Chapter 4 – The smell of the ocean
Stepping out of that tunnel and seeing Charlie after so long, I dropped my bags and ran straight at him. I think I might have knocked him down had he not swept me up into his arms. I felt him bury his face into my hair and heard the intake of a deep breath.
"Bells" I heard him say. "You've gotten so big, how'd that happen?"
Any awkwardness that I was afraid might be there just wasn't. After a minute or maybe two. He allowed my feet to touch the floor and pushed me back at arms length. "Let me get a look at you." His grin was from ear to ear. "Your hair has grown, it looks good on you." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we walked back to where I'd dropped my luggage.
After making it through the airport and to the car, we sat in an awkward silence on the drive back to Forks. Funny thing is, it wasn't exactly awkwardness, and it was like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think we both could feel the ticking of the time clock in our heads. Two weeks. Two weeks is what we had, to rebuild a father/daughter bond that had been snatched away from both of us.
"Bells, how would you feel about going down to La Push tonight for a dinner with Billy and Jacob?" He said without taking his eyes off the road.
I'd been looking outside the window at my town came into view and my life suddenly tried to become normal again. Three years was a long time. "That sounds good." "Do we have time to go by the house? I'd like to whip something up for desert if I can before we go, and maybe clean up a little." Airplane air made me feel dirty and being stuffed into such a small area with a bunch of strangers didn't make it any better.
"Sure, we'll head home and I'll call Billy and let him know we'll be out in a few hours, how's that?" He asked.
"Perfect, it sounds perfect." Responding, I watched as we pulled through town, it felt and appeared so much smaller then it had only 3 years ago. I was going to be thirteen soon, and well I felt much older.
As Charlie pulled the cruiser up in front of the small white house, I remembered climbing into Mrs. Black's car that day. I remembered not being able to look at Jacob, and feeling totally out of control. Today, I was in control. Renee was thousands of miles away but still in my thoughts. "Damn!" I let it slip out of my mouth without thinking.
"Excuse me." Charlie responded and cleared his throat. "What's the problem?"
"Sorry." I winced. I'd grown up and I guessed right about now he was thinking what did my baby girl just say? Seeing me as a soon to be teen hadn't sunk in yet. "I was suppose to call Renee after the plane landed. She must be freaking out about now."
Just then Charlie leaned across and opened the glove box. He reached inside and took out a small silver cell phone and handed it to me. "I was going to save it for a surprise, but what the heck, might as well break it in." "I've already programmed the house, the office and my cell into it as well as your grandparents and your mom's numbers. Give it a go and put her out of her misery." His face wore a little big of a grin when he mentioned putting Renee out of her misery.
"Wow! Thanks, I mean wow…I don't know what to say." I was shocked and thrilled this meant I could talk to him whenever I wanted and wouldn't have to endure the wrath of Grandma when the telephone bill arrived.
Charlie just looked at the steering wheel and I heard. "A thank you would work." I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached across the center console and wrapped my arms around as much of him as I could reach.
"Thank you, so much, I'll be responsible with it and you'll see, you won't get any outrageous bills or anything." "Thank you so so much!" With that I hopped out of the car and met Charlie at the trunk where we unloaded my bags and then headed into the house.
Wow, everything looked exactly the same. If I had to guess Charlie hadn't changed a thing since Renee and I had moved out. After taking a deep breath, I took a few steps past the stairs. I remembered standing here what seemed now like a lifetime ago and watching my parents dancing in the kitchen. As I came out of my daydream I noticed the 42-inch flat screen that dominated the small living room. I guess one thing had changed, I thought with a grin.
I followed Charlie up the stairs and took the familiar left at the top of them. Charlie pushed my bedroom door open and it was like walking back in time. My Thanksgiving Day art was still on my pegboard, my old sneaker were still sitting next to my desk, that would explain the missing mate to the one I'd packed years ago. There was a bed set still in the plastic bag sitting on my old twin sized bed.
