Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless.
Warning: There is some violence and violent imagery along with spoilers in this chapter.
Darkness curtains the heart and mind
Sealing all the fire of life away
Memories the only company
Deepening the wounds they once left
Darkening the heart
Searing the mind with painful thoughts
Memories . . .
Soubi had left Ritsuka at his apartment to sleep off his wounds, using his own hypnotism to keep him asleep and help his wounds heal quicker. It was in the morning when he awoke that he truly started to think over the events over the last few days and the meaning behind what Ritsuka had said. So as he sat in the studio with Kio during their lunch break he ate in silence, oblivious to Kio's agitation at his silence.
Kio huffed and glared at his best friend, "Sou-chan, what happened last night between you two?"
Soubi looked up and pulled away from his thoughts and smirked, "That's none of your business Kio."
Kio scowled and even though he knew Soubi refused to do much of anything with Ritsuka at the moment he still said; "Oh really, that good huh?"
Soubi chuckled lightly, something that always made Kio very grateful that Ritsuka had come into Soubi's life. Seeing his friend smile, joke, and laugh was something new, and something he appreciated. Kio sighed and his expression and tone became serious, "How is he?"
Soubi looked down at his bento and stood to throw it away having lost his appetite. With his back still turned to his friend he sighed.
"The dreams are getting to him, he said they were worse. He still doesn't think I won't betray him, he's thinking and worrying too much."
Kio sighed and walked over to his friend having finished his lunch. He threw the bento in the trashcan and put an arm around the taller man's shoulders.
"I'm sure the two of you can work through this. But my offer to help if I can still stands. I like the kid, so I'll help if I can."
Soubi smiled and then headed to the restroom just outside the studio to wash his hands. Kio followed him and they made it through the day with small talk, jokes, and a few laughs. Kio worried about his best friend being able to help Ritsuka, Soubi worried about how he was going to help Ritsuka.
Ritsuka stirred in the soft, warm bed, not wanting to wake up. He could still smell Soubi's prescience lingering around him. He opened his eyes and noticed that it was daylight outside. He slowly sat up and threw the covers off him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He then gingerly stood having to take a few deep breaths at the dizziness from that action. Then he looked around and his eyes fell on the clock. It was already one in the afternoon. He had not only missed school, but now he knew his mother would definitely know he had left in the middle of the night. He sighed and turned to head to the bathroom deciding to take a shower.
Once he showered he sat on the bed with the towel on his head, shirtless and lost in his own thoughts. He had luckily had a dreamless sleep the past two times he had fallen asleep. He still was a little fuzzy as to how many days had passed, he couldn't be sure if he had only been here for one night or two. He sighed, "Guess I should probably eat something."
After he dried his hair and ran Soubi's brush through it he stopped at the action of walking out of the bathroom. He locked his eyes on his reflection in the mirror. His pale skin had dark marks, cuts, and scars and something else seemed to be on his hip bone. His eyes ran over every cut and scrape, the healing, yet still purple bruises on his chest and stomach. Then he lifted his hands and looked at the dark marks of bruises from his mother grabbing his wrists to hold him in place. He never had the heart to fight back against her and never tried too hard anymore to get away from her. But the fact that Soubi had seen him that night made him wince from the pain he would have felt had Soubi been in his position.
His hand moved up to trace the jagged, still fresh, though now closed and scarring cut above his heart. The cut ran from his collar bone down to just above his heart, his mother had tried to kill him and his instincts had knocked the knife away with a kick and he had clutched his chest and ran up the stairs.
Ritsuka shuddered and fell to his knees, now that his mind had started, it wouldn't stop, he couldn't block out the memories and that would turn into remembering other things he would rather not . . .
Flashback
'After he slammed the door he was greeted by his enraged mother at the foot of the stairs. She was blocking his way to his room and of course his father was nowhere to be seen. Ritsuka looked at her apologetically.
"Gomen Obasaan, I had to stay after school to talk to a teacher."
She teared up and shook her head violently, "No, no, no, my Ritsuka never got in trouble, never had to stay after school, never came home late."
Ritsuka flinched when she lunged at him grabbing him by the shoulders and slamming him into the wall. Her nails bit into his shoulders and she shook him violently.
"Where is my Ritsuka! What have you done to my son! Give me back my son!"
Ritsuka winced from the sharp biting pain in his shoulders and didn't fighter her when she pulled him away from the wall and shoved him to the ground. She picked up the vase on the table as he slowly crawled backwards away from her. She glared hatefully at him and screeched, "If you die, then he will come back! MY RITSUKA WILL COME BACK!"
