A/N: Ehm… I don't really have anything to say except that the Dido song 'Thank You' is stuck in my frickin' head and won't come out. This chapter will actually have Charlie hunting members of Fellowship.
Readers: FINALLY!
Shush, you!
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything you recognize, though I am contemplating kidnapping certain characters. Mwhahaha!
Now, without further ado. Kapitel vier.
Chapter four
The jeep slowed to a stop in the middle of a small field. Charlie cut the engine, thinking of how unlucky she was not to have stumbled across a glade or something. Crossing the Brandywine River had been a real pain in Charlie's non-existent balls and she was more than frustrated that finding a good place to hide the jeep was going to be harder than she thought.
'Oh, well,' she thought. 'Let them see me.'
Reaching into the glove compartment, she pulled out a copy of a Fellowship of the Ring which she just so happened to carry around in her car. Who wouldn't?
Flipping through the pages, she came to a stop at the map of the Shire. Charlie's eyes skimmed the map quickly until they found the word 'Marish'. Standing on her seat, Charlie turned slowly, trying to get her bearings. Deciding which direction would be best, she settled down again and started up the jeep, tearing up grass as she sped off.
When she reached Farmer Maggot's place, Charlie realized that it had been an absolute miracle that no one spotted her. She parked the jeep just outside of farmer's property and stood on her seat again. Looking at the farm, she tried to discern any signs that hobbits had been stealing from the farmer. Aggravated at her rotten luck, she dropped into her seat and pulled out the map again.
"Well," she mumbled to herself, "I'll just have to start with a different one."
Then she took off towards Hobbiton. The jeep bounced her around much like it had when she was going up Alliwyn's driveway. The thought of the pro sue made Charlie shudder, which made her hand slip on the steering wheel, which made her almost crash into a wagon drawn by two ponies.
Slamming on the brakes, the jeep skidded to a halt. It stopped mere inches from the wagon and the petrified hobbit that sat in it. Charlie jumped out and checked her jeep for any damage, which was kind of silly because how much damage could a wooden wagon do to a jeep?
Looking up at the hobbit, Charlie removed her sunglasses. "Hello," she said cheerily.
The hobbit opened his mouth and then closed it. After several minutes of this, he still didn't speak.
"That's a very impressive imitation of a fish." Smiling, Charlie moved closer causing the hobbit to slide backwards in his seat on the wagon. "What's your name?"
"S-a-uh-do-baba-looey-coo," stammered the hobbit.
"You look more like a Sam to me," said Charlie conversationally.
Still imitating a fish, the hobbit nodded.
"Sam.. wise," she questioned.
Again the hobbit nodded, staring wide-eyed at Charlie.
"Yay!" She clapped her hands together excitedly. "You're coming with me."
Before the hobbit could protest, Charlie had picked him up and carried him back to her jeep. She tied him up with some of the rope and set him down in the back seat.
"You might want to hang onto something," Charlie said as she adjusted her review mirror. "It's going to be a bumpy ride. You hobbits really ought to look into paving your roads. It's a lot less painful on your arse that way."
Charlie drove through Hobbiton, smiling and waving at the hobbits. Strangely enough, they didn't smile or wave back. Instead they stared in horror. And some of them even ran away screaming!
After winding up the road she came to a stop in front of Bag End. "I'll be right back," she said, giving Sam a pat on the head and grabbing the net from the very small space in the very back of the jeep.
Looking through a window, Charlie caught a glimpse of a small head with dark curly hair. Frodo was in the middle of making tea. Checking the other windows, Charlie saw that Bilbo was nowhere to be found.
"Perfect," she murmured to herself.
Standing near a window, with her back pressed to the grassy hill, Charlie called in a low voice. "Frodo!" Pausing, she listened and then called again, "Frodo!"
"Who's there," came the response.
"It's me. Uncle Bilbo," she called back in her disguised voice. "Can't you recognize your own uncle's voice?"
"You don't sound like Bilbo," Frodo said.
"Well, I am. Come look I'm right outside the window."
There was a long pause. "Why are you outside the window?"
"Eh…" Charlie gave a slight cough. "The… Sackville-Bagginses are watching the front door and I can't get in."
Charlie heard the shuffling of feet and got her net ready. Frodo stuck his head out the window. Quickly, Charlie grabbed him and wrapped him up in the net. Frodo let out a yelp and struggled but to no avail. Charlie had the net slung over her shoulder like a sack and was carrying Frodo out to her jeep.
"Mr. Frodo," cried Sam when the other hobbit was placed next to him in the back.
"Sam," exclaimed Frodo, pausing in his struggle to free himself of the net. "What's going on?"
"I don't know, Mr. Frodo," Sam replied with a worried look to Charlie who had just got into the driver's seat. "She nearly ran into my wagon and killed me. Then she asked me name and tied me up."