"The sales lady downtown helped me pick that out," Charlie said while rolling the package over onto its side. "She said it's what the kids want now days. I wasn't sure what color you'd even prefer, we can take it back if you don't like it."
"No, purple's good." I responded thinking to myself, of course he still thinks purple and pink the color of fairytales and unicorns are my favorite.
With that he dropped my bags, and turned around as if to leave. He stopped himself at the door and I saw him brace his hands against its frame. "Bells, I can't even begin to tell you how much I've missed you and how happy I am that you are here." He never even turned around, I think for fear that I'd see the tears that were running down his face.
He cleared his throat again. "Ok, well, get cleaned up, I'm going to go and call Billy." "See you downstairs." I heard him walk down the hall and pound down the stairs like the devil himself was behind him.
I sat down on my bed and continued to look around. It was then that I looked up and saw that my stars were still there, peeling and pulling themselves from the ceiling. "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…." I started quietly reciting to myself. Just then one dropped from its place up high into my lap. I sighed and got up and knelt down beside my bag. Searching the side pocket I pulled out my most prized possession. My framed photo of Jacob and I from so long ago made the trip safely. Going to have to come up with something better then mud pie Bella…I thought to myself as I sat it on my nightstand.
First things first though. I reached in my jacket pocket for MY PHONE! I searched the contact list for Renee's number and hit call. It rang once and she answered. "Bella, is that you?" Before I could even respond she went on. "Was your plane late, why didn't you call earlier, don't you know how worried I have been?"
Our conversation was pretty brief. I filled her in on the flight and told her everything was good on the flight and that Charlie looked good. She'd actually known about the cell phone so that was no big shock to her, she even sounded somewhat relieved, this meant of course she could track me down anywhere, anytime.
Ending the call, I promised I'd call again soon and tried to remind her that two weeks wasn't very long. She told me she loved me and asked that I give Charlie a hug for her and tell him to take care of her baby. I said I would, it wasn't the first time I'd lied to her.
I packed some of my things away in the drawers of my old dresser and hung some of my shirts in the closet. They looked very alone in there. Two weeks worth of clothes really weren't that much, even though Renee had forced as many pieces of multi-seasonal clothing in my bags as possible. I could still hear her…"Washington weather can change in a matter of minutes, you need t-shirts, sweatshirts, shorts and jeans. We should really back a few skirts just in case also." She'd gone on and on.
Thirty minutes had slipped by when I made it downstairs. Charlie had planted himself on the couch and was watching the large glowing screen in front of him. "Hey, Billy said to take our time and Jacob said of course to hurry…" he looked up at me grinning "So, don't be too long in there ok. Don't know if I have much in the way of desert either…we'll probably hit the grocery store in the morning. Do you need my help?" I could see the God please don't say yes look on his face.
"Nope, I've got it handled." I'd looked into the cabinets, which I could reach on my own now and found a box of instant pudding and vanilla wafers. There was a stray banana on the counter that didn't look too ancient and by god he had milk in the fridge that wasn't spoiled. We were in business and I was proud of him, I'd expected nothing by beer, fish and butter.
After whipping my desert, I sat in the cruiser and my heart started to pound as we made the trip out of Forks. I knew that the trip wouldn't last more then 20 minutes, or 30 minutes max if there was traffic and before I'd know it we'd be pulling in the familiar gravel drive.
We passed the reservation sign, the school and made the right that I remembered so fondly. My heart stopped beating. On the right was their small burnt red house. I could see as we pulled in that things here hadn't changed so much either. The same while curtains hung in the windows and I could see them billowing inward, as the breeze came to meet them. Jacob's mom had always said fresh air did a person good and unless storms were coming in the windows were to remain open even if that meant sleeping with an extra blanket.
The car came to a halt and I looked up from my lap… I saw the screen door swing and Billy was waiting on the porch. I was shocked, he was in a wheelchair. Was this some kind of joke? No one had warned me.
