When You Say Nothing At All
Distraction
zansbitch1: Hahaha. Poor Glenn. Of course he doesn't have a chance against Daryl.
Lorem tenebrae: Drunk sex is the best! Well…drunk sex with Daryl is better than no sex with Daryl. Here's the next chapter!
BlackRose851: Thank you
FanFicGirl10: Don't you worry. There's plenty more where that came from.
Leyshla Gisel: You know it! Drunk sex can be pretty awesome with the right person, and Daryl is always the right person to have sex with.
VeritasKym: Thank you! I didn't know if anyone would catch the Jesus joke. Dennis is a total douchebag. I'm still debating whether or not I want to include him in the story. I think that, in the future, I might tell the story from Daryl's POV or include flashbacks from his perspective. As for Daryl and Roslyn sleeping together already, I tried to convey that Roslyn needed a release. She was looking to Daryl to distract her from her bad memories. As for the sex scene being a blurb, don't worry, there will be more detailed encounters ahead!
0o0o0
By the time I made it to the kitchen, most of the group was already there. Glenn was moaning and groaning at the table. I felt a pang of guilt for urging him to drink more and for throwing myself at him. I quickly made my way over to the pot of coffee, pouring him a mug. I took it over to him, taking over for Jacqui, who was fussing over him. I sat down next to Glenn, placing a hand on his back.
"I'm sorry about last night." I whispered, sliding the mug in front of him.
Glenn turned to look at me. Though he was pale and sickly looking, he managed to give me a little smile.
"That's okay." He murmured. "The next time you try to jump me, just make sure you're sober."
I laughed, but Glenn's smile immediately disappeared. I covered my mouth.
"I'm sorry-"
"It's fine." Glenn moaned, burying his head in his arms.
"Here, Glenn, take some of these." Lori said, holding out an orange prescription bottle. "Jenner gave them to us. It looks like they're coming in handy."
I took the bottle from Lori, shaking out two pills. Glenn quickly took them, gulping down the coffee.
"Roslyn, we never really got a chance to talk last night." Rick said suddenly, eating his eggs. "Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?"
"What do you want to know?" I asked, rubbing Glenn's back rhythmically as I looked up at Rick.
"How old are you? Where are you from?" Rick shrugged. "Where were you before-"
"That's a lot of questions, honey." Lori murmured, giving him a look.
"That's okay. I don't mind." I insisted. "I'm twenty one years old. I have a birthday coming up in August, though, so I'm closer to twenty two I guess. I used to live just outside of Atlanta before all of this happened."
"Good morning."
I looked up just as Edwin's hand glided over my shoulder on his way to get coffee.
"Good morning." I replied, watching him fill his mug.
"Doctor, I don't mean to slam you with questions first thing-" Dale began to say.
"But you will anyway." Edwin mumbled.
"We didn't come here for the eggs." Andrea said suddenly, staring at Edwin's back.
Edwin remained with his back to everyone.
"In time, I'm sure that Edwin will answer your questions." I said, taking my hand from Glenn's back. "It was a rough day for him yesterday, and-"
"It's all right, Roslyn." Edwin said, finally turning around. I met his eyes. "I was going to show you something yesterday. It was something that I should have shown you on your first day here. I guess now would be a good time to do that."
I nodded.
"If everyone would follow me to the big room." Edwin said, taking a sip of coffee.
It didn't take long for everyone to get to their feet and follow Edwin. I helped Glenn up. Together, we followed everyone else into the big room. Edwin was already standing at a computer, pressing buttons on the keyboard.
"Give me playback of TS-19." He said, speaking to Vi.
Instantly, the large screen at the back of the room lit up. Images began appearing on the screen. There were several panels of what looked like a brain scan. The outline of a face illuminated the right side of the screen. I leaned against a desk with Glenn, watching.
"Few people ever got a chance to see this. Very few." Edwin announced.
The outline of a face grew a brain suddenly.
"Is that a brain?" Carl asked.
"An extraordinary one." Edwin replied, looking back at the screen. "Not that it matters in the end."
I noticed Daryl entering the room out of the corner of my eye. I dared to glance in his direction. Immediately, his eyes flickered to mine. We held each other's gaze for a moment before he finally gave me a nod, and then looked back at the screen. I did the same.
"Take us in for EIV."
"Enhanced internal view."
Suddenly, the screenshot was the inside of the brain.
"What are those lights?" Shane asked.
"It's a person's life. Experiences, memories…it's everything." Edwin explained, turning to face everyone. "Somewhere in all that organic wiring, all those ripples of light, is you. The thing that makes you unique and human."
"You don't make sense ever." Daryl complained.
"Those are synapses, electric impulses in the brain that carry all the messages. They determine everything a person says, does, or thinks from the moment of birth to the moment of death."
"Death? That's what this is? A vigil?" Rick asked, walking towards Edwin.
"Yes, or rather, the playback of the vigil."
"This person died? Who?" Andrea asked, standing beside Rick.
"Test subject nineteen. Someone who was bitten and infected, and volunteered to have us record the process."
I looked at the inside of the brain, watching the synapses fire. They looked like twinkling Christmas lights.
"Can I put the star on top, Grandpa?" My eleven year old self asked.
"Rosy, I think you put the star on top last year." My grandpa said, hanging an ornament. "It's your brother's turn this year."
"I'll go and see if he wants to." My grandma said, abandoning her Christmas cookies.
"Why don't you go help Grandma lure your brother out?" My grandpa suggested.
"Okay."
I walked to the back of the house and down the hall. My grandma was standing outside of Dennis' door, knocking on it gently.
