A/N As always, I want to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for reading and reviewing!! I heart you all hard for it!! I love to hear your feedback! I read and try to answer all reviews!

So, this is EPOV. I really hope all of you love Textward just as much as I do! He was really upset the night we sat down to talk. I feel like this will give you insight to his side of the story. I hope to get lots of feedback to see just what you guys think of him!

Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N on Twitter. As always, my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, and JW I heart you girls hard for all the love & support!

Krysti, you are an amazing BETA Bitch. Thank you for everything you do, from the blog interviews, teasers and most of all putting up with me when I get EMO. LOL! I heart you hard bestieeeeee!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward is all mine! You can love him just don't touch!

EPOV

FUCK! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I was so fucked. I was utterly helpless watching Bella get into that car. I literally held on to the door fame to keep myself from chasing after her. I watched the car drive away until the tail lights faded into the darkness. I slammed the door with such force it nearly came off the hinges.

What the fuck had I done?

I made my way back upstairs, but the second I walked into my room, it hit me like a fucking wrecking ball. The pain, the regret, the fear. The fear that Bella would never forgive me. The fear that she would never let me explain. But the fear that I had lost her forever was damn near crippling.

Her scent was still lingering thickly in the room, Bella's scent, floral and fruity, it was amazingly sweet and delicious and it was fucking suffocating me. I couldn't even bring myself to look over at the bed, the bed that will now forever remind me of Bella. What a fucking pansy I had become in a matter of minutes. I quickly grabbed my cigarettes and phone as I made my way out to the balcony. I couldn't stand to be in this room anymore. Not without her.

I lit my cigarette taking a few long drags and holding it in before exhaling. I wanted to text her. But what the fuck would I say? How in the fuck am I going to make this right? My thoughts raged inside me. I was so fucking mad. I cursed myself, cursed my hormones and cursed my dick. What kind of monster had I become? What kind of monster does this shit to his best friend, the one he swore to protect? I am supposed to protect her from assholes like me.

I replayed the events of the party in my head, trying desperately to figure out just when I lost all control. Jacob. When I saw her dancing with him like that, the way he was fucking touching her and the way she seemed to enjoy it. That was the moment I'd lost it. I was no longer Edward Cullen, a.k.a. Bella's best friend. No, there was no trace of him any longer. I was now the Jealous Mother Fucker, the monster that I battled with to conceal from her on a daily basis

Mine.

Bella was mine and he was fucking touching her. There was nothing else that mattered in the world but that truth.

After seeing her with Jacob, I knew what I had to do. I had to take her. I had to make her mine. I was desperate to claim her. And so I did. I dragged her down the beach and let the Jealous Mother Fucker take over. I had no fucking right to do that to her. I had no fucking right to claim her, but I did it anyway. Clearly, Edward Cullen was gone and the

Jealous Mother Fucker was in control. He knew what he was doing to her. He knew. He was highly skilled at the art of seduction. He has a lot of practice. He is lead only by his primal instincts, his hormones and his dick.

Mine.

****

While I was waiting for Bella, she took for fucking ever in the bathroom; the epic battle with the Jealous Mother Fucker began. I, Edward Cullen, cared deeply for Bella. I respected her and I would do anything to protect her. Fuck, I would give my own life for her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker was fucked up emotionally and he knew no boundaries. Honestly, neither one of us was quite sure exactly what these feelings that we had for her were. They were new and foreign. They were overpowering to us both. All we knew was that we both thought we had some claim to her. The internal battle of who would win her over was relentless. When Bella emerged from the bathroom, I took one look at her and the Jealous Mother Fucker won.

I finished my cigarette and made my way back into my bedroom, still replaying the details in my mind. I tossed myself on the bed. Still lost in my thoughts, I pulled the pillow that Bella had been laying on over my face, allowing her scent to envelope me. I started thinking about kissing Bella, kissing her with such intensity. An intensity that I didn't even know I possessed.

I allowed the Jealous Mother Fucker to take over because I too was so desperate to touch her, to feel her, to claim her in some way, any way that I could. Bella was in my bed. My bed. No other girl had ever in my bed. In the back seat of my car, yes. A few times in the pool outside, absolutely. Some even bent over the railing on my balcony on a few occasions, but never in my bed. Not one of them. Ever.

I could practically still hear her moaning, softy in my ear, feeling her hot breath on my neck and feeling her tiny body pressed up against mine. She'd given me her absolute trust, freely, and I took it. I am such a dick. The Jealous Mother Fucker was ready to claim her and Edward Cullen, the one who cared for her, struggled to convey to her just how much all this meant to me, through actions alone. I tried to show her; by the way I kissed her tenderly, caressing her softly. I took my time with her to savor the moment. I held on to her as if she was the most precious thing in my world.