He flinched as her voice raised even more and she threw the vase at him. He moved out of the way jumping to his feet out of instinct. She ran towards him as he made his way into the living room. She clawed at his back viciously while saying over and over, "Give back my Ritsuka!"
He was forced to the ground eventually by her violence and looked up at her as she walked over to the shelf and started throwing it's contents around the room, shattering a few on the ground around him or on the walls. She kept saying the same thing over and over again and her voice was to sound grinding in his ears. He winced as he got to his hands and knees and tried to stand. But then he felt something sharp cut his arm and looked to see that she had found his father's set of knives. His eyes widened and his tail wrapped around his waist as his ears flattened back in fear.
He got to his feet quickly and backed away as she made her way towards him with the knife in her hand. His back hit a wall and he looked around for a way to get away from her. She said as she continued slowly towards him, a crazed look in her eyes.
"If I kill you, then he will come back, your keeping him from coming back."
Ritsuka shook his head, he knew he couldn't say anything to her without making her angrier. He hung his head and took in a deep breath as she closed in on him. He bit his lip at the sharp pain in his chest when she stabbed it into his left shoulder and pulled it down his collar bone.
Tears filled his eyes from the pain and his right hand grasped her shoulder. He looked into her eyes and said through gritted teeth.
"Mother, I am Ritsuka, I am your son, please stop."
She stopped and for a moment he thought his plea would work. But then her grip tightened on the knife and she pulled it down while saying, "No, no, no, you're not my son."
Ritsuka felt the piercing, blazing burn of the knife approaching his heart and fear enveloped his heart. He suddenly, without thinking, grasped her wrist with the knife and pulling it out while pushing her away. Then his hand closed over the bleeding wound and he turned and ran for the stairs. He tripped in his fright and heard her screaming at him. He then felt the knife hit him in the back of his right leg and fell to the ground with a howl of pain.
He pushed himself up to his hands and knees and turned to pull the knife out only to have her shove him to the ground. He kept his right leg bent at the knee to keep the floor from pushing the knife all the way through it. She then sat on his stomach and wrenched the knife out of his leg making him growl in pain.
He then raised the knife over her head and screamed in anger. He manged to shove her off him and forced himself to his feet. He saw her get to her feet and she lunged towards him, the knife aimed for his throat. He reacted quickly, without thought and kicked the knife out of her hand making her draw her hand away. He regretted kicking the knife as his right foot touched the ground again sending pain through his entire right side.
She fell to her knees and sobbed while chanting, "Not my son, not my son," like a mantra. Ritsuka took that moment to hastily go to his room. He closed and locked his door and fell onto his bed. He pulled the first aid kit from under his bed and set to patching up the wound on his leg. After doing that his energy drained him to the point where he couldn't manage to do anything for his other wound. He pressed his hand tightly against the wound on his chest and his other hand found his cell phone. He called Soubi . . . '
End of Flashback
Ritsuka moved to sit against the wall adjacent to the mirror and sink. His hand was on his shoulder, where the scar was. His mind still lost in more memories he wished he could forget. The day the school had caught on fire . . .
Another Flashback
'It had started as a normal day, he was helping Shinohome-sensei with moving some art supplies for her summer class. Ritsuka had decided that he should do something during the summer and had volunteered to help her with her summer class since he liked her as a teacher. After he finished helping her and was on his way downstairs to hed home he had felt as though something bad was going to happen. His eyes had then came to rest on Soubi waiting at the gate for him. They were supposed to be going somewhere in Tokyo with Yaiyo, Yuiko, and Kio today.
Ritsuka let himself forget about the bad feeling he had and happily wandered over to Soubi. It was after picking up Kio, Yuiko, and Yaiyo that the feeling had gotten worse. They were all happy about heading to Tokyo and then the joyous laughs and jokes were stopped by the radio.
"It seems that a grade school had caught on fire. The firefighters are trying to get inside, but the fire is getting to be too much. There have been some injuries, but not much."
The radio went silent for a moment and some mumbled talking was heard in the background.
"It seems that we have a tragic turn of events. The school had collapsed in on itself, there was a student and teacher still inside at the time. According to witnesses, the teacher had gone inside to try and save the small child after heroically helping to get everyone safely out of the building. Though we can't release the students name, the teacher was a Miss Shinohome . . . "
Whatever was said after that was heard by no one in the car. They all knew and like Shinohome-sensei. It was especially so for the three students of hers in the car. Soubi got off on the next exit and turned around without anyone objecting or having to request he do so. They had to park a few blocks away from the school, but they had been able to see the fire for miles. The building was still burning and there were ambulances, cop cars, and a few firetrucks around the school. They weren't allowed past the barricade and they noticed other classmates and their families gathered around to try and see what was going on.