"Dennis, sweetheart, don't you want to put the star on?" My grandmas asked through the door.
"I don't care about the star!" Dennis shouted.
"Dennis-"
"It doesn't even snow here!" Dennis exclaimed angrily. "I hate it here! I hate it!"
My grandma leaned away from the door. For a moment, I thought she was going to cry. Then, she noticed that I had witnessed the entire event. She gave me a smile.
"Come on, honey, let's go put the star on that tree."
I looked at the screen. The brain was changing.
"What is that?" Glenn asked from beside me, taking a step forward.
"It invades the brain like meningitis. The adrenal glands hemorrhage, the brain goes into shutdown, then the major organs."
The person on the screen was convulsing as Edwin spoke. The brain was beginning to dim. As the brain began to visibly shut down, the person's movement ceased. All of the light that had been on the screen had gone out. I knew without having to be told that the person had died.
"Everything you ever were or ever will be…gone." Edwin murmured.
It became quiet for a time. I could hear muffled tears from all around me. Everyone seemed to be focused on Andrea, whose shoulders quivered with silent tears.
"She lost somebody two days ago." Lori said, looking at Edwin. "Her sister."
I closed my eyes. Victoria's face flashed through my mind.
"Are you okay?" Glenn asked quietly, his hand on my shoulder.
I opened my eyes. Glenn was standing in front of me. I looked past him, at Daryl, who was looking at me also. His eyes were questioning, but he didn't come to me or speak. Eventually, he looked away from me. I returned my gaze to Glenn, forcing a smile onto my face.
"I'm fine." I said quietly. "It's just a lot to take in."
"It is for me too." Glenn removed his hand from my shoulder. "For all of us."
"I lost somebody too." I heard Edwin say, and turned my attention to him as he approached Andrea. "I know how devastating it is."
In the week I had been with Edwin, he hadn't mentioned anybody to me. I wondered if he was referring to Dr. Norris, or another doctor I had never met.
"Scan to the second event." Edwin said, returning to the front of the group.
"Scanning to second event."
"The resurrection times vary wildly. We had reports of it happening in as little as three minutes. The longest we heard of was eight hours. In the case of this patient, it was two hours, one minute, seven seconds."
A red light began to glow in the middle of the brain.
"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked.
"No, just the brain stem." Edwin turned to look at Lori. "Basically, it gets them up and moving."
"But they're not alive?" Rick asked, approaching Edwin again.
"You tell me." Edwin replied, waving his arm at the screen.
"It's nothing like before." Rick said, shaking his head as he studied the image on the screen. "Most of that brain is dark."
"Dark. Lifeless. Dead." Edwin turned towards Rick. "The frontal lobe, the neocortex, the human part…that doesn't come back. The you part. Just a shell, driven by mindless instinct."
The person began moving, but even the movement was different. The mouth open and shut, and I remembered the biter from Victoria's house. I remembered the way its jaws moved, the sounds it made.
Then, suddenly, something tore through the brain. My mind flashed to shooting Victoria in the head. I remembered the sound, the way it blew her head open, the brain matter I had washed out of my hair.
"You shot your patient." I said, everyone whirling around to look at me when I spoke. Edwin met my gaze. "You shot your patient, didn't you?"
"Vi, power down the main screen and the workstations." Edwin said, keeping my gaze as the screen and computers turned off.
"You have no idea what it is, do you?" Andrea asked, following Edwin.
"It could be microbial, viral, parasitic, fungal-"
"Or the wrath of God?" Jacqui asked.
"There is that." Edwin admitted, looking up at her.
"Somebody must know something." Andrea persisted. "Somebody, somewhere."
"There are others, right? Other facilities?" Carol asked, her arm around her daughter.
"There may be some." Edwin replied, turning around to face Carol. "People like me."
"But you don't know?" Rick asked. "How can you not know?"
"Everything went down. Communications, directives, all of it. I've been in the dark for almost a month."
"So it's not just here?" Andrea asked, as though it were Edwin's fault personally. "There's nothing left anywhere? Nothing? That's what you're really saying, right?"
"Man, I'm gonna get shit faced drunk again." Daryl mumbled, heading for one of the exits.
I watched him leave. With all of the new information swirling around my brain, I didn't need to know anymore. I didn't want to know anymore. I quickly followed Daryl out of the big room, avoiding Glenn's hand when he tried to catch my arm as I skated out.
"Wait!" I called out to Daryl, who pivoted immediately.
"What do you want, girl?"
I rushed towards Daryl, throwing myself at him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my mouth already descended on his. I kissed him hard, biting at his lips. I heard Daryl growl, but had no intention of pulling away until he grabbed my face.
"What are you doin'?" He asked, breathing as heavily as I was.
"I'm trying to feel better." I gasped, trying to catch my breath. "I'm trying to forget."
Daryl gave me a questioning look. I thought he was going to ruin the distraction by asking me questions, but he surprised me by resuming our violent kissing. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his body, as he walked backwards in the direction of my bedroom. When he reached the door, he spun us around so that my back was against it. Though my head collided with the door, I ignored the pain as I continued kissing Daryl savagely, as though I was trying to rip the lips off his face. He seemed to be attempting to do the same to me.
"Hang on." Daryl mumbled between our angry kisses, pulling me off of the door.
He unwrapped one arm from around me, turning the knob. He quickly wrapped it back around me before using his foot to kick open the door. When we were inside of the bedroom, he kicked the door closed again. I wasn't sure where he was taking me until he set me down on the vanity.
