reid. Standing between the two; he reaches for their hands and holds on tight. She knew he needed that link to help him stay strong.
One by one her friends, her family were telling her good-bye; and with each one she would say a little prayer for them. A prayer to help them heal. A prayer for them not to be broken inside. A prayer for them to one day understand and forgive her for all the pain she was causing them.