Ritsuka was holding Soubi's hand tightly and took in a sharp inhale of breath when he saw a black bag roll by towards an awaiting ambulance. He knew it was Shinohome-sensei, he could feel it when she was taken past him. Ritsuka turned into Soubi and buried his head in his chest, his ears flattened against his head and his tail wrapped around his waist. Soubi held him close and they stood there for a long while.
Ritsuka had to answer questions because he had been at the school that day and Soubi and Kio had stayed with him during the questioning. Yuiko and Yaiyo had been taken home by their parents shortly after the scene was starting to clear. Neither of them had been to the school that day, their summer activities at the school had taken place the day before. It was late by the time they left the police station. Soubi had been surprised that Ritsuka had asked to stay with him that night, not wanting to pass by the school. Kio insisted on staying as well to make sure Soubi did nothing. It was a restless night and none of them got any sleep. It had taken a while for Ritsuka to be able to walk past the school.
Then after her funeral he had asked Soubi to accompany him to the school to look around. His mind working right again he suspected that the fire was not an accident. So they made their way onto the school grounds one night with flashlights to guide them to look around. The front of the school had truly collapsed in on itself. But towards the back they found a way to get inside. They looked around for a few hours on the floors they could get to and were about to turn to leave when Ritsuka came up to a pile of rubble that blocked a way to his old classroom, the classroom that belonged to Shinohome-sensei. His flashlight scanned the wall and then fell from numb fingers at what he saw.
Soubi came running up to him and looked from him to the wall before his own flashlight scanned the wall. It stopped on the message written in blood on the wall.
"Why have you betrayed me, Ritsuka?"
Ritsuka fell to his knees numbly and Soubi knelt down in front of him and pulled him to him whispering to him that it wasn't his fault. Ritsuka allowed Soubi to take his hand and pull him to his feet. Then he was led out of the building and they went back to his apartment, Kio asleep on the floor. Soubi smirked and closed the door behind them, locking it.
End of Flashback
Ritsuka wiped away his tears and shakily got to his feet, after washing his face his shuddered when the image of Seime's message on the wall written in blood flashed through his mind. He turned away from the mirror and walked over to the bed falling onto it and curling up in the bed with the blanket hugged around him and Soubi's pillow hugged into his chest. He soon fell asleep hoping for a dreamless sleep.
Ritsuka's ears perked when he heard Soubi enter the small apartment with Kio behind him. He turned over to lay on his back and placed the pillow on his face to block out the light Soubi had switched on in the kitchen.
Ritsuka heard Kio say, "Are you going to let him sleep all day?"
Soubi chuckled and looked knowingly over at Ritsuka on the bed, "He's awake."
Ritsuka felt his cheeks heat up when he felt the bed dip slightly under Soubi's weight. He felt Soubi lay next to him and peeked past the pillow to see Soubi looking at him with his head rested on his hand and his elbow propped up on the bed. Ritsuka stayed still and pretended to be asleep then let out a startled laugh when Soubi tickled his stomach. Ritsuka hit him in the face with the pillow and carefully rose from the bed.
Soubi smiled at the Ritsuka as he sat on the edge of the bed. Ritsuka flushed when he realized that he had never put his shirt on before he fell asleep. Ritsuka turned his back to Soubi and grabbed the shirt sitting on the nearby chair and pulled it on. It was baggy and loose, and Soubi's shirt, but it was better than nothing to him. He then walked past Soubi as he stood up to the bathroom and slammed the door with a scoff.
Soubi chuckled and then he and Kio set to making some dinner. Miso ramen and rice. Kio smirked at him and said softly as Ritsuka came out of the bathroom, his hair brushed and wearing a long sleeved, black shirt that fit his size better.
"You do have good taste hentai."
Soubi sighed, "I'm not a hentai Kio."
Ritsuka sat down at the table and glared at them having heard them. Kio smiled and he and Soubi served dinner and sat down. After a quiet dinner Kio turned to Ritsuka with a serious expression on his face, "Rit-chan, I think the three of us need to have a real heart to heart."
Ritsuka huffed, "You two can have a heart to heart, I need to go home."
He moved to stand but was stopped by Kio placing his hand on his arm. Ritsuka sat down with a sigh. Kio looked at him, "Rit-chan, you know I consider you a friend, and as Sou-chan's best friend I think that gives me some say in what is going on in his life. Since you are a big part of his life, then the fact that what is bothering you is bothering him bothers me."
Ritsuka scoffed, "It's none of your business Kio. And nothing is bothering me."