Daryl let go of me, his hands fumbling with the button and zipper on my jeans. He eventually pulled them off of me, peeling off my underwear in the same movement. While he did that, I undid his belt and opened up his jeans. He was already hard inside of his boxers. I yanked him towards me, kissing him hotly as he groaned against me.
"Please." I begged, tugging on Daryl's boxers.
Daryl quickly pulled down his boxers. Before I could ask him again, he was pressing one hand to the small of my back, and guiding himself into me with the other. I moaned as he thrusted into me, using his hand on my back to push deeper inside of me. I wrapped my arms around Daryl's neck, pulling him closer to me as I sat on the edge of the vanity. As my nails raked over his neck, he growled into mine.
"Easy, girl." He groaned.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"What?" Daryl snarled, continuing to thrust into me.
I heard the door opening.
"I just wanted to check on…oh my god…" I heard Glenn say.
I leaned over Daryl's shoulder to see Glenn standing in the doorway. He was gaping at Daryl and I, visibly embarrassed that he had walked in on us. His mouth was moving as though he wanted to say something, but no sound came out.
"Get out!" Daryl roared, turning to glare at Glenn.
Glenn immediately exited the room.
"You didn't have to-"
"Shut up, Gardener." Daryl growled, turning his head back to face me again.
I did as I was told, but I could feel Daryl getting soft inside of me. His forehead met mine forcefully. He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Damnit." He muttered, keeping his warm hand on the small of my back.
"It's okay." I replied softly, not wanting to embarrass him.
I carefully lifted myself off of Daryl. He slid out easily. I went into the bathroom to clean up, leaving Daryl standing in the front of the vanity. When I came out, he was still there, but he had pulled up his boxers and his jeans.
"So…you embarrassed of me?" Daryl asked, watching as I collected my underwear and jeans.
"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I pulled both on.
"You heard me."
"What are you talking about?"
"You wasn't in bed this morning." Daryl said, leaning against the vanity as I buttoned and zipped up my jeans. "Did you sneak out 'cause you didn't want anyone to see us in bed together?"
"That's a stupid thing to say." I replied, rummaging through my duffel bag. I pulled out a gray, zip up hoodie to wear over my tank top. "If I was embarrassed of you, don't you think you would have caught on by now?"
"I guess." Daryl shrugged.
"I'll have sex with you in the hall if that would make you feel better." I said, pulling on the hoodie.
"That's okay." Daryl chuckled.
"I'm going to find Edwin, make sure he's okay." I zipped up the hoodie halfway. "Are we okay?"
"Yeah." Daryl mumbled, moving away from the vanity. "We're cool."
"Okay." I nodded. I went to the door, but turned. "Thank you."
"For what?" Daryl asked, raising an eyebrow.
"For the distraction." I replied, leaving him behind in my bedroom.
0o0o0
I found Edwin in his office above the big room. I was surprised to see him dressed in very formal attire. He was wearing a striped, button up shirt and tie. He was sitting behind his desk, staring at a picture frame. I couldn't be certain without getting a full view of his face, but he looked as though he might be on the verge of tears.
"Edwin?" I asked softly, walking into his office.
Edwin didn't look up from the picture frame. He placed it on the desk, face down, and got up. I could hear him sniffing, and knew he must have been crying.
"We always think there's gonna be more time." Edwin sighed, staring down at the big room. "Then it runs out."
Suddenly, there was a sound accompanied by the lights dimming.
"What was that?" I asked, looking all around me for the source of the sudden change.
"That," Edwin turned around to face me, swiping something off of the desk, "was our time running out."
He walked past me, and I suddenly felt a stab of fear. I remembered how frightened I had been in the presence of the biter in Victoria's house. Something was wrong. I wasn't going to react late and nearly lose my life like last time.
I ran back down to the bedrooms, ignoring the several questions that came my way. I burst into my bedroom. Daryl was no longer there. I picked up my duffel bag, whirling around the room like a tornado as I gathered up supplies. I emptied out the bathroom cabinets of soap, shampoo, toothpaste, and other toiletries. I took a few items of clothing from the vanity. When I was finished, I zipped up the duffel bag and went out into the hall. Everyone was following Edwin towards the big room. I fell in line behind them, bringing up the rear with Carol and Sophia.
I could hear Daryl shouting at Edwin as we walked into the big room, lights continuing to dim all around us along the way. As we walked down the flight of stairs and onto the floor, Rick and a few of the others met Edwin at the bottom.
"Jenner, what's happening?" Rick asked quickly.
"The system is dropping all the nonessential uses of power. It's designed to keep the computers running to the last possible second." Edwin explained as we all walked with him. "That started as we approached the half hour mark. Right on schedule."
I glanced up at the digital clock on the wall. I had noticed it several times before, but had never thought to ask about it. Judging by the way Edwin was talking, he had explained what the clock was to the group before. I thought back to when that would have been, almost blushing when I remembered rushing after Daryl to serve as a distraction for my bad memories.
As we approached the computers, Edwin turned towards Andrea.
"It was the French." He told her.
"What?" She asked.
"They were the last ones to hold out as far as I know." Edwin replied. "While our people were bolting out the doors and committing suicide in the hallways, they stayed in the labs till the end. They thought they were close to a solution."
"What happened?" Jacqui asked.
"The same thing that's happening here." Edwin said, climbing the stairs. "No power grid. Ran out of juice. The world runs off fossil fuels. I mean, how stupid is that?"
I heard Edwin's tone becoming angrier. He sounded like he had the previous evening, when he had yelled at me before the group showed up.
"To hell with it. I don't even care." Edwin mumbled, heading towards the computer he always used.