"Hey, don't make a big deal out of it ok, he's getting around fine and well, he asked me to just not say anything." Charlie mumbled somewhat under his breath. I just looked at him, being in a wheelchair wasn't a big deal, and he's got to be kidding right.
I opened the door and climbed out, careful to keep hold of the bowl that I was carrying. A swift breeze had kicked up and I could smell the ocean. It was like I'd been put in a trance, it had been so long since I smelled the water; it hurt to think about it. Wearing the biggest and bravest smile I could muster…I made it up to the porch, half the stairs had been covered by a well constructed ramp and I knew why immediately. Making it onto the porch I immediately bent down and was swept into two strong arms holding me tight. "Billy, can't breath…" I could barely squeak out.
He released me and apologized immediately. "Wow, Charlie where'd you pick this kid up, I thought you were bringing Bella?" He grinned that toothy "Black Family" grin at me.
"Billy, don't know…got to the airport they said this one's yours, I couldn't hardly believe it but I brought her home anyway." "You should see this sweet treat that she whipped up for dinner." Charlie wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed a bit.
"Well, then we'd better get inside and get the rest of the meal started then." Billy answered.
Wow, memories flooded back. We stepped in and I have expected Jacob's mom to come sweep me into a hug as well. I blinked back the tears when I realized that wouldn't be happening. So many things had changed since the last time I'd been here. Things had changed because of my family, things that should never have changed.
"Rachel's down the hall, if you want to go say hello." Billy said breaking the silence. "Her sister's out for the evening, but I'm sure she'd like to see you."
He must be joking, she'd never paid much attention to me three years ago why would she be so excited to see me now? "Ok, well, do you need help with anything in here? I'm pretty good in the kitchen now and I can even reach the top cabinets now." I said smiling, then realized, Billy can't reach the top cabinets…wow was I insensitive and I wasn't even meaning to be. Billy just grinned and reached for something lying on the counter… it had sort of pinchers on the end and when he squeezed the trigger on the handle they opened and shut.
"Got it covered Bella." He just smiled at me, letting me know there was nothing to feel awkward about.
"Ok then, guess I'll go see Rachel then." Really I wanted to see Jacob, Billy hadn't even mentioned him. Where was he anyway, he knew I was coming.
Going down the familiar hall I passed the photo's, the ones that I'd seen multiply over the years before. There were a few new ones, mostly the girls, together of course. I stopped and paused, there was one of a boy standing next to a bond fire, and I didn't recognize him right away. No it couldn't be. My heart went into my throat, it was Jacob. He was wearing swim trunks and his hair was to his shoulders, he had a serious look on his face and was staring blankly at the photographer. The pain in his eyes was apparent and he looked so different. His little boy features had been smoothed away and his face looked thinner. He looked older then me! I squinted and wondered if it was really him, or just someone else…no it was him.
I heard music coming from behind Rachel's door and knocked lightly not wanting to just walk in. The door opened and she just looked at me. "Hey?" I walked in feeling just as awkward as I used to around her. She sat back down on the bed and picked up the phone that was lying beside her. "I've got to go, we've got company. Call you later?" "Ok, I'll see what I can do." After hanging up she looked back at me.
I'd worried about what Jacob would feel, what Billy would feel, what I'd feel and what Charlie had felt and never thought of the girls. They'd lost their mom also and oddly I'd never given them much thought. Maybe because they were older, maybe because I hadn't been close to them or spent much time with them. Suddenly it was all I could think about, what they must think, did they blame me?
"So, back so soon?" Rachel said to me. Then a grin crept over her face. "Bella might as well sit down. Once the dad and your dad get in the kitchen it's like a war. Dinner will be a while and it's just easier to stay out of the way."