Kio laughed, "Right, is that why you had to call Soubi to come and save your life? Is that why the two of us spent alll night patching up wounds?"
Ritsuka flinched and then glared at Kio, "I never asked you to help. So why are you getting involved?"
"Because Rit-chan, I care about you. And I'm sorry, but Sou-chan is my best friend so when the one he loves gets hurt I plan on helping him take care of you. See it goes like this, when you get hurt and when something is bothering you, it bothers him and it hurts him to see you that way. So it hurts me to see him hurt and I am going to do what I can to keep him from getting hurt. So stop telling yourself that no one notices, or that you'd be burdening us if you let us know what's wrong because that's self-centered and selfish."
Ritsuka hung his head and Soubi was holding back from hitting his friend because he was right in some ways. Ritsuka looked up and glanced at both of them before staring past them at the wall. He forced himself to speak, his voice emotionless, monotone.
"I never blamed her for how she is or what she has done to me. I never once hated her, but lately, especially since that dream, I have been starting to feel anger towards her, resentment. I have been feeling different, I don't feel anything when we are in battles and the opponents are hurt. It scared me because I don't want to be like Seime, that's how Seime was, emotionless and cold. He may have acted alive with me, but now look what he's done. He hurt Soubi, he deliberately manipulated me, then he hurt others. I don't . . . " His voice faltered and he took a deep breath to steady himself.
"I don't want him to hurt anyone anymore, I don't want to loose anyone I care about. I don't want Yuiko, Yaiyo, Kio, Soubi, my mother, anyone to get hurt because of Seime. I don't want that school to send fighters after us or use our friends to force us to do what they want like they have before. I don't want Kio or Yuiko to be taken again, I want them to stop. I don't want my mom to try and kill me anymore, I don't want her to accuse me of not being her son, I don't want my father to ignore that I exist. I don't want anymore bad things to happen. But I don't want to hurt others to prevent bad things from happening."
Ritsuka finally looked at Soubi and said with a hint of plea in his voice, "I don't want anyone to die to stop my friends from getting hurt. But I know we have to do something to stop them before anyone does get hurt."
Soubi nodded and said, "Yes we have to do something. What do you want to do?"
Ritsuka looked away for a moment and then he hung his head and said, "We have to go there and stop them."
Kio smiled, it looked as though they were getting somewhere. He took their dishes from the table and put them in the sink. He refused to let Soubi and Ritsuka help him and listened as they continued talking.
"I will tell you that we may have to hurt them to get them to leave us alone."
Ritsuka nodded, "I know, but . . . I don't want any of our friends hurt . . . s-so we have to do something to stop t-them."
Soubi leaned across the table to take Ritsuka's hands in his own and brought them to his lips kissing them. Ritsuka blushed but didn't pull his hand away. Soubi looked at him and locked eyes with Ritsuka, "Skidaiyo, Ritsuka."
Ritsuka flushed even more and this time he did pull his hands away. He stood and said with his back to Soubi.
"I do have to go home, I'm not seventeen yet, so I have to stay with her. She might do something drastic if I'm gone for too long."
Kio and Soubi exchanged glances and Kio sullenly nodded that Ritsuka was right. Soubi stood up and walked over to Ritsuka. He leaned down and whispered into his ear, fully aware of the shiver that ran through Ritsuka at the feel of his breath on his ear.
"You could keep her waiting just a little bit longer."
Ritsuka flushed again and turned his head away from Soubi's lips, "I can't make her wait more, it will make her angrier," he said with a hint of regret in tone. Soubi smiled and stood up straight then he grasped Ritsuka hand in his own.
"Hai, you have a point. We should go before it gets too late. But I will show you how to get into your room through the window to avoid confrontation for the night."
Ritsuka nodded and then he turned and looked directly into Soubi's eyes a thought coming to him.
"You didn't do anything to her the other night did you?"
Soubi shook his head, "No Ritsuka, I didn't."
Ritsuka sighed, "Good, I don't want her to get hurt either."
Soubi inwardly sighed, 'Always so pure, she tries to kill you, brings you harm, and says so many hurtful things and yet you still love her and wish no harm on her. You may feel some anger and resentment towards the way she treats you, but you continue to protect and love her.'
They left quietly, Kio saying he would see Soubi when he got back. Ritsuka was silent on the way to his house. Soubi stopped just in front of the house and pulled Ritsuka to the side street. They walked around the block and stopped at the gate that lined the group of houses. Soubi climbed on top of the gate and pulled Ritsuka up to stand next to him. Ritsuka was a little frightened of falling, but with Soubi holding his hand he was okay. They were easily able to get on the small balcony of his window while standing on the wall thick gate. Ritsuka opened the sliding glass door and stepped into his room turning around and facing Soubi before he could enter the room.
