Outside the mansion thunder booms and rain pours down. Inside, everyone has just gotten done with dinner and the author is once again looking at reviews. Nepeta and Karkat absconded to change back into their own clothing, and the remainder of the cast is busying themselves in the computer lab. Suddenly the power goes out, and groans can be heard throughout the house.
Author: Oh geez, and my battery is running out. *sigh* I better print out the dares this time.
She plugs her computer into the printer and manages to print out one review before her laptop battery dies. She curses under her breath.
Author: Well, I hope one review is enough. Which one is this?
Submitted by XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX:
John: Eat nothing but Betty Crocker Products
Dirk: REVEAL YOUR EYES! And destroy Lil' Cal! :D
Jake: Sloppy Make-Outs with Dirk and wear a bikini
Roxy: No drinking for the next 3 chapters! :D
Karkat: Act like a kitty cat for the whole day and eat crabs!
Feferi & Eridan: Eat a bunch of sushi!
Equius: Eridan DEMANDS you love him and be your matesprit. What would you do?
Jane: Say Roxy's eyes and breasts are an ocean
Nepeta: Scream Izaya the way Shizuo does. :D
Jade: Stay locked in a room with Nepeta & Jaspersprite
Dave: Compliment John's booty :3
Rose: Rip up all your wizard fanfictions
Terezi: Rub Karkat's Horns for half an hour
Kanaya: Touch. Rose's. Boobs. XD
Gamzee: Go Sober in a room you can't get out of unless the author lets you out. :3
Sollux: EAT THE MIND HONEY!
Author: Hug me ;3;
That's all for now! :D
Author: Shit bro, you covered pretty much everyone! This is going to be so fucking awesome. HEY EVERYONE, FILE INTO THE DINING ROOM! WE'VE GOT A SHITLOAD OF DARES HERE!
The cast makes their way to the dining room, which is currently being lit by various candles. Rain is pounding against the window and makes it impossible to see outside.
Author: How's everybody doing?
Rose: I was doing fine until you made me read this book. This is the worst thing I've ever read.
Author: Hee hee, that's kinda the point! Anyways, sorry about the power. Sets a good mood though!
Tavros: tHAT'S OKAY, yOU CAN'T REALLY CONTROL THE WEATHER,,
Author: Thanks Tavros! I managed to get an awesome list of dares printed before my laptop died, so we'll easily be able to pass the time! We have now entered the dare zone. You have been warned.
Eridan: Stop stalling and get started already.
Author: Fine! Gosh. This first one is a nice, simple start. John, from here on out, you are forbidden from eating anything except Betty Crocker products.
John: ...
Rose: John?
John: ...
Dave: oh god i think you broke him.
John: Mental Breakdown
Jane: What's the big deal? There's nothing wrong with Betty Crocker products!
Roxy: janey you need to stop bieng so niave. just cause youer the heir to the cooperation doenst mean eveything about it is good.
oops, *naeve*
John: she's the heir to the what?
Dave: dammit roxy.
John: Continue Mental Breakdown
Author: Haha, okay, moving on. If someone can calm John down, that would be appreciated. Alright, next up, Dirk! We want to see your eyes, bro, take off your glasses!
Dirk: Alright.
Without hesitation, he takes off his glasses. Surprisingly, he looks pretty normal. A bit like Dave.
Author: Awesome. Now destroy Cal.
Dirk: What? No way, Cal's cool. I would never hurt him.
Author: Destroy him. Destroy him now. Just throw him in the fire place, right there. Come on.
Dirk: Dude, no.
Author: Yes!
Dirk: No!
Author: Yes!
Dirk: No!
Author: Yes!
Dirk: Fine, fine!
Very reluctantly, Dirk moves over to the fireplace. He gives Cal one last fist bump and looks away, then tosses him in. The fire hisses.
Author: Very good! We are burning through these dares! And the next one is absolutely priceless. Jake, you're up!
Jake: Oh, yes! Finally!
Author: I need you to go put on a bikini.
Jake: ... oh my... *loosens collar*
Author: Well? Go! Go!
Jake: uhh... right...
Jake absconds with his face turning red. Roxy elbows Jane a couple times, but she's blushing almost as much as Jake.
Author: Let's do another while we wait for him. Someone wanna help me hide all the alcohol?
Roxy: wait what?
Kanaya: I Will
Author: Thanks! Let's go.
Roxy: what the fuck are you doign?
Kanaya and the author head to the kitchen and grab all the bottles of alcohol they can carry. Roxy follows them shouting while still holding a bottle of vodka, and Vriska comes up behind her and keeps her pinned as she flails and screams. The author and Kanaya went to hide the bottles in an unknown location.