Shane made a move to go after him, but Rick grabbed him. He turned towards Lori, instructing her to go and get their things while he continued to hold Shane back.
"We're getting out of here now!" Rick shouted.
I watched Edwin, loosely gripping my duffel bag, as he worked on the computer. I couldn't see what he was doing from where I stood, but a few seconds later, an alarm went off. A countdown appeared on the large screen, counting down from thirty minutes.
"Thirty minutes to decontamination."
"Doc, what's going on here?" Daryl asked.
I watched as Edwin made his way to another set of computers. I watched his movement as Shane reiterated what Rick had said before. As everyone fled for the exit, I barely heard Daryl yelling at me as he tugged harshly on my arm. Something had just dawned on me. I remembered all of the times Edwin told me that I could never leave, that we could never leave.
"Oh my god." I breathed, my eyes widening.
I heard a sound behind me, and didn't need a wild imagination to guess that it was the exit doors being sealed. I felt Daryl let go of me, and briefly glanced up at him as he turned towards the sealed door.
"Did you just lock us in?" Glenn asked, horrified. "He just locked us in!"
I watched as Edwin sat down in front of a computer. When I heard him mumbling, I knew that he was recording.
"Did you know this was going to happen?" Daryl asked, grabbing my arm.
"No." I mumbled, watching Edwin.
"Did you know this was going to happen?!" Daryl shouted, grabbing both of my arms and forcefully turning me towards him.
"No." I muttered, my volume slightly louder.
Daryl turned his head to look at Edwin. He glanced back down at me once, his face changing. He let go of me, running towards Edwin. Along the way, he picked up my grandpa's crossbow, which he had leaned against the computers.
"You son of a bitch! You locked us in here!" Daryl shouted angrily.
Daryl grabbed Edwin, throwing him off kilter for a moment before Shane and T-Dog intervened.
I sank to the floor, sliding down the computers.
"Hey!" Glenn exclaimed worriedly, kneeling down next to me. "You okay, Roslyn?"
"Y-Yeah." I stuttered, staring at the floor.
"Let me help you up." Glenn offered, gently grabbing my arm.
"No…I think I'm going to sit here…for a while…" I murmured, continuing to stare at the floor.
"Then I'll sit with you." Glenn said, sitting down next to me. He sighed. "We're going to die here."
"I'm sorry, Glenn." I whispered, watching the several sets of feet scamper across the floor.
"About what?" Glenn asked, shifting beside me. "About earlier?"
Glenn grabbed my hand suddenly, causing me to look up at him.
"Like I said last night, you're gorgeous and you're my age, but that's not reason enough for me to kiss you. Call me old fashioned, or a loser, but I'd rather get to know you first."
"I…I meant that I was sorry…about…this." I replied quietly, gripping his hand. "But I am sorry about that too."
"This isn't your fault." Glenn said, leaning in close to me.
"I should have known…"
"There's no way you could have known."
"Why are you being so nice to me…especially at a time like this?" I asked.
"Why not?" Glenn asked, his brow furrowing. "Especially at a time like this."
"You know what this place is?!" I heard Edwin shout, Glenn's hand jumping in mine.
Glenn hoisted me to my feet, releasing my hand as we turned to see what had happened.
"We protected the public from very nasty stuff! Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don't want getting out ever!" Edwin raged, his face becoming red. He turned towards Daryl suddenly, but pointed in my direction. "You told her to come here in the event of an outbreak? You told her to come here?!"
Daryl and I exchanged glances. His face was no longer marred by anger. He was wearing the same look on his face that he had when I told him I'd gotten kicked out of Urgent Care. He felt guilty.
"In the event of a catastrophic power failure," Edwin said, seated, "in a terrorist attack, for example, HITs are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out."
"HITs?" Rick asked.
"Vi, define."
"HITs, high-impulse thermobaric fuel-air explosives, consist of a two stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure effect ignites the oxygen at between 5,000 and 6,000 degrees, and is useful when the greatest loss of life and damage to structure is desired."
"It sets the air on fire." Edwin murmured. "No pain. An end to sorrow, grief, regret. Everything."
Rick and Daryl bolted for the exit. As Daryl ran towards the sealed door, he launched his empty Southern Comfort bottle at it. It shattered.
"Open the damn door!" Daryl shouted, whipping around towards us.
Shane, wielding an axe, began slashing at the door. Daryl grabbed another axe, joining him.
I looked over at Lori and Carol, who were sitting on the floor with their crying children. Andrea was curled up in the fetal position against a desk. Rick was trying to reason with Edwin to open the doors. The others were wandering around aimlessly, staring at the exits as though the doors would open.
I thought back to the nursing home. Victoria and I had done what we thought was best. Knowing now what I didn't know then, I would have done it all over again. The disease was much worse than I thought it was before. Now that I understood what he did and how much it had spread, I knew that those elderly people wouldn't have stood a chance out in the world.
I went to Edwin, kneeling down in front of him.
"Edwin, you have to open the doors. You have to let these people go." I said softly, looking up into his eyes. "They don't want what you want. They want a chance. They want to live."
"You had no idea how bad it was until I showed you." Edwin replied, looking down at me. "You have no idea what the world is like out there."
"Neither do you." I placed a hand on his knee. "You said it yourself that you haven't been outside of this building, other than to collect samples, since the outbreak."
"I can imagine." Edwin murmured, looking away from me.