"Hold on, boys," Charlie called over her shoulder. She knocked the jeep into reverse and went backwards down the hill at alarming speed. At the bottom she pulled out her book with the map and looked it over again. "Next we'll pick up the other two."
"What other two," asked Frodo, sounding braver than he felt. "What are you going to do to us?"
Turning in her seat to look at the hobbits, Charlie smiled. "Don't worry, Frodo. I won't hurt any of you." Frodo opened his mouth to ask another question but Charlie held up her hand, silencing him. "All questions will be answered after the ride. Thank you."
After a minute of studying her map, Charlie turned back to the hobbits in her jeep. "Now, where do you suppose I'll fine Merry and Pippin?"
"Probably Farmer Maggot's crops," muttered Sam darkly.
Nudging his gardener, Frodo exclaimed in a hiss, "Sam! Do you really want her to catch Merry and Pippin too?"
"Farmer Maggot's is actually the first place I went but they weren't there." She glanced at the map again and said, "Maybe they're out causing trouble somewhere else… Other than Farmer Maggot's where do they go?"
The hobbits exchanged looks before giving Charlie stony-faced and very mute looks. Seeing that neither was going say anything, she gave a sigh and put the book down on the passenger's side seat. "Fine. We'll just drive around until we find them."
Four Hours Later
The jeep slowed to a stop in another field close to Brandy Hall. The engine purred as Charlie glanced around at her surroundings, trying to decide which way to go. There was left, right, straight, backwards, left-straight, straight-straight-left, etc..
Sam gave the back of Charlie's head a glare before he turned and looked out over the field. He was fully prepared to sulk when he caught a glimpse of a hobbit in the distance. Squinting, he tried to make out who it was. The bright yellow weskit was a dead giveaway.
Nudging Frodo, Sam caught his attention. Silently he nodded in the direction of the hobbit who was walking on the outskirts of some woods. Frodo's eyes widened slightly and he glanced at Sam.
"I think we should go that way," Frodo said. Through his net he pointed in the opposite direction of Merry.
Charlie glanced at him in the review mirror before looking in the direction he pointed. "Why? I'm kind of partial to going straight."
"Straight is good," Sam added quickly.
Charlie's eyes narrowed and she gave the hobbit's a critical look via the mirror. "So, you two want to go either that way," she pointed in the direction Frodo had, "or straight?" They nodded and her eyes narrowed further. "So what exactly is in that direction," she pointed toward where Merry was walking, oblivious to the jeep, "that you don't want me to see?"
"Nothing," Sam and Frodo chorused.
"Oh, really?" Charlie turned and looked to where Merry was. "Nothing, eh?"
Slamming her foot to the gas, Charlie turned the jeep and took off towards Merry. The two hobbits in the back gave terrified screams and attempted to hold onto something.
Hearing the screams, Merry looked up and saw the jeep barreling towards him like a bat out of hell. Merry yelped before turning and dashing into the woods, running as fast as his little legs could carry him.
Ignoring the fact that there were trees all around her, Charlie drove the jeep straight into the woods. The two hobbits bounced around violently as did Charlie. With one hand on the wheel, Charlie reached over and popped the glove compartment open again. Reaching she groped around for a moment until she pulled out a fishing rod. Yes, a fishing rod.
Merry made it, gasping, to the Buckleberry ferry. Quickly, he untied the ferry and began to drift away down the Brandywine. He leaned over, hands on his knees and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself.
Charlie slammed on the brakes and the wheels locked, sliding to a stop a foot or so from the end of the dock. Standing on her seat, Charlie picked up her fishing rod and cast it out. The little hook snagged the back of Merry's yellow weskit which made Charlie smile happily. Slowly, she began to reel him in.
At the tugging on his weskit, Merry looked up. To his horror, a the crazy girl in the fatigues was standing in her metal monster with a fishing pole. His eyes followed the line and he gasped when he found it was hooked to his shirt. Frantically, Merry tried to grab the hook but it was in that one annoying unreachable place on his back.
With a splash, Merry fell into the water. Frodo and Sam called out his name, leaning forward to se if he was alright. Moments after he fell in, Merry emerged, gasping for breath. Charlie was still reeling him in and Merry was moving steadily backwards towards her. Merry floundered around in the water when he remembered that Charlie was fishing him out of the river.
When the hobbit was finally on the dock, Charlie jumped out of her truck and hurried over with some rope. "Sorry," she said when she got to him. "I'd have given you a towel but all I have is rope."
After tying Merry's hands behind his back, Charlie hoisted him up and dropped him into the jeep next to Frodo. The three hobbits just barely took up all the room the seat had to offer.
'Bless their small bottoms,' Charlie thought as she slid into the jeep. She turned towards the three hobbits and smiled. "Three down. One to go."