Chapter 3: "Family" Discussion
They followed Tom's car through the streets in silence, Lindsay wanted to say something but once again she found herself not knowing what to do.
"Seriously, he drives a little car, what a woman" Both of them started cracking up, laughter rang through Lindsay's Jeep.
"Happy sweet sixteen Peanut" Lindsay said. "I'm sorry I didn't call… I should have, not just on your birthday, I should of called" Lindsay said.
"It's not your fault mom… It's not your fault" She said.
"No peanut, I'm not letting you blame it all on your father. It's my fault too" Lindsay told her.
"Just because you tell me not to blame him doesn't mean I won't" Jessica came back.
"I've rubbed off on you too much… smartass" Lindsay said.
"Now that, is your fault" Jessica laughed, so did Lindsay. After they stopped laughing Jessica grabbed Lindsay's hand that lay on the parking brake. "I love you mommy, you know that right? No matter what happens?" The car came to a stop at the red light, Tom's car still right in front of them. Lindsay looked at her, she pulled Jessica's head towards her and kissed her forehead.
"I love you too Peanut, not matter what happens, always have and I always will" Jessica smiled at her and Lindsay smiled back. "Pull down your visor" Lindsay said as the light turned green.
"Ohh, CD's" Jessica said happily.
"It should be the fourth one from your left." Lindsay smiled.
"Sahh-weett" Jessica said as she pulled out the CD and put it in the player. The sounds of Journey's greatest hits flowed through the speakers. Both girls began to sing. Just as they pulled into a suburb like area a slow song came on, Lindsay just stared out the windshield as Faithfully played. She didn't even let the vocals come on before she jabbed the skip button.
"I happened to like that song" Jessica said sarcastically.
"Well I don't" Lindsay said.
"Well you used to love it" Jessica said. Before Lindsay could say something, Jessica spoke again. "The suburbs? Seriously? That's not like Dad at all"
"Yeah" Lindsay agreed. Finally Tom pulled into a driveway and Lindsay parked in front of the house. They both got up and walked to the front door where Tom waited for them. They walked in and Jessica looked around.
"Okay, really not like dad" Jessica mumbled to Lindsay.
"Yeah" Lindsay agreed. Heather must be changing more than just his clothing Lindsay thought.
"You don't really wanna be here?" Jessica said.
"Yeah" She said back. Heather appeared from no where and they all went and sat in the living room. No one said anything they all just sat there. It was a couple minutes before Heather spoke up.
"What the hell is going on!?" She asked, glaring at Tom.
"The whole thing?" Tom asked.
"Yes the whole thing!" She exclaimed, outraged.
"Okay, well um, when I was eighteen my girlfriend got pregnant, we decided to keep the baby" Heather just looked at him.
"Ashley, that hoe" Lindsay muttered under her breath. Tom half smiled at her.
"Wait how does Lindsay know her?" Heather asked.
"Just let me finish the story mostly everything your wondering will be answered" Tom said. "Well about two weeks after Jessica was born she left, I raised her by myself, with the help of my mom and Lindsay" He paused for a minute. "Lindsay and I had been best friend's sense high school" He looked at Lindsay.
"Yeah, when you failed your bio class and had to take it over again" Lindsay laughed. Heather half glared at her. Heather was making Jessica angry, both Tom and Lindsay could tell.
"Anyway it wasn't until a year after Jessica was born that we started dating, then eventually got married. Jessica thinks of Lindsay as a mother and Lindsay as if she had given birth to Jessica herself. The day Lindsay got her name changed she also adopted Jessica, so she is legally Jessica's mother." Tom paused looking at Lindsay.
"So where has she been all this time?" Heather asked. "Why didn't you tell me about her?"
"She's been living with my sister Stephanie. And I didn't tell you about her because I didn't want to tell Jessica about you" Tom had said it before he realized how mean it sounded. "I never wanted to hurt either of your feelings but I did it because I didn't want Jessica to feel like she had lost another mother" Heather just stared at him.
"I can't believe you" Lindsay said. "You know without a doubt that I would NEVER stop loving Jessica as my own daughter no matter what happened" Lindsay knew what he just told Heather was a lie.
"You thought I would want Lindsay to sign over her rights to me, didn't you?" Heather asked him very angry. "You didn't want to hurt Lindsay by asking her" Tom just looked at the floor. True it took Heather five minutes to figure out what took Lindsay two seconds. They sat there in silence, the worst of this conversation left to come. Jessica finally spoke up.
"When did you guys finally decide to split up?" she asked looking at Lindsay.
"A couple months after you left for Stephanie's" Lindsay said.
