*EXTRA NOTE* WAS WRITTEN RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS. AND THEN MY BETA GOT INTO A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT! SHE NEEDS TIME TO HEAL, SO DEAL WITH THE LATENESS! ! ! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M USING HER INJURY AS AN EXCUSE TO COVER FOR MY OWN PROCRASTINATION. ((lies!)) SHUT UP!

*DOUBLE EXTRA NOTE* WOW, CHRISTMAS WAS PRETTY FAR AWAY RIGHT? HEHE. YEAH… WELL YOU KNOW I HAD TO FIND A NEW BETA AND ALL AND… JUST READ THE STORY AND BE GREATFUL I GOT IT OUT AT ALL! I AM THE PROCRASTINATION QUEEN! BOW TO ME! ! ! BOOOOOOOOWW! ! ! !

A/N: So guess what this fanfiction author got for Christmas? THE ENTIRE MANGA BOX SET OF BOTH FMA AND DEATH NOTE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I'M STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

AHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAH!F! ! ! !FJO!OASLF!JOSGJLDSA;OS1! ! ! ! ! ! !

I mean, this ficcy is based off the anime of FMA and the manga of Death Note... so... yeah. I've just been rereading it all. Just cuz I lurves it soooooo! STILL FREAKING OUT! ! ! ! !OOLFVF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALSOSVHLS QOS1! ! ! ! ! ! !OFUOEWOU9843LSIOQ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

LL

Ahem... right! Story!

Disclaimer: I may be the proud owner of both box sets, but still not of the story line, and, just now, I'm okay with that. *huggles manga*

And I put the A/N and quote in before my beta, Eevil Hero, got to read it! Livin' on the edge! ! ! ! (NOTE: MY NEW BETA IS Call Me Tom. AWESOME NEW BETA IS AWESOME!)

Chapter 4: Background Noise

"I'm the fear that keeps you awake

I'm the shadows on the wall

I'm the monsters they become

I'm the nightmare in your skull

I'm the dagger in your back

An extra turn upon the rack

I'm the quivering of your heart

A stabbing pain, a sudden start"

-Voltaire (When You're Evil)

After a while, Ed got used to Ryuk. The Shinigami gained his entertainment from Ed's missions and battles, and Ed would throw him an apple every now and again. They would even talk sometimes, but mostly, Ryuk just faded into the background. He became the gargoyle on the building; the shadow following behind him. Yes, Ryuk was just a part of the scenery. Just another piece of death in Ed's life.

"The main ingredient of a Philosopher's Stone… is live humans."

Ryuk laughed, making Ed want to stand up and punch him. He desperately wanted to yell at him to shut the fuck up. Unfortunately for Ed, yelling at one's shadow is never a good idea, especially when there are others in the room. Ed just had to sit there and take it.

"Isn't it ironic," Ryuk mentioned after a while, "that the object you've spent years searching for is just like the one hidden in your pocket?"

Could that be true? Ryuk had said that Shinigami absorb power through their Death Notes. How could Ed have been so naive to think that the Stone would be any different? The equivalency had to come from somewhere. Ed already had experience with how much a soul could cost from his failed human transmutation. Just think of that energy reversed!

He pushed those thoughts out of his mind. This couldn't be the only way to make a stone. It just couldn't! He and Al had worked too hard to come to a conclusion like this! And Ed knew he was not about to go killing people just for personal gain. He wasn't like Light Yagami. There just had to be some other way!

But what if there wasn't? What if the Powers That Be really did have it out for him? He was marked now not only with a missing arm and leg, but with a Shinigami as well. Maybe he and his brother were never meant to get anything back.

And Ryuk wouldn't stop laughing. He would just keep laughing and laughing and it was driving Ed insane.

But maybe he deserved all this. He had been the one who had tried to play god, so the universe dangled the answers in front of him just so it would be more painful when it snatched them away. Maybe he should just succumb to the insanity now before anything worse happened.

Ed sat in the hospital bed, his arms folded and brow furrowed. The Death Note was on the table beside him and Ross and Brosh were standing in front, staring nervously at a space just beside Ed. Al had requested earlier to be put on the roof, and that was just fine by Ed. He didn't want Al to hear this anyway.

"So you both touched it," Ed accused.

"We didn't mean to, Edward. The doctors were getting your jacket off and it fell out. We just wanted to make sure it got back to you," Ross explained. Brosh was still staring, dumbfounded, at the space beside Ed. Where Ryuk stood.