Soubi smiled and leaned down, his breath ghosting over Ritsuka's lips, "Skidaiyo, see you tomorrow."
Soubi leaned back, but Ritsuka placed his hand on the back of Soubi's neck and pulled him back down saying before he locked their lips, "Don't tease me Soubi."
Soubi smiled into the kiss and gently kissed back, smiling at Ritsuka's tongue as it swept across his lips. He parted his lips to allow Ritsuka's playful tongue coax his and then he pressed into the younger man and with a hand snaked around his waist pulled Ritsuka into him. Then he deepened the kiss, taking control, and relished at the muffled whimper coming from Ritsuka.
Ritsuka could feel his blood warming and knew that if this continued they were going to have to moved from where they stood. He let himself melt into Soubi and moaned when Soubi sucked on his tongue then his lower lip. He shuddered when the hand pressed into the small of his back moved to grip his hip. When his other hip was held and Soubi's thumb rested over that mark he still hadn't looked at yet his entire body shivered and he felt a breathless moan escape his mouth. Startled at the sensation from that simple touch he broke the kiss, flushed, breathless, and panting. He rested his forehead on Soubi's chest and his arms hung loosely around Soubi's neck.
Soubi's breathless pants on his neck sent a tingling feeling down his spine. Soubi backed away slightly and then his thumb caressed his jaw line and tilted his head to look him in the eyes. He leaned down and kissed Ritsuka hastily, and deeply enough to leave him breathless. Ritsuka opened his eyes, not remembering closing them and gazed at Soubi as he stepped back from the door. Ritsuka wanted to tell him to stay, but he couldn't find the words and his body was still tingling from that feeling when Soubi brushed his thumb across that mark.
Ritsuka snapped out of it when he noticed the blood on Soubi's neck, the scars that said Beloved were bleeding because of their actions. Ritsuka stepped forward and reached out to tenderly touch the bleeding scar. Soubi shuddered despite himself and caught Ritsuka's hand. He licked the blood off Ritsuka's fingers and Ritsuka licked his lips at the sight of that tongue. Soubi smirked and then he said softly, "Skidaiyo Ritsuka, goodnight."
Ritsuka stood where he was when Soubi turned and climbed down and watched him walk away. He wished Soubi would have stayed, but doing anything in his house was a really bad idea. He flushed as he thought that the reason being was because he was vocal, regardless of how much he tried not to be.
Ritsuka took a deep breath and calmed himself down before closing the sliding door and pulling the curtains over it then he turned and decided to turn on his computer to check his messages, he was sure that Yuiko and Yaiyo would have sent him something. Even as he changed his sheets and remade his bed he couldn't calm down all that much. The simple brush of Soubi's thumb had left him wanting more than anything they had done together. Ritsuka sighed and decided that he should probably investigate that mysterious mark. He quietly made his way to his door and unlocked the deadbolt and lock on the doorknob. He opened the door enough to peer into the dark hallway and make sure his mother and father were asleep. When he heard nothing he opened his door all the way and quickly made his way across the hall to the bathroom.
He softly closed the door behind him and switched on the light, then he pulled his shirt up a littled with one hand and with his thumb pulled the him of his pants and boxers down enough to see the unknown mark fully. It fit right over his hip bone and pelvic bone, it was a broken heart, the color of blood and violet of his eyes. His breath hitched when his finger ran across the mark to touch it. It was as soft as his own skin, as though it had always been there. He pulled the cloth slightly lower and noticed that something was written beneath it. It was written in a dark blue, as though stamped into his skin, "Loveless."
Ritsuka let go and backed into the wall with his eyes closed, it was going to begin . . . the dreams were going to become real. He slid down the wall, he remembered this happening in one of the dreams that followed that nightmare of loosing everyone. He remembered seeing that mark, the symbol of loveless on someone else, someone that lay dead on the ground in some unknown city. It had been too blurry in the dream to make out what they looked like. He only remembered the blood around them, the clothes torn and tattered enough for his eyes to see the symbol on the same place where it was on his skin.
He shook his head and a sob escaped him, 'This isn't real, it will wash off and the dream will never happen, no one will die.' He pulled his knees to his chest ignoring the pain in his right leg and wrapped his arms around his legs. He knew he was childish to think it would wash away. He was foolish to sit there and cry like a child, but he did, he cried and hugged his legs to him and felt like the world was crashing all around him.
Meanwhile, his computer was set to have him logged in when it was on, his message screen came on. One message had been sent to him.
MoonSen: Loveless we know where you are. We will get you and your nameless fighter.