That's right darlings, I'm resurrecting this fic.
For extra angst listen to Storm on the Sea by Fly Away Hero and Hero by Loma Vista.
Emma had always wondered where she got her two left feet. It should be a simple thing, counting to three, but she couldn't think, listen to the music, and move her feet at the same time. No, it was just all to overwhelming.
At least tonight her poor dancing skills were doing her a favor. The more she stepped on someone's feet, the less interested they became, and the sooner they rushed off to find someone else. It spared her the trouble of having to turn them down.
There were a few poor souls that didn't seem to care. There was this one dreadful man, who went by Walsh, that didn't even notice because he wouldn't stop talking about himself. The only time Emma got to speak, was when she was answering him when he asked her what she thought of him.
Let's just say he didn't like the answer.
Then there was Graham. She had met him a few times before, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't taken aback by his looks. He was a very wealthy hunter, who had made traveled across many realms, and made some very important friends.
If anyone surprised her it was Baelfire. She recognized him instantly since he was the son of the Dark One. Her initial thought was that she would dance with him, if only to avoid his father's wrath. Instead she found herself actually enjoying her conversation with him. There was something broken about him, something mysterious that intrigued her. At the same time he felt uneasy around him, maybe it was because she thought he could end up being just as deceitful as the man who raised him.
Now she was dancing with a man named August. She really did enjoy his company, she found herself relating to him. His father was one of the most skilled crafters who ever lived, and having him at the royals beck and call would be extremely useful.
"For a princess you sure suck at dancing," August joked when she stepped on his feet.
"For a carpenter's son you really don't know how to use your hands," Emma fired back, referring to the fact that his arms were extremely high up her back, like he was trying to be a gentlemen and not push his boundaries, but instead it was just awkward.
"Ow," August said sarcastically, bringing his hands to his chest. "That really hurt your highness."
"Just call me Emma, please," She insisted.
"Well, Emma," He said and wrapped one arm around her waist and took her other hand as they started to dance again, "It has been a pleasure meeting you."
"Really? That's it?" Emma said in disbelief. "That's your big closing argument."
"It doesn't take a genius to see that your heart isn't really in this. What I think you really need, is a friend," August whispered, and once again Emma found herself tripping over his feet. "And someone to teach you how to dance."
"I couldn't agree more," A voice behind her said, making her jump. "And although it is a rather daunting task, I do think I am up for the challenge."
Emma spun around, and to her shock, she saw Liam. She had been expecting Killian, they are so similar that sometimes even their voices sound the same. But here was the eldest Jones brother, with that stupid smolder on his face, the same one he had perfected years before his little brother.
'You don't mind if I cut in, do you mate?" Liam asked, raising an eyebrow, hinting that he wasn't asking for permission.
August put his hands up and took a step back, "Be my guest," He insisted, and then winked at Emma before disappearing into the crowd.
"Liam Jones," Emma said with a smile and taking his hand to dance. "If you are trying to seduce me I assure you I will not fall victim to your charms."
Liam smirked "Alas Em, I must remain like the sea, as long as it is empty I shall remain alone."
"Those girls staring daggers at me will probably be disappointed to hear that," Emma said looking over his shoulder. A group of girls about Emma's age had gathered near where they were, and Emma knew that if she wasn't a princess, they would be trying to claw her eyes out.
"Sadly, like the sea, people are drawn to me by some uncontrollable force," He said with a dramatic sigh. "It is a curse really."
"Oh you poor thing," Emma said. "Did you want to talk to me about something, because by dancing with you I feel like I'm putting my life in danger."
"I know about you and Killian," Liam told her.
Emma took a step back, shocked by how abrupt he had been. She should have known that Liam knew, he and Killian were brothers, and they'd been away nearly a year. He would have found out whether Killian wanted him to or not.
"There is no me and Killian," Emma murmured.
"Emma don't lie to me, yes there is," He said, his voice stern like when he talks to his crew.
"There can't be a me and Killian, don't you get it." Emma desperately wanted him to understand, because if he couldn't, there wasn't any chance Killian would.
"So you do love him,," Liam declared.
"I don't even know if it is love," Emma explained. "I don't have anything to compare it to. Besides you said yourself that sailors shouldn't fall in love, that relationships with them don't work."
Emma started to walk away but Liam grabbed her wrist, and spun her around so she was facing him again. "I think sailors should avoid love at all costs. But once you've found it there is no going back, and its better to not be with that person but still have them, then to have neither."
She was speechless. Liam was usually very easy going whenever they were together, she wasn't used to this seriousness. His words made sense, but him being a sailor wasn't the problem, that's just what she wanted him to believe. Her reasoning for not being with Killian was selfless, but at the same time a terrible thing to do.
His words still made sense to her though. She was falling in love with him, maybe she already had, and she didn't think she would ever be able to get rid of this feeling. Not being with him, if she didn't at least try, would only bring her pain.
So what if Killian didn't bring wealth or power to the kingdom. They might not even go to war with Camelot, and if they did, they could figure something else out. Whatever happened she could face it with him by her side, and that was more precious to her then any amount of money ever would be.
"Why do you always have to be right," Emma sighed. "Where is he?"
"Last time I saw him he was sulking around in the garden," He told her.
"Sulking?" Emma asked, puzzled.
"Things happened on that trip Emma," Liam said, with his head down and eyes shut, like he was trying to block something out, or forget. "I don't if either of us will ever be able to talk about it."
One word crossed her mind, broken. Emma had never been good with things that were broken. Her family always hired people to repair the damage. This was even worse, because it wasn't just some random clock that she could always get rid of, this was a person she cared about. Living without him was something she had just decided was impossible, but Emma considered that he might not be the same person anymore.