Author: Sorry darling, but no more drinks for you for three more chapters! God I would not want to be you tomorrow morning.
Roxy: but... but...
Jane: Oh come on, you can go three chapters without a drink!
Roxy: no! no i cant!
Jake: um... alright, i put on the bikini...
Jake shyly walks into the room in a bright pink bikini. Everyone except Jane starts to crack up, and Jake blushes even more.
Author: Hahaha, that's a good look for you! Now go make out with Dirk!
Jake: What?
Jane: What?!
Dirk: ...
Author: And make it sloppy.
Many of the characters in the room are trying not to crack up.
Jake: I... dont know if i can do that...
Dirk: I destroyed Cal bro, that was major. You can do this one little thing, right?
Jane slams her head down on the table. Roxy pats her on the back.
Jake: Well... okay...
Jake walks over to Dirk and hesitantly kisses him. Dirk then grabs him starts making out with him, much to everyone's delight. Roxy continues to comfort Jane, who refuses to look until it's over.
Dirk: That wasn't so, bad was it?
Jake: I... I guess not...
Author: Alright, alright! Jake you may go change back into your clothes. Jane, you mind whipping up some seafood for us?
Jane: Anything is better than this.
She seems way too excited to get out of that room. A little while later she comes back in with a plate of steaming crab and a platter of sushi.
Author: Wow, nice work! Now Karkat, eat this crab and then act like a cat for 24 hours.
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK. THE AUDIENCE CAN'T GIVE ME A BREAK.
He grabs the crab and starts eating it like he doesn't give a fuck. Because he doesn't.
Nepeta: :33 dont forget to act like a cat! h33 h33 h33!
Karkat: MEOW.
Author: Good Karkat! Good kitty! Now lets get some aquatic action here! Eridan, Feferi, you two need to eat all this sushi.
Eridan: Fine.
He pops a roll into his moth. Feferi gasps.
Feferi: -ERIDAN! ) (ow can you just do t) (at? t) (at's an innocent sea creature!
Eridan: What? It's already dead, no harm done.
Feferi: ) (OW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
Sollux: fef, calm d0wn!
Author: Come on, Feferi, you need to eat some too.
Feferi: do i really ) (ave to?
Sollux: d0nt w0rry, ill help y0u. cl0se y0ur eyes.
She looks extremely distraught, but closes her eyes nonetheless. Sollux feeds her one piece of sushi and she looks like she's going to barf.
Feferi: t) (anks sollux...
Sollux: y0u alright?
Feferi: i feel a bit sick, but ot) (er t) (an t) (at im fine...
Author: Good job! Stiff upper lip! Now Janey, you haven't been embarrassed enough yet, so come here!
Jane: Oh my god why.
Jane walks over, and the author whispers something in her ear. Jane suddenly has a look of shock and begins to blush again.
Jane: Please no. Haven't I died enough already? Why do you have to make it worse?
Author: Oh come on! She's your best friend! It's not that awkward!
Roxy: ooo, janey, does yuors have to do wtih me?
Author: Besides, she's still drunk! She won't even remember tomorrow!
Jane: Everyone else will!
Author: Just do it!
Jane sighs and sits back down next to Roxy, blushing a red as Karkat's blood. She mumbles something under her breath.
Roxy: what was that, janey?
Author: Loud enough for everyone to hear!
Jane: I said that your breasts and your eyes are an ocean, Roxy! There, I said it!
Jake had just entered the room when she said that. They lock eyes for a moment, then Jane promptly stands up and exits the room without any emotion or comment.
Jake: Did i do something wrong?
Roxy: janey, come on! dont be taht way!
Roxy chases after her leaving everyone else in the room in an awkward silence.
Author: Oookay then. Nepeta, you had a dare, but do to the fact that it makes no sense to me I'm going to move on. You're in the next dare anyway. One second!
The author leaves the room for a few minutes and returns with a newly appearified Jaspersprite.
Jaspersprite: Rose!
Rose: Jaspers! Good to see you!
Author: I brought Jaspers here for the next dare! Jaspers, Nepeta, and Jade, follow me!
The author leads them all to a secluded room that can only be opened from the outside and locks them all in.
Author: Have fun you guys!
Jade: wait, wait, wait! this is a bad idea! this is a very very VERY bad idea! nepeta, jaspers, please understand i have absolutely no problems with you and think you're both very nice people!
Nepeta: :33 *ac looks at jade in a very confused way*
Jaspersprite: Meow meow meow!