"Looks like it's not just you and me anymo..." he began.

"Shut up, Ryuk!" Ed cut him off.

"Uh...Ed? What exactly is that thing?" Brosh asked, his eyes not leaving Ryuk.

"It doesn't matter," Ed replied, "The point is, neither of you will tell anyone about this. I'll command you as a superior officer if I have to. Just keep it a secret."

"You could always kill them," Ryuk suggested, "You have their names and the Death Note."

"You know I'd never do that, Ryuk," Ed reminded him. He was in no mood to deal with the Shinigami. His lead had been crushed, he and his brother had almost been killed, and now two soldiers had discovered his secret. Ryuk was enjoying the situation as much as Ed wasn't, and Ed hated him for it. Still, there was one question he needed to ask.

"Listen, Ryuk, I'll give you a bushel of apples if you answer me something," Ed offered.

"A bushel?" Ryuk repeated, intrigued.

"When we were fighting those people in Lab 5, what did you see?" Ryuk understood the meaning of the question immediately.

"No names, no lifespans," he replied. So it was true. Those homunculi were the real deal.

Ryuk then turned to Ross and Brosh.

"You heard the kid. Go get me my apples," he commmanded.

Brosh nodded and practically sprinted out. Ross stayed for a few moments, hoping Ed would say more. He didn't, so she sighed and turned to leave, closing the door quietly behind her on her way out.

Ed was making his way to the train station while tossing an apple in the air and catching it. Al and Winry were walking ahead, chatting about something or other. Ed didn't care to join the conversation, being too preoccupied with his own thoughts.

Ever since he had found out about the Stone and the homunculi, he'd felt as if the enemy was constantly following him around. In other words, he trusted Ryuk even less now. He was able to draw so many connections between the two groups that it was unnerving.

His guard was so focused on the Shinigami that he didn't think to avoid the man walking by, and subsequently bumped into him.

"I'm sorry," said the man. His hair and eyes were brown and he was wearing a blue military uniform. His apology seemed sincere, but there was something about him that made Ed's caution senses go off. He just couldn't put his finger on it...

In any case, he was gone as soon as he'd come, leaving Ed to wonder. He went to take a bite out of his apple, but found that there were already bite marks in it.

"Dammit, that one was mine," he muttered, and tossed it back for Ryuk to finish.

Ryuk had been silent for the entire train ride, which was strange even for him. Ed figured that he would at least be begging for a slice of Gracia's apple pie, but no. He hadn't made a sound, almost as if he was lost in some kind of deep thought. It was weird to think of the Shinigami like that, since Ed had come to know him as obnoxious and a bit of an idiot to boot.

When he finally got a minute, after Winry had decided to nearly kill him with her wrench in Rush Valley, Ed decided to ask Ryuk what was up.

"Hey," Ed said as loud as he dared to be.

"Hmmmm?" Ryuk responded. It wasn't like the kid to actively seek conversation from him.

"The hell is up with you? You haven't said a word all day," Ed asked. Ryuk just shrugged.

"Oh, you know. Old friends and evil plots," he said. Ed growled and walked faster, annoyed with himself for even asking.

"Too bad all your old friends are dead," he muttered sarcastically.

Unbeknownst to Ed, Ryuk's smile widened as he said under his breath, "Too bad, indeed."

Ryuk had decided early on that he liked Izumi Curtis, namely because of the fear she inspired in her students. There was, however, one threat that she posed: she knew that Ed was hiding something. If she ever figured out what that was, she would no doubt snatch it away from him. As much as Ryuk enjoyed watching her beat the Elrics senseless, he really did not feel like staying with her.

For a while, he waited for the confrontation, but it never came. No accusations, no demands for Ed to turn out his pockets; just a knowing glare. That was, until she managed to talk to Ed alone:

"Out with it."

"With what?"

"Don't play dumb with me, smartass. Out with it or I'll beat it out of you."

"Oh! Choose the beating option! That's always funny!"

Ed cast a glare towards Ryuk, which, of course, Izumi noticed. She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her, and said in a stern tone, "This is your last chance, Edward."

"I can't," Ed admitted.

"Why?" his teacher demanded.

"Because I promised the people who saved my life that I wouldn't. It was an equivalent exchange."