I told her to look at me, right before entering her body, because I needed her to look into my eyes and see the adoration they held, only for her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker struggled to break through. He willed me to take her, to make her mine. I fought back for Bella's sake, searching her eyes for any trace of refusal. There was none.

Entirely caught up in the moment, I relented, allowing the Jealous Mother Fucker and his raging hormones, to take her. Mine… she was pulling my body to her… mine… writhing beneath me …mine… my name falling breathlessly from her lips …mine… her pleading with me to continue… mine… My will crumbled and I fucking took her.

I positioned myself between her legs, pressing my dick into her, slightly opening her to me. Fuck, she felt unbelievable and so wet. She was ready for me and I wanted more but continued to take my time. But the Jealous Mother Fucker was a greedy mother fucker as well. Bella was so fucking tiny though. I had to find the will to hold back from thrusting into her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker continued on. I pushed into her body only to the point where the head, of my now twitching dick, was nestled into her folds. Holy fuck! She was tight, so fucking tight…too fucking tight!? I halted my movement as panic set in. Was Bella a virg-… and then her words hit me like a fucking battering ram, "I always wanted it to be you, please don't stop" her words confirming my fear… Bella was indeed a virgin.

I froze. The Jealous Mother Fucker vanished and Edward Cullen was here with Bella, in that moment. My eyes flashed to hers and I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I could see the physical pain I was causing her as she clung to me, begging for me not to stop. I knew this had to stop. I knew it was going to be fucking close to impossible to stop, but I had to, for Bella. I had to fucking save her. Save her from me and the Jealous Mother Fucker. I wanted her to be mine more than anything in the fucking world. But not like this, not her.

She was too good for me. She deserved better. Bella was not some girl you fuck on a drunken whim to claim her. She was more than that, she deserved more than that. Bella was the type of girl that was worthy of making love to, to be told how fucking beautiful and perfect she was. She deserved someone who would do all that for her and not just take her because he fucking could.

Thinking about all this stirred something inside me; something that I didn't even know was there until now. I wanted to be Bella's first. I needed to be. I had to be connected to her in such a way that would be permanent, just as permanent as the hold she had on me. I wanted to be her first so I could make love to her. I know what she was worthy of and I wanted to give it to her.

I wanted to fucking tell her how felt and show her, with my actions, that she was everything to me. I knew I would be tender and gentle with her. She was precious and fragile. I would take the time to make this most intimate moment perfect for her. I would revel in the fact that I was the first and only man that would bring her so much pleasure. Finally, being able making her mine, because I was already hers.

I knew I felt all of those things for Bella and wanted nothing more but to get the chance to fucking show her. But I was such a fucking coward. I had never told her. And so I couldn't do it. I couldn't just fuck her and then tell her after the fact. That would be fucked up and I wasn't even sure I could tell her even then. She was not mine. She was definitely not mine to claim. And up until tonight, there was never one sign that she ever wanted me the way I wanted her.

Then it hit me, she could possibly regret this. The last fucking thing I wanted was to be "the one" that Bella looked at as her mistake. Her fucking alcohol induced, teenage, hormonal mistake. Then I would be that fucking asshole that took her virginity, without her ever knowing how I felt about her. I couldn't do it. Because even more than the need for her body, I needed her. I need her like I needed the air I breathe. Bella was not just some fucking girl I wanted to fuck. She was more, so much more. She was the girl that made me think crazy fucking things that involved words like love and forever. Let's just face it. Bella is not some girl you spend the night with. Bella is the type of girl you spend the rest of your life with.

I thought I was doing the right thing. I truly thought I could make Bella understand and she would be fucking grateful. Instead, she was yelling at me and telling me to get the fuck away from her. I had no fucking clue how to handle that. I tried frantically to explain but nothing was fucking coming out right. And then she was gone. Now, here I am, wallowing in shame and self-loathing, because I did take advantage of her and now, she fucking hates me.

I wanted to lay in the dark, fuming, and damning myself to hell, until daybreak because I knew Bella was leaving in the morning. But I had to see her. I had to try to make this right before she left. Because I know women, and if you don't make it right quickly, that shit stews and it will only get worse.

I couldn't fucking lay here any longer. I had to get to her. I had to fucking see her. I gathered my things quickly as I rushed down stairs. I stopped at the front door to grab my car keys and hoodie. I shoved my phone into my pocket and rushed out the door, but nearly tripped over something…or someone rather.

"Jesus, Alice! Are you ok? I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't even see you there!" I nearly ran her over in my rush to get to Bella.

"Where the hell are you going?" Alice snapped. She looked about as shitty as I fucking felt. Her eyes were swollen from crying and tear stained cheeks were flushed.

"What's wrong Alice? Why are you crying?"

"Edward, don't go see her. She doesn't want to see you. I finally got her to take some Tylenol PM's to help her sleep."