"Do you remember what I told you about the nursing home? My grandpa?" I asked, lowering my voice so that the ones standing close wouldn't be able to hear me. Edwin nodded. "Those people were elderly and sick. Most of them had suffered strokes or seizures that left them partially or completely paralyzed. Others' minds were so far gone that they were afraid all the time, wondering every day why they were in a dim, crowded basement and not back in their rooms."
Edwin looked back down at me.
"Victoria and I…we did the right thing. Until the day I die, I'll always be haunted by our decision, but I know that it was the right one. These people," I glanced back at Rick and over at the mothers with their kids, "they aren't old and feeble. They're younger. They're stronger. They've survived out in the world this long. Don't…don't euthanize them."
I placed my other hand on Edwin's other knee.
"If you let them go…I'll…I'll stay behind with you…so that you don't have to die…alone."
"Roslyn-"
"It will be retribution," I said, standing up, "for what I did."
Edwin sighed, looking down at the floor. Then, he got up. He walked over to the computer he was standing at before. He took out his ID, and swiped it across a little machine I could now see. He pressed a few buttons, and the doors opened.
"Come on!" Daryl shouted, already running through the open door.
"Do you know why I stayed behind when everyone else…opted out?" Edwin asked, coming to stand by my side. "It was because of my wife."
"Roslyn, come on!" Glenn shouted, waving an arm to me. He was standing by the door, waiting for everybody else to leave.
"You never told me you were married." I said, remaining with him.
"I was." Edwin murmured, looking up from the floor. "She was infected."
"The patient we saw before…" I whispered, looking at the screen displaying the countdown.
"Roslyn! Roslyn, let's go!" Rick shouted, standing near the exit with his family.
"I did all of this for her, and if she was still alive…" Edwin looked back down at the floor. I saw his shoulders shaking, but before I could comfort him, he looked back up at me. "Go with them. Go with them if you want to live. If you want it to end, stay, but don't stay for me."
"Edwin-"
"Roslyn!" Rick shouted from behind me. I felt his hand pulling on my wrist.
"Wait!" I cried, tugging back so that I could throw my arms around Edwin. "Thank you. Thank you for keeping me safe for the past nine days. Thank you."
"You're all infected, Roslyn." Edwin whispered, returning my embrace. "You all carry the disease."
"Roslyn." Rick murmured, his hand on my back. "We have to go."
I allowed Rick to pull me towards the exit, glancing back at Edwin one last time. Everyone was collected around the exit, only Jacqui remaining behind. She was going to stay and die. As we all ran out of the big room, Dale remained behind.
As we made it up to ground level, the men ran to the large windows. They tried breaking the glass with their axes and the butts of their guns, but to no avail. Shane, in desperation, fired a few rounds at the glass. When it still didn't break, it looked like we were all going to die after all. Then, Carol produced a hand grenade for the men to try. While Rick pulled the pin, the rest of us took cover. When the explosion occurred, the glass shattered.
We all carefully maneuvered past the broken glass. As we got outside, I saw a string of vehicles parked near the curb. I assumed that they belonged to the group. I didn't remember seeing them nine days earlier. I paused as Shane, Rick, and Daryl took down the biters that were staggering towards us. I didn't know which vehicle to go to or if I would even be welcome.
"Roslyn!" I looked up to see T-Dog waving his arm at me. "Come on!"
I ran towards the van he was getting into, throwing my duffel bag into the backseat through the open window. I barely had enough time to get into the passenger seat before T-Dog was telling me to get down. I huddled into a ball in my seat, covering my head as an even bigger explosion than before sounded off. It roared through the air, nearly deafening me before I clamped my hands over my ears.
As the noise subsided for the most part, I lifted my head and uncovered my ears. The CDC was no more than a pile of rubble. The rubble was consumed in a towering inferno. Smoke was already billowing around the flames.
"You okay?" T-Dog asked from beside me.
I nodded vigorously, keeping my eyes on the fire.
I was vaguely aware of the van moving in line behind the other vehicles. I continued to watch the fire, Edwin's words running circles around inside of my head.
0o0o0
"Can we talk?" T-Dog asked suddenly after having not spoken for a good half hour or so.
"About what?" I asked, turning to look over at him as he drove.
"Nothing." T-Dog looked back out the windshield. "I keep thinking about bad stuff. I figured that if we were talking…"
"I understand." I said. "I keep thinking about bad stuff too."
"I'm sorry about Jenner." T-Dog glanced over at me. "Were you guys close?"
"I didn't really know him." I replied, looking out the window.
"You weren't there long, huh?" T-Dog asked. "I think I heard you tell Dixon you were there for a week?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
It was quiet for a few minutes. I looked over at T-Dog. I remembered seeing Dale and Andrea emerge from the CDC, but I hadn't seen Jacqui.
"I'm sorry about Jacqui." I said softly, watching T-Dog's face.
"She made her choice I guess." T-Dog muttered, staring harder at the road.
"What were you doing before all of this?" I asked, changing the subject.
"I was a locksmith." T-Dog replied, glancing over at me. "On Sundays, I drove the local elderly to church. It was just a volunteer gig, but it got me this van."
I turned my body towards T-Dog.
"Did you really?" I asked, thinking of my grandparents.
"Yeah." T-Dog gave me a strange look. "What?"
"I was a volunteer at my grandpa's nursing home before all of this."
"What was the name of the nursing home?" T-Dog asked, his expression relaxing.
"Peach Tree."
"I think I know that place." T-Dog said, glancing over at me every few seconds. "Did a woman named Loretta work there? A nurse?"
"Yeah." I mumbled, looking away.
"Uh oh." T-Dog shook his head with a chuckle. "What did she do?"
"She abandoned twelve senior citizens to get her own ass to safety." I muttered angrily.