Was this really going to be this easy? I sat on the bed next to her and we talked more in those twenty minutes then we had the years that I'd known her. She filled me in on Billy's accident. He'd fallen while repairing the roof and landed wrong rupturing a disk and during the "easy surgery" something else had been nicked and well, now he could get around, but not without a lot of pain, so the chair was just easier most days.
She told me about school and how she and her sister really had grown apart. Details of La Push and what had happened in the past 3 years poured out of her. She talked about everything except what I really wanted to hear about, Jacob.
After hanging out in her room for a while we ventured towards the kitchen, Charlie was hovered over the stove and Billy was supervising… who'd guess that he'd not withered away from starvation, but I guess baked fish and steaks were pretty easy for anyone to fix. A potato wrapped in aluminum foil and thrown in the oven would always do as a side dish also.
Sorry to interrupt the chiefs but we're going to head down to the beach and find Jacob and bring him back for dinner, Rachel announced. We were? Funny she never even mentioned her brother before now.
"Ok, girls, just don't stay long, dinner is going to be ready in about 15 minutes and well, we'll start without you if we have to." Billy said to his daughter and winked at me when he finished.
She quickly replied, "What's new about that? Just make sure you save us some, and we'll do our best to make it back before you start." She headed for the backdoor then and I received the approval nod from Charlie as I followed her.
Walking side by side through the back part of their property was like another flash back for me. I remembered running and trying to stay up with Jacob and Embry when we were all about 5 or 6 years old maybe. The cover was so tall then that it felt like we could get lost if we blinked. But now as Rachel and I walked the same ground the cover barely reached my waist. "There's a shortcut to the beach that we can take, I'd have offered to drive but then that would have started the whole "straight there and straight back talk" and well, dinner would be ready before we'd even gotten the keys." She said to me.
Wow, she drove now. Time had moved so quickly.
When we made it to the end of the trail, it lead to a rocky bit that then carried itself to the beach. At first I didn't see anyone and then she pointed down the ways and said, "Well, there he is, I can almost always find him there. Bella, I'm really hoping that you coming back is going to help." And for the first time she mentioned what hadn't been mentioned. "He's not the same, he just saw so much and misses her so much, we've all tried to talk to him and he just won't open up to us." "We're really hoping that he will with you."
Rachel hung back as I slowly made my way down the rocky slope. I could see his back to me, he was sitting on a big log of driftwood and there was a long burned out fire pit in front of him. Sand started filling my sneakers so I paused and slipped them off. The walk felt like quicksand, the more I walked the further away it felt he was. Suddenly I was right behind him. "Jacob?"
Startled he turned around and his face, god his face… his eyes, those big brown eyes. I'd missed so much. I vowed to myself that moment that in the next two weeks I'd see that sparkle that was missing back again. I didn't know how I could do it, but I'd do it.
"Bella…" Jacob said with a start. "God, you scared the crap out of me, since when did you become so quiet?" He swung his long legs over the log and stood up in front of me. When did he get to be half a head taller then me? In two quick strides he was in front of me. A second more and he'd bent down and hugged me. Everything was moving so fast, and everything was a blur in my mind. The trip to the airport all those years ago, the feel of my hand in his as the car went along. The kiss that had warmed my entire face. The feel of his hands on my back as he pushed me on the tire swing. And finally, I remembered that boys face looking into mine from my picture, in my room on my nightstand, was this really that boy? I half expected someone to start laughing and my little Jacob to come out from hiding, but that didn't happen.
"How was your trip? Sorry I meant to be at the house when you got there, I just lost track of time." His arms fell from their place around me and I just shook my head.
"Trip was good, uneventful and I guess that means it was good." "We really haven't been at your place too long, our dad's are fixing dinner and I brought desert, so Rachel and I came to get you." He looked past me down the beach to his sister and then back to me.
"Well then I guess we'd better be getting back, or there won't be much left." With that he put a warm hand on my shoulder and turned me around. As we walked back to Rachel, I kept looking up at him, amazed I was really here and wondering how I was ever going to go back to Phoenix.