"Fine," Izumi grumbled after a moment, "But don't think I won't be watching you. Now go help your brother set the table." Ed nodded and walked out.

Ryuk really liked that woman. It was too bad she was going to die so soon.

Not long after an unfortunate series of events involving a young boy who had turned out to be Izumi's homunculus sporting Ed's missing limbs, the Elrics were sent to Dante's house in order to get Izumi her medicine and hopefully some answers for themselves. Dante was Izumi's old master and a medicinal alchemist. And Ryuk hated her.

It wasn't anything personal, he just…hated her. He couldn't really explain it. It was almost instinctual. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that her name and lifespan weren't clearly defined. They kept changing, flashing between several names and numbers and sometimes flickering out completely.

Suddenly, Ryuk understood the reason for his hate. This woman had been black-listed by Death, himself. She was a cheater, stealing from his species. In other words, she had managed to stay alive for far longer than she should. Her crimes were much worse than the attempted theft the Elrics and Izumi had committed, and she would be punished severely…

Ryuk shook his head, refusing to give in to the hive mind his species occasionally shared. He was a rebel, he reminded himself, not because he thought the way things were was unfair, but because the way things were bored him. Not only might this Dante woman have an extremely intriguing story, but there was also a good chance that she was going to end up raising some kind of hell for the Elrics.

Okay, this was just ridiculous. Now Ryuk understood why his people did not reign over this world: too many freaks with weird things concerning their names and life spans. At the moment, he was looking at a group of people, whose names and life spans occasionally flickered out, and their leader, who had neither.

Ryuk groaned and began to float out the door, saying "You're on your own, kid. I'm really kinda sick of this shit." He paused, waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from Ed, but Ed didn't even flinch, being so focused on his brother's kidnappers.

"Yeah… whatever…" Ryuk said awkwardly, and left. His head hurt. A lot. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with this world? How could it possibly be too crazy for even him to handle?

On their way to Ishbal, Ed and Al had gotten into an argument, which turned into an alchemy fight, which ended with Ed storming off.

"…What's his problem anyway? He complains about everything," Ed complained later while eating alone, "Hey, Al, pass the salt." It took him a second to realize that Al wasn't there.

Ryuk took the salt and dangled it in front of Ed's face, saying, "You're a real wreck, kid." Ed angrily snatched it out of the Shinigami's hand, but did not deny the statement. Ryuk floated down into the chair across from Ed, for once not laughing.

"What are you going to do if he dies, kid?" he asked. Ed turned away.

"That's not gonna happen," he stated firmly.

"Of course it's not, but what if he does?" Ryuk asked again. Ed turned back around, his eyes burning.

"Are you threatening…"

"No," Ryuk cut him off, "Believe it or not, I'm actually trying to have a serious conversation with you. So tell me: if he dies what do you want me to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Face it, kid, if Baby Brother dies, you're gonna break, and as much as I hate you, it'd just be too weird to see you like that. So, in the case of such a tragic event, what do you want me to do?"

Ed scoffed and turned away. They'd have to kill him before something like that ever even had a chance of happening. But even as he promised himself this, Ryuk's words were echoing in his head: If Baby Brother dies, you're gonna break. Ed knew that Ryuk was right. There were times when he could hardly handle the nightmares. How could he even possibly hope to handle the real thing?

Suddenly, the full impact of what Ryuk was suggesting hit him: Do you want me to kill you? What was worse, Ed realized that he wanted to accept the offer. He hated showing weakness, especially to Ryuk, but he knew that he would never be punished otherwise. His friends would try to comfort him, tell him it wasn't his fault, but it would always be his fault. It was his job to protect his little brother and he would not be able to live with himself if he failed that job.

"Well?" Ryuk asked, impatient for an answer.

Ed stood up and, without looking at Ryuk, said, "Write down my name and get the hell out of my world," before running off to find Alphonse.

Ryuk looked at Lyra with his head cocked o the side. So that was how she did it. She jumped from one body to the next, and in effect took the host body's remaining years for herself, thus elongating her own life. It was similar to the way in which the Shinigami lived, but not a perfect formula—her soul would wear out eventually.

Be that as it may, Dante was a clever woman, and Ryuk would have taken a liking to her if he could shake off the instinctual hate. She was even manipulating Scar into making a Philosopher's Stone for her and forcing Edward to help get her and the rest of the citizens out of the line of fire. Just what was she going to show him next? How much like Light was she going to end up?