"What do you mean she doesn't want to see me?" Her words were piercing. I didn't know what Bella had told her.

"I don't know, Edward," she cried. "I just don't know. She wouldn't tell me what happened all she kept saying was "It was a mistake" over and over again. I couldn't get her to talk to me. I couldn't get her to stop crying. It was terrible."

Alice stood there crying, looking at me, and expecting an answer that I couldn't give her. Her words nearly fuckin' killed me. My worst fear unfolding before me. I was Bella's mistake.

"What else happened, Alice? What else did she say," I demanded. I needed some fucking answers.

"Nothing, Edward. She talked to Jacob for a few minutes on the phone, in private. I helped her get ready for bed and just let her cry until she fell asleep."

Fucking Jacob! The Jealous Mother Fucker's fury ignited instantly, becoming enraged at the mere mention of his name.

"I'm outta' here." I needed to get to her. I had no fucking clue what I was going to do or say once I got there. All I knew was I couldn't stay away.

"Wait! Edward!" Alice ran up behind me. "Why don't you just leave her alone, Edward? Whatever you did to her…it- it was bad… she was so upset. I have never seen anyone s-so…broken before. I'm sorry to say this Edward, because you're my brother and I love you. But you're an insensitive, asshole and just too damn pessimistic when it comes to girls, Edward and she deservers better."

Alice's voice dropped to almost a whisper as her eyes met mine.

"Why her Edward? Why did you have to do this to Bella? You can have any girl you want, why her? She is my best friend. She is like a sister to me. And damn it Edward, she is your best friend. Don't you care? Don't you care about breaking anyone's heart?"

Her words hit me, one right after another, like fucking daggers. My own sister didn't think I had a fucking soul. I swallowed hard but kept my mouth shut. I could deal with Alice later. I only had a few short hours left before Bella would be leaving.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about Alice." I opened the door to my car and got in. Alice was relentless. She ran over and stood between the door and car.

"Fuck! Alice I need to go, now!" I yelled

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen," she shouted. "I do know what the fuck I am talking about because I am the one that gets to clean up all your shit! I am sick of it, Edward. I thought you would be different with Bella. I thought she meant something to you. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that you took advantage of her and broke her heart Edward."

"And why is that Alice? Why don't you fucking enlighten me on just what a mother fucker you think I am!" I knew it was fucking harsh but how much more could I take?

Alice's eyes flashed from hurt to fury in the matter of seconds as she moved in to face me.

"I shouldn't be surprised, Edward Cullen, because you break everyone's heart!" She seethed, slamming the car door. She ran off crying, before I could even get one word out.

Fuck. My. Life.

****

I made the familiar climb up the tree to Bella's window. Fuck, I was practically a professional at getting in her window by now. I could see it was still open and I thanked God for that. The last time her and I had a fight, she fucking locked the thing for a whole week straight. I made my way silently into her room. Not that it fucking mattered much. Charlie was working tonight and Bella was out cold. I put my phone on vibrate just incase. I didn't need that fucking thing going off and waking her up.

Even though she was mad at me, even though she might hate me right now, I still needed to be here with her, even if it meant only being able to watch her in a comatose state. Fuck, I would take it. It was better then the alternative.

I looked down at her tiny body. She was curled up in fetal position clinging to a pillow as if it was going to offer her some comfort. Her hair was sprawled out fucking everywhere, long thick beautiful locks of mahogany. My fingers ached to touch it. Her lips were still slightly swollen from me kissing them, just hours ago. They looked crimson against her fair porcelain skin. She was wearing a royal blue tank top and the tiniest fucking shorts I had ever seen in my life. She was absolutely stunning. My Bella,…my angel.

I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next few weeks while she was in Arizona. Now, looking at her, my fucking heart broke at the thought of having to live without her, for not just a few weeks, but possibly forever. Panic ripped through me at the thought of Bella picturing her life better off with out me, because I could never imagine my existence with out her. Bella was the most important thing in my life and I had fucked it up. Why did things have to be so fucking complicated? Why couldn't I tell her how I feel and fuck the consequences?

But I knew why.

Maybe if things had been different in my past, I wouldn't be such a jealous mother fucker. Maybe I wouldn't have so much practice at being emotionally unavailable. It's not like I didn't feel anything for Bella. I knew I was without a doubt attracted, fascinated and captivated by her. I felt it... I felt it for Bella the minute I laid eyes on her. I was just too much of a fucking coward to ever tell her.

So I, Edward Cullen, the coward, settled for whatever I could be to her.

I could protect her. I could be her best friend. But I was so fucking guarded now. I didn't know any other way to show her how much I cared. I guess shit happens and I can't undo the shit that turned me into what I am now. If she knew, if she only knew why I'm the way I am, why I am so emotionally fucked up, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here watching my broken angel sleep.