Before she could ask him anything, he had gone to the group of girls, who were struggling to compose themselves. Under other circumstances, she would have laughed. For a man who never wanted to fall in love, Liam was a shameless flirt. He was going to slip up one day, and he'd be falling before he realized what hit him.
Leaving her own ball was something her parents would disapprove of, but right now she couldn't worry about that. She made her way out of the ballroom, keeping her head down so she wouldn't be recognized by any suitors. When she made it out it was like a breath of fresh air, being away from all the sophistication and pressure. She kicked off the heels that had been killing her feet all night. Then she ran down the hallway, her bare feet slapping against the marble floor.
It didn't come as a shock to her that Killian was allowed to leave the ballroom. All of the guards knew who Killian and Liam were, they had grown up playing here. Anyone that ever tried to make them leave, was punished by her parents, who were incredibly fond of them. They even had their own room that they stayed in whenever there was a storm, or it was to cold. They didn't use it unless they had to, as always the Jones brothers had too much honor to accept charity.
When she found Killian, he was in the gardens, sitting on a stone bench. He'd unbuttoned the first few buttons of his navy uniform, his sleeves were rolled up. His hair was tossled and messy, and he was staring up at the sky, completely motionless.
As she started to make her way towards him, she stepped on a rock, a rather sharp on at that, and when she did she grunted in pain. For the first time, Killian noticed she was there, and looked up. What he saw was Emma standing on one foot, while she lifted the other one up to assess the injury.
"Bloody hell Swan, where are your shoes," He said laughing while shaking his head.
"Don't worry about it," Emma assured him. "It was just a little rock."
"Love, the bottom of your foot is bleeding," He pointed out.
"Killian, I'm not a child it's-" But before she could finish her statement Killian had come over and picked her up caveman style.
"Jones, I swear if you don't put me down-" He interrupted her by laughing at her attempt to sound threatening. Instead of taking her over to the bench, he brought her to the fountain towards the back of the garden. He put her down on the edge of the fountain, and then sat down beside her. Before she could react, he took her ankle and put her foot in the water. Emma bit her lip when the sudden contact with the water made her cut sting.
"You are so lucky we had this thing cleaned yesterday," Emma said to him.
"It wasn't luck, Swan. Remember how we used to play in this thing when we were younger even though you parents begged us not to. Then one day Liam got sick from drinking the water, so your parents started having it cleaned the same day every week."
"I can't believe you remember that," Emma said with a smile.
"Of course I do. Seeing Liam throw up everywhere isn't something I forget easily," He stated.
She smiled at him again, she couldn't help it, at this point it was all she could do with him. She rubbed her bare arms and felt the goose bumps that were creeping up it.
"Emma your cold," He said his voice suddenly full of concern. Once again before she could protest, he had shed his navy jacket and slung it over her shoulders. The brief contact literally sent a shudder down her spine that had nothing to do with the cold, and more to do with the warmth of his touch.
"So what's on your mind love. Why'd you leave your own ball?" He asked her, and when he did her heart sped up. Things were about to become real, and it was terrifying, but exciting.
"I wasn't going to meet anybody there," Emma told him with a shrug.
"Oh really? Because I seem to recall you dancing with that one man an especially long time," Killian said meeting her gaze for only a brief second. In that moment she saw the same thing she had seen in the eyes of the girls that watched her dance with Liam, jealousy.
"Do you mean August? He's great, but I think we're just going to be friends," Emma said. Even after she said it he wouldn't meet her eyes, no matter how hard she tried.
"You'll find some Swan. I don't doubt it for a second," He promised.
"I already have," She answered staring directly at him, hoping he would take the hint.
"Really, who?" He asked.
Emma leaned her forward and turned his face so that he was facing her and then she kissed him It. was the first time she had ever initiated a kiss, and in all honesty it felt weird. For a moment he kissed her back, he brought his hand up so it was cupping her face. Then suddenly he pulled away, even though she never wanted it to end
She didn't know how she expected him to react, but she at least expected him to be happy. Instead he clenched his fists at his sides, and shut his eyes, which basically destroyed any chance of eye contact.
"Emma, we can't" He said through clenched teeth.
"Killian I know it will be difficult with me being a royal, and you a sailor but I'm willing to deal with the distance," She reassured him.
"Swan, that's not why," He said, and he opened his eyes but kept staring at the ground.
"But I thought…" Emma's voice trailed off. Had she misread everything. Was she making a complete fool of herself.
"That kiss earlier tonight, before your ball, was a mistake," Killian explained and then hastily got up.
"A mistake?" Emma said trying to fight back tears. "That's really all it was."
"Emma don't…" He said and stepped forward to put his hand on her shoulder but she pushed it away and stood up, ignoring the slight pain in her foot from the cut.
"Don't touch me!" She screamed, her despair turning into anger. "Why? Is it because you don't love me? Did you ever even care for me? Tell me was it just a big game for you?"
"Dammit Emma of course I love you!" He shouted, and Emma froze.
"Then why?" She asked softly.
"Because I don't want to be king," He said bluntly.
"You don't want to be king. Well then you don't have to-" She tried to explain but he interrupted her.
"Swan, just stop," He pleaded. "Just let it go.
Suddenly it all clicked in Emma's head. He was keeping things from her.
"No, there's more to this then being king," She told him taking a step forward.
"That's all it is," He told her. Finally she understood why he was trying not to look in her eyes, because she could tell just by seeing them that this was hurting him more then it hurt her.
He acted like he was going to say something, but he just shook his head, and ran away.
Just like that he was gone. Yet for some reason she wasn't sad, not anymore. If this would make him happy, she would just have to find a way to bear the pain.
Next chapter will be the first in Killian's POV. And who knows, you might find out what he's hiding.
Oh and I promise, Emma will be a lot more bad ass soon, if her weepiness is annoying you as much as it is me.