"Why?" Jessica asked.
"Sometimes I can't even remember" Lindsay mumbled. "I was bad at relationships, sometimes I think I was only a good mother to you. I was hardly a good wife. And when that case came up and I couldn't let it got, it tore the edges… sometimes I think us letting you leave was our biggest downfall, I might not have thrown everything I had into that case if you stayed with us, and when Tom gave up and I kept going, that's pretty much what happened" It was now Lindsay's turn to look at the floor. Any polite person would leave, this was a discussion between Tom, Jessica, and herself. But Heather just stayed put.
"You were a good wife, and it wasn't all your fault" Tom said to her, Lindsay lifted her gaze but to Jessica not to him.
"Who decided it was over?" Jessica asked. Lindsay actually did look up at Tom.
"I did" Tom said, staring right back at Lindsay.
"You actually left! Are you nuts Dad!? Crazy? Insane? What the hell is wrong with you!? The one time she needed you the most and you left her seriously dad! Come on!" Jessica vented.
"At the time, it felt like she didn't need me" Tom muttered. Looking at Lindsay. She wanted to say so badly that she did need him but refrained as Heather glowered at her. Jessica said it for her though.
"Are you kidding? Of course she needed you! She'll always needed you! Dad how can you be so stupid!?" Jessica yelled at him.
"You don't think I realized I was stupid, Jessica?!" He didn't mean to snap at her like that. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that" Jessica waited a few minutes as if challenging Heather to say something about what Tom had just said. Then she rounded on Lindsay.
"And you! How could you let him think that you didn't need him mom! You know you need him just like I know it" Jessica said. Lindsay just sat there refusing to look at her daughter, knowing how much all of this would hurt her. "And let me guess you even thought to yourself you didn't need him when he left that's why you didn't go after him right? What about Anna mom? I saw the picture on your desk, the corners are frayed you obviously look at it all the time! You were and still are completely horrified of the subject! Are you completely insane for letting the only person that could comfort you about Anna go!?"
"Jessica!" Tom raised his voice to stop her before she continued. "That's enough" Jessica took a moment to realize her mother had began to cry.
"Oh, Mommy I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, I just got so angry, Mommy, I'm so sorry" She said. Lindsay pulled her daughter to her and said
"It's okay Peanut, you were angry, we all get angry and say things we don't mean" Lindsay said looking at Tom. "I'm sorry I let you down Peanut"
"Who's Anna?" Heather asked. Tom, Lindsay and Jessica stayed silent, not really wanted to tell her. To his surprise it was Lindsay who spoke up.
"She was our daughter" Lindsay said. "she was mine biologically I mean" Lindsay looked at Tom and said. "She died three weeks after she was born" She watched Tom look away and rub his eyes but Lindsay knew it was to wipe his eyes.
"You failed you tell me this too Tom?" Heather questioned. Her voice sounded so bitchy Lindsay wished she could just tell her to shut the hell up. Couldn't she tell loosing a child was a touchy subject?
"I didn't feel like reopening old wounds that happen to hurt a lot, Heather" He said his voice dull. Before Heather could make everything worse Jessica spoke again.
"How could you just lie to me dad?" She asked.
"I didn't want to upset you" He replied.
"You're lying! You of all people know I would have been able to take it! You know I'm tough considering I grew up with this one for a mother" She said pointing at Lindsay. "You know it would have upset me and you know I would have worked though it and accepted it. There is no reason you couldn't have told me! So I know your lying!" She stared at him as if daring him to tell the lie again. When he didn't say anything that's when Lindsay realized he actually was lying.
"Maybe I should get going" Lindsay said. "It's getting late, Peanut are you coming with me or are you…" before she even finished her sentence Jessica answered…
"I'm coming with you" she said. Both of them stood up to leave.
"I won't be in to work tomorrow, actually I don't know when I'll be in, family issues. I'll call you" She said and then both she and Jessica walked out of the living room. Before Lindsay closed the front door she heard Tom say
"I'll sleep on the couch" When she heard him say it a sad smile came to her lips as she remembered…
It always happened when they got into and argument, if she was mad enough Lindsay would tell him to sleep on the couch. And he would. At about one in the morning Lindsay would feel a dip in the bed and a strong arm encircle her waist.
"Tom, my gun is on the nightstand" she would threaten.
"Don't care. Couldn't sleep without you wrapped up in my arms" He would always say that, and she would forgive him. Because truth to be told she wasn't getting any sleep without his arms around her either.
With that same sad smile Lindsay walked to the car and drove Jessica back to her apartment.