She tried not allow herself to cry as she took in the numerous scars he had on his arms, the deepness of the cuts. What had happened to her new found light? To the stubborn boy who dragged her lazy and drunk ass to the village to become the Hokage she was destined to become? Had this darkness always been there? Was the Naruto she had come to love and see as her own grandson simply a facade that she was too stupid to realize from the beginning?
Naruto stared out into the bright blue sky from his hospital bed, his throat beginning to feel dry from refusing to speak to anyone since the minute he woke up. What was there for him to say? They've already seen enough of what he worked hard for years to keep hidden and they surely didn't need to know more. Luckily Tsunade refused to allow Kakashi and Jiraiya anywhere near him for the time being. Facing them caused him great anxiety, they had such high hopes for him as a student and he failed. He also was pretty lucky he wasn't being stripped of his ninja title, well, yet anyways.
Naruto turned his gaze from the outside world over to the nurse who was changing his bed sheets for the third time today. She immediately become flustered and red faced as she noticed the boy watching her. He smiled to himself for a brief second as he pondered on how amusing it was that all the nurses walked on eggshells when they were around him, always fusing and second guessing what they were doing, in an attempt to keep him comfortable and at ease. Despite some walking on eggshells,some nurses had refused to tend to him, for more obvious reasons. He began hearing whispers of how much of a idiot he was for failing a quite simple suicide, some even appreciated his attempt at it in the first place.
"At least he tried to consider how the village feels about him being the Fox demon, he almost did the whole village a favor." One nurse had sneered.
And he agreed, how stupid could he be to fail at suicide? And not only fail but to have the Nine-Tails once again take more choices and freedom away from him, leaving him utterly miserable, along with the village seeming to be in an even fouler mood.
Naruto ran his hands over the numerous scars on his bare arms as he continued to stare out the window, not having to hide them was a fairly new concept. Oh the irony of the situation, everybody expected such from the Uchiha. The prodigy, the last of the famous clan, left to fend for himself. Sasuke wouldn't even know the meaning of the phrase, to fend for oneself. He had a family who loved him, he was accepted and adored by everyone.
The entire village expected nothing but greatness from the Uchiha, while his fate seemed damned before he even had his first breath. Yet it was Sasuke who betrayed everyone, despite being the one everyone counted on and adored. And he, the outcast of the village, still as loyal as a dog.
Naruto sighed to himself, attempting to rid himself of all the thoughts of self pity and loathing. Thoughts like that wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't change how he was constantly treated and certainly wouldn't change his childhood. But this deep pain he felt just wouldn't leave him be. The pain he needed to feel to rid himself of his deep pain and self hate was needed for him to feel sane, to feel human...to feel alive again. He just felt so unclean, so unworthy. What value did he hold? He had been stripped of all that he had with nothing to hold onto.
He was a man for God's sake! Men don't get raped and taken advantage of! And nonetheless a ninja, a man who should have been able to defend himself against situations like that.
Naruto was so engulfed in his thoughts he never noticed Lady Tsunade entering quietly in his hospital room, attempting to observe her godson before alerting him of her presence.
"Naruto how are you feeling?" She asked quietly as she guided him from his seat at the window sill back into bed where he belonged. Naruto refused to speak to her or anyone for the matter. Yet she held true to continuing conversation with him, to let him know she was here for him. "You shouldn't be out of bed yet Naruto...would you like some ramen?" She prayed ramen would do the trick, something that always sparked happiness in Naruto. Her heart fell when she saw him shake his head quickly before turning over in the bed, his back towards her.
Authors note: This is just a preview of chapter four! I just wanted to give my readers a taste and use this to let them know I am still working on the story! Thanks soooo much to all my readers of this story! I can't thank you enough! It's so hard for my to post what I write now because I'm so insecure about my writing, I see so many stories on this website that are 10x better than mine ever will be and the authors writing style is 100x better than mine will ever be! So I apologize for doing those of you who like this story line such little justice with my writing style, I really do apologize. I also apologize for me being a slow updater! Please hang in there with me! And also, I apologize for my ranting haha I tend to do that a lot, and please know I don't look for attention when I hate on my own work, I just like to be honest about things so you as readers understand a little my state of mind when I'm writing my stories. Anyways full chapter to come! Please review! Thanks!