DING! DING! DING!


What the fuck?!

I frantically looked around the room to see where the hell that dinging was coming from. Then I heard it again and again. Holyfuckingshit! It's going to wake her up! I searched her dresser then her nightstand. Finally, by the fifth fucking time, it dawned on me. It was her computer. I flew over to her laptop, flinging it open and hit mute. My heart was fucking pounding out of my chest as I checked to make sure Bella was still sleeping. She hadn't moved an inch.

Fuck, just how many Tylenol PM's did Alice give her?

I went to shut the laptop and then it suddenly occurred to me, it was her instant messenger that was doing all that fuckin' dinging. Anger set in as I looked over at the clock, it was 4:15am.

Who the fuck?

The Jealous Mother Fucker in me couldn't resist temptation. He had to fuckin' look.

JBLACK: Bella, I know what he did to you and I just want you to know I would never do that.

JBLACK: I need you to know, I would never do anything to hurt you.

JBLACK: Tomorrow, we get on a plane back to AZ. I am so glad Charlie asked me to fly back home with you, where I can keep you safe from assholes like him. Remember Bella, you always have options

JBLACK: I missed you everyday since you left AZ. It was not the same without you. It will be great to have you home. See you in the morning –Jake

Reading those fucking disgusting words made my stomach turn. Options? What fucking options was he talking about? And who the fuck was he to call me an asshole? He doesn't fucking know me? The Jealous Mother Fucker was in full force now. I had no idea that Jake was here to fly home with Bella. She never fucking said a word. The revelations started hitting me one right after another. Bella never told me Jacob was going to be coming here. She never told me she was flying home with him. Fuck, I didn't even know Bella had yahoo messenger. And yet, here it was 4:00am and Jacob was typing away talking shit about me to Bella …My Bella…Mine.

I should have fucking punched him in the face tonight when I had the chance.

I was so fucking mad. I slammed the fucking laptop shut without even thinking. I heard Bella moving around in the bed behind me. She was talking in her sleep and I knew that meant she was going to wake up soon. I had slept next to her enough times to know that much.

Shit.

I froze and watched her move restlessly around her bed, praying to God to give me five more minutes before she woke up. I just needed enough time to make my exit. I knew if she woke up and saw me here, I would have some fucking explaining to do. I just didn't have the words yet and it could only make things fucking worse.

"E-Edward"

Fuckkkkkkkkkk! She's awake!

I stood there holding my breath for several minutes. Nothing. She didn't say anything else. I moved closer to see if she was still sleeping. She was. Thank you, God. Then I saw it, the look on her face. It was almost worse then seeing her cry. The pained look on her face was enough to kill me. It was my name she was saying and I was the reason for the pain.

I fucking loathed myself.

I had to get the out of here. I had no fucking right to be here. I just couldn't stand to see her like this anymore. I turned to the window, defeated and ready to leave. Just as I started to swing my leg over the ledge, it hit me. Bella is fucking leaving tomorrow and what if I don't get a second chance to talk to her? Not that I deserved a second chance, but I had to let her know that I still cared. That I cared enough to come check on her and that I would be here, waiting for her when she was ready. I walked over to her desk to leave her a note.

A note? A fucking note Cullen? That is your master plan?

What else could I do? Shit! What the fuck do I say in the note? I sat there staring at the blank piece of paper for God knows how long. Then I heard her stirring around in bed again. I glanced back to make sure she was still sleeping and notice she was grasping for a blanket that was just out of her reach. I knew at that moment what I would do. I would leave her something of mine, a piece of me, a token of sort. Something that she knew meant a fucking lot to me. I prayed that somehow she would understand the representation of it. I shrugged out of my hoodie and draped it over her tiny body. She quickly wrapped it around her delicate frame, embracing the warmth. I kissed her once on her forehead before quickly jotting down the only thing that came to mind.

Be Safe. -E

I folded it once and tucked it into the pocket of my hoodie. I allowed myself one last moment to be close to her before I left. Leaning into her, I inhaled deeply, taking in her scent. I whispered, "I'll never forgive myself for hurting you, but I promise I will make it right."

My last feeble attempt to show Bella nothing had changed for me and that I wanted this… needed this to not come between us. I pulled out my phone to text her, our nightly ritual. Hoping that once she listened to this song, perhaps she would understand that I was not only the jealous mother fucker I had shown her tonight. I was still in fact, Edward Cullen, the one she knew and trusted.

"This is my story, MP3: Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy. B, please listen to it. –E."

A/N Awwwww…don't you just want to give Edward a hug?? I know I do… and I did! Reviews are love so show me some love! Post chapter interview with Textward will be up tomorrow 11/11! So if you have a question for him I must get it ASAP! He is on his way to Krysti's office and we all know how fast he drives!! The link for blog is on my profile page.