"Whoa." T-Dog gaped at me. "Seriously?"
I nodded, clamping my jaw shut to avoid saying anything worse about Loretta.
"Do you know what happened to them?"
I nodded again.
"If it makes you feel any better," T-Dog leaned towards me, "I took this van around my neighborhood when the disease hit Georgia. I took all of the seniors living around me to the church."
"You did?" I asked quietly, looking back at T-Dog.
"Yes ma'am." T-Dog replied, sitting upright.
"Thank you." I murmured. "Thank you for doing that, and thank you for letting me ride with you."
"It was the least I could do." T-Dog shrugged. "The way I figure, if you hadn't said whatever you said to Jenner, we'd all be flame broiled right about now."
"Maybe. Maybe not."
T-Dog and I drove in silence until the vehicles all pulled over to the side of the road as the sun began to set. He pulled the van over, and we both got out. Everyone was congregating in a circle just outside of the RV.
"What's going on?" I asked, looking over at T-Dog.
"I don't know." T-Dog muttered, walking alongside me towards the group.
"Is everyone here?" Rick asked, standing in the middle of the circle. He looked all around, taking everyone into account. "Okay. Now, the plan is Fort Benning. It's about 120 miles south of here."
"What if Fort Benning is in the same shape as the CDC?" A worried Carol asked.
"We'll worry about that when we get there." Rick replied, giving her a nod. "Now, we need to start conserving fuel. That means we're going to have to leave some of the vehicles behind tomorrow."
"We should definitely keep the RV." Glenn said, glancing back at the RV.
"I'll leave the truck behind." Daryl spoke up, pointing a thumb in the direction of the truck. "The damn thing has cost me more trouble than it's worth. I'll just use Merle's bike."
"That's good." Rick nodded in agreement.
"I say we take one of the Jeeps." Shane said. "We don't need both of them."
"Mine fits more people." Carol said.
"Fine." Shane nodded. "I'll leave mine behind."
"T-Dog, are you good with leaving the van?" Rick asked, craning his neck to look at T-Dog.
"Yeah." T-Dog glanced back at the van for a moment before nodding in agreement.
"Now that's settled, let's have a quick dinner and set up watches for the night."
Everyone dispersed. I felt somewhat awkward. The group had been together since the beginning. They had a system. I felt out of place. I didn't know how to offer my services without stepping on any toes or disrupting any kind of routine the group had fallen into. Rick was definitely their leader, so I figured that I should speak with him to settle any internal arguments I was having with myself.
Rick was standing with his wife. I slowly approached them, hoping that I wasn't interrupting an intimate or important conversation.
"Rick?" I made myself known, waiting for him to turn and acknowledge me. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
Rick gave me a smile and started to open his mouth, but Lori took a half step in front of him.
"No." She said harshly, surprising me. "You don't need a second with him. You already sacrificed enough of his time with that stunt you pulled at the CDC."
"Stunt?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
"Lori-"
"Do you realize that you could have gotten us all killed?" Lori asked, interrupting her husband. "Rick had to physically pull you out of there. You cost him, and our entire group, precious seconds. We almost didn't get out of there alive, and it's your fault."
"Lori," Rick turned towards his wife, "Jenner wouldn't have opened those doors if it weren't for Roslyn. She was able to talk him into giving us a chance to escape."
Lori rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything else to me. She allowed Rick to give her a kiss on the cheek before she stalked off. When she had gone, Rick turned towards me. He was wearing the same apologetic look he had when Shane had badgered Edwin with questions.
"I'm sorry." Rick told me sincerely. "If there's one thing you should know about my wife, it's this: she always has an opinion. She'll always give it too, even if you don't ask for it."
"I really didn't mean to cause a problem-"
"You didn't." Rick interrupted, raising his hand. "It's been a long day for everyone."
"We can talk later if that would be better?" I suggested meekly, trying to swallow my embarrassment from the confrontation with Lori.
"Now is as good a time as any." Rick replied, leaning against the RV. "What's on your mind?"
I sighed, pressing my back against the RV. I looked out at the fields beyond the fence.
"I need you to tell me that it's okay for me to be here." I said, looking up at Rick as his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I realize that before, you were on a mission to get everyone inside of the CDC out of it. If you were just making sure I got out due to some obligation you still feel towards your badge, you can tell me. I'll go. I wouldn't want to burden your group."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Rick leaned away from the RV, waving his hands. "Is this because of Lori?"
"No." I shook my head. "It's because your group has been together for a while, and I don't know if there's a place for me in it."
"You want to know something?" Rick asked, putting his hands on his hips. "I wasn't with this group from the very beginning. When the disease spread to Georgia, I was in a coma in the hospital."
"You were?" I asked, my eyes widening.
"Yeah. When I woke up, I managed to get out of the hospital and back to my house. It was empty. Shane had taken Lori and Carl. They tried to get to a shelter, but…well, anyways, I ran into a man and his son in my old neighborhood. Morgan and Duane were their names. They took me in, even though I could have been infected. I would be dead if it wasn't for them."
"I understand." I nodded, looking down at the ground.
"I owe a debt to them. I owe a debt to you for talking Jenner into letting us out."
I looked back up at Rick. He was looking at me, and when our eyes met, he smiled.
"Even if I didn't, I would still welcome you into our group."
"Why?" I asked.
"I don't want to let this world change me." Rick looked off into the distance. "Even if the world is a different place, I don't want to be a different person. As a cop, I would have risked everything to help somebody in need. I'm going to continue doing that."
