Disclaimer: I own nothing in the following story, except Kiera and Sarah. All other Sues are likenesses of Sues, even though I said it was coincidental, but hey, I don't want 'em. And of course, Harry Potter belongs to JKR.

"Thanks for agreeing to take a walk with me," Serenity said serenely to Kiera as they walked down a little path. Kiera was acting twitchy and annoyed. "I love to get fresh air, but I'm always afraid that I might hurt someone, y'know, since I'm a werewolf."

"Really? I find biting and contaminating people to be quite a pleasure," Kiera said. "That's what's nice about being a Death Eater. You don't have to be nice."

"Well, why wouldn't you want to?" Serenity asked. Kiera was about to say something, but was cut off by the shouting of an angry mob led by Harmony, including the Marauders, Lily Evans, Narcissa Black, and several pointless extras that were more props than characters.

"TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT, WE AIN'T GONNA INTEGRATE!" they chanted repeatedly.

"What the heck is going on?" Kiera shouted over the racket.

"You're werewolves, we don't like werewolves, so we're not letting you in," Harmony calmly explained, tossing her blue hair and waving a sequined picket sign.

"What are we going to do?" Serenity gasped, tears welling up in her violet eyes as she pulled on her ripened wheat hair in distress.

"We have to fight them," Kiera told her. Serenity let out a small gasp.

"I can't just hurt innocent people!"

"Would you do it for a friend?" Kiera asked, readying for battle. Serenity flashed a small smile as Kiera said, "C'mon, I've got your back."

"Ditto," Serenity said, Standing back to back and beckoning with one hand, the girls were soon engaged in a graphic multifight reminiscent of the time Neo fought all those Agent Smiths. Parts of the battle unfolded in slow motion, and soon, Kiera and Serenity had made it into Hogwarts and shut the gates behind them, scuttying back up to the Sue living room.

"Hey guys," Lisemily said, quickly hiding a life-sized cardboard thingy that looked like Harry Potter. "Have you seen my dad anywhere?" Both of the werewolves shook their heads. "Me neither. Oh, crap, I've lost my dad!"

"But that means I've lost my boss!" Sarah exclaimed with concern, nearly spilling her soda.

"Then get off the couch and look for him, fatty!" Kalypso said, changing the channel on the TV to HBO. Sarah, who was relatively average-sized, took offense to the statement.

"I am not fat! Take that back!" she demanded, grabbing Kalypso and sending the two of them hurdling to the floor, where they wrestled until the rolling scuffle bumped into the closet door, which gave a small scream. Suspicious, Sarah wrenched it open, revealing Chamoy and Voldemort, barely dressed and snogging.

"This isn't what it looks like," Voldemort began, but Lisemily's mind-reading power sprang into action.

"Yes it is!" she announced to the other contestants, "You've been having an affair with Chamoy ever since the beginning of the show. She's asked you to eliminate Sarah and Serenity. Daddy, how could you?" she cried, beautifully shedding a diamond tear. Kinachiana, on the other hand, was filing her nails with indifference: after all, she had Bellatrix as a non-shameful parent, but Sarah was infuriated. She grabbed Chamoy by the feet and began to drag her up the stairs to the Astronomy tower.

"No! No es la verdad!" Chamoy pleaded. "No quiero morir!" Sarah neither cared about nor understood Chamoy's pleas, and it was with great satisfaction that she threw her victim, screaming in a foreign language, off the roof of the Astronomy Tower.

When she reached the living room again, it was full of Aurors. "Kiera McClaren, you are under arrest," Mad-Eye Moody was saying to Kiera.

"What would be the charges?" she asked, struggling angrily against the two Aurors holding her back. "And do you have any proof?"

"You've been turned in by Serenity for the alleged rape of one Fenrir Greyback."

Kiera scowled, trying to think of an excuse. "Oh, come on, this is a Suefic!" she said, "Rape is a good plot device."

"Only when you're the victim," Moody said, then turned to the other Aurors. "Take her to Azkaban."

As Kiera was marched off by the Aurors, Voldemort glanced around with the confusion: he was without his wand and in clear view, so why hadn't the Aurors arrested him, too? "I feel so un-special," he muttered sadly.

A/N: Can you believe it wasn't a challenge? I can! Then again, I wrote it... REVIEW!