Their father was one too? Holy mother fucking god this was good!

Something was strange, though. Ryuk did not feel any instinctual hatred towards Hohenheim, which meant that the man was not black-listed. Why was that? He had done the same thing as Dante, so why…

OH! The symbol! Of course! Izumi must have gotten the symbol she passed down to Ed from Dante, and there was obviously some kind of connection between Dante and Hohenheim. She must have picked it up from him somehow, and passed it down until it actually managed to get back to its rightful bearer.

And here Ryuk had begun to think that Edward Elric was just some random unfortunate who had been mistaken by the angels as the rightful bearer. Oh, who was he kidding? There was nothing random when it came to the symbol, even if Ed did not know what it meant to be the bearer.

Ryuk supposed he would just have to wait to see if Ed ever figured out the truth about his heritage.

Ed had finally figured it out. Lyra was Dante. She and Hohenheim had been using the Philosopher's Stone to jump from body to body for nearly 400 years. She had kidnapped Al in order to use him to take over Rose's body, and now she was using a baby to prove to Ed that equivalent exchange was nonexistent.

Just after Ed had managed to get the baby down and give it back to Rose, a man walked up behind Dante. He put a hand on her shoulder, smiling. Ed recognized him. It seemed like ages ago that he'd bumped into the man on his way to the Central City train station. He was different now, though. He wasn't wearing the military blue, and his smile was no longer friendly.

"Did you drag him down here, too, Dante?" Ed accused, "Is he for Hohenheim?" The man chuckled.

"Don't think so little of me, Edward," he said, "I'm only here because you are." The man took a few steps forward.

"You see, I've been watching you for some time now, and I've found that you have something I want." At this, his sinister smile grew more mocking. "A certain notebook."

Ed's eyes widened. So, it turned out that someone in the military was already after the Death Note. It was no surprise that they knew. They had the Philosopher's Stone and were run by homunculi, after all.

Ed glared at the man and transmuted his arm into a blade.

"You'll have to kill me first," he stated. He wouldn't let them get their hands on an object like that.

In response, the man clapped his own hands and placed one over the ground. Alchemic light flashed and a black scythe rose up to meet his waiting hand.

He's seen The Gate, too? Just perfect! Ed thought angrily. Still, his wasn't the best alchemy Ed had ever seen.

The man ran forward and swung his weapon. Ed parried the blow easily. The fight wasn't a long one. A few more clangs of scythe on arm-sword, and it was over, Ed having sliced the blade off the scythe. The man backed away to his initial position.

"Well, I suppose I never was too good at hand-to-hand combat," he said, smiling again.

Ed saw a light out of the corner of his eye. He turned around, too late, to see that the baby had a transmutation circle on its stomach. Ed's eyes widened, but before he could do anything to stop it, he was pulled into The Gate.

Ed had pushed his way back through The Gate and now had to fight his way through Envy.

"Stop jerking me around!" Ed shouted, going for another punch. Finally, Envy showed him his true face. He was Hohenheim's son; Ed's half-brother. Ed was frozen as Envy explained his jealousy of Ed and Al for taking his place, and remained frozen just long enough for Envy to run Ed through.

The man with the sinister smile laughed as the life left Ed's eyes and Al began to scream. He walked over and took the Death Note out of Ed's jacket pocket.

"You should have known better than to mess with gods," he gloated. Beside him sat a Shinigami, eating an apple and watching events unfold.

"Hello, Ryuk," the man greeted. Ryuk chuckled and stood up.

"Hey, there, Light," he said, "didn't I kill you?"

Light Yagami smiled.

A/N: Le gasp! Ed!

Le gasp! Light!

Will the madness never cease! ?

Mom: Do your homework or I'm taking that manga away!

Me: *holds manga protectively* This is all so upsetting it needs a pick-me-up! Something like...

THE TOTALLY ACCURATE SUMMARY OF ED AND PAPA HOHO'S ADVENTURE IN LONDON!

Ed: Derp?

HoHo: Derp derp!

Ed: Derpedy derpy derp?

Hoho: Derp derp de derp derp.

People in Car: Derp! Derp derp!

HoHo: Derp. *leaves*

Ed: *angrily* Derp derp derp. Derp derp de derp!

Happy Flaming Zepplin: DERP! *crashes*

Ed: *in death whisper* deeeeerp... *claps, returns to Amestris*

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. Till next time, peeps!