Jade: grrrrrr...
Nepeta: :33 ohhhhhh...
Jade: dammit! grrrr...
Author: Hee hee! I'll check on them later.
The author makes her way back to the table and re-lights a few candles that went out.
Author: Next up! Dave, compliment John's but! I want to get through these a little faster, this is taking a while!
Dave: whoa, okay then. john, your butt doesnt look as bad as karkat's.
John: well thanks, dave!
Karkat: HEY!
Author: Awesome! Hey Rose, you know you're wizard fan-fiction?
Karkat: I'M NOT DONE YET!
Author: Shut the fuck up, Karkat.
Rose: Yes, what about it?
Author: Rip it up.
Rose: Really? That's my dare?
Author: Yeah.
Rose: I thought it would be more eventful. I don't mind ripping it up, most of it sucks.
She takes out her book and rips the pages out, then tears them to little pieces.
Rose: That's really all I get to do?
Author: You're in another dare coming up, don't worry.
Vriska: gosh, how many more of these are there?
Author: Five more, and they're pretty fast. Next up, Terezi! You have been dared to rub Karkat's horns for a straight half an hour!
Terezi: SUR3, BUT WH4T 1F 1 3ND UP W34R1NG TH3M DOWN 4ND M4K1NG TH3M 3V3N NUBB13R?
Karkat: WHY DOES THE AUDIENCE HATE ME?
Author: Terezi, I don't think that will be a problem. Now get started!
Terezi moves to sit next to Karkat and begins to rub his horns while Karkat slams his head down on the table.
Terezi: OH K4RK4T COM3 ON, 1TS NOT TH4T B4D.
Karkat groans.
Author: Now for Kanaya! This one's a bit awkward, but hilarious! Kanaya, touch Rose's breasts!
The humans in the room all gasp. Rose blushes a little.
Kanaya: Why Gasp? I Don't See What The Big Deal Is.
She goes over to Rose and touches both her breasts, and Rose jumps back. The humans all stare at Kanaya.
Kanaya: What? Is There Some Sort Of Custom Here I'm Missing?
Rose: Uhh... yeah...
John: this is really awkward. you know how trolls have weird issues with cleaning supplies?
Kanaya: Yes
John: its like that.
Kanaya: Oh... Oh My... I'm Sorry Rose...
Rose: It's fine you didn't know lets just move on and forget about it okay!
Kanaya: ...
Author: Wow that was priceless. I just realized I skipped one earlier, so lets go back to it. Equius!
Equius: D - What?
Author: We have a truth for you. If Eridan demanded that you love him and be his matesprit, what would you do?
Equius: D - Uhh... uhh... I... I need a towel... where is Nepeta with the towels when you need her?
Author: Probably getting mauled by dog-Jade.
Equius: D - What?!
Author: Don't change the subject! What would you answer?
Equius: D - I would need to think about it, I suppose, I've never put thought into feelings for someone of a higher b100d before, but is Nepeta okay?!
Author: She's fine, Jade wouldn't kill her. Probably. Gamzee, you mind coming with me for a moment?
Gamzee: ...
Author: Gamz?
Gamzee: oH WhAt sOrRy i sPaCeD OuT
Author: That's fine, just come with me.
The author leads Gamzee to a room like the one she put Jade in, and locks him in.
Gamzee: mOtHeRfUcK BrO, wHaT ArE YoU DoInG
Author: No more faygo or pie for you, Gamz, sorry!
Gamzee: ... wHaT?
Author: For the next one, I may need to lock Sollux in a room too...
The author brings Sollux to another room and gives him a glass of tea with mind honey in it. Once he takes a sip, she ducks out of the room and locks the door behind her.
Sollux: what... what did y0u put in this... what... is this... is this the mind h0ney?
Author: ... maaaaaaaaybe...
Sollux: y0u d0 n0t... under any circumstances... EAT THE MIND H0NEY!
Author: Oh shit.
Something in the room explodes and the author races as quick as she can back to the others.
Tavros: iS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?
Author: Fine! Everything's fine!
Another explosion shakes the house.
Author: Everything is absolutely positively fine!
Everyone in the room looks at her skeptically.
Author: ... nobody sleep upstairs.
Everyone continues to stare.
Author: Anyways, one more dare to go! And this one's for me!
The author stands up and walks over to XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX who has apparently been standing in the corner the whole time and gives them a hug.
Author: Thanks for such awesome dares! And sorry to everyone for such a long chapter, but you have to admit it was fun! Keep sending in ideas!