I was touched by what Rick had to say. He had no idea how much his words meant to me, or how much I agreed with them. I remembered the nurse who neglected residents at the nursing home. I remembered the way Loretta and the others had abandoned them. I remembered the way the people at Urgent Care and at the hospital treated the Dixon brothers.
"Are you all right?" Rick asked, setting a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah." I nodded, looking up at him. "That was just…really nice to hear."
"Good." Rick replied softly, giving my shoulder a light squeeze before he released me.
"I was wondering…what can I do to help out? How do things work with your group?"
"We all have assigned chores and duties." Rick explained, putting his hands on his hips. "The women generally take care of cooking, laundry, and taking care of Carl and Sophia. Daryl does most of the hunting, though Andrea and her sister used to catch quite a bit of fish for us too."
"You said something about watches earlier?" I asked.
"The men all perform watches. We have a rotation so that everyone gets in a few hours of sleep."
"So I should definitely offer my services to the ladies?"
"I was going to ask you about your volunteer experience." Rick said, folding his arms. "None of us have a whole lot of medical knowledge, other than basic first aid. Do you think you could serve as our nurse, so to speak?"
"I've seen a lot during my time as a volunteer." I replied. "I set Merle Dixon's nose and stitched Daryl up just before the disease hit Georgia."
Rick laughed.
"That sounds great."
"I should warn you though, if someone should require surgery, I won't be very useful."
"I guess we'll all have to be really careful." Rick replied with a smile.
Rick's attitude towards me and his smile made me want to confide in him about what Edwin had told me. Though I didn't know him well, I already knew that Rick was a man I could trust. Seeing the way he had lightened up after everything that had happened earlier that day, I didn't want to drag him back into darkness. I decided to tell him another time.
0o0o0
After a light dinner, everyone got into their vehicles to sleep. Glenn and T-Dog took first watch, and they immediately asked me to join them for a little while on the roof of the RV. I happily agreed, knowing that they would keep my mind out of the dark places it had made a habit of visiting frequently. I climbed onto the roof, taking a seat in between them as they watched opposite sides of the road.
"So…Glenn told me a little something, something." T-Dog said casually, wasting no time.
"What?" I asked, turning my head to look at Glenn. "You have such a big mouth."
"I really don't. I swear." Glenn replied quickly. "I'm just terrible at keeping secrets."
"So he walked in on Daryl and I? What's the big deal?" I asked, turning to look at T-Dog.
"What?" T-Dog asked, his eyes widening and his mouth pulling into a grin. "He what?"
I felt a blush creeping up my face when I realized that T-Dog hadn't been referring to Glenn walking in on Daryl and I having sex. I covered my face, wanting to disappear.
"Now who has a big mouth?" Glenn asked, laughing next to me.
"Glenn just told me that you kissed him." T-Dog said, laughing along with Glenn. "He didn't say anything about walking in on you and Daryl. Were you two getting it on?"
"Shut up." I mumbled, shoving T-Dog with my other hand.
"They totally were." Glenn answered for me, stifling a smile when I glared at him. "What? You brought it up."
"Not on purpose." I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself.
"Come on, Roslyn, there's no shame in getting a little action." T-Dog said, setting a hand on my back. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"I mean…I wasn't desperate." I murmured, looking out over the fields.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. I don't mean anything." I replied loudly, waving my arms.
"I mean, they did know each other before all of this." Glenn mused aloud, rubbing his chin. "Maybe she wasn't desperate because…"
"You two have hooked up before!" T-Dog nearly shouted, shoving me.
"Oh my god." I sighed, cringing when Glenn and T-Dog busted out laughing again.
"Why did I even come up here to hang out with you guys?" I asked myself aloud.
"You know we're hilarious." T-Dog managed to say through his laughter.
"Yeah. Sure." I rolled my eyes.
Suddenly, the door to the Jeep opened. Lori poked her head out, glaring up at the three of us.
"Lower your voices. If we can hear you inside of these cars with the windows rolled up and the doors shut, the walkers out there in the open can hear you too." She hissed angrily.
"Sorry, Lori." Glenn replied, rubbing the back of his neck.
Lori slammed the car door.
"If we can hear you slam the car door, the walkers out there can hear it too." I mocked Lori with an annoyingly high voice, causing Glenn and T-Dog to bust out laughing so hard that they had to cover their mouths before Lori yelled at us again. "I better go before we get into more trouble."
"I like you already, Roslyn." T-Dog said as I started down the ladder.
"I like you guys too…sort of." I replied with a smile.
"Goodnight, Roslyn." Glenn whispered.
"Goodnight, guys."
I walked along the line of vehicles. Lori, Carol, and the kids were in Carol's Jeep. Rick and Shane were sharing Shane's Jeep. Dale and Andrea were in the RV. Daryl was in the truck. As I walked towards it, I could hear Glenn and T-Dog making kissing noises from the top of the RV. I raised my middle finger in their direction without turning, and I heard them chuckling quietly.
I knocked on the driver side window, and Daryl immediately sat up. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair and yawned, unrolling the window with his other hand.
"What?" He asked tiredly, rubbing one of his eyes.
"I'm sorry that I woke you up." I apologized quietly. "Do you mind if I share the truck?"
"Jump in." Daryl replied, unlocking the doors so that I could get in.
I went over to the passenger side door. I climbed in, reclining my seat back as far as it would go. Daryl was already laying back down, his arm thrown over his eyes. I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of his quiet breath. It was comforting, but not enough to where I felt like I could sleep.
"If you keep sighin' like that, you're gonna keep me up all night." Daryl mumbled.
I opened my eyes to see Daryl had lifted his arm just enough to look over at me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't even realize that I was doing that." I whispered.
Daryl covered his eyes again, and I thought he was sleeping until he spoke.
"What were you guys talkin' about up there?"
"We were just having a few laughs." I replied quickly, catching the look Daryl gave me when he removed his arm again. "Lori yelled at us."
Daryl scoffed, shaking his head.
"She doesn't like me." I murmured, running my eyes over the center console.
"What?" Daryl asked, sitting up a little. "What are you talkin' about?"
"Apparently, she thinks I nearly killed everyone back at the CDC." I explained, meeting his eyes.
"Lori can shut the hell up." Daryl growled, turning completely to look at me.
"Rick told me she's pretty opinionated-"
"Understatement." Daryl snorted, shaking his head.
It was quiet for a time. Daryl was staring out the windshield.
"I did what you told me to do." I finally said, causing him to glance over at me. He raised an eyebrow in question. "I got a gun."
"Where is it?" Daryl asked, his eyebrow still hovering.
"It's in my duffel bag. I left it in T-Dog's-"
"What good is it if you don't have it on you?" Daryl interrupted harshly.
I bit my lip and looked down at my lap. I had been carrying the gun until I got to the CDC. I always left it in my bedroom, but kept the hunting knife on me at all times. It was still at my waist.
"What kind of gun is it?" Daryl asked with a sigh, his voice softer.
"I really don't know." I admitted sheepishly, looking up at him. "It carries twelve bullets at a time. I only have eleven left."
"I guess that's better than nothing." Daryl muttered. "I'll take a look at it tomorrow."
"Maybe you could show me how to use it?" I asked, gauging his reaction.
"That's a damn good idea." Daryl replied, rolling his eyes. "None of the women in this group know how to use guns. At a time like this, everyone should know how."
"Yeah." I nodded in agreement.
"Why only eleven?" Daryl asked suddenly.
"What?"
"Where's the twelfth bullet?" Daryl asked, looking over at me.
"Oh." I looked out the windshield, avoiding his gaze. "I only found eleven."
Daryl grunted.
"That's weird."
I sighed, turning to look at him. Our eyes met.
"That's a lie." I admitted quietly. "I didn't find eleven bullets."
"Well…?" Daryl asked, waiting for my explanation as to where the twelfth bullet was.
"I…I had to shoot someone." I murmured, looking down at the center console. I was surprised when I felt fingers beneath my chin. I allowed Daryl to tip my face up.
"Don't do that." He told me sternly, but softly. "Don't feel guilty about something you shouldn't feel guilty about."
I stared into Daryl's eyes. He wasn't passing judgment on me.
"We gotta do what we gotta do to survive." Daryl said, removing his fingers from beneath my chin. "If you let every shitty thing we have to do to get by mess you up, you're gonna wind up turning that gun on yourself."
I watched Daryl lean back against his seat, his eyes still on mine.
"Did you shoot your grandpa?" He asked, startling me.
"Why would you think that?" I asked, turning my body completely towards him.
"I know you wasn't at a shelter like you said you was." Daryl replied, looking down.
"What? How did you-"
"I know you wouldn't have left your grandpa while he was still livin', and the last time I checked, he was in the basement with a bunch of other folks." Daryl interrupted, his fingers raking up and down his jeans.
"You…?" I whispered, suddenly remembering something…
"Grandpa, what's wrong?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of his bed.
"I want to see Dennis." My grandpa pouted, folding his arms and scowling at the blanket.
"I'm sorry, Grandpa. Dennis isn't here."
"He was just here, Rosy." My grandpa argued, looking up at me. "He visited me."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Dennis came to see me." My grandpa leaned towards me. "He and I had a nice talk."
"About what?" I asked, playing into whatever memory he was replaying in his mind.
"He told me that he had to move me to a different room." My grandpa frowned again. "I didn't ask for a room change, Rosy."
"I know, Grandpa." I sighed, covering his hand with mine. "What else happened?"
"Dennis moved me down here. He moved a bunch of us down here." My grandpa said, his frown fading. "He told me that he had to go away, but that he would bring you here."
I realized that my grandpa must have been referring to Maddox. I patted his hand.
"I'm here, Grandpa." I assured him, standing up.
"Do you know what Dennis brought for me?" My grandpa asked as I was turning to go.
"What?"
"He brought my old crossbow. He let me touch it one last time." My grandpa said, closing his eyes. "Dennis is a nice boy."
I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid. When my grandpa mentioned the crossbow, I assumed he was just fusing two memories together. I hadn't stopped to consider that my grandpa mistook Dennis for Daryl.
"Daryl…you…you put my grandpa in the basement?" I asked quietly, watching his face.
"Those creeps you worked with left a bunch of 'em in their rooms. There were only six or seven people in the basement when I took your grandpa down there." Daryl continued to stare at his jeans. "I figured if I was gonna move him down there, I might as well move the others-"
I interrupted Daryl by pressing my lips to his. I could tell that I surprised Daryl. He remained frozen underneath me for a moment, but then I felt the pressure of his lips kissing mine back. I wrapped my arms around Daryl's neck, pulling him closer. I gave him several kisses before I pulled away from his mouth, looking into his blue eyes.
"Thank you." I breathed. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Daryl mumbled softly, looking into my eyes.
I finally pulled away from Daryl, and he rubbed the back of his neck.
"I'll…I'll let you sleep now." I murmured, curling up in my seat. I rested my head on the center console. "Goodnight, Daryl."
I heard Daryl grunt his reply, and smiled as I slowly drifted off to sleep.